Writing Feedback / IELTS: Young people commiting serious crimes should be punished as adults [9]

this is the introduction that I've got from my teacher here,I've used it for along time and the result shows better than the shorter one. so that, I suggest you to follow this pattern, hope it will work with you

case/issue = use what,who,where,when,why, and how to help you construct the issue
your position/opinion = agree/disagree, advantage/disadvantage, your opinion, your idea, etc
thesis statement = this essay would examine . . ..
this essay would discuss . . . .

Writing Feedback / Technology become Culture - big effect to our lives [7]

ridwan, you should mention what type of your writing, whether it is ielts or toefl essay, so that the readers will know easily when they want to correct this essay

Writing Feedback / Parents are the best teachers? YES! 'mother always give you motivation, and love' [13]

ridwan, you should mention what type of your writing, whether it is ielts or toefl essay, so that the readers will know easily when they want to correct this essay

Writing Feedback / 'People need food, fashion, and health' - advertisements may improve our lives [6]

also, you need to pay more attention with your capitalization, maybe it seems a little mistake, but it could be your big problem when you deal with the real test. so, you should be more carefully

Writing Feedback / Article: "What do you want to when you grow up?" medical student [5]

ok, you have written some good points, but it would be more interesting if you give them more details,

Writing Feedback / Travels broaden the mind - Advantage and disadvantage of travelling [9]


be careful with the task, what does the task want? that's you should give or write


in my opinion, it would be better if you put this sentence in the paragraph, not in the different paragraph as you've done

Writing Feedback / IELTS: unemployment rate comparaison between US and Japan mar.93-mar.99 [5]


which tense that you want to use here, be consistent because it could make the readers confuse,

*be careful with the using of the tense, in which paragraph you should use present tense or past tense

Writing Feedback / Should wealthy nations be required to share among poorer; education and food - government [7]

try to write more, I suggest you to write at least 270-280 words on writing ielts task 2, so that you could explore your idea widely,

also, separate the differences of each paragraph, so the readers will easier to understand your topic easier

Writing Feedback / IELTS exam; changes to the educational system; good & bad effects [3]


you cannot put phrase which started by 'with' then irectly put 'verb' after that
the passage of time education system has completely changed with the help of advance technology


correct it


which tenses that you use?

pay more attention woth your structure and spelling, it seems easy, but it would be your big problem when you deal with the real test

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1; Country Food/ Drinks/ Tobacco/ Clothing/ Footwear/ Leisure/ Education [5]

I agree with Pahan, you should put your table here,,also, you should correct your tenses more correctly,,which tense you want to use? or you need..

Writing Feedback / Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the the number [5]


different sports to attract


must consult with a doctor


must be included

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Should whistle blowers be immune from punishment? [3]


although,

you have written a good essay, but this will be better if you add some examples which are happened around the societies, so that the readers will easily understand and catch your points that you want to deliver here

Writing Feedback / PTE essay----Do governments have a legitimate role to legislate to protect citizens? [3]


amount of tax

amount of...should be followed by uncountable noun

Writing Feedback / Advantages and disadvantages of the internet. Increasing the living standards? [6]


your task is advantage and disaadvantage, so you should mention both of them in your thesis statement,
example : the increasing use of computer technology brings several benefits and backwards

Writing Feedback / Effects of the gold rush to Australia. 1850's Gold Rush changed the country face [4]


where is the 'subject' and verb' i feel confused

Essays / SUPERHERO STORY - Superhero adventure for the English lesson [6]


in my opinion you just need to imagine what superhero looks like, or you only need to imagine that you are superhero, then what can you do to the other people around the world. or maybe you can watch some superhero movies, so you can take as many as ideas from that movies that you have watched.

Scholarship / Short answers for QuestBridge Scholarship [5]


i saw that you didn't answer

Writing Feedback / People who do not prefer change are pessimistic and who like changes- optimistic [6]

I read your essay very interesting, you made the reader interest to get the contains of your essay deeper,,
hope you would improve your skills on writing

Writing Feedback / My friend veipune [5]





the using of however is after dot (.), so don't put however in the middle of the sentence

Speeches / A Sorrow Day [3]


i feel confuse


questions

Writing Feedback / TOEFL; In general , people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of phenomenon [6]

your essay interested me to read more,but what make me confuse is, you didn't put the question, this will be better if you put the complete question/task before the essay,,

Writing Feedback / Modern parents are more devoted to their children's education than parents in the past. [4]

like what I have said before in antoher essay, when you post your essay, it will be better if you post the introduction as well, so that, the readers will easily understand what type of writing that you have written

Writing Feedback / Higher salaries, risky job is better; 'people are motivated by their distress' [5]

when you post your essay, it will be better if you post the introduction as well, so that, the readers will easily understand what type of writing that you have written

Writing Feedback / planting a tree; Young people are more concerned - issues like the environment [5]


which one is the verb? it should be ...it is fortunately....

Writing Feedback / IELSTS WRITING TASK 2: COMPETITION OR CO-OPERATION [5]

yo used too many connectors, be careful with them, because,sometimes it can make the readers confused, try to make your sentences more simple to understand, so that, the readers will easier to catch your points

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephon [5]


be careful with the using of preposition. it is rarely 'peak' is followed by 'of'. it should be 'peak at'


it seems to me that this sentence doesn't clear, i don't understand

Writing Feedback / distance-learning versus attending college or university [5]


in my opinion, these kinds of question have differences. when you deal with agree or disagree question, you should show your position whether you agree or disagree, so that the readers will understand easier. however, when you deal with discuss views question, you just need to mention these views and support them by giving some supporting sentences without show your position or you do not need to support one of these views.

Essays / A good introduction to an essay about myself? [10]

i suggest you to directly write your points that you want. just start with 'I am going to explain...I am going to describe...'

Writing Feedback / İELTS ESSAY- TASK 1 -MAP- AN İSLAND AFTER AND BEFORE CONSTRUCTİON [6]

good report, but you miss one important part, overview/conclusion
you can put overview in the second paragraph (after introduction) or in the last paragraph

Writing Feedback / Task 2 : Importance of studying history [5]

Alison, you have arranged your idea well, I got he points that you want to deliver, you put a good cases to give more details

I really appreciate it

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Junk food consumption Vs Health [7]

that's right,,this is one of the common mistake of ielts takers

Writing Feedback / Where do you want to live? traditional vs modern - 'health environment choice' [21]


that's great,,thanks in advance for the correction, I was really unaware

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Junk food consumption Vs Health [7]

when you want to submit ielts writing task whether task 1 or 2, you should give the question to attract readers to correct your essay.

also, I suggest you to pay more attention with punctuation, so that, the readers will understand the points that you want to deliver in your essay

Writing Feedback / Moving to a new place is always challenging - you have to adapt quickly. [5]


make sure that you understand the word and you know where you should put it.
It is rare to see 'whereas' in the beginning of the sentence. also, 'wheeas' can be used to link two ideas or two 'subject-verb's


make this sentence clear. I don't get the point that you want to deliver here

Writing Feedback / IETLS; Agree or Disagree on every year several languages die out? [5]


be careful when you try to use long sentence. try to organize well and consider the right pattern. here, I suggest to separate it into two or more sentences to make the readers easier to understand.

in third paragraph, you use capital in a wrong way. do not put capital in the middle of the sentence except the name of people or places.


On the other hand, some languages are....


In conclusion, every language is ...

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] The traditional skills and ways of life dying out. [8]


which one is the ' verb'?
or you can say, ...they can help to educate young people...


better you say 'to endeavour and conserve' rather than 'to endeavour to conserve'

Writing Feedback / IELTS [TASK 2] alternatives to fossil fuels [3]


this sentence is too long,
try to make it clear, I cannot catch what do you want to deliver here

most of sentences in this essay are too long. this will make the readers more difficult to understand, try to organize well

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Increasing fuel price is best way to solve traffic.agree or disagree? [5]


i think, you need conjunction or connector between these sentences, so this will be more interesting and easier to understand


actually, I'm confuse with this sentence


one of the root cause what does it mean?
this is same as this phrase, one of students here,,,
so, if you put 'one of' then, you should put noun plural


if you want to use 'besides' you should directly put a comma after that, different than 'beside' when you put 'beside' you could put a noun/nouns after that

Writing Feedback / Memorable day in my entire life! [5]

I think so, you should use more than just simple sentence, I suggest to try some complex sentences.
it will be better.

Writing Feedback / Nowadays there are more opportunities for women than there were in the past. [5]

pay more attention with small mistakes such as comma, space, and so on