Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by Shumaila86
Joined: May 24, 2013
Last Post: Jul 30, 2013
Threads: 11
Posts: 31  
Likes: 9
From: United Kingdom (Great Britain)

Displayed posts: 42 / page 1 of 2
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
Shumaila86   
Jul 30, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASk 2-Many species of animals and plants are in danger of being extinct. What [6]

This is a common term nowadays and most people are aware of it but simply choose to ignore

no use of this sentence. better give an example to explain its effects.

A second reason being hunting down of endangered species for their skin or body parts

where is 'Helping Verb'? A second reason is to hunt down the endangered species for their precious parts.

This clearly shows how the animal kingdom is being affected by the killing of animals.

rather conclude ur point like' this merciless killing further decreases their species

There are several things that can be done to prevent this from happening.

again no use. start like this: To take preventive measurements, first of all, ...
ur concepts r really good just need a little bit more practice and do grammar as well.
Good Luck

.
Shumaila86   
Jul 20, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: RURAL DEPOPULATION: Discuss the effects and suggest some ways [2]

In this essay, I intend to discuss some consequences it causes and some solutions can be reversed this trend.

rephrase this sentence. Always avoid' Over-Generalization' in any essay. e.g; I will discuss consequences of depopulation and some solutions to reduce the impacts of this trend.

indisputable fact

undeniable fact

affect in many sphere of life in the city

affect many aspects of city life . ( because I do not think it would be appropriate to say 'many spheres of life').

seriousness effects

?????? serious effects

Very good concepts and solutions, no doubt. only, You need to groom some writing skills.
1. proper Grammar usage, especially, uses of Comma, Definite and Indefinite articles, and punctuation.
2. vocabulary: avoid repetition of words; try variety of sentences.
Rest is fine. Good Luck
Shumaila86   
Jul 20, 2013
Student Talk / Reading : 9.0 - Just got my IELTS result. [16]

Thanx Pahan, party is on...and I am thankful to you as well. your advice was helpful a lot during exam :-)

We want you to continue the good work with us by helping others with their writing.

thank you so much dumi:-) I am never gonna leave this forum which really really made my score perfect. IELTS was what hindering me from getting my job as a doctor. This forum was useful for me, and I am gonna make it useful for others too inshAllah.
Shumaila86   
Jul 19, 2013
Student Talk / Reading : 9.0 - Just got my IELTS result. [16]

Hello everyone... I got me result today and achieved desired score Alhamdulilah.
This forum helped me alot and I am sooooo thankful to every single person, esp moderators, who helped me a lot and corrected my mistakes. I can never be able to thank the way I feel. Thank you sooooo much.

Here is my score:
Reading : 9.0
Speaking: 7.5
Writing: 7.0
Listening: 7.0
Shumaila86   
Jul 19, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: What factors are important in achieving happiness?Depend on individuals [5]

is always different from one another

no use of 'always' here.

They differ from shape,

i wud have loved if you used' they differ with appearances, personality, thinking...

Who knows? We cannot explain someone's happiness but himself. Therefore, I would believe that everybody has his own happiness's definition.

try to avoid giving your opinion using 'I. We, You except when its is necessary in intro and conclusion. and also do not use informal language like .who knows'.
Shumaila86   
Jul 19, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1; Reasons for Adult Studying (Charts) [2]

hi... writing task 1 is quite easy if you just remember few rules. there ere few sentences that you should learn on finger tips: it will save your time and will make it easier to describe the concept.

introduction:
first, if there are two graphs, start like this' the graphs compare....
second, mention the most prominent feature of the graphs. for exam, the highest peak, the most popular, the most useful...etc
body para;
describe first graph with important features( no need to mention every point.)
describe second graph...
conclusion: overall trend
this is the authentic Cambridge method of IELTS writing task 1.
Shumaila86   
Jul 5, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS; Today young people are finding it harder and harder to find permanent jobs! [11]

hi Pahan! I really appreciate your time and efforts to check my essay, but I feel the corrections and suggestions are quit complicated for me because you are obviously an excellent writer. The thing is, all I want is 7 band score in IELTS and last time I got 6.5, I want some suggestions that would improve my writing style, vocabulary and how I make my argument effective. And sometimes I do not understand where I am mistaken. so, please help me with vocab and grammar as much as possible. Thanx

Regards.
Shumaila86   
Jul 3, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS; Today young people are finding it harder and harder to find permanent jobs! [11]

In many countries, young people are finding it harder and harder to find permanent jobs. Why is this? What can be done to improve the situation?

These days, everyone wants a respectable job after graduating from college or university; however, finding a permanent work has become difficult for youngsters. There are many reasons creating these issues regarding jobs, and their solutions are also discussed in following paragraphs.

First of all, universities train their students only theoretically and do not support them to enroll into various workshops and internships. Therefore, problem arises when companies give permanent job opportunities only to experienced applicants because they do not have to train them. Moreover, untrained fresh graduates are big threat to the companies. In this way, younger people have to struggle harder in order to get decent jobs. However, an obvious solution for this issue is that universities should offer internships to their students in vacations or arrange workshops in addition to the class work. This will help students to get training and experience in their corresponding fields.

Secondly, increasing unemployment rate is another reason for this situation. After leaving university, young people, who are desperate to start earning money, end up accepting any job without considering that it offers only temporary contract and less salary. Furthermore, companies also exploit such newly graduates as they work more for less salary. Therefore, those who have experience and good grades in colleges or universities are declined, for they demand high salaries with permanent contracts. A good idea to solve this issue is that special awareness programs for students, who are leaving universities, should be arranged in which various job offers and their benefits would be discussed. In this way, students will be able to choose right jobs for themselves.

In conclusion, I believe, young people only need right guide given by their teachers and parents to get a respectable job that helps to build their future.
Shumaila86   
Jul 3, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Fixed or variable punishment for crimes [7]

hello! a fine attempt no doubt, but here are some suggestions. First of all I could not understand the idea about second opinion. it is because the example you gave is such a rare situation. there are a lot of reasons: people kill each other for money, love, even out of jealousy. but killing for mercy is done only once in a blue moon.

why would you judge a crime logically when you can do it rationally?

try to avoid such expressions: make it a statement rather.

t humans are gifted

human is gifted with

more safe and secure.

safer and secure

f crimes were viewed in a flat perspective, potential crimes would be reduced since individuals will be aware that the chances of being acquitted will be low.

try to rephrase because different parts are not supporting each other according to the tense: you use three tenses in one sentence( were, would be, will be)

t is more human to carefully review

it is better to review
Shumaila86   
Jul 1, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS essay - How can young people be made responsible drivers? [8]

I am also taking IELTS in a few days. here are some suggestions:

I completely agree with that idea.

better also write why you agree with this opinion, for example, 'i completely agree with this idea because most of the accidents are caused by untrained drivers'.

2. your ideas are no doubt very good but are not organized in a way to show how you make your argument valid. for example, first write your main point in the body paragraph, prove it with example and find a solution in final sentence. Do it in second and third, if any, argument and conclude your discussion in last paragraph.

3. I do not write complex sentences and in this way avoid grammatical errors.
4.

the most important life skills should be learned at school.

most important skills are taught at school
5.[

It is apparent to everybody as well as the importance of driving knowledge and experience.

everybody knows the importance of driving knowledge and experience.

But yet, there is another even more significant reason.

you can better use it to start the next paragraph.

Some of them drive far beyond the speed

try this: some of them exceed beyond the speed Rule: Subject+Verb+Object

Those who receive an auto

receive automobile

Hope it helped. Good Luck
Shumaila86   
Jul 1, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS; Number of Heart cases of in England during four decades(1960 to 1990) [4]

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information in the graph below. You should write at least 150 words.

The graph shows the number of cases of heart diseases in England during four decades(1960 to 1990). It can be clearly seen from the graph that the figure of heart patients was highest in 1970 and 1980.

According to the graph, the cases of heart diseases were only 100 in 1960 and 1965, however, they started growing gradually up to 200 in next five years(1970). But this trend went sharply up in 1975 and the figure of heart patients raised to 500 in just 5 years. However, this number stayed at the same level in 1980.

The incidents of heart diseases started to decline steadily to 300 in 1985 and dropped even lower to 0 in 1990. This figure remains 0 in next five years(1995).
To sum up, the figure of heart diseases in England changes dramatically from 100 to 500, stays there for a while and then suddenly goes back to 0.




Shumaila86   
Jun 30, 2013
Writing Feedback / Universities should require every student-take a variety of courses outside-course [4]

Such a condition will a nightmare

a condition will be a nightmare.

and hence I feel

and, hence, I feel ( always separate interruptive phrases or words with comma on both sides.

Gone are the days, when

I am not sure about this comma as dependent clause, if comes after the independent clause, should not be separated by comma.

Every state and private organisation's functioning is totally dependent on software systems to the extent that we are concerned with cyber crimes and hacking

try to rephrase this sentence as meanings are not clear here. try this: efficiency of every state or private organizations depends on the software systems to the extent that the risks of cyber crimes and hacking has increased.

on usage of computers

on the usage of computer

Moreover, he will in a position to interact with the various stake holders of the community he is in.

i guess you are trying to say: Moreover, he also needs to interact with the various stake holders of the community

giving individuals, especially students a solid base

individuals, especially students, a solid base

Though there are various reasons for the implementation of certain courses in college curriculum irrespective of the discipline, the content selection and course administration should be in such a way that these extra courses should not demotivate the student to pursue his studies.

better break it into two sentences and keep it as simple as possible. two advantages: 1. it will make your idea more understandable
2. less chances of grammar mistakes.
As a reader not as a corrector, I want to say your ideas, grammar and vocabulary all are fine except you are not delivering your ideas properly because sentence structure needs some attention.

Hope it helped. Good Luck
Shumaila86   
Jun 28, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task II. people choose to live alone or with friends rather with their family [5]

Hello I have got IELTS on 6th July. plz give me writing feedback to get 7 band.

Nowadays more people are choosing to live with their friends or alone rather than with their families. This trend is likely to have a negative impact on community. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

These days, due to study or work demands, living separately has become a trend in youngsters. They prefer to live either alone or with their colleagues. Some people think this infatuation is creating some bad effects on society. I agree with this opinion because these negative impacts have been obvious since last decade.

First of all, people who are living separate from their family lose the financial support they get from their parents. For example if a student takes an apartment to live away from home, he has to pay its rent and bills, and for that purpose, he needs to work somewhere. In this way, he not only wastes his time but also loses concentration on studies.

Secondly, while living alone, people are no longer under their parent's supervision and, hence, are more prone to influence from negative activities. For instance, one of my friends who were living in different city from his parents got himself involved in crimes because his parents were not able to keep in contact with him regularly. Therefore, separate living can damage people's moral foundation, too.

Last but not least, people think family is a restriction which will snatch their freedom if they involve their siblings or parents to their problems. Such as if a person is ill and needs some physical or financial help, he will have no one to depend on as he already has his denied his family. So staying away decreases the importance of the family as people have to endure the ups and downs of the life alone and unaided.

In conclusion, I would like to say, living away from family makes people alone and isolated and less considerate as they think about themselves only. This in turn would lead to an unhealthy attitude towards the society.
Shumaila86   
Jun 26, 2013
Writing Feedback / IETLS TASK 2; More money should be spend on education and sports? [4]

hello, your essay looks short. it should contain 250 words at minimum. Well here are some suggestions.
1. you do not explain whether you agree or disagree with the statement. After doing that you support your opinion with examples, and also your examples are not much supportive.

2.your sentence structure is faulty, for example,

It is agreed that spending more money on education is beneficial for people more than the sport.

try this:
spending money on education is more beneficial than spending on sports

For example, when I was at college I have learned a lot of things about learning English.

I learned English in my collage that helps me a lot to increase my skills in acquiring knowledge.
3.

some of the Indian people who have finished their education are working now in different places all around the world. For this reason, the number of poverty will went down later.

HOW??? it is not reducing poverty in India if they are working in different places all around the world.
4.

As this example shows, education has a positive effect on reducing poverty.

no need for this sentence.
5.

discovering the world widely

widely is either unnecessary or inappropriate here.
6. try to compare education and sports to prove your point.
7. grammar should be reviewed because your grammatical skills are judged in IELTS.
Shumaila86   
Jun 26, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS; 'benefits of technology' What older people can learn from young people? [3]

With the advent of technologies and inventions, our generation has become fast and advanced in every aspect of life, and this has created a wide gap between our parents and us. Therefore, some people argue that older people cannot apprentice anything from their youngsters. I disagree with this statement because there are many things that can reduce this generation gap.

First of all, everyone is using the internet and mobiles these days which seems totally different from the means of communications in the past. For instance, Face book, Skype, Whatsapp are favorite sharing forums that youngsters use nowadays but our elders are unfamiliar with their usage. By guiding them how to employ the internet and mobiles, they can keep their fellows and family members in contact easily.

Secondly, young generation takes interest in video games and those sports which need more mental skills than physical for example, Xbox, Vita and PSN. In the past, people used to play sports like Football, hockey and Cricket. However, now when our parents are attaining old age and do not have much energy to take part in games, they still can learn from us how to practice such video games and enjoy in their free time.

Last but not least, older people can join adult schools which arrange special courses on every field of their interest. For example, parents of one of my classmates live in United Kingdom, and they go to an adult school where they exercise hiking, swimming, travelling and even this school run classes about different cultures, their languages, traditions and cuisines.

In conclusion, I must say, if we really want to train our parents about how we enjoy the benefits of technology, computer, games and the internet, surely, there is nothing that we cannot explore everything together.
Shumaila86   
Jun 13, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Advertisements make us waste money, or make our life easier? [7]

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

These days advertisements have taken a vital part of our life. All the famous brands and companies display their products by means of TV, radio, internet even on the roads through billboards where they become the focus of everyone's attention. Some people believe that advertisements force us to spend money unnecessarily, but others think they are essential to make our life easy. I agree with the second statement and support the advertisement agendas.

Firstly, advertisements save our time from browsing for the required products in the markets or websites. For example, without advertisements we need to go to the shops or browse internet even to find small things. However, after watching the advertisements of different companies, we can compare their products and prices and decide without wasting much time on searching.

Secondly, advertisements also inform about innovations and improved version of the stuff we are already using. For example, if we are using an old air conditioner that is consuming more time and extra electricity, through advertisements we will know that there is an upgraded version of air conditioner that consumes less energy and cools the air more quickly.

Moreover, companies also inform us about product promotions and sale offers by displaying in ads, and provide vouchers that save money. For example, they show the promotion codes on the billboards or display the vouchers on internet from where we can download them and use in the shop to save money.

In conclusion, I must say it is not advertisements that make us waste our money but our own lack of wisdom and cleverness. If we make budget and spend money only on required things, no advertisement or attractive sale offer can exploit our money.
Shumaila86   
Jun 13, 2013
Writing Feedback / Selecting a career is not an easy thing; How do you choose your career? [5]

Career has a great role in our life , can impacts on life of any one of us , it has negative and postive effects,So, selecting our career is a very difficult decision that we will do,every person should think carefully from indicating their career,This decision is different from one person to another one.

Hi Rozha!you are using a lot of commas even at places where you need to put period. It is making me, as a reader, difficult to understand what you want to describe.

every person should think carefully from indicating their career,

indicating or choosing???

from one person to another one

from person to person.

and take some great responsibilies, and some of them came from poor background they like to have a good income

take some great responsibilities while others come from poor background, but they like to have a good income.

r background they like

background. Since they like

,they dont

they do not OR don't

society , government

society; therefore, government

person that want

person who/that wants
Please go through the use of Capitalization, Periods, Comma and Verbs.
Good Luck
Shumaila86   
Jun 13, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS;Streamlining Education has more advantages or disadvantages? Discuss both views [3]

A much debated issue these days is whether youngster with assorted capacities ought to be educated in dissimilar level at school.

your sentence is incomplete because 'whether' leaves the thought incomplete here.

implement this, while some

NO comma.

while some opposite opinion suppose distinctive classes bring more drawback

i don not get the idea. Is it like 'while some people with opposite opinion suppose...'?
Do mention in the introduction that whether you agree or disagree with the statement.

talented students who always want to prove themselves have chance

talented students,who want to prove themselves, have a chance

students have lower capacity

i think capacity is used for machines. For humans we use IQ or mental level.

owing to categorize level of students

owing to categorized level

exchange relations between pupils have reversed level are really crucial

sentence structure is not right
you should improve sentence making skills because your sentences are confusing n do not clear what you want to say.
Shumaila86   
Jun 12, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: Inclusion of Competitive sports in the school curriculum. [2]

Some people believe that competitive sports, both team or individual, have no place in the school curriculum, How far do you agree or disagree.

Nowadays, students are taking particular interest in extracurricular activities and competitive sports either in a team like football, team hockey and cricket, or individually like swimming, running and gymnastics. However, some people argue that competitive sports should not be included in the school curriculum. I disagree with this notion, and explain the advantages of sports in the school in further paragraphs.

First, team sports help teenagers develop a healthy competitive attitude in every field of life because they take every task seriously and try to win. For example, they learn to thrive for success and practice till perfection in sports; therefore, they follow the same rule during class projects, too. In the same way, their team spirit and sportsmanship help them learn about solid work ethic and determination. It also guides them to hone their personal and physical fitness, and create optimism in their thoughts and behaviour as they compete with their fellow competitors and classmates.

Similarly, while practicing for sports, students keep their health fit and body in shape, and in order to keep themselves fit and suitable for sports they exercise, meditate and eat healthy diet. For example, they make a schedule for routine work and adjust their time equally for studies, exercise and practice. Therefore, their routine life becomes organized and well planned.

Finally yet importantly, sports are meant for teenagers to deal with their aggressiveness, anger, disappointment and other emotions without damaging their personality, and also encourage them to set their goals in life and achieve them with efforts and determination.
Shumaila86   
Jun 11, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Is it fair that sportmen earn far more money than doctors and teachers? [5]

successful professional athletes are deserved to earn more money

sucessful professional athletes deserve to earn more money.

successful sportmen

sportsmen

physical demanding

demanding physically.

it is not fair for who in other important occupations.

it is not fair for those who are in

meaning that

which means they are

hardly can people have

people can hardy have a life

They have to spend almost as much time as sportmen reading books in the library,

as sportsmen do

to get a flying colours degree

to get a degree with flying colors.
SO you see... you have mistakes more of verbs and also go through grammar esp use of Comma.
Shumaila86   
Jun 10, 2013
Writing Feedback / [Task 1] Graph indicating the composition of transportations [3]

1. Always mention the name of items in the graph, like car, train, tube and bus in introduction.
2.

Overall, the percentage of car experienced a dramatic growth whereas that of public transports (train, tube and bus) declined gradually.

. Write this sentence in conclusion.
3. cut the words down to 165 at max. couple of sentences can be removed or replaced meaningfully. for example,

in the period from 1960 to 1980, there was an upward trend for both car's and train's figures

u could write it precisely in other sentence.
Rest is fine. good luck.
Shumaila86   
Jun 6, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS-Smoking kills and hence should be banned! [5]

First, make a separate introduction paragraph and mention whether you agree or disagree with the notion.
Second, align your ideas in further para using trigger words and linking phrases.
Third, Use as much formal language as possible. Avoid words like ''plain'', ''plus points''.
Fourth, reduce the number of paragraphs. make them three or four at max, and make a simple sentence structure so that you can control the balance among more than two joint sentences and grammar all at once.

For example,

It is clear, the less places be available for people to smoke, the less they could smoke., as they have to find the places which are allowed to smoke in and since they are not able to reach them easily, it is a nice way to smoke less.

it is obvious that if the places where people can smoke are less or not at easy access, they will smoke less in return. Because, for smoking, they have to find a smoking area and if it is not available, they will try to control their urge to smoke.
Shumaila86   
Jun 3, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS ....Fast Food is becoming more popular? [8]

yes! this comma means you pause and get ready for the next idea. previous commas are to separate items. Do read Run-On and Comma Splice Errors. These are the most common errors noticed by examiner.
Shumaila86   
May 31, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS: TASK 2: Problems caused by Internet and its solutions. [2]

The widespread use of the Internet has brought many problems. What do you think the main problems associated with the use of the web? What solutions can you suggest?

The use of Internet is become an imperative part of our life since it is acknowledged a bigger source of information. However, some troublesome issues have come into focus regarding its widespread use. I shall explain main problems related to the use of web and effective measures in following paragraphs.

To begin with, I must say, Internet is the biggest treasure of information; however, its excessive use reduces thinking skills. For example, a student enters the topic of his project in Google and simply copies all the relevant material without any serious effort. This in turn prevents his developing the sense of responsibility. Apart from this, internet also provides wrong information sometimes because internet is an easy access to everyone. Therefore, anybody can spread anything without thinking of the outcomes. For instance, a big chaos has created regarding the video issued on YouTube, which was based on wrong ideas about the life of Prophet Muhammad (BPUH). This also led to misunderstandings between Muslims and people of other religions. Moreover, Internet viruses spread by hackers are also very common problem because they attack user's computer, destroy important data, and hack personal information.

However, if certain measures are taken while using Internet, these problems can be resolved. First, all the websites containing curricular materials should be age restricted so that students cannot cheat. In addition, parents should also keep a check on children about what they surf on Internet. Furthermore, strong anti-viral software can be put into effect to detect and stop the internet thefts to crash our computers.

In conclusion, I will say, Internet is a blessing, but its misuse is making it a huge trouble for all of us.
Shumaila86   
May 31, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS; Water Cycle/ Life cycle of butterfly/ Letter /Process fo digital photography [3]

For each idea below, continue the sentence or write a follow-on sentence using your own ideas to express Result or Purpose.

a. Children are now learning how to do mental arithmetic again.

Children are now learning how to do mental arithmetic again because a lot of video games has been introduced, which not only improve mathematical skills, but also increase problem solving techniques.

b.Some cities charge motorists to take their cars into the centre.

Some cities charge motorists to take their cars into the centre, therefore, only those vehicles will enter into the cities, which have some purpose. This in turn controls the traffic flow entering into cities.

c.Machines are manufactured to break down after a certain time.

Machines are manufactured to break down after a certain time because their efficiency decreases with time, therefore, they may cause hazards if we use them after a certain time.
Shumaila86   
May 30, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS; Water Cycle/ Life cycle of butterfly/ Letter /Process fo digital photography [3]

Write short paragraphs describing each of the following:

A: The water cycle which creates clouds and rainfall.
When temperature rises in a warm area, water in the rivers evaporates into air. This air rises high and then turns into clouds. Once clouds are formed, they travel from warm areas to cold ones. Finally, when temperature falls, these clouds condense to form raindrops which fall to the ground as rain.

B: The life cycle of a butterfly.
First of all, an adult female butterfly lays eggs on a leaf of a plant. After few days, theses eggs hatch and produce larvae which remain hibernate through the whole winters, or turn into pupae. These pupae, after few weeks, develop wings. As soon as wings are formed, pupae- now known as butterfly- starts flying, and in turn lay eggs on the leaf to complete its life cycle.

C: The progress of a letter from packaging to delivery.
As soon as the letter is closed and the address is written on the envelope, it is dropped into the letterbox. It is collected and then stamped in the post office by the postal worker. After that, the letter is transported to the city of the address. Once it is reached, the letter is further stamped in the post office and given to the mail carrier who, finally, delivers the letter to its destination.

D: The process of digital photography from taking a photograph to displaying the image.
At first, the camera is focused on a view of which the photograph is taken. After making the camera ready, picture is clicked by pushing a button on the camera. Once the photograph is taken, it is transferred to computer where it is edited according to the demand. The photograph is subsequently ready for display.
Shumaila86   
May 30, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS ....Fast Food is becoming more popular? [8]

A strict and immediate action is required to help prevent further spread.

Inappropriate sentence...It should not be in introduction.

With both partners working, preparing food at home becomes cumbersome so fast food seems becomes an easy option.

Run-On Error : Use comma before conjunction(and,but,so,or,nor,for,yet)

Moreover, fast food companies use misleading marketing lures kids and adults into eating fast food.

that lures

The vendors provide vague information or hide important facts and highlight the taste and aroma

Comma Splice : Use comma + conjunction to separate two independent sentences.
Rest is fine. Good Luck.
Shumaila86   
May 29, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS : Nowadays people are producing more and more rubbish. Reasons and actions. [3]

What can governments do to help reduce the amount of rubbish produced?

Its about how to reduce the rubbish, but you explain how to manage the rubbish. It is slight off-track. You can tell about environment-friendly packaging and green bags.

but among those the use of disposable utensils, polythene bags and packed food items are obvious.

Verb is not in accord with the subject. Either it is, the uses of...are, or, the use of...is.

These are the main reasons that encourage to use the items that causes increase in rubbish at the end.

No need to write this sentence. Rather tell what you are explaining ahead. Rest is fine.
Good Luck.
Shumaila86   
May 29, 2013
Writing Feedback / Governments money for artsists; 'Artists have been seen as talented people' [7]

spending more money on artist will devastate economy development gradually. Though, without passion of this field many people tend to

make ur thoughts parallel by using same tense.

who is beneficial a lot from this mechanism

who is beneficial by this mechanism. Passive voice rule.

no doubts

no doubt

. It is no doubts that some cases which suffering from the crowded effects, tend to jump into that field and abandon their main job then, which a culprit of the imbalance of employment rate.

no subject mentioned. n sentence is a lot complicated.
[quote=lilythuy2289] which do not have a sound financial background, still insisted taking[/quo
parallel tense should be used.
Shumaila86   
May 29, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Nature of Holidays is changing, do you agree or disagree [5]

hi shaddy, good work...i am also preparing for IELTS. I am working hard, but cant get enough in writing. Can ye help me how to gather ideas in most effective way? Please also tell me how u practiced? thanx
Shumaila86   
May 26, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Importance of studying History in school. [3]

thanx Habib. I really appreciate ur time and effort. But there are few corrections.
Do not put comma after subordinating conjunction if it proceeds the second part of the sentence which it has converted into a dependent sentence. So, we wont put comma after 'because'.

Use comma after 'Therefore', if u want to emphasis on ' Therefore'. but yes u can avoid comma here.
I will try to correct other mistakes...thanx
Shumaila86   
May 25, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Importance of studying History in school. [3]

To some people studying the past has little value. Do you think it is important to do so? What will be the effect if children are not taught history?

These days, History has declared an optional subject. People do not like to study it, and only few select it willingly. However, in my opinion, History is an important subject for children to study.

For example, studying the past requires interrogations and interpretations. Such as if history of Ireland is to study, it is necessary to know Gaelic, an ancient Irish language. Therefore, it increases other skills along with the knowledge. Likewise, History includes the conflicts among different races and religions in the past. So, after knowing about how these conflicts happened and then sorted, they can be avoided in present days.

Moreover, studying the past explains most of the situations happening these days. Such as conflicts between India and Pakistan are still not resolved since 1947. As a result, this affects the peace attempts in Asia because both are powerful Asian countries, and they always try to attack each other.

Therefore, if children do not like studying history, they will lack lots of knowledge and skills. History teaches them the facts of life along with ranges of skills, since History provides them with the ability to analyse and judge the affairs of the past on their own. In addition, they also learn to research the facts and material through planning and judgement. Moreover, History also triggers an interest to study other subjects because they develop various skills that can be applied in those subjects.

In conclusion, I must say History should be a compulsory subject for children so they will know better about the world they live in. And, various techniques should use to make it an interesting subject.
Shumaila86   
May 25, 2013
Writing Feedback / Life itself is a big recipe- COURAGE; Concept Essay/ Grand Canyon U [2]

Hi Jeremy, yer essay is quite long. do ye have any word limit? u hv got enough knowledge to cover the topic, but ideas are not linked properly. When u do not use 'Linking word or phrase', ur reader becomes bored and skips a lot of information. even u jump from one sentence to next. Do use the 'Linking word or phrases', so u can make it more organized.

Grammatical errors: Although u know much about grammar, but 'Comma Splice Errors' are frequently found in ur essay.
Two independent clauses should be connected with each other by: coma + conjunction ( and, but, for, or, nor, so, yet) , or semicolon only.
For example, I went there, but the shop was closed. OR I went there; the shop was closed

I hope it helps u...

Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳