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The Brink of Insanity on a Submarine (University of Washington Transfer Essay)

5 - Thanks for the input..I'll post my next revision soon. I'm still trying to find a way to express how...

Undergraduatejbow808 - Sep 9, 2009jbow808 - Sep 10, 2009
UF app essay two, I decided to write a completely different essay

6 - oh okay thank you, the thing is that i don't know what my mom has so i can't really...

Undergraduatekrisdp25 - Sep 9, 2009krisdp25 - Sep 11, 2009
CBEST: Bad memories should not be treated as a hindrance but as a learning opportunity.

5 - There are plenty of online sources for grammar worksheets and the like. Try The Owl at Purdue. Also, go...

Writing Feedbackxubis - Sep 9, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 11, 2009
UF Admission Essay: Student Company

11 - Thanks...

Undergraduaterbz4real - Sep 9, 2009rbz4real - Oct 1, 2009
persuasive speech writing on I WILL BE THE RULER

9 - Right: That's where democracy often goes wrong, when the representatives of the people start to think of themselves as...

Speecheschocuqueen - Sep 9, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 12, 2009
"Success is a ladder..." - UCF Admissions Essay!

4 - first of all, your thesis/argument is very general here. ad EF_Simone was telling you, the topic itself is overused...

UndergraduateR0xt0nM - Sep 9, 2009zowzow - Sep 10, 2009
I've recently realized how desperately I have been searching to find myself

4 - Your grammar is fine, but you could make your writing stronger by using more active verbs. Rather than saying...

Undergraduatenik - Sep 9, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 11, 2009
Toefl : professional athletes make too much money?

9 - Yeah, I know... I didn't finish this one within 30 minutes... I'm just practicing now and I hope I...

Writing Feedbacklitingjiao - Sep 9, 2009litingjiao - Sep 15, 2009
the president of school television network - UIUC Essay #2

2 - Read your first sentence. It is in present tense even though you are talking about the past. Look at...

UndergraduatePositiveHao - Sep 9, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 9, 2009
MANY PEOPLE LIKES TO LIVE ON THEIR OWN. DISCUSS SOCIAL EFFECTS

8 - You haven't proven this -- you just assert it. Even people who live on their own may have...

Writing Feedbackniraj - Sep 9, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 11, 2009
What are the good things and bad things about the place you live in? (Toefl)

2 - This essay lacks a conclusion. Even if it's only a couple of sentences, be sure to include a summarizing...

Writing Feedbacksaurabhjain162 - Sep 9, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 9, 2009
"Chronic osmotic stimuli" - PhD thesis

5 - I think there is some mutual conclusion going on. I know that I cannot understand what it is you...

Dissertationschetouisamir - Sep 9, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 10, 2009
The Use of Animals for Medical Research

5 - "The use of animals in laboratory research is a very well known debate." Not so much. There is...

Essaysnathan1988 - Sep 9, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 10, 2009
'visited the funfair' - report writing

4 - Why have you posted this in the graduate admission essay section when it does not seem to be, in...

Research Paperssidra - Sep 9, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 9, 2009
'technical responsibilities in military' Statement of Purpose - GT Grad School Essay

4 - Wow, we don't see many robotics students quoting Bernice Johnson Reagon! You ought to get points just for that!...

Graduatebrandongroff - Sep 8, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 16, 2009
Changing Community (a problem of perception)

2 - I think your first sentence is redundant. Save space for more vivid details that you can write about. And...

Undergraduatetkkt1 - Sep 8, 2009eternal flame - Sep 9, 2009
"there is more to music than just the written word" - UF undergrad essay-> 1979

5 - Yeah that's where I kind of died in writing, kind of wrote this in one sitting so i figured...

UndergraduateNightmre1225 - Sep 8, 2009Nightmre1225 - Sep 8, 2009
Marching Band (My Essay For UF)

2 - This is not an essay. It's one long run-on paragraph. Break this into paragraphs. Along the way, proofread for...

UndergraduateKelz0 - Sep 8, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 8, 2009
"trying to get into UC Davis" - My lovely personal statement!

11 - comment on verily's opinion. I can see how verily is thinking that. to address that problem, i think you...

Undergraduateasianbaybay - Sep 8, 2009pcvrz34g - Oct 4, 2009
"no other choice but to become Saudi" - Describe the world you come from

8 - The thing is that there are positive things and there are negative things in all countries - the essay...

UndergraduateMayada - Sep 8, 2009Moonshadow0302 - Sep 11, 2009
"My love for Computers" - U of I #1

2 - How so? I think that you should omit this sentence because it's irrelevant. Omit that too....

Undergraduatenellyspageli - Sep 8, 2009Mayada - Sep 8, 2009
'Life without light, gas, food..' - diversity statement for law school

7 - Right. And draft 2 is much weaker than draft 1. As a law school diversity statement. I didn't...

Graduateaseriousmission - Sep 8, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 11, 2009
Personal statement on Physics (UCAS); I scratch my head in frustration.

4 - I like the idea behind the introductory paragraph...only it is a wee bit confusing. Did you mean...

Undergraduateeternal flame - Sep 8, 2009Moonshadow0302 - Sep 18, 2009
Our university value diversity. Explain what diversity you can bring.

2 - That's it exactly. We need to see some specific examples of ways in which your diverse experiences have...

Undergraduateflo144 - Sep 8, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 8, 2009
Writing a diagnostic essay -Introducing yourself

6 - If you are confused why don't you ask him again & ask him few examples. After that whatever you...

Essaysmechwill - Sep 8, 2009amitt - Sep 3, 2012
A Separate Peace: Essay for 9th Grade (honors) English

6 - Hmmmm . . . "I'm right?" I appreciate the sentiment, but all I did was ask a series of...

Writing FeedbackNotoman - Sep 8, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 9, 2009
Write about someone who has impacted your life and why ("My mother")

3 - Yeah, I'd strongly urge you to pick someone else to talk about. Maybe you have a sibling, friend, or...

Undergraduategabbyninja - Sep 8, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 8, 2009
"you guys sing too fast!" j- Short Writing For Common Application

12 - Your essay has some trite phrases and grammar mistakes. Also, this essay prompt requires you to discuss an activity....

Undergraduatezouztingt - Sep 8, 2009Liebe - Sep 11, 2009
'Strong Mechanical Engineer' - Personal Statement 250 words min. Why Transfer?

3 - I'd start here, and cut the paragraph about your mother entirely. I certainly wouldn't expand on it. If...

Undergraduatejemma2011 - Sep 8, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 8, 2009
MACHINES ARE BECOMING VERY SOPHISTICATED, WORKERS ARE BENEFIT FROM THAT,DISCUSS

4 - No, sorry. I can't rewrite your essay for you. Try to rewrite it yourself, using short, simple sentences. And...

Writing Feedbackniraj - Sep 8, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 9, 2009
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