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Posts by shaddy
Joined: Apr 8, 2013
Last Post: Jun 3, 2013
Threads: 17
Posts: 47  
Likes: 7
From: Australia

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shaddy   
Jun 3, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS : Which behaviour of teachers is efficient; Strict or friendly? [10]

Hi

I am wondering if someone (preferably native speaker \ knowledgeable \ somehow experienced with the IELTS writing's marking criteria) from the forum could comment on the grammatical range, accuracy and vocabulary with reference to this essay. I'll be really very grateful to the person.

Actually, today I showed this essay to one of my friends and his comments has made me extremely upset.

According to him, my grammatical accuracy is very poor and vocabulary is very limited. His suggestions were; Keep the sentences simple so that you could make less errors and use only a couple of complex structured sentences. He also commented on my vocabulary that it is insufficient for band 7 IELTS.

I'm very down after his evaluation. He isn't an IELTS teacher but he has already scored band 7 in writing.

He has also given me a corrected version of the essay, if someone is interested in looking at it, I'll attach that too.

I'll wait for the reply,

Thanks

Regards
S
shaddy   
Jun 2, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS : Which behaviour of teachers is efficient; Strict or friendly? [10]

Some people agree that teachers should be strict with their students; others believe that teachers with friendly approach will achieve better results.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Teacher and student's relationship has always been in questions. At one side, there are the people who speak in the favour of a friendly approach of teaching the students whereas on the other side, some people believe that teachers must be strict and should not tolerate any negligence from the students. In rest of the essay, I shall analyse both sides of the arguments and present my opinion based on that.

The commenters who prefer the strict approach of teaching for students often reason with the nature of human. They strongly believe that in order to teach something one has to impose the rules and majority of humans do not follow it until they are being strictly forced to act on it. For example, talking about students if teachers do not set deadline on the classwork or assignments, no student would do it. Moreover, the strict behaviour of a teacher causes the student to complete their work with attention. According to the people, strictness of a teacher is a key towards making the student valuable.

On the other hand, however, the people who prefer teacher's lenience over strictness for students provide the reason of better learning in friendly environment. They believe that humans understand the language of love. The unnecessary strictness may divert a student's mind towards negative things. They argue that students learn more efficiently and quickly when they are not subjected under stress. A teacher's light and good sense of humour may help a student to learn even the most difficult parts of the subject. Furthermore, students feel more comfortable to the teachers. As a result, they ask questions without hesitation.

To summarise, I believe that a mixed approach should be followed as both approaches are correct to a certain level.
shaddy   
Jun 2, 2013
Writing Feedback / To what extent do you agree with going abroad for university studies? [5]

I am strongly agree with study abroad

I strongly agree on the idea of studying abroad.

I would say something like this:

Such as, a person living in a non-English country and the subject he chosen to study is in English then he or she would not get a great atmosphere in local university to study thus that person would prefer to go in a English country where he or she can easily complete study with required society and that is a reason people move abroad for further education.

For example, if a person wants to learn a English language then going to an English speaking country for learning is a better approach, as communication in the society and understanding their culture play vital role in learning a language.

In the conclusion, education and its facility matter a lot for people who wants themselves trained also work in the specific sector

...In conclusion, education and the facilities related to it are significantly important in training the people to work in a specific sector.
shaddy   
May 29, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Nature of Holidays is changing, do you agree or disagree [5]

I am in the same boat and trying to get the intended band. I've known from many people that key to get intended band in writing is following the right structure and practicing as many essays as you can. In fact I've seen a couple of my friends who scored their band just by doing untiring writing practices.

Honestly speaking, I can not state with certainty if the blind practices can bring good reward or not as I'm just practicing and haven't done the real test for long time. I'll be taking a real test in a couple of weeks, perhaps after the result I could be more confident in shaping a strategy and letting you know the best practice.

Good luck for the exam.

Regard
S
shaddy   
May 29, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Arranged and love marriages. Discuss both views. [2]

Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic:
In some countries, marriages are arranged by the parents but in other cases, people choose their own marriage partner.
Discuss both systems.

Marriage is a first step towards the fulfilment of a human's biological purpose. In some countries people are more open towards love marriages whereas others are against the concept of love marriage and believe that in performing them with the permission and agreement of parents. In rest of the essay, I shall discuss advantages and disadvantages of both systems so that they could be understood well.

To begin with, one of the biggest advantages of love marriage is that it frees the parents from their responsibility of choosing life partner for their children. Furthermore, choosing life partners of own choice makes the children responsible. They accept the responsibilities, such as running household matters independently and feeding their own children, happily. On the other hand, arranged marriages involve parent's experiences. In fact they understand their children and its needs so while looking for life partner for their children they keep the nature, likes and dislikes of their children in mind. Parent's understandability and experience eventually can bring exquisite life partner for someone.

These both systems, however, can bring disadvantages too. Love marriage can be a hinder in the way of the happiness of a person if the decision was made emotionally. For example, if immature couple end-up in a marriage by seeing the joy of it, they may suffer for rest of the life. On the other hand, arrange marriages can curse the lives of two families. It is often seen that the arranged marriages that are performed against the will of bride or groom often end in divorce or sometimes worse than this; in suicide.

To summarize, marriage binds two persons in a relationship so the decision must be taken with sensibility. Both systems have their own benefits and drawbacks.
shaddy   
May 29, 2013
Writing Feedback / Factors which influence a good movie ( your opinions ) [4]

First of all, a good movie offers our society asome positive effects including education, culture and so on.

By way of conclusion, besides those above factors, there are some others too such as the technology of videoing or different levels of professional acting

shaddy   
May 28, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Nature of Holidays is changing, do you agree or disagree [5]

According to those in the travel business, the nature of the average 'holiday' is changing. Rather than seeking a relaxing break in a far-away place, people now want exitement on their holidays and are keen to participate in unusual and challenging activities.

Do you agree or disagree?

Holidays are important because they provide a break from work. In the past, people used to enjoy the break by going to a relaxing place in abroad, but these days many travel agents believe that this trend has been reduced. People are found more interested in spending the holidays in some exciting activity such as competitions and outdoor camping. I agree with the view and in rest of the essay I shall provide reasons to support my argument.

First, the modern work pattern has great impact on the nature of spending holidays these days. As now the usual day activities at work are more challenging, so this changes people's behaviour towards other activities which they carry in their daily life. For example, people are more competent at work and they prefer to excel in many things at a time. These people do not let their spirit die during holidays. Instead they join competitions of their interests to boost their confidence level. Dancing, singing, racing and cycling are some of the examples of the activities that are carried in order to raise the confidence level.

Secondly, the increasing cost of travel and visit to quiet, calm and peaceful place is also a reason behind the trend. The hotels are so expensive that families cannot think of going there. Moreover, these places have high cost of living for other matters as well such as food and travelling etc. Mostly people who save money throughout the year do not wish to spend their savings for the luxury of few days.

To summarize, after insight into the reasons I believe that many people are avoiding visits to relaxing places and involving into challenging activities these days.
shaddy   
May 28, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS - Report an island before and after construction [5]

we can see a lot of facilities were built in the island

...we can see that a lot of facilities were built in the island.

there are is a big restaurant and a reception hall

shaddy   
May 27, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS : Nowadays people are producing more and more rubbish. Reasons and actions. [3]

Nowadays we are producing more and more rubbish.
Why do you think this is happening?
What can governments do to help reduce the amount of rubbish produced?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is seen that the quantity of rubbish produced by people and industries has increased these days. There are numerous reasons for this but among those the use of disposable utensils, polythene bags and packed food items are obvious. In the following paragraphs, I shall explain these reasons and put forward some steps that can be taken at government level to reduce it.

These days more and more people prefer to eat the ready-made food. The use of the products that are common to cook food quickly has also been increased. This has given rise to the rubbish production. In addition to this, people now prefer to eat in disposable plates and they use the utensils in many places such as parties and work. It frees the people from washing them. Moreover, they are very less expensive. These are the main reasons that encourage to use the items that causes increase in rubbish at the end.

In order to reduce the rubbish in a society, government should take steps. They can establish the plants to recycle the reusable and recyclable things. Along with the plants establishment, government should also educate people about the effect of rubbish on environment and each other's health. They should run the educational programs and advertisements to encourage people in putting general waste and recyclable rubbish in separate bins. Government can also set the rules and laws in making recyclable containers for the products.

To summarize, the increase in rubbish is due to the modern way of handling the products. By imposing laws and educating people, government can play a vital role in bringing this trend down.

____________

Hi guys

Please check my essay and I shall be very grateful to you.

Regards
Umar
shaddy   
May 27, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS; In our society child's education have never been a simple task [9]

Family is the first school in which children learn moral criteria

Family members are the first from whom children learn moral values and its importance.

In order to be a good citizen each individuals has to respect and abiding rules in their community

In order to be a good citizen each individual has to respect and abide the rules in its community.

thus children need parents to be educated about their behaviors toin thetheir community where they are living. From this view, home is vital part contributing to shape a valued citizen.

I am believed that

I believe that....
shaddy   
May 15, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS : Reason of being overweight in children is due to fast food outlets or parents [4]

Hi guys

Please check my essay.

I've written long this time which is not good from IELTS perspective as it causes more errors to happen, hence it results in marks reduction. Actually the sentences were coming to my mind and I was feeling that not having them in the paragraphs would leave it in an incomplete state, so I kept on writing and when completed I realized that I had written 345 words.

Please share a suggestion to cope with such a situation.

I am really very thankful for all your help so far and I am observing the improvements due to the corrections and suggestions. For this, I appreciate dumi and Pahan's contribution. You guys are doing great work

Regards

S

______________

The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health.

To what extent do you agree with these views? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


Excess of everything is bad. Same can be said for food consumption as well, as this result in increase in weight. This increase is often seen in the children of developed countries. Some people believe that this is due to the number of fast food restaurants whereas some argue that the negligence of parents is the reason for this. In the following paragraphs I will analyse the both views and provide my opinion.

The people who consider the fast food as a reason for the overweight attribute in children often say that it lacks in healthy nutrients. Moreover the food sold in the restaurants contains a huge amount of carbohydrates and fats. The items such as fries, chips, non-vegetarian burgers and soft drink attract the children and they consume it so often that they start gathering in their bodies as fat. The food items in the outlets are often very cheap and children can afford it even with their pocket money. As it is their business so they will not stop children from having their food but ultimately these items are bad for their health.

The people who blame parents' negligence in the matter of the children's health argue with reason of no cooking at home and overlooking the parental responsibilities. Parents, nowadays, due to busy lifestyle do not cook food at home daily. Instead of they prefer to give a small portion of money in the form of pocket-money to get an escape from some of their responsibilities. This is often seen in the single-parent families and the families where both parents work. By giving money parents get rid of the worry of providing food to a school-going child for its lunchtime. They do not care where the children are spending the money and what type of foods their children are having. As a result bad health is often seen.

To summarize, I believe that parents are responsible to provide healthy and balanced diet, as the other cause which is related to the consumption of fast food items somehow triggers from the parents.
shaddy   
May 15, 2013
Writing Feedback / Men vs women are not equally suited for many tasks [4]

Men and Women are equally suited for many tasks .tT heir inherent physical differences makes them different from each other and makes us to think that women are suitable to less tasks while Men to many tasks.

Men are also taking part of household tasks such as cooking,baby care etc

I liked the essay, they are good points.
shaddy   
May 13, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Modern eating habits and lifestyle has had negative effects on children. [3]

In many countries today, the eating habits and lifestyle of children are different from those of previous generations. Some people say this has had a negative effect on their health.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience


Modern age has introduced many changes in almost all walks of life. Humans from all age groups have adopted the effects in certain ways. Many people believe that this has greatly affected the children's life and their way of living. This has also altered the choices that the children use to have in food than the earlier generation. Some people believe that it is bad for their health. I completely agree with the statement and will provide some reasons to support the argument.

First, the eating habits children have adopted in the modern times are dangerous to their health. Many children, these days, prefer to eat from fast food restaurants. The food in those restaurants does not only have insufficient nutrients but it also causes diseases in them. These diseases may not be obvious at once but during later age they come into action. Among them blood pressure, heart diseases and diabetes are the commonly seen. Moreover, the food weakens a child. The low nutrients food effects the children's mental development too.

Second, the lifestyle children have adopted in the modern time has its own type of drawbacks. Spending a great deal of time in playing computer games and surfing internet is the most common lifestyle which is presently seen in children. As it is a well-known fact that physical sports have its merits not only for the body health but for mental as well. Furthermore, by spending their time in the virtual world of computer they are getting away from many social aspects; for example, helping and co-operating others etc. this lifestyle is a threat to their behavioural development.

In conclusion, I believe that in order to make children physically and mentally healthy the caretakers should pay special attention towards their eating habits and living style as in modern times they may be detrimental for their health.

_____________
Hi

Please have a look at it as well. Thanks for yours generous help so far.

Regards
S
shaddy   
May 13, 2013
Writing Feedback / increasing weight against declining health. [6]

For the past decade we are witnessed ing to this dramatic changed that has occurred to in our life styles.

which results ed in t

deceases

disease

Third are the commodious travelling means and the easy access to online orderin

shaddy   
May 12, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS : Why do you think people attend School or University. Give some reasons. [4]

People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, and increased knowledge).
Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


The trend of learning in an institute has increased. Nowadays, most of the people do not end their education after completing secondary school studies but they extend it to other diplomas and degrees from many different educational institutes. I believe that fast learning, authenticity of knowledge and chances towards the secure job are the main reasons for this trend.

First, almost all institutes are equipped with the subjects of the modern trend in careers. The disciplines such as Business, Engineering and Computers etc. are very common so the institutes arrange workshops and adopt modern ways of teaching them. This not only makes the learning enjoyable but fast too. The concepts which people used to learn over many years can be learned easily and quickly in the institutes.

Second, validity and credibility of knowledge is attained in such a high-level institute. This is particularly important for the people who are more inclined towards innovations and inventions with their ideas. These institutes provide them a platform to share their knowledge and receive benefits from others knowledge through research papers. The assurance about the credibility of the knowledge urges them to join the educational institute.

Third, recognition of many diplomas and degrees and their demands by organisations is another reason. For example, many companies need their employees to have a certain level of certificate according to the position so they advertise the position with the job qualification. This demand in the industry attracts people towards attaining the qualifications.

To summarize, among numerous reasons tendency to learn something in short time and with authenticity is the key thing that attracts some people towards higher education institutes while some people attend them to fulfil their job qualification.

____________

Hi guys

I'm back after a long time. Please check my essay.

Regards
S
shaddy   
May 12, 2013
Writing Feedback / Should voluntary community service be compulsory? [7]

There are reasons why some patients are reluctant that teenagers participate in unpaid service

There are some reasons why some parents feel reluctant towards the participation of their children in unpaid work.

Firs of all, teenagers are very sensitive in positive and negative things so that voluntary activities orientate them to good deed

First of all, teenagers behaviour can be turned to a useful manner by encouraging them in voluntary activities.

Moreover , their overlook of life would alter in positive ways

Moreover, they would be exposed to learn from the lives of others....

That are some sentences which I altered thinking that they would be clear if they are used in this way.
shaddy   
Apr 25, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS : Have modern ways of preparing food improved the way people live? [11]

Great suggestion, thanks. I didn't notice this.

You have a good command of the language, but you wrote to little. In my opinion, you should give more examples and you should analyse both sides of the argument so as to write more.

Yes ! I came to know this very later but I've been doing this with care now.

Yes you've been very useful, thanks for your comments.
shaddy   
Apr 24, 2013
Writing Feedback / Competition sports,both team and individual have no place in student's curriculum? [5]

in order to expanding expand education

Sport and competition might be in school curriculum for developing pupils' creativity and responsibility.

..For developing creativity and responsibility, sport and competition are very important.

Although , sport gives pupils' energy and time,it helps them to grow their creativity and let them to examinateexempt their burden

Defiantly Precisely, paying attention only to study makes students only single side so up brings only theoretical students

As a result,it is important to paying pay attention towards sport as a useful activity in school sinceas society needs slim and expert person to grow up

shaddy   
Apr 24, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS : I believe that parents are the best among the teachers to teach [3]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Learning is a part of development. We, the human, learn from friends, family, neighbours, teachers and our surroundings. A person's moral, intellectual and behavioural brought-up depends on various factors and circumstances, but I believe that among all of them parents play a vital role. In rest of the essay, I will present the reasons to support my statement.

First, home is a first institute for a child and mother and father are the first teachers for the child in it. All the things a child learns are adopted from them. For example, they learn to talk first on seeing their parents talking. Moreover, the same is true for developing their moral ethics as well. When a kid finds its parents showing concern about lying and stealing, it learns that these are bad things and should be avoided. Parents should be very careful because if their statements contradict with their actions, a child may suffer badly.

Second, children tend to listen their parents mostly. It is perhaps due to paternal bond and the respect that when they are taught or told something by parents they understand it. No matter, if it is described in a strict way, eventually they happen to follow it. For example, I used to drive my motorbike very fast and one day when my father found it, he strictly forbade me and stopped me to use motorbike. I was very resistant to the matter at that time but later I understood that. Same type of lesson would have not been tolerated if it was given by others.

To summarize, I believe that parents are the significant among the teachers to teach.

_______________

Hi guys

Thanks for my help so far, please let me know your valuable suggestions.

Regards
S
shaddy   
Apr 23, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS : Have modern ways of preparing food improved the way people live? [11]

Your writing is a little bit under-length. Maybe you can stretch your conclusion more.

Thanks, yes it was. I am trying to write at least 260 words in the allocated time now.

It's it well-organised. However, I guess although you think modern cooking methods bring a bot benefits to our lives there is still some drawbacks. Maybe you could mention a few. It might seem more complete.

Thanks Mate !

Hope that work with you :)

Thanks man, I got some good ideas from your script.
shaddy   
Apr 23, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS : Is knowledge gained from books or experiences? 'both are important' [4]

It has been said, "Not everything that is learned is contained in books."
Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books. In your opinion, which source is more important? Why?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Undoubtedly, source of knowledge cannot be limited to the books only. Man learns from every single thing if it wishes to. Some people prefer to read books to get knowledge while others believe that it is acquired by experience. I have a mixed opinion about this and believe that both ways are important in gaining knowledge to benefit ourselves.

The role of books can be understood when we see its significance in our research. Work of previous scientists is passed to the next generation in this way. Complex Mathematical formulas and Physics laws which are outcomes of someone's past experiences are the exquisite examples of this preserved knowledge in books. Furthermore, it is less time consuming for getting the results. However, theoretical knowledge is incomplete without its practical implication. For example, one can read good books on driving a car and gain knowledge but it will not learn it until give it a practical go.

On the other hand, experience plays its own role in learning. It is well-known that lessons learned from experience are not easily forgotten. They live with us in our entire life. For instance, a child is told several times that not to play with fire but most of the time it does not listen and when it hurts itself by trying to catch it, it learns that playing with fire is harmful .The only issue in learning with experience is the time it takes. Moreover, it requires a lot of one's patience as well.

In conclusion, I believe that both are important and to get full benefits of knowledge one must have to acquire it from books and experience.

_______

Hi guys

Please check my essay and let me know yours suggestions.

Thanks

S
shaddy   
Apr 22, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS : Have modern ways of preparing food improved the way people live? [11]

Nowadays, food has become easier to prepare. Has this change improved the way people live?
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Food is a necessity for all live organisms. Perhaps since the time human evolved and learned the way to cook food, it has been considered the most challenging task for many people. Nowadays, the modern technologies have also affected our conventional ways of cooking food along with many other changes in our lifestyle. I believe that this change has introduced many benefits to us and in rest of the essay I will discuss its significance on our life.

First, modern way of cooking food is less time consuming and requires minimum attention. Latest household appliances such as microwave ovens, electric stoves and smart ovens have lessened the efforts in preparing the food. These appliances often come with timers and alarms so the food does not need a full time attention. This has given us a lot of time to relax or perform other activities.

Second, many food items and spices are readily available in market these days. These ready-made items do not only eliminate the extra work of pealing and chopping them but also get cooked very fast. Frozen vegetables and pizzas are the mostly seen examples of the ready-to-cook items. The real importance of these items can be seen in the families where cooking is done by persons who live on their own and do not have external help to prepare their meals.

To summarize, I believe that the modern way of preparing food has saved a lot of efforts and time.
shaddy   
Apr 22, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS, Why more people travel than before? What are the benefits? [8]

With the development of modern transportation system , man y people are likely intend to traveling travel during holidays

I am going to examine why is this phenomena occurring and what are the benefits of traveling for the travell er

In addition to this , the modern transportation technologies have remarkably reduce

More exactly, the different

Precisely

Also, having a short term break from work, as they feel that escaping to a new place.

Also, having a short-term break from work lasts a good impact on the people's mood.

traveling creates an

By getting touch with them, you might be able to find out some solutions to problems and exchange ideas toward life without any disturbing from outside.

Meeting with different people helps in finding the solutions to our untold problems and is a good way to exchange problems as well.

I believe the traveling is beneficial

I believe that...

A word of advice is use 'that' in the situation where we often miss while speaking. Like 'I think', 'I believe' etc.
shaddy   
Apr 21, 2013
Letters / Letter : Write a letter to get your coat back from your friend's place where you stay [2]

You have just spent a weekend at a friend's house. When you returned home, you discovered you have left a coat containing some belongings in his house.

Write a letter to your friend telling him that you left the coat. Tell him
what the coat looks like
where you think you left it and what was inside it.
Make some suggestions about how to get it back


Dear Michael,
I hope you've been very well. I just returned to home last night. I must say that the time I've spent with you and your family is really unforgettable and amazing. I thank you for this.

While unpacking my luggage in the morning I found that I had left my coat at your place. It's a long waist coat and black in colour. There is a Christian cross underneath its collar. I remember when we came back from the exhibition, it was in my hand but after that I can't remember where I put it, perhaps in the wardrobe or on the back of the chair in the room where I was staying.

There is a pocket dictionary, a fountain pen and a wrist watch in its pockets. I am just wondering if you could parcel me the items along with my coat. It'd be great if you could write me the amount of money needed to send the items so that I could transfer it to you.

Please say hello to your family for me.

Regards
Sheldon
shaddy   
Apr 21, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Increase of Illiteracy rate causes and effects on society [10]

For this issue, I think the main reason is troubled families... In those developed countries the divorce rate is alarmingly on the rise. So there are many single parents who find it's hard to cope with child rearing. Also, certain social issues such as drug addiction, aids also contribute to this situation. .... these are just ideas :D

Great ideas, I'll surely take care of the minor mistakes. These days I am trying to complete my essay 10 minutes prior to the allocated time so that I could check it for all errors.

I wish one day I'd be able to write an essay on any topic with fair arguments and correct grammar. :)))
shaddy   
Apr 21, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Should both parents work in a family? [3]

The people who oppose the idea of having both parents working, believe this arrangement would disturb children receiving enough emotional support from their parents.

Thanks dumi. I hope I could score my intended band...
shaddy   
Apr 21, 2013
Scholarship / Scholarship Essay, what makes me right. [3]

I always try to infect my students with my zeal for knowledge

...I would use 'interact with'...

grammar to nurture a strong foundation of vital English skill

...Instead of strong if we could use only 'foundation' then the sentence would look more meaningful.
shaddy   
Apr 21, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Should both parents work in a family? [3]

In today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents' absence.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience


Competition around the globe is very strict these days. All the parents try to provide best of what they can. This race compels both parents of the modern families to work for fulfilling the needs of their children. Some people believe that it is alright if both parents in a family work whereas others tend to oppose the statement. I believe that in order to fairly divide the burden and provide facilities to the children both parents must work.

The people who think that only one parent should be responsible for earning money to support the family give reason of emotional support from parents. They believe that children developing in these families share a strong bond with the family members. Moreover, they find themselves more secure especially in the time when they are after some advice from their elders, for example during early days in schools and while preparing for exams. The instant help not only lessens their worries but also creates intense attachment in the relationship.

The people who support the idea of working of both parents, however, argue that this divides the parent's burden and helps them in providing better facilities. For example, these parents can bear the expanses of a good school for the children and can fulfil their demands without taking any external help. Furthermore, these parents tend to be more understanding and concerned about their children. This care impacts in a good way on their future.

In addition to this the children of working parents are found more responsible and understanding. This is because, from the very small age they know how to take care of themselves and handle the matters in the absence of the parents. This helps greatly in their behavioural development.

In conclusion, it is good to have both parents working in order to meet the needs of modern world and developing a child's personality.

____________

Hi guys

Please help me by checking the essay.

Thanks for yours great help so far.

Regards
S
shaddy   
Apr 21, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Increase of Illiteracy rate causes and effects on society [10]

Second

Thanks dumi.

I sometimes wonder if there could be any rule in using "first of all\ firstly \ first". Can you please generalize it that how do you tend to use the phrase?

to "Secondly", "In addition" or "Moreover"

Thanks mate.