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Posts by Arundyna
Name: HaldinArundyna
Joined: Nov 9, 2015
Last Post: Feb 5, 2016
Threads: 12
Posts: 16  
Likes: 2
From: Indonesia

Displayed posts: 28
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Feb 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / Many children in schools have recommended to study foreign languages at an earlier stage - IELTS 2 [2]

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary school, do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Second language is an essential issue recently. It is argued that many children in schools have recommended to study foreign languages at an earlier stage , indeed they have been mature. Although this view will be a faster method to study a foreign language in primary school, others claim that young age does not have enough capacity of brain to conquer language.

Patently young children pick up languages much more easily than teenagers. Young child will be immediate to understand and remember entire worlds that is given to them, because the kid are enthusiastic to explore and to learn another language. For example, a recent study of Queen's University in Australia found that 70 percent of pupil in primary school can achieve their goal in second learning rather than secondary school just about 45 percent. However, teachers and parents did not have to enforce children to study foreign languages, as they have different problems.

In considering with language from abroad. Some people argue that small people is not ready to study the language when they come too early. It causes capacity of the brain is not appropriate to study new language. The result of this is young kid will get stress when parents force them to know complicated words. Take my brother as an illustration, he always enjoys with their own activities, even though my mother encourage to learn English by picture. It has proved that children have complicated to decide which language to speak.

To sum up, while children look faster to achieve foreign language when they are in elementary school, society has to know the precise part to encourage young kid, because they are not enough brain capacity. Where possible, I believe that the best way to educate people is by allowing them to choose what kind of activities they enjoy doing.
Feb 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / There are ten series of action in the process of chocolate production [3]

good job...

its my first sentence, perhaps you can make comparison

An explanation of process for the making of chocolate divided into several steps is elaborated in the char. overall, it can be seen that there are a total of ten stages in the process, beginning with the growing of the pods on the cacao trees and culminating in the production of the chocolate.

there are little mistake, but overall, excellent.

They are south South America, Africa, and Indonesia.
Afterwards, IN THE next process is beans [...] spreading the beans in THE sun so they can ...

Following that, THE beans are crushed and ...
Finally, In the final stage, the inner part is ...
Feb 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / People can increase the quality of learning outcomes by knowing the most effective way to learn [2]

good job!!!, I think you could write well
but let me give you slight suggestion.

1. the formula of task 2 regarding both view and give your opinion, it means that you have to incorporate your idea in one side, what kind of opinion you are really support by your essay.

2. you should avoid the word connection such as however, on the other side, it is overwhelming in you writing.
3. make sure you grammar mistake, as small error will reduce your score.

In conclusion, it can be understand understood that both parties have strong reasons ...
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Music is a fundamental issue recently, since it offers enjoyment for a thousand people. IELTS 2 [5]

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Music is a fundamental issue recently, since it offers enjoyment for a thousand people. It is argued that kind of music as traditional song will give more benefits rather than International song. While it was lack of listener.

Mechanical sound is the most essential part of people live, and one of the major importance of music is a pleasure. It provides an enjoyable human entire their life, society uses music in order to relax and unwind at home, long journey and learning, as many people play music to gain concentration. It leads to this item use to diminish stress into society. The New York Times reported in March 2015 that music can make people more relaxed and minimize stress more than 30 percent, rather than people never hear music. For this reason, people who enjoy hearing music consistently will get many benefits in their life.

Connection with the sorts of music that is really important in society. Traditional music is the main valuable for people, as it brings many advantages indeed international music, while traditional music is an old fashion than global music, this music preserves civilization about history, and help societies remember their nationalism and cultural identity. The University Study For example, a recent study by Queen's University found that traditional music increase a number of feeling love to start at 40 percent in Junior high school. However, traditional music drives more bored for the listener.

To sum up, listening sort of music will help people unwind which influence human feeling, even though traditional and international music drive same benefit, the traditional gives more valuable as nationalism. I would suggest that society should filter every music that they hear, and they have to make creation with traditional music. as it makes this music still exist.
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / The pattern of hybrid cars sale (2006-2008) was dominated by USA, while Japan controlled year 2009. [5]

hi. let me give you some corrections.

A breakdown of the global sale of transports using both fuel and electricity in the America, Japan, and other countries over the course of three years is illustrated in the bar chart. Overall, it clearly can be seen that the hybrid vehicles which sold increased dramatically. In any case, the USA was the country with the largest total of buying.

electricity were sold by IN the US...........

Turning to the one with a (article) different pattern, in 2009 Japan sold most A (article) number of hybrid transport, which was aproximately (SPELLING) 325,000 units. Moreover, the total sales of vehicles around the world was Were two times larger than those in 2006.

Overall, you could write well.....
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / The year of 2009 saw a dramatic increase in Japan's sale of hybrid vehicles [3]

Halo @wulan nice to read your writing
it good, but i will give some suggestion in order to discuss
here I rewrite your first and second sentence.

The given bar chart illustrates data [....] times than that in the first year.

A breakdown of the global sale of transports using both fuel and electricity in the America, Japan, and other countries over the course of three years is illustrated in the bar chart. Overall, it clearly can be seen that the hybrid vehicles which sold increased dramatically. In any case, the USA was the country with the largest total of buying.

In 2007, the number of America's hybrid [....] dropped again in 2009 to 280,000.

Between 2006 and 2008, the number of the exchange goods in Japan and other countries recorded slight increase. Begin with both area which stood at around 50,000 sales in 2006. In addition Japan has gradual fell to approximately 300,000 in 2009, while other remained unchanged figure for the entire period.

In contrast, Japan had upward trend [....] increased steadily during the period.
Jan 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / A comparison of three different countries on annual GDP development over the course of four years [2]

A comparison of three different countries on annual GDP development over the course of four years. Overall, it clearly can be seen that the greatest percentage was Tunisia and Japan in the first and the end of the period. While the GDP figure for Tunisia had significant increased, Japan witnessed a decrease sharply in the last phase.

In 2007, there was the greatest percentage of Tunisia's GDP at more than 6 percent, while the Ecuador saw a half as much. Japan's GDP development showed a very small proportion. By 2010,

Tunisia's GDP had decreased sharply to 3 percent, while Ecuador had plunged slightly to 2,5 percent. The GDP growth in Japan had increased threefold .

Again, while the proportion of Tunisia's GDP saw a downward trend, this showed a sign of stagnating to 3 percent in 2009 onward. After a peak, Ecuador's GDP had plummeted to 1.2%. This is in stark contrast to the figure for Japan taking place as by far the most significant growth.

Jan 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / The proportion of the most favourite tourist choices in Brighton attentions over 3 decades 1980-2010 [3]

hello, mr yogy, nice to read your writing,
actually you have ability to write well,
let me give you some sugestions

The graph illustrates the proportion of the most favorite tourist choices in Brighton attentions over 3 decades from 1980 to 2010. Overall, it is important to note that, despite some fluctuations, the top rank changed from Festival to be Gallery in 1985 that fell sharply after reaching the highest number, but then the Pavilion overtook in the next following years.

this my sentences.
An explanation regarding the percentage of visitors who visit tourist destination in Brighton over the course of 3 decades from 1980 to 2010 is illustrated in the line graph. overall, it clearly can be seen that, the entire figure looked significant fluctuation in the number of tourist. while the Art Gallery and the Vestival witnessed a downward trend, other statistics showed the reverse.

try to create two sentence in the overview as it will increase score.
Dec 23, 2015
Writing Feedback / Comparisons regarding the number of heat level per month and annual hours of sunshine; IELTS 1 [2]

Comparisons regarding the number of heat level in every month and annual hours of sunshine over the course of one year are illustrated in the line graph and table. Overall, it clearly can be seen that the figure looks significant fluctuation In any case, the New York gets immense sunshine, while the London is the smallest statistic.

According to the data particularly in the line chart, the advance cities as Sydney records the greatest temperature in the first month, there is 25 Celsius for humidifier range, next, it plunges in the middle period to 15 Celsius, yet the data witness an increase in December. It is stark in contrast to the New York, this capital city in the America obtains a increase sharply which is the peak performance at 30 Celsius on July. Furthermore, the data falls down to 5 Celsius in the last period, when it comes to London, the temperature level is as similar as with the New York. Both of them look parabola curve, even though the London is slightly expanded heat level.

Turning to the other chart, the New York sees the highest figure of sunlight, it has 2.535 daylight. In contrast, the London obtains the smallest at 1,180 glow of sun every hour. The other figure the Sydney records at the second position with 2,473 sunshine.

Dec 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / An explanation regarding developing populations in the Chorleywood village near London - ielts 1 [2]

An explanation regarding developing populations in the Chorleywood village near London between 1868 and 1994. Overall, it clearly can be seen that, there was four periods of time, which contain expand inhabitants and each of area was near of 3 major lines of transportation.

At the first time of area, from 1868 to 1883, there was a small field covered by the Chorleywood. It offered just main road which very closed with the Chorleywood Park and Golf course. Furthermore, the village had created motorway in 1970. The countryside was an increased area along the main road in the south between 1883 and 1922. At this time, the railway line constructed in the field from the east to west.

The growing of village continued to east and west alongside the railway line in 1922-1970. While on the other part, it raised in population around motorway in the five immense areas intersection with the railway and one of the main road from 1970 to 1994.

Dec 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / The Australian children's free time activities (IELTS) [6]

hello Chan
i am really keen on to read your writing...
let me give you few suggestions...

The given bar chart shows the percentage of the leisure time activities preferred by the Australian girls and boys aged five to 14. Overall, watching television where is a video ? and playing computer games have become the most preferable activities for them. In the other activities, the girls are more likely to engage in crafting, rather than to what boys do in biking and skateboarding.

it is my alternative sentence.

A comparison regarding the percentage of leisure time activities preferred by Australian girls and boys aged 5 to14. Overall, it clearly can be seen that, watching televisions or videos record the greatest number of activities and it have as similar as in both genre . Furthermore, the girls only dominate on art and craft rather than the boys have large percentage in three categories.

I guess you have more ability to write well, this regard to your grammatical range are good
Dec 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / Reducing writing and reading skills as result of using mobiles - is it true or not? [3]

nice to see your writing...
well, i have few suggestions for you to improve your writing skill..

I disagree that using mobiles and computers [...] Both situation will explain in this essay.

Electronic devices are over reliance in these days. Several societies argue that, the mobile phone and computer could establish detrimental effect for writing and reading abilities. In my view, I really disagree if this apps is blamed for youngster's skill, even though it brings dire consequence, it expands wide range of enormous capability for young generation.

To begin with ,On the one hand, using some electrical gadgets gives a chance to FOR children to write many writing. THE young generation can connect to the internet and download many documents and read in different situations, (A COMMA) including in the street, on the cars and in the cafe.

I just give your advice in the first passage , i hope it will help you to add more score.
Dec 4, 2015
Writing Feedback / Fairmont Island Travel - attractive and boring places (IELTS) [2]

hello dina...
I try to rewrite your introduction...

The two distinct pie charts illustrate the most common benefits and backwards of Fairmont Island based on a survey of tourists and are measured in percentage. Overall, it can be obviously seen that most of the visitors consider THE ( ARTICLE) high cost of living as the highest disadvantage. However, they also think that its locals become the predominantlypredominant reason why Fairmont Island is truly attractive.

Explanations regarding positive value and corrosive effect of Fairmont Island in term of traveler survey and are measured in percentage are illustrated in the pie charts. overall, it clearly can be seen that, the figures show the most significant influx, in other case, advantage looks the biggest percentage in the people, however the high cost of living becomes most problems in the area.

I wish it will be improve your writing... thanks
Dec 2, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: forecast of weather in Australian Bureu of Meteorology [2]

An explanation of information regarding process to collect data for foreseeing reliable weather by the Australian Bureu of Meteorology is illustrated in the chart. Overall, it clearly can be seen that, the process is divided into three immense parts, before that, it is analyzed by computer for broadcasters to entire corner of the public

At the beginning of the stages, raw data will be driven by satellites for interpretation and prediction into satellite photo. While it connects with radar screen and sends importance data on the system computer. Other data as a synoptic chart which is founded from drifting buoy that puts off on the coastline is transferred on computer device.

Above all, weather news can be accessed by society through prepared steps in electronic device. Following this, figure is broadcasted in different ways such as television newsreader, electronic radio and recorded announcement by phone which give information of weather condition to mass people.

Dec 1, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: The Government Should Handle The Obesity Problem [3]

halo deva,
i fount little mistakes in your essay,
i rewrite in the first paragraph

Obesity is a problem which have has to be solved together ...

In this bygone era, most of the people have extremely problems with obesity, it could appear not only adults but also children, this illness has to solve by entire society as it causes a dire consequence through globalization.

next,, its your opinion, so i just encourage you to create two options of argument, it will add your score

... sophisticated technology has helped directly directing someone to do something easily(,) it is importance in academic writing so that people will live with THE sedentary and unhealthy lifestyle.

... in a long time and so on doing unhealthy activities.

overall, you could write well, good
Nov 30, 2015
Writing Feedback / Juvenile delinquency - young people experience. IELTS task 2 [2]

The position of women in the society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

The mischievous young generation has expanded. Proportion of females in inhabitants has shifted extremely over the course of twenty years. There is a wide range of complications such as mischief of young age, it causes high of employees on married women and mothers do not look for their children. In my personal view, i disagree if we just judge women mistake. Although womenfolk bring dire consequence, environment and friendly are the most essential one to effect of juvenile.

On the one hand, several dwellers have given reason that juvenile delinquency due to by trend of women who become workers , for that, they never have time for family particularly their boys and girls. When mothers can stay in house where they spend entire their time to teach and educate young generation with moral behavior, of course, it will create essential value for them and contributed with how they act on the environment. Not only this, women just focus on the job , even she never watches their children, therefore, it emerges detrimental effect.

On the other hand, there are the biggest reasons to support that women are not fully guilty as it causes most of the time other factors, first of all, the environment, it major constructs corrosive effect for the youth which they can involve by a rule of field around them. Other parts that often crop up is friendly which is used by inhabitant to socialize each other, this can influence the young age where they grow up in an area, as a consequence, they often establish conversation and keeping in touch with their friend.

To sum up, the juvenile delinquency is the case when the three items are not functioning properly, therefore, time management from women's career, environment and relationship between young age are rally connection with children's behavior. So we have to create stability of character for young children in their life.
Nov 29, 2015
Writing Feedback / ielts task 1: A comparison regarding prisoners in 5 decades is elaborated in the bar graph [2]

A comparison regarding prisoners in the five countries namely Great Britain, Australia, New Zealand, United States and Canada in 5 decades is elaborated in the bar graph. Overall, it clearly can be seen that, The United States had the largest number of imprisonment while Australia saw a lower data at the end of the period.

A closer look at the table shows that, at the beginning to the middle phases. There was the greatest figure of imprisonment, it was more than 120 thousand prisoners. In 1940, it is stark in contrast to Great Britain with less than 30 thousand prisoners in the first year. However, 1950 witnessed a minor gap between Newzeland-Australia and America-Canada.

Above all, during 3-decade period, the United states continued to be dominated with immense occupant of people in jail. Although it fell down at 99 thousand prisoners, that expanded to peak of performance in the last session. While Great Britain, Australia and New Zealand recorded at as same as influx in 1970, but Australia dropped sharply in 1980.

Nov 17, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS-TASK2 : Whether the media should notice ordinary people than famous people ? [4]

hello Sir Nofynorman
let me give you little suggestion for your consideration

The world of media has taken a spectacular news in extraordinary people, public figures such as actors, singers, or footballers have been shown even unreasonable, while common civilizations reverse. In my view, i believe that common people also have a right to be well-known in a part of society when they achieve a success, whereas since they will exaggerate to reveal about their lives.

However, there are a wide range of corrosive effect to this case particularly for media companies. If the media more provides about common people news, the public will not be amused with them who have the achievement.

For example, most of the Indonesian prefers to notice the celebrity lifestyle than learning much about the lives of outstanding people. The revenue source of companies (try to give international issue in your example as you have taken Indonesian topic in the second paragraph)
Nov 16, 2015
Writing Feedback / Ielts task 1 : Consumer of stuff in Britain - explanation of the graph [2]

An explanation regarding consumer durable portion which is divided into 8 items in the Britain over the course of 11 years is illustrated by graph. Overall, it clearly can be seen that, the percentages of households with all divisions obtained a rise of statistic. In any case, television dominated entire categories although dishwasher got the smallest figure.

According to the table, from eight sectors, the television was the greatest data which got upward trend around 98% in the last year. It was stark in contrast to dishwasher, it was the lowest table around 3 to 5 percent. Furthermore, there was a telephone and washing machine at 42% and 66% in 1972 while in the last period, these gained 77 and 80 percent in 1983 respectively.

Turning to vacuum cleaner this was odd data, it started at 87% in the first phases and missing figure in the last period. Nevertheless, video appeared only in 1983 at 18 percent. Meanwhile, central heating obtained uncertainly statistic in the first year, but it still expanded following this year. When it came to refrigerator, it witnessed approximately at 90% in throughout the period.
Nov 16, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1 - enrolled educator for regularly job in Ontario [5]

Hi mr M3Li let's try to little discuss your essay

don't forget to incorporate general idea clearly
this my first sentence, probably you can give consideration regarding this.

The line graph displays devitiation applaying for educators as English and French language in Ontario over the course of six years and is measured in percentage. Overall it clearly can be seen that, althought the statistic initially teacher of both languages had as same as range in the beginning, it occurred a immense gap in last period.

over all, you could writing, yet, you should write simple and clear, or it will eradicate your score, thanks..
Nov 12, 2015

let's discuss regarding your essay

i never see your idea, i encourage you to create partial agree to expand your score
you should make sure about the question
what factor can influence children except parent and school, perhaps other objects connect with Unhealthy life style.
overall, you have the best for Grammatical error, keep writing good luck.
Nov 12, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : certain talents as sport and music for people, both view [NEW]

In general believe that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and other are not. However. It is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.

Discuss both view and give your opinion.

In this globalization era, there are argumentation that several children are born with specific aptitudes as sport and music, while others reverse. Yet, many inhabitants think it can be taught to become an athlete or a singer. In my personal view, I believe ability will make easy to achieve their goal, although teaching people precisely can build their purpose is reached.

On the one hand, society opine that human who learning hardly can accomplish their dream properly when it support by wonderful teaching even they do not have talents. One of main factor is passion, it is appropriate way to complete people target by teaching, as a illustration, children who having big passion never give up, they will learn tiny steps which are influence their abilities, in their school or university. The Music and sport have technique which is taught in the course, for that, if people continue learning and knowing about technique they can be able toward their target.

On the other hand, there are strong reasons that talents are essential parts in the humanities to be good sportsman or musician. First of all, it is easy for inhabitants to learning, for example, the famous football player, Lionel Messi. He has aptitude in soccer games, as a consequence, he makes history by collection 4 trophy Ballon Dior. Not only this, Talents can construct certain ability as different awesome voice, therefore, the powerful singer, Adele is not difficult for singing the stages without having a teacher.

To sum up, teaching or talent is an important subject for civilization, of course, when people want to achieve their goal very completely they must have both ability and learning hardy by teaching. These obviously musics and sports are not complication to mastering
Nov 12, 2015
Writing Feedback / Nowadays, a large number of young people have the way of living which is unhealthy. [4]

let's try to discuss regarding your essay

The young adults expand expend ( careful about word) so much time in two surroundings: the family and the school so that these boththat both these roles can guide them to control their lifestyle.

For example, there is a program which was designed by the government to socialise sosialize the way and the importance to of healthy lifestyle for the young people so that they can get plenty of information and reference about it. The healthy lifestyle will be rapidly realised realized if the government consistently do does.

I believe that the health lifestyle for the young adults will be quickly realised realized while the three elements do solution steps together and coordination.

I hope it can help you ...thanks..
Nov 11, 2015
Writing Feedback / The Citizens Obstacle to Change Their Living in A Novel Place in Three Problems [3]

The bar chart presents the citizens obstacles when they change to live abroad in a novel place and there are problem matters based on their age, such as having friends, obtaining living place, understanding the local tongue.

you can try to use passive if you don't find synonym

A comparison of inhabitant's problems when they go to novel areas in percentage terms which is divided into 3 aged categories such as having friends, accommodation and language barrier is illustrated in the bar chart.

Overall, you have great writing. Yet, few mistakes could devastating your score. Good job.
Nov 11, 2015
Writing Feedback / Out of country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to prevention [3]

Prevention is better than cure
Out of country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventive measures.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In this globalization era, many people argue that charge of country's health should be spent for treatment regarding health educations and preventive measures in immense portion. In my personal view, I believe healthy determent will bring wide range of advantages in life, although directed treatment is precise way for mankind.

On the one hand, several inhabitants claim the most essential for health is curing, for that, the government has to invest into direct care, the major factor is more immediately to devastating illness, when people get heart attack suddenly, It is automatic, the sufferer takes in hospital for getting straight medication. The other argument is more real to see comparing preventive. If people gain problem in their brain and body, they will get advice or potion from team medic, which they can see symptom and result obviously. Therefor, the administrator has to spend in the straight cure.

On the other hand, there are major reason to support this idea which healthy education and preventive measure are foundation of country. First of all, direct medication is more expensive, the article from Mediciana.com shows the state might save 100 pounds every single year for the cure. Not only this, the civilizations have ability to avoid germs or aphids, therefore they are healthier and stronger to confront disease. As a consequence, the government has to provide a field for team to campaign regarding educations and measures of healthy of entire inhabitants.

To sum up, both preventing and curing are as same as important way to face the sickness, but the best way to destroy disease is the prohibit as it can be economic and safety. Where possible, human should check up their physic and psychology regularly to obtain more effective results.
Nov 10, 2015
Writing Feedback / Equal responsibility of parents - what's your opinion? IELTS TASK 2 [3]

"Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up."

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In this globalization era, several inhabitants claim that fatherhood has to responsible as same as motherhood. While, others think mothers are only one to decide weather just wife will determine children and taking their baby growing up. In my personal opinion, I believe both man and woman are equal responsibility for their son or daughter as it will take a wide range of advantages although the other dwellers think the opposite.

On the one hand, society opine if mothers can allow to decide herself, it will be easy and create a lot of benefit for their children. The major one is, motherhood recognizes their baby so deeply, therefore they might easy to choose the best food and education for their baby to growing up. also wonderful mothers know regarding their physic and psychology when they start to bird, beside fathers should hard think about financial life, as a consequence, it disturbs the man to seek out plenty of many for family. As a result, mother should commit their affair their children by their self because it is more precise manner.

On the other hand, there is a strong reason that man and women are similar affair. First of all, the creature as girls are more stressful if they maintenance their children alone, it supports by Journal Scientist that brain in woman more vulnerable than man, for that, they need man who can support each other. Not only this, mother can be difficult to devote time in family, as an illustration, the household must do their household tasks lonely as clean floor, cooking, further looking after their baby for this factor, husband ought to accompany their wife to determine having children and helping them to grow up.

To sum up, even though females know very clearly regarding their children, the proper way commit collaboration together with their husband to decide a good role model for their son or daughter, therefore it constructs amazing outweigh to their baby.
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