Writing Feedback / IELTS Task1 - Pie chart and table;Why agricultural land becomes less productive? [2]

I have a problem with this kind of assignment. As you can see, there are two different charts and I have to write nearly 200 words to complete my assignment, which is not good for me in taking controls of time. Could you give me some advice on how I can make my essay more concise. (175 words at most)

The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s.

The pie chart reveals that there are four main causes of farmland becoming degraded in the world, whereas the table reveals how land in North American, Europe and Oceania was influenced by these reasons during the 1990s. Overall, the biggest cause was over-grazing and Europe suffered more from farmland degradation than the other regions.

More specifically, 35% and 30% of degradation was respectively resulted from over-grazing and deforestation. A further 28% of worldwide land degradation was due to over-cultivation. Other reasons accounted for only 7% collectively.

These causes affected different regions differently in the 1990s, with altogether 23% of land in Europe, 13% in Oceania and 5% in North America were degraded. In detail, Europe has as much as 9.8% of degradation due to forestation, while impact of this on Oceania and North America was minimal, with only 1.7% and 0.2% of land affected respectively. In regard to over-cultivation, it is fascinating to note that it had any influence on Oceania but caused 7.7% of land in Europe and 3.3% in North America to become less productive. Overgrazing was the last reason which led to 1.5% of degradation in North American, 5.5% in Europe and particularly 11.3% in Oceania.

(199 words)

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Writing Feedback / IELTS 1 - (EXPENSES in a School in UK in 1981,1991 & 2001) - Pie Chart [3]

The three pie charts reveal the proportion of some kinds of expense in a particular school in the United Kingdom in 1981, 1991 and 2001. In general, the rate of salaries for teachers was the highest among other costs in all of three years, followed by payments for other workers, resources and furniture and equipment, whereas the lowest percentage was related to insurance.

More specifically, the proportion of teachers' salaries rose from 40% in 1981 to 50% in 1991 before going down back to 45% in 2001. Similarly, the percentage of resources such as books was a third higher in 1991 compared to the ratio of 15% in 1981, but dropped then to 9% in 2001. Furniture and equipment experienced an completely opposite trend as it constituted 15% of all expenses in 1981, decreased by 10% after 10 years prior to there was a sharp growth to 23% in 2001.

In regard to other workers' salaries, it made up a less and less percentage of total school expenditures, respectively 28%, 22% and 15%. By contrast, the figures for insurance constantly increased with only 2% in 1981 and 3% in 1991 to 8% in 2001.

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Writing Feedback / Population aged 65 over in 3 different countries(1940-2040);IELTS1-Graphs [2]

Hi all,
I'm really confused about which grammar I should use to describe an overal trend from the past to future. (1940 - 2040). Hopefully, someone can give me as well as other candidates an useful advice.

Thanks a lot.

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarize the information be selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line chart reveals the changes in the rates of people at the age of 65 years old and over from 1940 to 2040 in Japan, Sweden and USA. As a whole, those propotions all have gone up over this 100-year period.

More specifically, the proportions of those aged 65 and over in USA grew from nearly 10% in 1940 to exactly 15% in early 1980s and is forcasted to keep rising to well under 25% in 2040, despite of a slightly decrease between 1980 and 2020. Sweden also experienced a similar trend when its rate of people aged 65 and over stayed at approximately 7% in 1940 and constantly peaked in early 1980s, early 2010s and 2040 at under 15%, exactly 20% and just over 25%, respectively. In regard to Japan, it has the lowest proportion of people from the age of 65 upwards from the beginning of the examining period until early 2030s with only 5% in 1940 and 10% by the end of 2030. From that point onwards, this rate showed a magical growth as surpassing USA and Sweden to become the country which has the highest proportion of people aged 65 and over with 25% in early 2030s and about 27% at the end of the period.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 - teach children at home or at schools [6]

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of the society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

Discuss about these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that schools should be mainly responsible for teaching children whereas others assume that parents are just who accept that liability. In my opinion, children would be more likely to be well behaved provided that they received education from both their family and schools as a result of following causes.

First of all, no one can deny that schools are one of the best environments to study about both knowledge and moral. In fact, pupils at schools have the chance to learn strictly censored lessons under the direction of qualified teachers, which is rarely seen at home or many other places in the society. Nevertheless, thoughts of children are impacted by not only teachers at schools but also others around them such as their siblings or close friends.

Therefore, I hold the view that parents surely have heavily influence on the development of their children's characters. Indeed, since being tiny kids, the vast majority of children have had the habits of aping their closest people's behaviors. In most cases, this plays an extremely vital role in laying the foundations for the life ahead of them. When they grow up, although their thoughts get more and more complicated as a mixture of numerous different ideas and cultures, education from their parents still have an important part in shaping their own characters.

In brief, children should be looked after by both their parents and teachers. Without either of them, immature children shall be more likely to develop improperly and become negative members of the society.

Writing Feedback / Task 1 - Process of manufacturing and distributing Bricks [2]

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
The diagram illustrates the process that is used to manufacture bricks for the building industry.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.

The diagram shows how bricks are produced and supplied to end users. Overall, there are five main stages consisting of digging, shaping, heating, packaging and delivering.

More specifically, bricks are mainly made of clay which is simply mined via diggers. Clay then is filtered through metal grids before rollers bring it to the next step. After added with sand and water, the mixture is divided and shaped into numerous same pieces by cutting or moulding. To be able to use for the building industry, people dry those by an oven from 24 to 48 hours before raising the heat up to 200 - 980 C degree in the moderate mode and 870 - 1300 C degree in the high mode. The last part of the kilning stage is to cool them down in about 48 - 72 hours later. Finally, when products are good qualified, people pack and load them into containers so as to deliver to building constructers.

(155 words)

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Writing Feedback / Petrol price Vs Traffic & Pollution; What other measures can be taken? [3]

Prompt
Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
What other measures do you think might be effective?

Some people argue that rising traffic and its effects on the environment are likely to be dealt with by lifting the fuel prices. In my opinion, this approach might be unfeasible and authorities should increase the price of private vehicles instead.

More specifically, on the ground that the bill of fuel just accounts for an quite tiny weight of their whole cost of living, boosting prices of petroleum would not only have inconsiderable influence on behaviors of residents, but also produce negative effects on the economy such as inflation. In fact, office workers would rather pay a small amount of extra expense in order to go straight to their office than spend their valuable time queuing at subway or train stations.

Therefore, to dealt with the problem, I suggest that governments should limit the frequency of traffic by charging really high fees on those using private vehicles. With the knowledge that the more regularly cars and motorbikes are used, the much larger our cost would be, people surely have to consider more thoroughly before opting private or public vehicles. On the one hand, this would be helpful because there are not too many people who can afford it. On the other hand, government would have an additional source of funds to protect the environment.

In brief, raising the price of petroleum is not the best way to resolve the problem of traffic and pollution as people do not care that small increase. Introducing high fees might be a more efficient decision because few people can go that high and consequently have to switch to public transports.

Writing Feedback / EILTS task 2 - causes and solutions for overweight [3]

Prompt:
In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing.
What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Assignment:
The growing number of overweight people is becoming a major problem in many countries however many solutions are introduced. In my opinion, this results from the fact that people these days do not get enough exercise and to deal with, I support the approach of educating residents with the aim of altering their life style.

More specifically, it is no doubt that we are increasingly abusing automatic device, which causes to spend a lot less physical strength than former generations. An excellent example of this is potatoes on the sofa, who sit in front of a television all the day as a result that the vast majority of housework is automatically conducted by modern electronic equipments such as washing machines. Being completely different from such potatoes, by the time I went to my secondary school, children have been taught to attend numerous physical activities on their own ranging from the simplest stuff like cleaning a floor to the more complicated ones including clearing grass and planting trees in the garden. It is largely due to that people in the past could keep themselves healthier and fitter.

To solve this problem, a more active life style should be promoted via many campaigns of authorities, in which raising public awareness of getting as plenty of exercise as possible. For instance, pupils should be encouraged or even forced to attend health education courses where they have opportunities to get advice on how beneficial physical exercises are. Not only do young people have to learn about keeping their health, but also elders should be aware of they are never to old to get exercise.

In brief, people are getting fatter and weaker due to lack of doing enough physical activities and one of the most feasible solutions is to educate them how they can have a better life.

Writing Feedback / Preferred leisure activities of Australian children; IELTS - Task 1 [4]

The graph below gives information about the preferred leisure activities of Australian children.

Please find enclosed the chart.

Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown.
You should write at least 150 words.

The chart illustrates which activities male and female children aged between 5 and 14 in Australia opt to enjoy in their leisure time. Overall, the vast majority of kids are keen on indoor audio-visual entertainments and male younger people tend to be more interested in indoor and outdoor games than female friends are.

More specifically, watching TV or videos is the most fascinating leisure activity in all the Australian children's eyes while another indoor modern entertainment which is electronic or computer games is ranked second with the consensus of around 80% boys and 60% girls. Kinds of outdoor relaxation are not as attractive when there are about 78% boys and nearly 59% girls desire to ride a bicycle and only approximately a half of these amounts wish to join games using half-pipes. The only activity interesting more number of female joiners is art and craft with nearly 60% girls compared with roughly 38% boys.

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Writing Feedback / Competition and Co-operation should be there moderately ;IELTS [3]

Prompt
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

Essay
Many parents are in two minds of whether children should be promoted to compete or co-operate with those around them. In my opinion, both competition and co-operation to a moderate extent are useful for children in shaping their future attitude and lifestyle.

First of all, no one can deny that competition is a prime factor continually encouraging people to develop themselves with the hope of climbing to higher and more powerful positions. In fact, students have to equip themselves with working experience and skills, which are rarely taught in colleges, if they are to take a perfect job after graduating. Nevertheless, children might become selfish on account of being unable to accept themselves standing in the second rank. Furthermore, some families desiring their relatives as successful as possible create so pressure on them that a large number of pupils nowadays have no enough time to entertain and in some worse cases end up with suicide.

Similarly, co-operation does not play a less vital role in motivating us to improve and enhance ourselves with the aim of acquiring success together. Actually, it is largely due to team-works that the human race has seen numerous wonderful achievements in both science and many other areas. In spite of this, I hold the view that such achievements would never have existed unless groups have competed to each.

In brief, not only competition but also co-operation should be promoted in children provided that families need to avoid or reduce their hazards to the lowest extent.

(250 words)

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: go straight to university or take a year off traveling [7]

Thank you for your attention.

In some countries young people are encouraged to work and travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Essay:
Many adolescents are in two minds of whether they should take one year off after leaving schools before going to university. If I had had to make such a decision, perhaps I would have chosen to spend a year working or traveling on account of two following causes.

Firstly, young people would learn more about the world while they were working or traveling, which they might never be taught in both high schools and colleges. In fact, they must continually discipline themselves and make the best of every opportunity to develop their own life skills so as to adjust to a completely new environment. Thanks to such hard work, adolescents are going to become more and more self-assured, which is extremely useful not only for their university studies but also for their career later.

Secondly, no one can deny that people at the age of around 18 might not be mature enough to determine into which occupation they are. As a result, having a year off in order to meet a large variety of people and observe a wide range of real jobs is likely to contribute to shaping their own future career. It is true that universities have seen several cases in which their students either was not properly interested in studying or accepted to abandon one or two years in college just because of wrong decisions at the beginning.

In brief, I support the idea of taking one year off based on its two advantages including learning a lot of real knowledge and skills as well as clarifying their desirable job in the future.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: gender discrimination in education [4]

Do not hesitate to show my faults. Your opinions are all highly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

My essay:
Some human right activists argue that colleges should not limit the number of female students in any fields. Frankly, I do not completely support this idea on account of some following causes.

First of all, it is uneven to prevent women from acquiring knowledge in case they are intelligent and healthy enough to complete their courses in universities. These days, governments are increasingly aware that their countries would not develop steadily unless females were fairly treated in education. In fact, an inevitable token of this is that more and more ladies are successful in business, science and even politics, which are often widely known as men's private areas.

Moreover, female students truly play a vital role in class as a result of gender difference in thought and concept. For instance, men tend to solve problems in a drastic but sometimes quite impatient way while women usually produce more compromised solutions. Consequently, a combination of them via discussions or team-working sessions surely makes lessons more efficient and compelling.

Nevertheless, no one can deny that some fields are not suitable to the weak. A good example of this is military subjects, which forces attendees to meet numerous strictly physical requirements. Clearly, it is unfeasible to balance the numbers of male and female students in such cases however hard universities attempt to promote.

In brief, with the noticeable contribution of females in success of courses, accepting equal numbers of male and female students, in case there is inconsiderable difference in ability between two sexes, should be encouraged in most subjects in case, except a few specific areas only suiting to the strong.

(269 words)

Writing Feedback / Keep working or study abroad - must make a decision essay [6]

I am really in two minds of whether I should continue to work for my current company or go abroad for studying. Hopefully, some of you in this forum can give me a hand in solving this matter.

More specifically, I am working for a company in the petroleum industry and I am really pleased with my current job. I meet most of my company's requirements except my English literacy. Therefore, I believe that I will get promotion in next three or four years if I keep working hard.

Nevertheless, when I was young, I had a dream to learn more about the world in a developed country. I am always thinking of taking two or three years off studying in an oversea university. Actually, my English and management knowledge are surely enhanced and those are two of the prerequisites of being able to have a high position.

Now I am 28 and I have no much time left to think of it. I must make a decision in this year if I am to make my dream come true.