eddies [Contributor]
Jan 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / Suggestion for adolescents to take a job for a gap year between school and third-level education [3]
Every person needs a job to be well-roundedJob experience shapes people's characters . Whilst A SUCH, some people render a suggestion for SUGGEST adolescents to SHOULD take a job for (...) education since this WAY makes HELPS them togain easy access to be accepted EASILY GET in reputable prestigious (...) since this may interupt INTERRUPT their social lives.
Apparently, joiningwith company after people aged 13-18 in their IN a gap year between school and university gives them YOUNGSTERS greatly AN IMMENSE benefit related to (...) high-standard INTERNATIONAL university.
The university is very selective in student recruitment ( A COMMA) andit THEY prefers students having WITH working experience since they THESE STUDENTS are more likely ...
... people are bound to havean immense A BETTER OPPORTUNITY chance to be accepted GET in top-ranked university.
However, working in that period comes to (...) This resulted in poor social relationships.
THIS PARAGRAPH IS GOOD. YET, THIS IS LITTLE OFF-TOPIC. I THINK YOU NEED TO COME UP WITH THE IDEAS:
- Taking off time studying
- Difficult to adapt in academic life
- Others stuck in temporary situations
- Results in low degree individuals
The aforementioned evidence shows that (...) they should manage a balance life.
THIS CONCLUSION FAILED TO REWORD THE THESIS. I SUGGEST REWRITING THIS SO AS TO ALIGN WITH YOUR THESIS.
Apparently, joining
The university is very selective in student recruitment ( A COMMA) and
... people are bound to have
However, working in that period comes to (...) This resulted in poor social relationships.
THIS PARAGRAPH IS GOOD. YET, THIS IS LITTLE OFF-TOPIC. I THINK YOU NEED TO COME UP WITH THE IDEAS:
- Taking off time studying
- Difficult to adapt in academic life
- Others stuck in temporary situations
- Results in low degree individuals
THIS CONCLUSION FAILED TO REWORD THE THESIS. I SUGGEST REWRITING THIS SO AS TO ALIGN WITH YOUR THESIS.