Writing Feedback / Some parents forbid young children from owning smartphones while some disagree - TOEFL essay [4]

Some parents forbid young children from owning smartphones (cell phones with Internet access), while others disagree and believe that they are important tools for keeping in touch. Which point of view do you think is better, and why?

Young children in my opinion are like budding flowers, they will grow the way you want them to . I prefer that these children should be encouraged to see the outer world rather than giving them a life of hi tech internet atmosphere.

In my opinion, the use of internet not only distracts the children from the outer world but it also inhibits their ability to think original and creative. The children used to spend excessive hours on cell phones and use it as the handy answer for everything that they face because of easy access to Google all the time. It increases their dependency and devoid them of the natural thinking for their lifetime.

Secondly, the use of smart phones at a tender age not only disturbs the social culture of a kid but also makes them unaware of other outgoing activities that could lead to a healthy lifestyle. For instance, the habit of using mobiles become so involved that instead of gathering in parties with different people , they would sneak out in a corner to play games or tweet. This hampers their ability to adapt to diverse society and diverts them to a bed-ridden lifestyle.

Thirdly, I think that this may be the good source of communication for parents but most of the times, the youngsters tend to avoid calls from the concerned family and will turn the mobiles off if they do not feel like to talk. Thus, the purpose eventually did not get solved by providing phones, instead I think they make them distant from the parents. The parents also become less concerned and less attentive because of the reason that the child has phone and will contact them if anything comes up.

Thus , I feel that the younger children should not be given phones to steal their innocence rather they should be persuaded towards original world and parents should let their children see the beauty of the nature away from the technology world.

Writing Feedback / Same national curriculum; imbalance in the development rather than the intended unity for the school [2]

Time taken : 30 minutes A nation should require their students to follow the same national curriculum until the students enter the college.

Every child has its own potential of learning and every teacher has its own capability of teaching. Following the same national curriculum for the students until they enter college could lead to imbalance in the development rather than the intended unity for the schools.

We are aware of the diverse personalities of students , some are inclined towards excellence and some are more towards the basics. Following the same curriculum could hamper the development of the individual trait of a student. Some students tend to learn fast and some lacks behind everyone in class. In order to improve this, teachers need to divide the students and teach them according to their capabilities. If the teacher would still follow the same study plan for every student, there are less chances of improvement in the class. Thus, I believe that same pattern of study could not only prove futile for the less intelligent persons but also would lead to overall poor result of the nation if less students are benefited by this.

Secondly, teachers too have their own level of perception and way of teaching. Some are expert teachers and can improve the grades of the students under them. They can distinguish which pupil can do better and should be provided with more of knowledge , but if curriculum would restrict them from this, then it will not only abandon the child from privilege but also would restrict the growth as a teacher. This is because teachers if not get a chance to study and teach more beyond their present level , it would restrict them too from getting the superior knowledge.

Thirdly, not all teachers can be well capable enough of following the same curriculum . Everyone has its own style of teaching and may fail to follow the required scenario thus, would harm the child progress if they fail to perform well according to the conditions. Then , those children would perform less and their future could be compromised.

On the other hand, if every teacher would be taught to follow under the same standards and to maintain the uniformity of study in the nation, it can lead to a nation with equal education and equal knowledge. No doubt this marks the equality in education but not practical as every child and teacher has its own requirement.

In a nutshell, I would say following the same protocol for students is a good example of marking national unity but when it come to individual student's progress, I rely more on individual assessment and following the plan of study according to the child and teacher's capabilities plus the conditions under which knowledge is taught.

Writing Feedback / Which is more effective - consultancy from consultants or listening to employees [2]

Some companies hire consultants who can suggest ways to work more efficiently . Some believe if companies would listen to employees more, then there would be no need to hire consultants . Time taken : 30 minutes

Today it has become the trend for the companies to hire outside consultants for the suggestion to operate the respective companies more efficiently. Some believe that consultancy is the necessity for the growth while some believe if the companies would listen to their employees more, such consultants would be unnecessary.

It is argued that are the companies run by employees or the workers should do what a consultant ask the company to do? According to my opinion, a successful company is the one who treats the employees like a family and rely on them to improve further. It is necessary for the company to listen to the feedback and suggestions from the people who spend more time in their job to run the company. Studies have shown the employer-employee bond has proved to be beneficial for the company. The feedback should include what prompts the employees to work more efficiently and what prevents them from achieving their goals. Efficiency of the company is determined by the work load and effectiveness to handle that work load by that organization. Thus, it is recommended by the business to focus on the hands running the business. Furthermore, consultants demand huge fees which is sometimes compensated with the low salary of employees. For this reason, I would suggest the company should spend more time in listening to their own people who are eventually responsible for the outcome. Had the employees be not satisfied , this would lead to low output for the economy of the company.

On the other hand, consultants are more experienced thus, more erudite in their judgments and suggestions. They work for various companies and know what would be the best effective way to gain a position in the market. Despite their huge amount of fees, they sometimes provide an expert opinion which can do miracles for a business in a huge crisis.

Employees are the drivers of the company whereas the consultant could be the passenger who is rich enough to flourish the business for these drivers even by a single ride. Employees sometimes need a guidance for which consultants come into role. Employees could be novice sometimes or may be their perspective towards the company could be biased depending upon their satisfaction in the job whereas the consultant would be unbiased and would provide the practical suggestion. Sometimes, people are more concerned about their job only and take it for granted and thus, can not give an opinion about the company as a whole whereas the consultant's job is to give advice only for which he is being paid, thus would give more fruitful suggestion. Therefore, I believe both are necessary for the company.

In a nutshell, I would say that getting feedback from the employees or listening to the employees , though is the foremost requirement for growth but concurrently, hiring a consultant for extra advice who will be more experienced than the employees would prove beneficial too. Employees are the drivers of the company whereas the consultant could be the passenger who is rich enough to flourish the business for these drivers even by a single ride.

Writing Feedback / New breed of millet to combat vitamin A deficiency -GRE argument essay [NEW]

An international development organization, in response to a vitamin A deficiency among people in the impoverished nation of Tagus, has engineered a new breed of millet high in vitamin A. While seeds for this new type of millet cost more, farmers will be paid subsidies for farming the new variety of millet. Since millet is already a staple food in Tagus, people will readily adopt the new variety. To combat vitamin A deficiency, the government of Tagus should do everything it can to promote this new type of millet.Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

Time taken - 30 minutes

The government of Tagus should do everything to combat vitamin A deficiency in the nation but what is important here is to take required and necessary measures by keeping in mind the causes of such deficiency prevailing in this nation. The author recommended the promotion of new type of millet high in vitamin A for the Tagus, however, the author failed to substantiate its argument thus, making the recommendation controvert.

Firstly, the author claimed that a new breed of millet high in vitamin A has been engineered by the international organization in response to Vitamin A deficiency . However, the author failed to describe other effects of this breed, certain questions need to be answered before the use of this new breed. What is the amount of vitamin A in the new type of millet and what is the recommended dose for it? Is the amount in breed is way too much high than the normal level of vitamin A required by the body? What is the form of vitamin in the millet and what is the process of absorption and how much will get digested or excreted when taken in food? What are the possible side effects and what other nutrients being carried in it ? Is the same millet recommended for every person or that depends upon the deficiency level of the human body? These are some questions need to be answered before recommending the new type of millet in the population which makes the suggestion by the author questionable.

Secondly, since millet is already a staple food in Tagus, thus it could mean the population is already consuming much of millet which refutes the usage of new breed in the population. There might be another causes for this deficiency including the body type and other nutrients deficiency required to absorb the vitamin A. The author need to provide data that what are the factors has led to such deficiency? is this due to less consumption of vitamin A rich food? Is it because of the body reaction or allergy to Vitamin A in Tagus? Is it because of the low absorption by the human body due to some genetic mutation or environmental defect ? For these reasons, introducing the new type of millet would not help rather other measures like improving the absorption process by the body or checking on any mutational defect for the nation.

The author mentioned that the government of Tagus should do everything to promote this new type of millet, but the role of the government should be to everything to alleviate this deficiency from the nation. It is possible even if government promote this new type, it would not benefit the people or could also lead to other problems and also loss of economy if the type did not bring the required results. The author should refute the other possibilities for the deficiency , also the author should know if all the population is consuming the millet or not. It is possible that the people in Tagus are not generally consuming nutritious food thus, leading to deficiencies. It is also possible that the people are not getting access or are aware of the nutrition required by the body, thus, it would be unnecessary cost for promoting the new type of millet when people are not concerned or do not consume millet . For this , the government should create awareness about a healthy lifestyle and also try to persuade people for taking vitamin A rich food which can be anything like carrots. Thus, it is required to survey the population and farmers too if they produce the required amount of millet and are people having access to the food or not. Also which type of population is affected?

In a nutshell, I would say that it is possible that the new type of millet would eradicate the deficiency from the nation, but the author need to present more information and survey from the people regarding their lifestyle and awareness about the nutrition. This would help to substantiate this recommendation.

Writing Feedback / Decision based on emotions leads to poor decision making. [NEW]

Time taken exact 30 minutes. Thank you in advance for feedback on every correction/suggestion.

People who make decisions based on emotion and justify those decisions with logic afterwards are poor decision makers

Decision making is the important aspect of life and different people have different criteria for making their decisions in life. Some prefer to decide the things emotionally and some lead a pragmatic approach with cogent reasons towards the decision making. I believe that every situation has its own parameters for the right decisions, but a good decision maker is the one who do not let the emotions overpower them and decide practically keeping in mind both the emotions and logicality related to the situation.

According to me, people who make decisions based on emotion and justify their decisions with logic afterwards can not be considered as the poor decision makers, because at last what matters is the right decision but not how the decision was made. Some decisions are for family and some are for career, it depends the relativity of the case with the person. I would like to state here my own decision of becoming a doctor. I pursued the medical field only because of my emotional attachment with the people who care for others and provide services despite my poor grade in science. Had I decided to think logically and pursued engineering instead , I would not be happy as today. My decision of becoming a doctor later justified to be the best option as career inspite of the emotional fact related to it. Emotions create passion and passion develop interest which further lead to success in whatever we do but being overly sentimental creates depression and thus lead to failure in life. Thus, I would not fully agree with the statement that decisions taken emotionally are not the correct decisions because the emotions sometimes justify our reasons and develop our thinking to act logically.

On the contrary, some decisions are taken throwing the emotions on one side. For an instance, consider a huge company who had a downfall and is on the verge of raze. It will be required by the company to take decisions for handling the crisis and thus, avoiding the descent of the business like merging the company with another successful company or selling the company and compensate for the losses with the amount offered. At this time , where everything is at stake for the company , it would be futile to act emotionally to not to let go of the company but to take a logical step for saving the company. Therefore, I would say that poor decision makers are those who react emotionally in every situation leading to failure in life.

In a nutshell, I would say that a good decision maker is the one who can distinguish between the emotional and over emotional thinking and thus, could take the decisions practically for the good.

Writing Feedback / Increase in number of accidents in Balmer Island - GRE argument essay [NEW]

Every honest feedback is appreciated. Thank you in advance.

The following appeared in a letter to the editor of the Balmer Island Gazette.

"On Balmer Island, where mopeds serve as a popular form of transportation, the population increases to 100,000 during the summer months. To reduce the number of accidents involving mopeds and pedestrians, the town council of Balmer Island should limit the number of mopeds rented by the island's moped rental companies from 50 per day to 25 per day during the summer season. By limiting the number of rentals, the town council will attain the 50 percent annual reduction in moped accidents that was achieved last year on the neighboring island of Seaville, when Seaville's town council enforced similar limits on moped rentals."

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

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The author in this letter recommended the town council of Balmer Island to limit the number of mopeds rented by the island's moped rental companies during the summer season on the basis of the reduction rate attained by the neighboring island following the same legislation. This is possible that the enforcement of the law would result in limited number of accidents , however, the author failed to make a cogent case for this problem .

This is the depiction of "hasty generalization fallacy" wherein the author recommended the enforcement of the same law as the neighboring island Seaville Island (SI) to limit the number of accidents happening in Balmer Island (BI) without presenting the detailed scenario or conditions prevailing in the SI. The author claimed that Seaville's town council enforced certain limits on moped rentals, however, the author did not mention what was the rationale for SI to impose such laws and what were the other factors that ultimately led to reduction of accidents in SI. It is possible that the accidents in SI were exclusively because of the mopeds or it was because of the increase in the number of rental companies thus, leading to more rented mopeds on road. It is also possible that along with the limits on companies, the SI's town council also enforced laws for traffic control and sanctioned the laws for rule breaking defaulters. Thus the author need to specify full agenda for SI for the similar recommendation.

Secondly, the author recommended to limit the sale of mopeds on rent on the basis that the accident rate is mostly due to mopeds and pedestrians. Though , the mopeds serve as a popular form of transportation in the BI , it is possible that the increase in the number of accidents could be due to other means of transportation like heavy vehicles , cars etc. Thus , this refutes the assumption of increase in accidents due to mopeds use. The author should do a survey of the native people, visitors and rental companies too about what is the frequency of the accidents in the Island? Is it annual or during the summers only? Are the mopeds involved more in the accidents or other vehicles? Do the rental companies keep a track of their mopeds that what number of mopeds come damaged or lost or stolen ? It is possible that due to increase in population, may be the reckless drivers frequency also get increased or there might be the possibility of increase in careless pedestrians on the road leading to more number of accidents. Thus , in this case the town council should pass laws for reckless driving or may limit the use of vehicles on the road or in some crowded places where the chances of accidents are high.

Furthermore, the author professed that the population increases in summer months, but the author did not clarify if the population increase is because of the increase in the native population or due to visitors in the Island. It is possible that the visitors to the BI may be travelling in their own vehicles leading to more crowded roads and thus, more number of accidents. It is possible that the people visiting the island may not be aware of the island's landmarks and thus, leading to chaos followed by multiple accidents. For this aspect, it is recommended for the government to limit the number of vehicles coming from external areas rather support the use of native mopeds for the visitors or native vehicles with a guide to prevent the chaos. There is also a possibility that the Island itself is not capable of handling large population or visitors , thus, leading to more number of accidents. Therefore, the town council should plan on the extension or improvement of the roads to prevent the accidents along with the limitations on use of mopeds.

In summary, I would state that though author's assertions could be true but the author need to be more specified with the conditions prevailing in the SI , what caused the reduction in accident rate in SI. Additionally , the author should be clear about the causes of the accidents happening in BI thus, to recommend the best possible solution.

Writing Feedback / One must study the major cities to understand a particular society. [2]

Time taken 30 minutes. Thank you in advance for your feedback, small or big I am looking for every correction in my essay.

To understand the most important characteristics of a society, one must study its major cities.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

Every society is characterized by different culture, traditions and customs. We live in a society which have its own beliefs and contention, some are traditional and some are modern and practical depending upon the education and nature of the people forming the society. I believe though cities are a part of the society but society is defined by the people who live in a the city.

I would like to describe it with my own experience as a girl raised in a metropolitan city with good education and services provided in our city. Our city though a small one but is considered to be the country's most well planned city and every second person's dream for a good life . By the definition , the city is supposed to have a well educated society with rational thinking and pragmatic life, but this is controvert. The city is inhabited by mixed culture due to influx of various people from the small villages to huge metropolitan cities. This has led to a diverse cultural society with different beliefs and traditions. I was surrounded by the people from very strict conservative thinking to ones with the most modern approach towards life due to the manifold culture being established here. Thus , I believe that to understand the important characteristics of a society, it is refutable to study its major cities.

Furthermore , as it goes with the adage: 'Survival of the fittest' , people change places , their cities in order to find better opportunities away from their own society and plans to settle at a place where one would get enough money to support their family and also other luxurious benefits. Least of the people care for the society but for their benefit. Thus , in this race for gaining excellence and shifting cities it is hard to distinguish the society according to cities. For instance, presently we are living in a foreign country with different culture and is surrounded by the diverse culture from different countries, some are here for education and some are here for money and jobs. We are living in a neighborhood of the same culture as of us and this does not let us feel different from the society we used to live. Thus this again rebuts the premises for understanding the society culture on the basis of study of the cities.

Paradoxically, cities do tell us about the society if we study it as a whole. For instance, New York City if we see tells us about the modern beliefs and fast running life of a society. Grossly, the city is defined as a society with vivacious lifestyle as a sparkling star with high class people and high cost of living. But to study the major characteristics we need to identify the people living here having a particular lifestyle. There is a high number of homeless people contradicting the rich culture of the society plus the city is more boisterous compared to elegance , thus making it controvert if cities can decide the characteristics of the society.

In a summary, I would say that studying the cities may give us a gross idea about the society but due to 21st century and race for competition , the cities can not be defined as the parameter for the societies' characteristics.

Writing Feedback / Government should not be biased when it comes to investment in cities - GRE issue essay. [2]

Hi, help me with the feedback please. I have written this essay in timed manner of 30 minutes as in GRE.

Claim: Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive.

Reason: It is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

"Equality is for all" we have been taught this thing since our childhood and I think that the same truism implies on the government too governing a particular country. The claim above states that the government must ensure the financial support for their major cities because of the reason that it is in these cities only that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated. I agree with this claim but I believe that the government's role should be more towards the development of the whole country as a whole and not be biased.

Culture and tradition both comes from the history and somewhere it has been lost or modified in the dust of modern lifestyle. To get the feel of real culture and tradition , I would suggest go to the minor cities or villages of a country where you will get to learn more about the culture of the nation and forgotten traditions. Consider the capital of a country considered to be a major city , one will get to see a new lifestyle and a modern technology instead of the ancient culture like Delhi the capital of India. But when it comes to learn about Indian culture and tradition, people would prefer to visit villages and minor cities like neglected areas of Rajasthan , Madhya Pradesh and other states. These are the places where one would get to see the real tradition and culture which is still being followed in these places. Thus the claim of investing in major cities sounds vague to me because these cities being developed already and have less of tradition and culture as compared to real culture seen in minor cities.

Moreover, metropolitan cities mostly constitute the major population and well developed facilities whereas the small cities sometimes get neglected and is seen as the "black spot" in the high fashion oriented lifestyle of the major cities. The major cities already developed that much to ensure the facilities and services they needed whereas the minor cities may be striving for the fundamental need. Thus I believe that instead of the major cities, the government should invest more in the minor cities so that they also get a chance to develop and deface that black spot from the country. This would not only lead to upliftment of the society but would lead to more economy for the country too thus more financial support for the country.

Furthermore, it is possible that there may be some cultural monuments or places in major cities but as it is being already developed, then it might obviate the need of more investment . On the other hand small cities with the real tradition may be lacking in finances thus, may lead to destruction of the ancient culture preserved there. In addition to this, it is possible that the minor cities being neglected could have hordes of traditional sites or artifacts which may be undiscovered yet,thus, the government should invest more in these cities to discover the hidden facts and to preserve the culture being established in these places.

In a nutshell, though major cities may be the best when it comes to luxury, tourism or comfort but it may be still lacking behind the real tradition and culture found in minor cities or villages. Thus the government should invest more in minor cities so that they could preserve the real culture and tradition of the nation which is not being modified by the modern lifestyle of the major cities.

Writing Feedback / I am a medical professional today despite my low record in science in high school -GRE issue essay [3]

Kindly give your feedback . You guys have made me learn a lot till yet and looking forward to learn more about my mistakes. In this essay I also doubt if my essay is making sense or not according to the prompt. I have written this essay in timed manner of 30 minutes, thus I could write only this much. Is it too short for GRE ? Thank you in advance .

Educational institutions have a responsibility to dissuade students from pursuing fields of study in which they are unlikely to succeed.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

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Educational institutions are considered as the second teachers of a student after family. They have a huge responsibility towards the student's development of personality and future of their career. Students come to learn and get guidance from the educational institutions to plan and establish a successful future of theirs. I believe that the responsibility of educational institutions is to give guidance to students for selecting their own field of study.

Every student has different capability and interest that they might not be aware of. Both capability and interest are two different phenomena in a student's life. For an instance, consider a student who is well capable to excel in economics. Theoretically this student should pursue economics as a career to be successful in the future. Thus , the educational institutions should guide and persuade him to take economics. On the other hand, consider a student who is capable of doing biological sciences as per his record in academics. But at the same time same student might be interested in pursuing maths despite the poor record in maths. Therefore, even if he will pursue sciences in future he would be less likely to succeed in the same. The interest creates passion and passion is the benchmark for success. Thus the educational institutions should not dissuade students on the basis of what the institutions think about the student's future. They should rather let the student build his own capability according to his interest and satisfaction.

Secondly, I believe that rather than dissuading the students, the educational institutions should engage them towards the variation in different fields of study. This would help them to distinguish and select the field according to their interest which they would enjoy to the best. I would like to add here my personal example: I always wanted to pursue medical field but in high school I was poor in science subject rather always topped the maths subject. My teachers tried to dissuade me from pursuing medical sciences seeing my academic records and poor performance in science . Paradoxically, today I am a successful and happy medical professional and I love providing services to people apart from my good capability in maths.

In a summary I would suggest that though responsibility of the educational institutions should be about guiding towards the right path and dissuading the students from incorrect line of study; this may sometimes become the reason for failure too. Thus I would say that the educational institutions should not dissuade students from the fields of study at which they seem unlikely to succeed rather they should let the students decide their field of study by guiding through all the aspects and should persuade the students for following the same.

Writing Feedback / Comparison between Adams Realty and Fitch Realty estate firms - GRE argument essay [2]

Hi help me with the another argument essay. I would appreciate if you can score it on the level of 6.

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Real Estate Sales

The author in the above letter suggested her friend to sell their home through Adams Realty estate firm which is superior to other Fitch Realty firm according to the author. However the author did not provide the warranted data for this assertion and thus makes the argument questionable.

Firstly the author claimed that the Adams Realty (AR) though having more real estate agents than Fitch Realty (FR) working full time is thus considered superior to FR. This assumption seems flawed as number of estate agents can not be considered as the criteria, but how efficiently and diligently one estate agent works matter. For an instance if one person is working full time but with less focus would come out with a low output as compared to a person who utilizes the time efficiently and brings the best in minimum time. The author should state the number of estate agents in each firm who are known to be the best agents with respect to loyalty, honesty and labor. Which firm gives guarantee or not and which firm follows the propriety. Who are the agents who remain nice to customers and can be easily contacted when needed and which firm does not provide the customer satisfaction. I would like to state here a saw : What matters is quality not the quantity".

Secondly the author claimed that Adams R. revenue last year was twice as high as that of FR including more average in home sales compared to FR. This is not a justified statement because the author did not mention the total sales by the firms instead the average amount. It is possible that the AR sold more homes in less price thus contributing to more average whereas FR sold less homes in better prices thus average is not that high. The author should provide the data referring to the number of the sales and what locations and what kind of homes being sold by the firms as many factors may result in the low average price. It could be due to difference in the house locations or the type and condition of home. The author should know what type of homes they sell and are the prices comparable or not if everything is same. The author should also check for the responses from the people whether they are satisfied or not and if any firm cheated on them with the less price.

Thirdly the author stated their personal opinion but did not mention other factors which may prove unfavorable while they listed their home with FR. It is possible that the time of listing with the FR. was not so auspicious and there were low sales in the market. It is also possible that the house sold through FR was less furnished and in least favorable location which led to delay in sale plus the low price. The author did not mention whether the home sold through Adams R. was more furnished or located at a very good place or not which could be the reason for a good price and fast selling. Furthermore it is possible that the same home would be sold at a higher price if sold through FR . The author should be clear about the type and other amenities provided by the home before comparison.

In a summary I would say that it is possible that the author is right about the AR but the author should provide more information about the type of homes sold through both firms and which firm works more efficiently to substantiate the argument.

Writing Feedback / Money is important but should not be considered as the end in itself - GRE argument essay [3]

Hi help me with the essay writing for GRE . Is the essay too short for GRE ?
Thank you in advance.

Some people believe that corporations have a responsibility to promote the well-being of the societies and environments in which they operate. Others believe that the only responsibility of corporations, provided they operate within the law, is to make as much money as possible.

Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.

What you believe in. Give an example for your belief. Then state a little about the other aspect.
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How can one enjoy fruits of money when means to acquire money has deteriorated the health and well being of society and environment. In todays capitalistic society, corporations are the main drivers of the economy. They provide employment, generate resources and raise money for the society. But if the motive deviates from the society, this may prove unhealthy for the society as well as corporations too as stated in a common adage: "Who will guard the guards". This states that people from the society only runs corporations and if the corporations would be indifferent to these people , then who would make money for the corporations.

For an instance consider the corporations that deals with the coal and petroleum. Now if the corporations in order to make money would decide to export more fuels and sell them at a way higher price then required then it would be detrimental to society as people would not be able to afford that much thus affecting their growth which eventually may lead to decline in the growth of the corporations as well.

As a gainsay take Google as an example which has risen from being an internet search based company to a technology behemoth with innovation as the benchmark for success. It does not give priority to money making over innovations. It constantly strives to make people's life easier and enjoyable by giving cutting edge technological solutions at a very low price. It is a company with highest job satisfaction by employees and also does not harm the environment unduly. On the contrary take the example of huge subprime crisis that consumed many renowned banks in US because of the desires to make huge profits that led to abortive consequences. Therefore I believe that the corporations do have a responsibility to promote the well being of the societies and environments in which they operate.

Paradoxically money is important for economy , it gives a perspective and a goal. Money breaks monopoly and it gives rise to competition and cost effectiveness. To exemplify take the example of big stores like Walmart which has become the biggest retailer today because of the largest sales but also has risen the competition in the society. It has prove a boon to the society along with making money for the economy. I would like to add another truism here: 'Losing margins is like horse friendships with grass. If the corporations would think about only the welfare of the society then how would it make money and eventually would led to descent of the business.

Thus in a nutshell, I would say though money is important to raise the economy but it should not be considered as the end to itself because as a matter of fact, if society and environment would not be auspicious then it would not be possible for the corporations to attain the summit.

Writing Feedback / Study of RHESUS MONKEYS- birth order affecting stimulation level of individual: GRE argument essay [2]

Hi kindly give your feedback on this regarding grammar usage, sentence structure etc. Thank you in advance.

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The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.

"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."

Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.

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The author in the letter deduced about the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation through the study of eighteen rhesus monkeys. This is the clear reflection of post hoc fallacy as we can correlate the stimulation and birth order but we cannot determine if the birth order caused increased stimulation. Here the author failed to provide reliable data for his proposal , thus making the predictions questionable.

Firstly, the author claimed that the first born infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol as do their younger siblings when encountered with the unfamiliar monkey. The secretion of hormone during encounter with unfamiliar faces could be due to anxiety or excitement related to the change in emotional level of the monkeys. It is the tendency of the living body to react to different stimuli which further depends on their perception level. The secretion could be due to anything although we still can find a cause by going through more studies like were the first born babies and their younger siblings were of the same age when they were given the stimulation? Bigger body and elder one tends to produce more of the hormones sometimes . There could also be the difference of the nature between the first born baby and the younger siblings. Most of the time first born babies are more aware and concerned about the surroundings thus, could lead to increased cortisol by seeing the unfamiliar face as a danger. On the other side the younger siblings tend to be careless and less anxious about the surroundings thus, could lead to less cortisol secretion.

Secondly, the author claimed that the first born monkeys produce higher levels when face the situations of meeting a parent after an absence. This again depends on various another factors like the emotional attachment of the baby with the parent stimulating the hormone secretions inside the baby. This also depends on the present situation of the baby about whether he was expecting or not or he got a sudden shock of stimulation. Moreover the author need to confirm if the offspring of a same parent were compared when given the stimulation or not or different parent's off springs were compared?

Furthermore, the baby monkeys can react according to the genetic factors too which may vary in different off springs. Hereditary does play a role in responses of the offspring.

Thirdly the author professed that during pregnancy first time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than those who has several offsprings. This can be true but can not be the only reason because one cannot know about how the body reacts during pregnancy . This depends on the capacity of the body and the stress carried while pregnancy. While first time pregnancy the anxiety or fear is inevitable in most of the cases which can lead to increase level of cortisol hormones and during second or third pregnancy this fear may somehow become less than the first time. Additionally, the body may pass through different stages of stress and shock leading to different levels of cortisol in the body. What goes inside the body one cannot know because if one body is producing high cortisol due to anxiety of pregnancy , one may produce due to energy and high vigor . Also, if the stimulation is already made the first time like in first time pregnancy, it is possible it will produce less cortisol while the second stimulation. The author did not mention whether the first time mothers and second time mother were given the first time stimulation simultaneously or the stimulation was given to one mother only at their first and second pregnancy respectively.

Lastly, the author need to tell whether the monkeys taken for experiment were of the same age and given the same environments? Were all the monkeys equally healthy and had equal level of emotions before the study? Were all the mother monkeys able to cope the pregnancy stress in a similar manner or every body reacted differently? Thus we can see multiple reasons for the cortisol secretion and thus author need to do a more elaborate study.

In summary, I would state to solidify this argument the author should present a far more detailed study relating all the differences mentioned above ; plus the author should carry out the study in a more precise and detailed manner with a large population of monkeys to prove the argument true.

Writing Feedback / Increase in number of skateboard users in Central Plaza leading to descent of business-GRE argument [2]

Hi I am giving GRE in mid of November. Kindly help me by providing feedback for the argument task of analytical writing so that I can practice some more with better writing. Thank you in advance.

The following appeared as a letter to the editor from a Central Plaza store owner.

"Over the past two years, the number of shoppers in Central Plaza has been steadily decreasing while the popularity of skateboarding has increased dramatically. Many Central Plaza store owners believe that the decrease in their business is due to the number of skateboard users in the plaza. There has also been a dramatic increase in the amount of litter and vandalism throughout the plaza. Thus, we recommend that the city prohibit skateboarding in Central Plaza. If skateboarding is prohibited here, we predict that business in Central Plaza will return to its previously high levels."

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

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The author in this argument requested the city to prohibit skateboarding in Central Plaza on the basis that the number of shoppers in Central Plaza has decreased with the increasing popularity of skateboarding. However author did not provide a concrete proof for this argument and many questions need to be answered before making this recommendation.

This argument is a clear reflection of the post hoc fallacy wherein the author stated that the increase in skateboarding in the recent years is the cause for decline of business in Central Plaza. It is not clear whether the skateboarding led to decrease in the number of shoppers or downfall of business in Plaza led to skateboard users occupying the Plaza in large numbers.

Firstly, the author claimed that many store owners think the use of skateboarding has decreased their business. However it is not reliable to go with the assumptions of some store owners. The author need to ask questions from store owners that what is the category of population they see doing skateboarding; are they the customers or some outsiders or the store owners themselves. It is possible that store owners themselves plunged in skateboarding and thus deviating from their business which led to lack of concern for the business and eventually led to low number of shoppers. Additionally the author need to survey the customers about what deterred them from shopping whether it is because of the skateboarding or they do not get the material or items they are looking for in the stores. Ask the customers if they are attracted to a new Plaza or shopping sites or they are not satisfied with the store owners due to their increasing carelessness . A survey for the skateboarders too should be done to ask what brought them to use the Plaza as a place for skateboarding whether is it because they could not find any other empty place to do the activity or they are just doing this to threaten the owners or customers or empty Plaza enticed them for skateboarding.

Secondly the author claimed that there is increase in the amount of litter and vandalism throughout the Plaza. Although the author did not mention the clear source of the litter and vandalism, thus it is advisable to firstly know who are responsible for the cleaning and maintaining the Plaza and why are they not doing their job? Are they finding skateboarding much delightful and thus skipping their jobs or is it because of the skateboarders who carelessly wanders around the Plaza damaging the property. It is also possible that customers drop the litter because of increased carelessness of the management or the store owners. Also survey the customers if they have stopped coming to Plaza because of low care and increased litter and vandalism which makes the Plaza less attractive.

Lastly the author recommended the city to prohibit skateboarding so as to regain the business of the store owners. But if the author can get back to the main reason for this drop in business, this recommendation is wrong to be made here. For instance, the author can recommend the city to provide space or ground for the enthusiastic persons looking for open place to skateboard. But if the store owners themselves indulging in these activities , the author should recommend to prohibit the store owners from indulging in such activities as this is deterring the business of other store owners too. Thirdly the author should recommend to clean and maintain the Plaza on periodic basis so as to maintain the flow of customers. Also if this is because of the low quality and less variety on the store then it is recommended that the store owners pay attention to their store and bring the material which satisfy the customers.

In conclusion , the author professed that the prohibition of the skateboarding in Plaza could return the business back to its position but somehow failed to provide the evidence for this. So the author need to provide the concrete data and decide accordingly to substantiate his argument.