Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by Nofrinorman
Name: NofriNorman 69
Joined: Nov 3, 2015
Last Post: Feb 5, 2016
Threads: 27
Posts: 17  
Likes: 8
From: Indonesia
School: College of Social Welfare

Displayed posts: 44 / page 1 of 2
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
Nofrinorman   
Feb 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / Ability to save a variety of vocabularies in the brain. Kids learn a foreign language early [NEW]

Some experts believe that is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary school. Do advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages ?

It is argued that children should commence to learning a foreign language in the early age because they have ability to save a variety of vocabularies in the brain. However, the negative side of this is they will be lack of understanding to master the mother language. In my point of view, I prefer to stand on this advantage because the difficulty of mastering local language can be solved by obtaining the language education proportional.

Learning a foreign language in the primary school allows the children to absorb a variety of vocabularies into the brain. This is because the children's brain has a strong memory to remember the range of words that they have. For example, a recent study by Children Research Organisation in California found that the best period to develop a linguistic understanding of the children is in the age of 6 - 12 years old. This effective learning mean that teaching another language to the children earlier can stimulate their ability to master quickly.

Having said that when the children gain the foreign language in the beginning of growth, they can be difficult to master the first language in well structure. Foreign language grammar has different forms with their original language so that both languages can confuse the children to apply in sentences. For instance, The Sindo Newspaper reported that 80 % of primary students in Nusa Bangsa Internasional School acquire an average-score in Indonesian language, while for the English language is in a high score. However, it will not happen since they learn both the local language and foreign language in balance.

All in all, for some scientists regard that the effective way to give children the foreign language learning is in the early age because they have a fresh brain to understand the language. Even though it will be a problem to learn the national language, the one step can overcome this by equal learning in both languages at once. I would suggest that although having ability to speak the foreign language is beneficial for the children, they should not ignore to learn the original language.
Nofrinorman   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / TASK2: Computer games may bring negative effect for children. In reverse, these games are valuable. [2]

It is argued that computer games bring negative impacts for children. In reverse, these games are valuable. In your opinion, what are the advantages and disadvantages of such games?

The enjoyable computer game is considered to have demerit effects on pupils because it can affect them to be lazy, while others argue that these games have positive effect on children brain to think logically. I believe that the games will be useful since the children play it for sufficient time, but it is bad effect for regular use.

The benefit of playing computer games can sharpen the accuracy thinking of children. In computer games, children tend to use some strategy approaches logically. As far as they play the game to the highest level, so they will be more responsive on instructions immediately. For example, the Clash of Clans as the one of games online teaches people how to defeat the enemies with some effective strategies. I would argue that it is beneficial for the children brain, but it will bring them the sendentary life.

Having said that, the drawback of these computer games is they are likely to ignore some movement activities which are good for keeping health and fit. This is because of the games on the computer can affect them to be addictive when they have to finish the stages. For instance, I started to play the computer games when I was 8 years old, and I felt that the game designs could spend my times in a day long because I was curious to pass the missions. I would state that this negative effect should be overcome by parents to limit them playing games.

In conclusion, the possible way children to train the children's brain is by playing computer games. Meanwhile, it is not good way when they often spend the times on the computer because they will ignore to carry out some heavy activities. I argue that the children should gain a surveillance from their parents in order to restrict them playing games continuously.
Nofrinorman   
Dec 7, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS-TASK2 : The causes and solutions of criminal activity. [3]

Each year, the crime rate increase. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity ?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.


Continuously, a wide range of the crime rates occurs for years. Internal factors of human being and external factors of condition are the causes of this criminal act. In my view, the way to address this problem is by involving a law enforcement and educating humanity values to every stratum of society.

Most of these criminal activities are influenced by pressure condition so that they do not have other choices to be kind people. Someone's living condition, such as unemployment, poverty and lack of unity sense, are very enable the people to have to do anything for survival, even by commiting a crime. Likewise, if the people do not have the humanity morals, it also affects them to convict the criminal act. The awerness of humanity values are not educated by them so that they do not have to think long-term to be criminal. All of this factors can end in the criminal offence.

To tackle these problems, the government must assertively enforce the law in the society. Citizens who intend to commit a crime rate will be horrifying with the sentences. Furthermore, people need to be educated about the humanity morals in order to control their mind and behavior. For example, every week there are some homeless join to some religius events to gain some values about goodness behavior. As a result, they use to try hard making money to fulfill their daily needs without being a convicted criminal.

To sum up, the criminal act does not only come to external factors but sometimes it is caused by people own self. The government must focus on the living condition and humanity values so that the crime rate will decrease immediately.
Nofrinorman   
Dec 7, 2015
Writing Feedback / ACAD IELTS TASK 2 - Many people worry about the growing number of obese children [4]

Hi Liz, let me give you some feedback to your essay that should be polished :)

They sayMost of people arguethat the generation of today is way different way than before. There are a lot of technological advancements; there are changes in culture and suchso on . One of the most noticeable change is how people look nowadays. Before, a lot of individuals are fit and are on their right weight. Nowadays, even kids are getting out of shape. So what can be the reason for this?MAKE YOUR THESIS STATEMENT.

With the tendency of convenient life, kids eventually ignore the obesity. It cannot be avoided, so parents have to tackle this problem.(This sentence will be your GENERAL IDEA to support your detail idea in the body paragraph)
Nofrinorman   
Dec 7, 2015
Writing Feedback / An explanation regarding developing populations in the Chorleywood village near London - ielts 1 [2]

Hi Arundyna. Let me give you some polishes feedback...

An explanation regarding developing populations in the Chorleywood village near London between 1868 and 1994 . A developing populations in the Chorleywood village near London between 1868 and 1994 is illustrated in the diagram . Overall, it clearly can be seen that, there was four periods of time, which the inhabitants had been expanded . and Each of area was near ofnearby 3 major lines of transportation.

At the first time of areabeginning of developing area , from 1868 to 1883, there was a small field covered by the Chorleywood. It offered just main road which very closed with the Chorleywood Park and Golf course. FurthermoreFollowing the years , the village had created motorway in 1970. The countryside was an increased area along the main road in the south between 1883 and 1922. At this time, the railway line constructed in the fieldland from the east to west.
Nofrinorman   
Dec 4, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS-TASK1 : The circulation of air leaking into and out of the house and loses heat. [2]

The diagram displays a process of air getting into and out of a house so that heat is lost and energy wasted. It can be seen that air leaking into the house through some holes on the ground floor and first floor, and then air leaking out through the parts of roofs.

There are two spaces that air leaking into the house. Firts, at the dryer vent, two vents are installed for the air leaking into the room. Second, at the kitchen and the living room, the air leaking through the window and a gaps door. In the other side, each room in the second floor have a hole for air leaking out of the house. At the bathroom, there are an electrical outlet and a fan vent at the kitchen which are workable to absorb the air or energy out of the house.

Turning to the upper parts of the house, there are five parts of hole that air leaking out of the house. The bathroom fan vent and recessed lights connected to emit the air. The attic hatch is functioned to release the air from the living room. Two parts as the main hole that air leaking out of the house are the plumbing stack vent and the chimeny. These are connected for all of the rooms.

A closer look at the diagram reveals that the heat from electricity is moved out following the flow of the air. This heat energy is wasted via the electricity outlet in the bathroom. However, the majority of the heat is pulled out through recessed lights and an escape attic hatch by passing out first from the house's chase. In addition, the heat can be come out over the pipes of the bathroom fan vent and the plumbing stack vent.




Nofrinorman   
Dec 4, 2015
Writing Feedback / The number of private vehicles has been increased annually since everyone depend on them every day [2]

Hi, Dewi. Let discuss this essay, particularly your introduction...

The number of private automobile has been increased annually since they depend on it as their movement way. However, utilizing of private automobile creates sort of issues. In the following paragraphs I will discuss about these issues and the way out to overcome.Based on that issues, the number of own car per house can be limited while there should be available of transportation that people can use easily.

Note: As far as I concern on studying IELTS, your thesis statement will be getting lower score if there is no general idea as regarding your basic mindset. For instance about general idea.
Nofrinorman   
Dec 3, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS-TASK2 : Is it right that use of natural power is better than use the fossil fuels ? [2]

Alternative energy sources that use the natural power of the wind, waves and sun are too expensive and complicated to replace the coal, oil and gas that we use to power our cities and transport.

To what extent do yo agree or disagree with this opinion ?
Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.


Some people argue that the coal, oil, and gas which is functioned for existence of cities and transport is cheaper and easier than using the natural power of the wind, waves and sun as an alternative energy sources. As long as the natural resources is potentially available, I strongly believe that alternative energy of using natural power needs much money and difficult operational, but governments will keep to process the fossil fuels as the sources of renewable energy.

In the operating of natural power plants, most of the governments allocate much budget because they have to employ the engineers with well-paid to build it machines and to maximize the usage of the wind, waves and sun. For example, recently UK has spent cost roughly $ 1,300,000 per MW for a utility scale wind turbine. In a wide range of citiziens, it will require much more funding to supply the energy from it. Therefore, total costs for installing a commercial-scale wind turbine will increase significantly that depends on demand.

In spite of the natural energy have a pontential to be energy resources, those will not be sufficient to fulfill the energy necessities. In this modern era, people have been reliance on advanced technology that we know it needs the energy to be able to use. As a result, the governments should provide the energy as much as needed. Apart from the natural resources as alternative energy sources, the government should manufacture the fossil fuels too.

To conclude, it is evident the governments expend much funds to supply energy which is produced by the natural power plants. However, it is impossible for now to abandon the fossil fuels as it is primary of the energy sources for cities and transport.
Nofrinorman   
Dec 2, 2015
Writing Feedback / Electronic media: distant relationships is possible but it confuses people sometimes (IELTS) [NEW]

The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.


Some people belive that a negative impact of using electronic media affects people in personal relationships. I would agree that electronic media tends to restrict relationships while it does not happen since the users can situate themselves fittingly in the use of electronic media.

Electronic media can connect people in a long distance so that means they do not speak to each other with face to face. In terms of this, people relationship will be spacious each other. Likewise, people sometimes do not read or reply to emails and text in their media electronic. It is because that maybe their power energy of electronic battery is getting off. Furthermore, people sometimes cannot talk much by electronic media because generally the electronic media will be heating when they are using it too long. Therefore, the use of electronic media is not always effective in the people interactions.

However, people nowadays cannot avoid an advanced of technology on electronic media which is very helpful in their activities. For instance, people need to communicate immediately with others in order to make an appointment or to infrom a message. With the media electronic, the matters of long distance will be solved. It is clear that the electronic media have benefit for human life when they use it in the right way and time.

To sum up, although relationships between people will be distant because of the electronic media, there are some advantages that supply the communication necessary. It depends on people how and when the electronical media is properly used by them.
Nofrinorman   
Dec 2, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS-TASK1 : THE SURVEYS OF IMPORTANT COMMUNICATION SKILLS FOR PEOPLE OCCUPATIONS. [NEW]

A comparison of the results of two surveys between 1997 and 2006 in term of people were asked about important communication skills for their occupations. It is clear that all kinds of communication skills experienced a growth during 1997 to 2006, except for an advising or caring for costumers or clients skill, it is one of the external communication skills.

In part of the internal communication skills, a largest change in the percentage of people asked from 38 percent to 47 percent is listening carefully to colleagues skill. Following this, instructing or training people skill also increase from 25 percent to 30 percent. In 1997, analysing problems together with others started at 20 percent and then it rose to 26 percent in 2006. On one hand, there was too a climb in persuading or influencing skill from 16 to 21 percent. Next, a small change is witnessed by planning the activities of others skill from 7 percent to 11 percent and there was only one percent of change for planning the activites of others skill.

Turning to the external communication skills, it consists of four aspects. A greatest rise of percentage appears in knowledge of particular products or service skill by 6 percent from 1997 to 2006. In the same period, dealing with people skill experienced a rising by 5 percent and advising or caring skill for costumers or clients was by 3 percent. However, a decreasing of percentage in selling a product or service skill is the only one from 24 to 21.




Nofrinorman   
Dec 2, 2015
Writing Feedback / The information presents what visitors claimed to dislike or like on the Fairmont Island - IELTS [2]

Hi Fina, you get this point of grouping but as far as I concern that your explanations is complex and likely hard to understand. I know that you have tried to compare the data. However, you do not need to make the complex sentences. You should make it understandable by readers. This is some feedback...

The pie charts give information about what visitors claimed to dislike about and things(avoid use this word) that people liked about ...

The pie charts give information about a comparison of visitors who claimed to dislike and visitors who liked of Fairmont Island which is based on tourists' opinion. (this is my offer into your paraphrase)

Whilst the largest proportion of drawbacks goes on living expenditure, representing more than two fifths ...

The high cost living has a high percentage of visitors who claim to dislike at 45%, then following by entertainment at 30%. Weather becomes the third ranking that visitors believe its drawback at 20%. The latest standing of disadvantage for holidaymakers is food quality with a very small percentage at 5%. (This paragraph is more comprehensible)

Another pie chart shows four distinct plus icons that tourists enjoy spending time there. While the main reason ...

Turning to the most visitors liked, a significant proportion is seen in the two aspects of advantages. The people exceeds at 40% and the scenery exists at 37%. A minority is witnessed by culture at 12%, which it brings benefits for travellers and it almost has similar number with good accommodation by 1%. (This explanation is separated)

Thanks, these might be helpful :)
Nofrinorman   
Dec 2, 2015
Writing Feedback / Short explaination of Bell - English learning [2]

Hi Resti, nice to read your writing closely. Allow me to give you some feedback.

A bell is part of percussion instrument that designed to produce a clanking sound. The use of bells is commonly known worldwide. Bells are used for different purposes, such as tomarking the course of time in a clock tower, towarning people ofin emergency situations, and sometimes for entertainment. This short report describes basic components of bell.

The body of Bell is usually made offrom metal, but in some case on one hand the body could be made offrom ceramic or glass. To avoid cracking, it has cup shaped cylindrical known as bell-shaped. The reason forof the increasing diameter of bell from the top to the bottom is so that the bell resonates at different frequencies and makes bell more musically pleasing.

A crown is a bell's component, that holding the bell. A crown requires a strong and durable material, because it has a function for to holding the bell; it is not only it'sby own self-weight but also the force fromofthe clapper and wind load.
Nofrinorman   
Nov 30, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS-TASK! : Two kinds of weather condition near Pacific Ocean. [2]

A comparison between normal conditions and El Nino conditions on both sides of Pacific Ocean is displayed in the diagrams. It can be seen that when the Pacific Ocean is in the normal condition, the storm clouds bring the rain water to West Pacific which is caused the strong trade winds is from East while weather in the East Pacific is bright. On the other hand, since El Nino condition, the strong winds from West move the storm clouds with rain water to the middle of both side of the Pacific Ocean and cause the rain in East Pacific.

During El Nino conditions with storm clouds, the West Pacific side experiences a strong winds which cause a warm water are pushed to eastward, whereas the strong trade winds in the East Pacific, during normal condition with storm clouds, affect the raising of cool water with rich nutrients and push back the warm water to the West Pacific.

Turning to the impacts of normal condition and El Nino condition, there is a rise of the amount of fish in the surface during normal condition in the Peru whereas the Australia is rainy. On the contrary, when El Nino conditions are occurring, the fish in the Peru's surface is lower while the Australia's weather is bright which causes the infertile plants.




Nofrinorman   
Nov 30, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS-TASK2 : Fast food should be imposed a higher tax by government to reduce health problems. [2]

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Agree or disagree ?

An increasing number of people suffering from health problems occurs in some countries because consuming fast food frequently impacts on health problems. Tackling this problem should be government responsibility to impose a higher tax on this sort of meal. I believe that government is positively formed to prevent their citizens from unhealthy meal, but the imposing a higher tax does not surely decline a fast food consumer.

Firstly, the higher tax on fast food can affect its price so that people prefer to eat their food which is cooked by themselves. Secondly, most of the food restaurants will emphasize to serve all sorts of healthy food. This policy can restrict the available of unhealthy meal because most of them do not want to pay the high tax. Another advantage is the government will acquire much money from tax of fast food so that they can improve health services for people who are suffering from health problems.

The available of fast food are not fully provided the unhealthy meal to the consumer. Although there are some junk food restaurants, there are partially restaurants that dish up a healthy food. For example, sea food restaurants, their food contain much nutrition for healthy. It is unfair for some restaurants. Therefore, government should not impose the higher tax on all kinds of fast food because most of the people nowadyas do not have time to cook so that they often buy the fast food.

In conclusion, I would argue that step of increasing tax will not diminish the number of fast food consumer, nevertheless the government should restrict any selling of unhealthy fast food. However, people health depend on their decision-making for what kind of food should be consumed.
Nofrinorman   
Nov 28, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS-TASK2 : Whose responsibility is it provide food for school children? [2]

To learn effectively, children need to eat a healthy meal at school. How true this statement ? Whoes responsibility is it provide food for school children?

Children should consume a healthy food so that they can improve their learning ability. I believe that children health affects the effectiveness of youngster to broaden their horizon at school. Therefore, school management and government have a big role to actualize this positive circumstance, particularly children's parents.

School is a second home for children so that they should be provided healthy food for supporting the learning process. By doing so, it is supposed that children will not easily get sick and furthermore they can focus to learn effectively. For example, a 2015 study conducted by Georgea University found that consumption of O-mega3 can improve people's brain intelligence. It is thus clear that healthy food is important to be consumed by children.

Based on these, school management have to concern with providing healthy food at school which can be benefit for children's learning ability. Government also take this seriously for food supplies at school as they have a great power to execute a regulation for the avaliable of healthy food. This step will control every schools to provides a good quality of food. There is no doubt that children's parents should give them a package-meal so that they can consume a guaranteed health food. As a result, they will avoid to buy some unhealthy food at school.

To sum up, student's learning ability will be affected by the healthy food. Because of this, it is obligatory of school management to provide the healthy food. While the government also concern to the responsibilty of healthy food supplies, children's parents can prevent them to consume unhealthy food at school.
Nofrinorman   
Nov 27, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS-TASK2 : DISCUSSION ABOUT DRESS SMARTLY OR QUALITY OF WORK ? [2]

Some organizations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some organizations regard that their workers should show smart appearances by their dress whereas others prefer to emphasize job performance. I believe that the way employees dress affects work enthusiasm even tough some professions may do not need to wear stylish clothes.

The employee's appearance is an indication about people occupation. A large company certainly obligates their worker to wear an attractive dress. Bank Indonesia for example, one of the largest companies, their employees have to wear a stylish dress, particularly someone who serves some costumers in every branch that they construct. In terms of this, it shows that work demands must be obeyed to appraise people about their quality of company.

However, it is unacceptable for some social organizations that they should wear stylish clothes. This circumstance responds that simple dress make their employee to be enjoying since they work in a poverty society. For example, Yayasan Kumala is one of social organizations which works to accommodate street children. They need to adjust with simplicity style to be able to assess what problem that children have. Therefore, dressing casually is the way of social organization to achieve a goal of mission.

Personally, it is evident that question depends on where people work and what work requirements for them. There some organizations want to give the best quality with a stylish dress of worker, whereas others organizations show their quality of work without a good appearance because sometimes they need to be realistic on their own job.
Nofrinorman   
Nov 27, 2015
Undergraduate / 'You can't create experiences, experiences create you' - Washington Univ. undergraduate application [3]

Let me give you some feedback. As far as I concern to your personal statement, It is impressive experience. I agree that experience is the best circumstance for exploring intended life. Your experience is interesting for me because I am a social writer and I and my team at College of Social Welfare frequently conduct some training for building charachters group.

My suggest for you, it comes to your first body paragraph. I closely read your explanations on it and I think you should describe how the participants affect your mindset or behave. It means that you get the point of surrounding people which tag along yourself over you had been in the camp.

I hope this can wide your own perspective in the explanation of your experiences, thank you :)
Nofrinorman   
Nov 26, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS-TASK1: The percentage of happiness ratings of married and unmarried people in the US [3]

A survey of married and unmarried people and how children affect the cheer of married couples in the US is presented in the two bar charts. Overall, it can be seen that married people feel happier than unmarried people. Patently, most of them can be happier since they have youngsters, especially children aged under 18.

First, a highest of rating exists for married people aged 18-29 at 45 percent. There is a similar number of married people aged 30-49 and aged 65 and over is at 44 percent, while a small difference of percentage at 40 percent of married people aged 50-64. On the other hand, unmarried people aged 65 and over seems happiest at 34 percent among others, which the unmarried people in the age of 30 to 49 is at 22 percent and the similar percentage of unmarried between people aged 18-29 and aged 50-64 is at 21 percent.

Turning to ecstasy ratings for married couples who have children. Parents' children aged under 18 do not show a distant difference of percentage for parents without children, it is only one percent to indicate their felicity. Then, there is the lowest percentage of parents who have children aged 18+ only at 41 percent.




Nofrinorman   
Nov 26, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : Today's issue is a technology addiction. [2]

Let me give you some feedback...

Almost everything is done with a help of a modern technology, THIS SENTENCE CAN BE MODIFIED , most of daily activities is easily settled down by the shopictication of technology.

For your thesis statement, let's pay much attention to this "Yet, I would disagree, because this reliance encourages innovation and creativity." I guess its not relevant answer because the intent of question is how advanced technology negatively affects the essential of learning basic skills. This is not about what the effects of technology reliance..

This is my suggest "I would disagree because reliance of technology is the acceptable circumstances to face this modern era so that basic skills will be useless.
Nofrinorman   
Nov 26, 2015
Undergraduate / Saving "My World" & Piano Plateaus - UC Personal Statement (Freshman applicant) [5]

Let me give you some feedback..

...at the most beautiful view in all of the Rocky Mountain National Park...
...the abundance of protected a wilderness here...
...No matter what obstacles I face in the pursuit of a healthier.

Perhaps wanting a huge desire to save the world is called ambitious, but I won't allow any obstacles that discourage me because my enthusiasm for the environment is so deeply rooted in the experiences that I shared with my family. I never imagined that a simple camping trip could change my perspective so much, or open my eyes to my goals for the future. No matter what obstacleshindrances that I face in the pursuit of a healthier, more sustainable world, I will always have that memory to serve as a reminder of the importance of nature in our livesour natural lives .
Nofrinorman   
Nov 24, 2015
Writing Feedback / The proportion of students passing their high school competency exams - TASK 1 [2]

Let me give you some feedback...

A breakdown of the proportion of the high school competency exams-passing students broken down into seven subject and by gender spanning between 2010 and 2011. Overall, it can be seen that the higher students who succeed in competency exams was computer science and represented by male students . Overall, it can be seen that computer science mostly succeed in the competency exams which it represented by male . Surprisingly, except Geography subject, all of the subjects are led by the females' student which the percentage was higher than males' student . witnessed that the females' student was higher than males' student except Geography subject.
Nofrinorman   
Nov 23, 2015
Writing Feedback / Commonly, people prefer to run their own business rather than become an employee in a corporation. [NEW]

Some people decided to start their own business instead of working for a company or organisation.
Do advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?
Give your reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


Commonly, people prefer to run their own business rather than become an employee in a corporation. While working in an organisation is easier, I believe that being owner business outweighs any drawbacks.

There are several benefits when people operate their own business. First, a high positive income can be received because they are as the financier of business. On one hand, another advantage is people fully hold a control to manage a system of organization. The originators definitely have a line command to improve their trading. A further advantage is that people do not get an instruction from a boss who sometimes makes an unpleasant because the way a superior have. These mean that being an owner of the business is more beneficial.

However, if people do not become a part of worker in the corporation, they cannot learn much how to work together in the organization so that they have less knowledge in the business. Also, they cannot understand the system of corporation to drive leading the way so that they do not have enough ability to carry out some methods to run a business. The other drawback is people obtain a long time to succeed with their own business. As a fact that being a well-known is not a simple way. Begin to run a new business requires a striving and a capability.

To sum up, even tough driving own business has a long achievement in the competition business, I argue that founder of business gives more satisfying rather than become the company employee . It is imperative that people should learn much from the company which it has a kind of the same business with them.
Nofrinorman   
Nov 20, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS-TASK1 : PROPORTION OF ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES IN FAIRMONT ISLAND, ACCORDING TO VISITORS [2]

A proportion of the most general benefits and drawbacks by survey of visitors in Fairmont Island is represented in the two pie charts. Overall, it can be seen that high cost of living tremendously disadvantages for visitors rather than other problems, whereas the main benefit for visitors is the local community.

The high cost living has a high percentage of visitors who claim to dislike at 45%, then following by entertainment at 30%. Weather becomes the third ranking that visitors believe its drawback at 20%. The latest standing of disadvantage for holidaymakers is food quality with a very small percentage at 5%.

Turning to the most visitors liked, a significant proportion is seen in the two aspects of advantages. The people exceeds at 40% and the scenery exists at 37%. A minority is witnessed by culture at 12%, which it brings benefits for travellers and it almost has similar number with good accommodation by 1%.




Nofrinorman   
Nov 20, 2015
Writing Feedback / Teaching method will not exist in 2050, agree or disagree? Ielts task 2. [3]

Hi let give you some feedback

1) The first body paragraph, your reason for the main idea should use "can" word, not "will", because you explain why you stand on your main idea.

2) There is no conlusion for both of paragraph which it should clearly explain a group of your opinion.
Nofrinorman   
Nov 19, 2015
Writing Feedback / 'The machine can be placed near the coast' - A WIND TURBINES AND OPTIMUM LOCATIONS (IELTS) [3]

The diagrams present a turbine machine for generating electricity from wind and where it can be placed. The machine consists of a generator, three blades which are made from fiberglass or wood and wind sensor for measuring speed and direction, there is also a steel tower for heightening the turbine machine.

The process starts when a maximum wind strength through the blades. As a result, the wind turbine twists speedily which is connected to a generator and wind sensor detects the speed and direction of wind. In operation of the machine, there is a computer that displays direction and angle of output sensor adjusts blades. Both blades and generator are adjusted so that produce the electricity as much as 1.5 megawatts.

The machine can be placed near the coast where the landscape is not spoiled and in this case it tend to produce less electricity, the machine can be placed on the hill where the wind are blustery in the maximum wind strength so that produce more electricity. In the other side, the machine can be placed near the house that functioned to accommodate 100 kilowatts electricity energy.




Nofrinorman   
Nov 17, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS-TASK2 : Whether the media should notice ordinary people than famous people ? [4]

The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


Lifestyle of public figures such as actors, singers, or footballers brings the press to take much seriously. I would argue that common people also have a right to be well-known in a part of society when they achieve a success, whereas I totally disagree since they will exaggerate to reveal about their lives.

On the positive side, the lives of the common people should be reported, especially for successful people. It is an award for themselves and a motivation to influence other people. For instance, there was an activist group who blocks Hurley's riders on the trip because of they always trespass traffic light. Consequently, their action affected the government and people so that they have to concern in laws upholding. This incident will spread around the citizens which it will make a positive social change.

However, the negative side to this matter is particularly for media companies. If the media more provides about common people news, the public will not be amused with the ordinary people who have the achievement. For example, most of the Indonesian prefers to notice the celebrity lifestyle than learning much about the lives of outstanding people. The revenue source of companies definitely depends on the public figure in order to attract advertisement applier and to entertain the public.

To conclude, even though the popular people much more give the positive income for the media, they also should reveal a positive information of the ordinary people. Therefore, it is the way to attract public attention which it will stimulate the social expectation of common people.
Nofrinorman   
Nov 17, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Famous People Like Celebrities or Athletes Almost Are Reported by The Media [2]

Hello fahmi, I guess this is an familiar topic for you and you give your best idea to answering the question..
I will give you some suggest for the coheren of your idea...

1. The media provides good and bad information for society, this is your main idea right ?? it is not clear whether you explain about popular people or common people. It is too general for topic sentence...may be it will be compatible if you put in the part of conclusion...

2. In this conclusion "To sum up, the media needs to report the life styles or activities of popular people if the information has good values and positive impacts for people. Moreover, the media has to balance with conveying inspiring stories, so people can imitate the ideas or spirits." you wrote the simple sentence, but it is like a recomendation. The right way is you have to explain more spesific your thesis statement with compare of your body paragraph..

Thankyou..
Nofrinorman   
Nov 17, 2015
Writing Feedback / Which is more effective - consultancy from consultants or listening to employees [2]

Hello.., i really enjoy your topic came up..
I will give you some suggest for the content..

1. You had the best idea on this task, but it should be completed with an example after you mention the reason of your topic sentence or main idea.

2. You should arrange which one the fact or the opinion in paragraph. A good structure will be visible if you write the opinion and then following by the fact.

Thankyou..
Nofrinorman   
Nov 14, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS-TASK2 : RECRUITMENT OF TEACHERS IN ONTARIO BETWEEN 2001 AND 2007 [2]

The line graph highlights the regular teachers who registered in Ontario from 2001 to 2007 and it is measured in percentage. Overall, it can be seen that recruitment for English-Language teachers experienced a fluctuation during the period, whereas the French-language displayed a steep plunge each over a three-year period.

According to the data, both of the regular teachers started at 70% and they decreased to 52% in 2002. However, there was a different progress in 2003 when English-language teachers rose to 69%. In contrast to this, France-language teachers dropped more to 40%.

Between 2003 and 2005, both of them increased steadily which the English-language teachers to 70% and the france-language teachers to 43%. Following this year, there was a slow fluctuation in the percentage of English-language teachers until it peaked at 75% in 2007. However, the percentage of France-languange teachers returned a jump to 31% in 2006 and they reached a trough of 28% in the end of graduation period.




Nofrinorman   
Nov 12, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS-TASK1 : UNHEALTY LIFESTYLE OF CHILDREN [3]

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem.
To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


Nowadays, the lifestyle of youngster is unhygienic. It should be concerned to take action by schools and parents. I assertively notice that the children require a protection by close groups surrounding such as families and schools.

This trend, the children frequently consume various fast foods on the street. All day, they run much time at school and play around with their friends without control as their parents are working. For example, In a developed city, parents do not pay enormous attention for their children's health as both dad and mom have to work as high of living cost. As a result, without the surveillance of parents, they freely dine all kinds of snack which it may not be hygienic guarantee.

On one hand, the school also takes a role seriously to children's well-being. At break time, they eat some foods or snacks in a school canteen which it probably unhealthy for children. Therefore, the school certainly ensures that foodstuffs must be good for children's health. For instance, an International School carries out a survey in the school's food stores in order to prevent the availability of unhealthy foods. Consequently, the children can be unrestricted to consume the foods or snacks. It can be helpful for children's parents to keep them healthy.

To sum up, the children basically desire to savor all of kinds of foods or snacks without understanding unhealthy ingredients. Moreover, the surveillance of parents and schools is very needed to keep children's health.
Nofrinorman   
Nov 10, 2015
Writing Feedback / The trouble people have when they move to a new region in other countries - Ielts1 essay [2]

IELTS-TASK1 : Integritation problems according to people's ages who living abroad

The bar chart displays the trouble people have when they move to a new region in other countries. There is a different problem that base on people's age. Overall, it can be seen that the greatest problem for young people aged is forming buddies, while adults aged over 35-54 is finding places to live. It is contrasted with the oldest age group where shows a huge percentage of learning the local language as the most difficulties of living abroad.

With regards to making friendships, young people aged 18 to 34 experience more big problem over 45 percent than older aged under 40 percent. However, both of them almost have an equality percentage of finding somewhere to live by less one percent from fourty-nine percent. In the other side, the oldest age over 55 illustrates that forming friends at 23% and finding accommodations at 22% are the easiest one when they are living in abroad.

Turning to learning the local language, it evidences a bigger issue of living abroad in oldest aged group by percentage of 55 percent rather than people aged 35-34, which is over 35 percent. Whereas the lowest percentage of 29 percent is experienced by youth aged, it is a small problem for them.
Nofrinorman   
Nov 8, 2015
Writing Feedback / Comparison of additional school attendance from 2000 to 2009 - IELTS-TASK1 [2]

The table illustrates the comparison of additional school attendance from 2000 to 2009. It is evident that community school attendance experienced an increase , while the third of school forms showed decrease over the following of the period.

To begin, in 2000, the percentage of voluntary-controlled school attendance were largest at 52% among others and the second was grammar school attendance at 24%, whereas special schools and community school attendance had similar figures of proportion less than a second. Following this, voluntary-controlled schools were popular subjects at 38% and there was quarrel by 6% of community schools in 2005. A minority subject obtained in specialist schools at 11%, which was followed by grammar schools less than a month.

In the end of period, 2009, a significant proportion were taken by community schools attendance at 58% and all of the subject schools were very low amounts for attendance percentage under 15%, the only exception to voluntary-controlled schools at under a quarter.




Nofrinorman   
Nov 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS-TASK1 : Revenue Sources and Expenditures of a USA Charity in One Year. [3]

The percentage of revenue sources and expenditures in a USA charity during one year displayed on the pie charts. As it is noticeable, the largest amount of proportion seemed to donated food among other revenue sources and there is a very large majority to program services among other expenditures.

Management of USA charity looks revenue sources which the greatest sources to organize are donated food at 86.6% and it is followed by community contributions of 10.4%. An amount left of minority are program revenue at 2.2% while there are similar percentage between investment income and government grants which both of them contribute to 0.2%. Then, other income also attached with a very small number at 0.4%. Overall, the amount of chased are $53,561,580.

Turning to expenditures, it is almost one hundred percent by a margin of 4.2% that sources are allocated to program services, whereas the other expenses such as fundraising, management, and general have a minority under 3%. Overall, the amount of chased are $53,224,896.




Nofrinorman   
Nov 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS-TASK1 : Persons Arrested in Five Years ending 1994 [5]

The charts show the different percentage of individuals arrested along with several accusations over five years in the end of 1994. Overall, it can be seen that despite the figures of males arrested proportion is higher than female, the largest percentage seemed to uncaught persons in various cases.

At first glance, public drinking case becomes the most infraction that individuals carried out, especially females reached over 36.5% whereas males are approximately 31%. Then the second case is drink driving which is more dominated by men around 26% than women solely under 15%. Next the third case is assault, it is unexpected as the bar chart illustrates that females lead to number of presentation over 19% and males by 3%.

Turning to breach of order and theft, males have similar ratio by 3% from 17% which the figures of percentage display that males are greater, while the females have similar percentage around 13%. The last, other reasons rather equalize the ratio of violations that mentioned under 20% and the lowest proportion is without answer which males around 4.5% and females over 5.5%.




Nofrinorman   
Nov 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / The graph illustrates the Silkworm's life cycle as long as about 328 days from spawning to moth [NEW]

The diagram illustrates the Silkworm's life cycle as long as about 328 days from spawning to moth. There is four phase which first phase need 10 days to be larva, second phase 4-6 weeks to be silk thread , third phase in during 3-8 days to be cocoon, and the last phase spend 16 days to be moth .

To begin, Silkworm lay an egg on the leaf and next several days to be born some Silkworm larva where they eat mulberry leaf as long as few weeks. Then, larva produce the silk thread which warp up themselves until be covered overall and became cocoon. While the larva in the cocoon, need over two weeks to experience metamorphosis which to be half create. It can be seen that the foot and wings of Silkworm are not perfect, it's called moth. Even tough, day by day the moth will be growing to creature which is going to produce the egg.




Nofrinorman   
Nov 5, 2015
Writing Feedback / People often live in different, sometimes distant areas from the place where they were born - IELTS [4]

In the past, people usually stayed in one place throughout their life. These days, people often move around. They often live in several different places in their life time. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both?

Give reason for your answer and include any relevant information from your own knowledge and experience.

In the old days, generally people went through their life in one spot, but nowadays people frequenly move to living in different places as long as their life time. I believe that both of matters have advantages and diadvantages.

There are several benefits why old people live permanently in one place. Firstly, they have an orientiation to develop thier own spot together with local community. In the past, all of human being certainly drove their brain to find out what bring life to survive, therefore they solely aimed to work for their primary needs such as construct buildings, managing natural resources, and developing human resources in their own city. For instance, in 1980, the nation of Indonesia was in construction period and the most of citizens cooperated with goverment to advanced the province, while they were strengthening their unity string. Another advantage is to preserve their cultures which people in the past time held tight their costums so that caused residents could not move around from thier spots. This trend still believe that purpose of life is to maintain the place which was blessed by creator.

In the other side, modern people who often move in others place to live also have reason that earth is extensive. They trust that the best way to spend their life time is much acquire new experience from other places. For example, many citizens of Indonesia in the east side leave their region to others which aim to obtain more knowledge. As a result, undirectly some people had chance to work or got family where they are living. Finally, they found a new life that gave the achievement of desire. However, it has drawbacks in family relationship aspect. Since they had left their family group, absolutely there were sadness because the part of family member would be rare to meet for long time. For examplify, when i had left my city in order to study at college, my family and friends were feeling lost to myself. This case affected to my daily activites progression while i crave them. So that i spend much money as i must pay aircraft ticket transport to solve this problem.

As an illustration for this, despite the evidence that there are benefits to live in one area, I believe that much people who stay in other spots would return to place where they were born. The drawbacks which more tend to personal problems can be solved by the available of modern transportation which make easeir to visit the other regions.
Nofrinorman   
Nov 5, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 : The changes in the layout of the Woodwards University [3]

The map displays the changes in the layout of the Woodwards University between 1985 and now. It can be seen that the transformation witnessed arrangement in all space, execpt in Library there was not replacement, but only an addition by IT Center area and built lengthier.

First, to the north side of room occurrenced affiliation in the science block to science laboratories. Then, Car Park modified to Shuttle Bus Terminal which was located in the south west side of university and connecting to Library and IT Center. In front of Science Laboratories placed a Lecture Theatre which was earlier the small Car Park.

The Admin Building has also moved to upwards with smaller scale, nearby the Lecture Theatre. On the other side, all of the road in 1985 has canceled became footpaths which acsessed to the nortwest side and the southwest side for now. The solely one road constructed in the south of university which used to Bus strip.





Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳