Undergraduate / 'how I relate to the world' - An Intellectual Opportunity at Stanford [3]

I would love to receive valuable feedback please

STANFORD SUPPLEMENTAL PROMPT #1 -- Impact of intellectual opportunity
Participating in the Summer College program at Stanford after my junior year of high school was certainly rewarding. In my pursuit of further knowledge in the sciences, I enrolled in the Biochemistry course. I felt that the four figure price was not worth the quality of education; I enjoyed the nature of the class. The course exposed me to the various intricacies of biochemical processes. I was amazed at how they are able to couple in a way that would maximize efficiency and productivity in organisms. For instance, ATP synthase can reduce the rate of ATP production by more than 99%. Facts like these underscore the importance of biochemistry in our world. I grasped how vital biochemistry is for understanding our relation with the natural world. The subject has a lot of depth and breadth, and the material can be applied to any imaginable scenario. In fact, this idea encouraged me to take the course. Our class discussed experiments and interpreted results through presentations. Clearly, I was looking forward to experiences such as these, where I learned that the information in the textbook has meaning that transcends textbooks. I wanted to finish the program knowing that I have learned more about how I relate to the world and vice versa, as opposed to rote memorization. For instance, I can run quickly due to ATP, and my legs slow down due to lactic acid. If one applies biochemistry to the world rather than in the classroom, one can learn so much more about the world. I came to appreciate the idea that processes as simple as ATP synthesis make the world diverse. Overall, biochemistry helped me as an intellectual and an individual. I learned a lot about biological processes and I appreciated how meaningful they are to the world. Although I did not receive the grade I desired, I am convinced that the knowledge and values acquired matter more. In college and beyond, I hope to continually apply my learning in my desirable discipline.

Undergraduate / My Struggle with Autism -- Common App [8]

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Autism is a condition which puts one in unfortunate terms with the world around him. Yet for all its negative connotations, autism does in fact create an opportunity for change, and indeed a meaningful one, as my life story will demonstrate. Social and intellectual growth did occur to me even though it was not immediate. During my school years I have grown from a withdrawn individual to an eager young man with a positive attitude. The impact left by my struggle with autism has affected my persona to this day.

My journey started with a humble beginning. I was diagnosed with autism as a five year old that was oblivious to his surroundings. I entered special education at the age of seven after being transferred from my mainstream class, where I was having behavior problems. The problems still persisted. I acted in a way that would constantly irritate my classmates and even my usually tolerant teacher. I could not fit in with my mainstream peers, and they would always isolate me and make fun of me. I realized from that point on that I was different from the others, like a dandelion in a field of sunflowers. A dandelion shrivels as the sunflowers grow and expand their roots. Therefore, it can't take in the sun and thrive. After being told repeatedly that I had to look around me for change, I gave this a try. In order to be like the others and not be perceived as different, I decided that I had to act more like the sunflower than the dandelion to fit in with the people. So I observed the games that other students were playing during recess, and attempted to participate in them. Despite occasional rejections by use of unpleasant tones by my peers, I was still given chances by those same peers. My efforts have resulted in commendation from my instructional aides and parents. Most importantly, I felt satisfied and looked towards a bright future, convinced that change can help improve circumstance.

However, my catalyst for real change gained real momentum upon my entering middle school. After partaking in many activities, I realized who I truly was and sought to learn more about myself. Once I took up a position in a Greek melodrama production. I played the role of an Athenian in front of a huge audience. To the surprise of my peers, I spoke the lines rather eloquently and with the forte that would win a round of applause. Later, I participated in a contest where I recited Sanskrit verses from the Gita, the Hindu sacred text, by heart, and won first place. Eventually, I would learn that it is possible to overcome the social and intellectual burdens of autism. By participating in the drama, I learned that I can control the body language and the fidgets. By reciting the verses, I learned that I can work hard to make positive results happen. By taking part in these activities, I learned that I can advance in the midst of challenging circumstances.

Undergraduate / 'youthful and critical college years' - Stanford Roommate [5]

To my future roommate,
I am looking forward to spending our youthful and critical college years with each other. But before we commence our journey, get to know me well. I lived a life different from those of my peers, under the burden of autism. However, this difference has helped shape my distinct character traits. My difficulties in verbal communication have helped me find other ways to connect to people in a positive manner by helping them. I may occasionally stutter during our daily conversations and misplace miscellaneous objects such as socks, but I am very cooperative and will gladly support you in academics and communicate with you during free time. I am as accommodating as the numerous soaring palm trees that line the quads with their abundance of shade during the summer, and as temperate as the Mediterranean climate that characterizes the typical weather at the university. I will take the time to understand your wants and needs, and will help smoothen the rough edges of your college experience. I am willing to help you with the academic challenges of college; I have already gained experience by taking a college course at Stanford and am aware of the rigor. Since childhood, I have had more obstacles in communicating with people than others, but through hard work and persistence, I have overcome them. The students who are accepted into Stanford are the ones who truly put their effort like I did into transcending complexity and help elevate expectations for everyone. On that note, I congratulate you for your distinguished efforts in the field of your interest. Our meeting will be the first of the many relationships that will be made in college, and I hope that the mutual understanding and trust established between the two of us will culminate into a healthy and lifelong friendship.

Please give genuine and useful feedback on my response. Thanks.

Undergraduate / 'determined to become a better swimmer' - Stanford -- What matters to you and why? [5]

Like many people, I began to learn swimming during childhood. But as soon as I started, I realized my limited potential. My strokes were rather clumsy, and I was asked to repeat the same strokes and eventually the same level. I began to lose confidence in my ability to swim and any hope of being as competent as my fellow swimmers.

Yet, I remained in the pool, because I was determined to become a better swimmer. I worked hard on propelling my arms and legs at the right intervals, and gaining momentum without losing rhythm. My goal was simply to be able to participate in competitions where I could demonstrate my abilities. However, I failed to qualify. I can clearly remember the instructor's solemn voice when he told me that I was not good enough. I looked at my report card and quickly understood the rationale behind his decision; that I have not mastered the expected skill set required to excel at swim meets.

Upon closer inspection, I noticed something else on the report card. As I scanned it from left to right, I noticed an increase in my performance ratings, especially in speed and stroke rhythm. Although they were mediocre, I was still relieved, because at that moment I realized that my motivation to improve had paid off. While improving my strokes, I learned to focus and be confident that I can achieve desired results through effort. More importantly, I became a better human being because I applied my motivation that I have mastered in the pool to other areas in my life, such as when choosing to take college level courses in high school.

To me, motivation matters. My swimming abilities may have been below standard, but by having intrinsic motivation, I acquired valuable life lessons, such as focusing, learning independently, and competing against myself as opposed to others. While motivation may not guarantee success, it will certainly guarantee progress, because it designs a venue in which humans grow, develop, and become better prepared to face more obstacles.

Any help will be highly appreciated and I promise to return all favors. Thanks.

Undergraduate / 'the first club day of my high school career' - POMONA high school experience essay [6]

What experience in high school has mattered most to you? How do you see this experience influencing your decision-making in college?

It was the first club day of my high school career, and I was eager to find an opportunity to become more involved at school. In middle school, I had neither the peer support nor the ability to relate to people to be able to contribute to the learning environment, and I not only felt, but knew that high school would give me a chance for redemption, and all I had to do now was to take advantage of it.

After spending a seemingly endless lunch break gazing at the towering cardboard posters adorned with masterful illustrations and big block letters, I finally spotted a mass of wires and metal surrounded by upperclassmen with purple t-shirts. In the center was a sign with the single word "Robotics", shaded in dark purple, outlined in golden yellow. The four students then began to describe the time and emotional commitment members were expected to invest in the club, and proudly described the exhilaration of winning the 2008 FIRST championship by pointing to the display of the robot in front of them. At that moment, I decided to give Robotics a try, because of the prospect of winning competitions and the opportunity to interact with others. The lure of victory would require teamwork and effort, and I signed up for Robotics because I knew that I would have the chance to demonstrate my abilities and feel valued by those around me. I barely fathomed the lasting impact my experience in Robotics would have on me and my future plans.

Our team worked three hours daily during the weekdays and even longer on the weekends. I joined the Electrical division where I helped create computer programs for the robot, and worked with four other students. Every day, I struggled to keep up with the rest of my peers, and often had to ask a lot of questions because of the complex nature of programming. My relatively mediocre skills at programming may have frustrated me in the short term, but they certainly did set the stage for cooperation among my teammates in the long term, not to mention that I eventually became a better programmer. I was able to connect with them through continuous interaction, and this is how I became more involved. Rather than isolating myself and figuring out the algorithms by myself, I took the initiative to join my peers, seek help, and return all favors. What I desired was mutual support and the reciprocity of help, and my stay in Robotics helped me gain this.

In March 2009, at the FIRST Regional competition in San Jose, I watched the robot swerve over the icy surface and grab the ball from the opposing robots with grace. I knew that my effort and cooperation did not go in vain. Occasionally I would glance at my teammates in front of, next to, and behind me, feeling that I have indeed contributed. When they glanced back at me, I knew that I have formed a great relationship with my fellow peers upon whom I have invested so much time and trust. Our robot did not make it to the semifinals. But what matters to me is that I gained the understanding that mutual dependence and cooperation can help people become better human beings if not successful.

My experience at Robotics has also equipped me with the determination to aim high. In my AP US Government class during my senior year, I became the campaign manager during the mock election and worked hard with fellow teammates to help our candidate win the election.

The importance of interdependence and a sense of value in everything once again struck me when I took AP Biology. In the ecosystem, all components, including rocks, play an invaluable role in supporting the environment altogether. This very notion made me like Biology and helped guide my college decision. I went onwards and took a biochemistry course at Stanford. With the mechanical experience I obtained from Robotics, and the affection I harbored for Biology, I decided to apply to colleges with hopes of working at a biotechnology company, where I can witness the dependence and involvement everyone at work would have to find more information about the dependence and involvement components of life have.

Please provide good feedback and I will return all favors. Thanks

Undergraduate / 'struck at the ambiance' - POMONA 2 -- Fun experience [5]

Although it may appear to the contrary, we do know that people have a life beyond what they do to get into college. Tell us about an experience you've had outside of your formal classroom and extracurricular activities that was just plain fun and why.

New Year's Eve is that time of year where each and every individual looks forward to the upcoming year and the opportunities it presents. In accordance with the prospect of a fresh start, people make resolutions to put themselves in better shape for the future. But do people really follow their resolutions and not utter them simply out of partaking in the New Year spirit? I made a resolution two years ago that I was going to be more compassionate to others. Every New Year's Eve since then, I have been visiting a nearby retirement home, SunnyView in Cupertino, with my father to help plan and prepare for the New Year celebrations and the evening party.

Upon entering a massive hall decorated with banners and taped confetti, I was struck at the ambiance. My mind relaxed as soon as I took in the hazelnut odor. I glanced at the many elderly people sitting at round tables that were laughing politely, chatting in hushed voices, and putting their arms around their companions. As they walked around, they did not hesitate to start a warm conversation with the person they encountered, be it a fellow resident, worker, or volunteer. The scene reminded me of a rural church from a nifty flick; there was no loud music or rambunctious sounds, just happy verbal exchanges regarding mellow topics such as family and hope for the future.

After briefly pacing the hall and looking at the decorations, the party began with taking photographs. To ensure companionship, no one can be alone in a photograph. I took photographs of all of the elderly guests. Everyone was very well dressed up and smiled broadly, even though they know that they might not make it to the next year. It seemed as though age did not matter when it came to having fun.

My father and I then moved on to serve the food. On the platter were items such as chicken nuggets and mashed potatoes, to be served with red wine or champagne. For the next thirty minutes, I breezed between tables handing food and drinks to those who wanted it, and asking if they wanted more. What made the task merry, though, were the occasional compliments about my young looks and the hearty laughs that followed. The vintage music that was playing in the background only added to the pleasant atmosphere. Messages of gratitude I received from the residents included:

"Thank you so much for your time, sweetheart. You've really set the tone for my and my companions' new year. You are now a part of our family"

After numerous rounds of serving and interaction with the residents, I set the tray on the cafeteria table, and nearly broke into tears. Never have I been approached in such a welcoming manner since I ceased to become an infant. It was just plain happiness to be cuddled like an infant by loving people, especially because this was the holiday season.

But the true fun I acquired from volunteering was from giving without seeking return. I donated over four hours on a day when most people would rather be with their own friends to help make the New Year more hospitable for the elderly. I not only helped to make the party more convenient, but also gave the participants more reasons to laugh and become engaged in conversations. It is such a healthy and fulfilling task, both for me as the giver and the elderly participants as the receivers, to give to those who are now not able to enjoy the vitality that I currently possess as an adolescent. The party may have only lasted a short while, but the pleasurable emotions and the visual memories would be imprinted in my mind past the upcoming year and for my entire life.

Any feedback would be accepted with gratitude and all favors will be promptly returned. Thanks!