Ilmi_03
Aug 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / Just a few hours' exercise a week makes your heart grow bigger [4]
Hi, Eka.
Here's a few suggestions to your analysis.
I notice that some of the sentences in your essay are quite hard to follow. It would be better to use some conjunctions or comparisons.
The first paragraph
It is noticeable that keeping fit is the one way to maintain people's health. However, modern lifestyle has brought numerous negative effects to human health, particularly heart attack. Evidence has showed that there are many people died because of this deathly disease. Consuming junk food frequently and doing less exercise are suspected as the key factor of this illness.
That's all for you, Eka.
I hope this will be helpful :)
Hi, Eka.
Here's a few suggestions to your analysis.
I notice that some of the sentences in your essay are quite hard to follow. It would be better to use some conjunctions or comparisons.
The first paragraph
It is noticeable that keeping fit is the one way to maintain people's health. However, modern lifestyle has brought numerous negative effects to human health, particularly heart attack. Evidence has showed that there are many people died because of this deathly disease. Consuming junk food frequently and doing less exercise are suspected as the key factor of this illness.
That's all for you, Eka.
I hope this will be helpful :)