Writing Feedback / Children's manners and violent games - IELTS WRITING TASK2 [2]

Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world.

What are your opinion on this?

These days the number of violence and crime which young people involve is skyrocketing because of accessing video games easily. While children have the right of playing the games, adults should consider as growing up not to effect violently. I refer to the importance of regulation to violent games and means of protecting from violence in below.

At first, it is tendency that children effect on the behavior of adult easily. What they discover trial and error in many experiences is necessary for their parents. In other view, they cannot recover former condition if they give the effect on these games. Adults have to take care of children and teach not to play the games.

Next, governments and adults such as teachers and parents should consider means of regulating these games. First of all, the government must make the law preventing violence. This law aims to grow up children and many people agree with ease. Secondary, teachers have to tell students about the danger of violence. This attitude forbids on the law and gives people to trouble, so teachers need to tackle declining in the number of children concerning with violence and crime. At last, parent should teach their sons and daughters for good manners. When it comes to be better the manners, violence and crime are dropping all over the world.

In conclusion, I believe that governments and adults ought to deal with improving manners and learning. Without right manners, children cannot raise good boys and girls and the rate of crime is increasing.(255 words)

Writing Feedback / IELTS. 'the money should be better spent' - Wasteful Space Program - Agree or disagree [4]

Governments spend millions of dollars each year on their space programmes.Most recently, Mars is the focus of scientists' attention.
Some people think this money would be better spent on dealing with problems closer to home. Do you agree or disagree?

Although developing the space programmes indicates that the country which is concerned to space is rich, the government may help people as many as possible if having much money. I agree with the idea that the money should be better spent on dealing with problems closer to home.

Some people argue that the government should use money for welfare. This is because the difference between rich and poor is extending, so it is hard for poor to live in daily life and the power of nation is declining. Administration has the obligation that the difference shrinks and every people can enjoy their life. The United States and the USSR face deficit because of spending money for their space programs too much.

On the other hand, the opponent argue that the government ought to promote developing space programmes. Exploitation is meaningful for people to be rich in the future. In fact, mobile phone is available all over the world because there is satellite in space. Achieving space programmes is helping our daily life. However, the government have to spend money noticing the balance between space programmes and welfare.

In conclusion, I believe it is useful for many people to be spent on dealing with welfare and medical care. Governments should tackle with their space programmes with energy to spare.

(218 words)

Writing Feedback / What effects will these birth rate predictions have on developed countries [2]

The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over.

What effects will these predicitons have on developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation?

It is believed that many people enjoy their various lifestyle in most developed countries because these countries are rich, so they have multiple choices what they want to do in the future. On the other hand, those who want to marry cannot live with partners in order to mismatch the sense of value.

This trend connects to declining birth rate. In many developed countries, the birth rate. In these countries, the rate is 2 or less, so the population cannot be kept. It is the causes that the average age of marriage is surging and the number of possibility of childbirth is decreasing. In another view, the labor is shortage because of aging society. The longer people live, the more expensive the social security is, so many younger do not want to marry and get children because of lacking their living expenditure.

To begin with, it is easy for women to give birth to their children without retiring work. In these days, a lot of companies consider women as to be important workers. Government should assist the finance to the companies and make return from childbirth and parenting easy. Moreover, retirement age ought to raise until 70. Elder people are health because of good condition in most industrial countries. Some people lose vitality because of quitting their jobs, so companies can meet the workers' needs if employing again.

It is necessary for these countries to do measures against declining birth rate and aging society. Maintaining the population means that we can live safely and make sustainable development.

(257 words)

Writing Feedback / The Development of Meadowside village and Fonton in three different time periods [2]

The map illustrates the development that have occurred in Meadowside village and Fonton comparing among three different time periods. The most noticeable development is expanding the area of Meadowside village and Fonton, so connecting each other.

To begin, there were only two towns and no commerce facilities. In 1985, leisure complex, housing estate and super store were built in Meadowside village and the width of a road expanded. Moreover, the road which connects Meadowside village and Fonton was constructed, so it was easy for users to access between two towns.

In the president, Meadowside changed from village to suburbs, owing to expansion these areas. To the next, new railway and station has been built. In addition, there is hotel and business park near the station, so it is expected to use a lot of people. Finally, these areas became complex town and it is more convenience for people to visit the town than ever before.

(155 words)

Writing Feedback / The mechanism of wind turbine in generating electricity and several possible location of this system [2]

The diagrams present the mechanism of wind turbine in generating electricity and several possible location where the turbine should be placed. At the first glance, it is noticeable that while there are four important components of wind turbine to produce energy, the amount of electricity resulted is heavily relied on certain location.

With regard to first picture, wind turbine consists of four main parts. Tower should be the first component whose function is to support other features of wind turbine. The blade is made of fiber glass or wood and sensor can adjust blade, so sensor change appropriate speed and direction in the control center.

Turning to the second picture, the turbine locates in three places. In top of the mountain, it is easy to get ulmost because there is no obstacle. Turbine does not obstruct view in the sea, while individuals are able to use electricity by domestic turbine. For instance, individual locates on the middle of mountain and can make electricity adequately.

Writing Feedback / What can be done to reduce the use of cars? SEVERAL EXAMPLES OF INTRODUCTION [NEW]

Many people depend on their cars for everyday domestic, social, and working needs. However, unlimited use of cars causes a number of problems.
What are some of these problems?
What can be done to reduce the use of cars?

In these days, it is essential for us to use cars because cars are able to bring people for the destination. However, using cars occurs to many problems and we have to deal with solution in my idea.

Many people take benefit to going to destination directly without rain and snow, while it takes much time for destination because of traffic jam. For instance, too many cars cause the jam and it takes 15 minutes for advancing 500 meters in many big cities. It is one of the weak point that people cannot calculate the transportation time exactly. Moreover, air pollution is occurred by cars and a lot of cars are driven by gasoline. Carbon dioxide causes to greenhouse effect and there is a problem that temperature is increasing, so too many cars had bad influence on the earth.

I suggest the solution that cars should regulate in the center of cities. In this area, the road is narrow because there are many buildings, so the traffic jam happens to if the cars cannot move. In fact, the means of transportation is bus and train within sightseeing area. In consequence, air pollution and traffic jam reduce due to regulation cars for the city. The problem can solve if users of car alternate by means of bus and train.

To sum up, it is useful for us to use cars but we have the problem of traffic jam and air pollution. Regulating car in the city results in reducing these problems.

(250 words)

Writing Feedback / Large companies and individuals are no difference in maintaining the environment [4]

Individuals can do nothing to improve the emvironment. Only Large companies and businesses can make a difference.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Environmental damage is at alarm level. Some said that this pressing issue can only be solved by large companies while individual can not contribute altogether. This essay would argue against such idea because humans are also responsible for their better environment and companies consist of gathering people.

There is no doubt that individuals have responsibility for environment. People studied that countries can develop because of large enterprises and the environmental problem on industrial causes human in danger. We are able to donate for non governmental organizations such as environmental group. In fact, many people give these groups money in convenience store of many developed countries. Moreover, there is the way that people raise money among others as cloud funding. The choice which everyone is able to donate money increases, so it is easy for human to concern an improvement of environment.

On the other hand, some people insist that improving the surroundings is the role of big companies because they have the responsibility of pollutions by producing merchandises. the enterprises have the right of producing goods but ought to try to recover the natural environment at the same time. Some companies plant trees in desert as part of the corporate social responsibility. It is thus that the globe is existence for everybody and the enterprises have to sustain the current surroundings.

To sum up, large companies and individuals are no difference in maintaining the environment, so both have to commit the globe each other.

Writing Feedback / TED (What we can do to die well) [3]

Timothy Ihrig says that the American way of life faces the threat which is health expenditures. The expenditures occupy 15 percent of the GDP in the United States of America, but health care system is located 37th within 50 countries and other nations rank higher than this country as far as quality and value. He suggests improving patient experience, the population health and decreasing per capita expenditure across a continuum. In another view, palliative medicine enables us to live as human beings and change for the better.

Writing Feedback / Two earthquakes were happened in Myanmar and Italy and they are not connected to each other [3]

Two earthquakes were happened in Myanmar and Italy and did not connect with each other because both earthquakes was just caused different fault, according to John Bellini and Michael stickler, two geophysicists. John told the reader that the number and size of aftershocks depended on the size of the original earthquake. Michael said that the destruction in Italy was heavier than in Myanmar while the earthquake in Myanmar was larger than in Italy because the subduction zone in Myanmar was relatively deep.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK2 SEVERAL EXAMPLE OF INTRODUCTION [2]

1. As global trade increases, many goods, including those we use on a daily basis, are produced in other contries and have to be transported long distances.

Do the benefits of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?

As developing globalization, we can take many goods which are provided from other countries. It is essential for us to live concerning a lot of goods and many companies have to get benefit by trade.

2. In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience.

Discuss both opinions and give your opinion.

Children who should go to school work and keep the cost of living in many countries. In research, these children make a lot of influence on the studying skill and they can not earn if they do not learn to education.

3. Unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood, or teaching sports to younger children).

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In these days, taking part in unpaid community service reduces because of moving up to individualism among young people. It is important for them to be foster this service, so they will increase the oppotunity of connecting to other people.