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Pole-vaulting - my UF undergrad application essay

5 - I like the humorous references toward the end but worry that the slow build, climaxing with a failure, and...

Undergraduatethebluehippo - Sep 20, 2009Mustafa1991 - Sep 27, 2009
Rice U Essay - My Passion for Change

3 - Ok, I will add more on how I am going to contribute to the Rice Univesity. Thanks for your...

Undergraduatelichy1207 - Sep 20, 2009lichy1207 - Sep 20, 2009
World you came from, personality - UC Prompt #1 & #2

7 - Redid the first prompt: I'm not sure how I should end it though. I decided to write about a...

Undergraduatekloud - Sep 20, 2009kloud - Sep 21, 2009
The Tense Tour Guide (Short Answer for Common App)

4 - OK, here is my revision: Any further advice is highly welcome, thx! -------------------------------------------------- Suddenly, "Let me...

UndergraduateLeozhq - Sep 20, 2009Leozhq - Sep 20, 2009
Camp Merri-Mac (UF Essay...A meaningful experience)

2 - This is fine but a bit dull, mostly because of your propensity for padding your sentences with extra words....

Undergraduatekma721 - Sep 20, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 20, 2009
'Korean student died'; The advantage and disadvantage of the Internet

2 - In your conclusion, you list recommendations related to only two of your points. If you're going to list recommendations,...

Writing Feedbackessay0405 - Sep 20, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 20, 2009
students should take apart in lecture or not? why?

4 - Hi Thinh, This is a good essay but the main problem of your eaasy is that you repeat...

Writing Feedbackthinhtvdhtm - Sep 20, 2009looktor - Sep 24, 2009
how can school help new students get accustomed to new environment?

6 - thanks mrchildchil! ielts 8 band, it means that your english is excellent. in your opinion, with this essay, how...

Writing Feedbackthinhtvdhtm - Sep 20, 2009thinhtvdhtm - Sep 26, 2009
"Living within natural and cultural limits" - Stanford- Intellectual Vitality Essay

21 - When I read the first draft of your essay, I did not see eye to eye with the other...

Undergraduatecybertron - Sep 20, 2009samcguff - Oct 1, 2009
"RABBIT SISTER"--MY PERSONAL STATEMENT

10 - okay, thanks~...

Undergraduatemikowoo - Sep 20, 2009zealzou - Sep 28, 2009
MA in architecture motivation to a programme

2 - "Working in a team, I showed up leader skills and organized our work" I'm also somewhat confused by the...

Graduatebebert - Sep 20, 2009mikowoo - Sep 20, 2009
MIT Essay - Use of Creativity (Fashion)

3 - Thanks for your help! Another concern of mine is: am I telling too much, instead of showing?...

Undergraduate2010szhou - Sep 20, 20092010szhou - Sep 20, 2009
Descriptive Essay - A media event or a once in a lifetime event

8 - you can use methaphors, similes, analogies to help show and not just say things that describe emotions or feelings...

Writing FeedbackJSteinberger - Sep 20, 2009neuromancer - Sep 20, 2009
MIT Essay - Fun Activity

11 - i went to an MIT info session, an admissions guy there said when you go over the limit it...

Undergraduate2010szhou - Sep 20, 2009thatkidjosh - Oct 19, 2009
Essay for my undergrad elective - Empirical vs logical validity

3 - Thank you so much. Now that's logical!...

Essaysstudentoflife - Sep 19, 2009studentoflife - Sep 20, 2009
UIUC essay #1 about computer engineering

3 - Damn, that's a lot squeezed into 300 words!...

Undergraduateludao822 - Sep 19, 2009cdrappi - Sep 19, 2009
My SCARS and my MISTAKES; Common App

34 - Wow, kritipg. Thank you SO much for fixing that. I almost missed that... I don't think I'll be...

Undergraduatepcvrz34g - Sep 19, 2009pcvrz34g - Oct 4, 2009
Intellecutal Interest: Mathematics (Cornell Essay)

5 - Well since your major isn't yet decided, I guess you can.. I'm not too sure. I would talk more...

Undergraduateessayhelp - Sep 19, 2009pcvrz34g - Sep 20, 2009
"My first time" - Common App Essay (significant experience)

7 - Yea I was concerned with the "personal" part compared to the gymnastics descriptions. I will definitely change that. And...

Undergraduatedkinny23 - Sep 19, 2009dkinny23 - Sep 20, 2009
Common Application - Election Speech

4 - This is what I mean how the conclusion for the other essay should be. Although, I do recommend to...

Undergraduatemacca - Sep 19, 2009jemma2011 - Sep 24, 2009
FSU CARE Program Essay; Frank Lloyd Wright once said...

7 - Thank you for your help.(:...

Undergraduatemarkattack - Sep 19, 2009markattack - Sep 20, 2009
"Two cultures" - STANFORD COMMON APP ESSAY

2 - This essay is already fairly good. You could try strengthening some of your verbs, especially where you find yourself...

Undergraduatejchevallier - Sep 19, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 19, 2009
toefl -- needed land / protecting environment

5 - I can't help but notice that many of your comments on other people's threads have been a bit brief...

Writing FeedbackJin - Sep 19, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 20, 2009
Emigrating from India, my parents insisted that I work; COMMON APP - TRANSFER

6 - I like your essay very much, it gets straight to the point....

UndergraduateBella0825 - Sep 19, 2009asianbaybay - Sep 25, 2009
Narrative essay / the street artist

5 - The story is too pat to be realistic. Also, the theme of the etching, according to the website you...

Writing Feedbackal_nadwani - Sep 19, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 20, 2009
"Most conversations with my classmates" - Umich short answer

3 - "I could not bring myself to admit this " "I learned that even though I excelled in certain...

Undergraduateshirleytse - Sep 19, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 19, 2009
"the day she became my mother" - Personal Statement help

3 - You need to write a much more focused essay. At the moment, you do a good job of introducing...

Undergraduateawesome lovato - Sep 19, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 19, 2009
Toefl Topic -- "A person you know is coming to your town"

5 - You're not doing too badly for a TOEFL essay. You should reorder either your paragraphs or your introduction, however,...

Writing Feedbackzhigoolet - Sep 19, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 19, 2009
Yale Supplement Essay - My Little Sculptors (tentative title)

6 - The first paragraph is fine. So is the Spanish. But, you need to talk more about how the experience...

UndergraduateJavierA - Sep 19, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 20, 2009
FSu Essay "Vires Artes Mores" and how they reflect your life

7 - Thanks for the advice. I live in Florida too, and I doubt I'm going to FSU... I'm just applying...

Undergraduatepianogirl246 - Sep 19, 2009pianogirl246 - Sep 27, 2009
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