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TOEFL living in places different weather condition vs same weather condition

6 - Margarita, one of my teacher, who taught writing, told about this limitations. By taking into consideration of time we...

Writing Feedbackmargarita - Nov 18, 2009hitchhike - Nov 26, 2009
Ralph's grocery store ad - UC ESSAY 3 Personal Accomplishment

3 - Nice job! the first sentence is not very exciting, so it coul be improved... also: Sound, especially music,...

Undergraduatecombomeal316 - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
Tesla #THE PERSON THAT INFLUENCED ME MUCH#

4 - Yes, I think you should have half of it be about Tesla and half of it be about you...

UndergraduateMARIOFOREVER - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
leaves, branch, bark, stem, tree, roots (2nd personal statement)

3 - In the first para, it is good if you void addressing the reader directly, as if preaching to the...

Undergraduatejpg_76 - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
Florida State University Essay Prompt 2009-2010 (draft too long?)

2 - When I first moved into the state of to Missouri... Don't try to say too much in...

UndergraduateAnimeEye - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
My school's cheerleading team - UC Prompt

6 - Thanks so much everyone! All of these edits really help! Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving!...

Undergraduatekab00mb00m - Nov 23, 20096209jml - Nov 26, 2009
(MaCaulay Honors essay) - Discussion of a Risk- Pollution & Recycling

4 - Because this material is made to be very sturdy, it makes the product just as hard also takes a...

UndergraduateIgnorancex - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
I considered Emory University for its academics: Emory essay

3 - Hello yaywriting, your cool personality is too good for this unenthusiastic part: I found that my interest in political...

Undergraduateyaywriting - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
One with Martial arts (FGCU-Activity that has been meaningful to you)

5 - Great writing here... I hear nothing but the wings of the butterflies in my stomach, frantic and restless....

UndergraduateJfils - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
"My world has always been a small, rural town" - admission essay for UC's!

6 - I think you should bring your first paragraph to a close sooner, ad give a thesis sentence that really...

Undergraduatecoolnerd - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
"a drunken stupor" - Stanford - intellectually engaging

4 - You are my hero, this is some excellent writing. The first sentence, and especially: After this frustrating experience, I...

Undergraduate26matrices - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
My Spelman College Essay, can you tell me what you think and give revision tips?

2 - Your first sentence is very astute; I like it. ...everything in its path, i ncluding my hometown of...

Undergraduatetmyra91 - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
activities, academic instersts - USC Short Answers

3 - The late 18th century French philosopher Voltaire had said, "We must... You can use a dash for this...

UndergraduateTimMill - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
Essay "Important Issue" - drug abuse - can demolish everyone's life

NEW - Student Drug Abuse A great deal of young children, teenagers, and adult's can demolish their life. It can...

Undergraduateatlas - Nov 26, 2009 -
decision to become a pharmacist - Essay Prompt #1

4 - Thus, my decision was not a departure from the normal (or aberrational?) This whole sentence is unnecessary. You already...

Undergraduateikutatomaluv - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
Alverno School of fish; Prompt 1

2 - confidence and courage ... strong work ethics to become an honest, charismatic ... influenced and shaped...These are all quite...

Undergraduatejuly723 - Nov 25, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
uc prompt #2. experience that is important to me. boarding school

2 - After checking in my belongings, my grandmother had left, so I had to cope without her. Hey, this...

UndergraduateGodizgood - Nov 25, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
Impact on your life. Essay 1 and Essay 2

2 - As per our TOS, essayforum.com/disclaimer-privacy-tos. Why would you want to delete your essay...? ): A moderator took time...

Undergraduatesymbol - Nov 21, 2009pcvrz34g - Nov 26, 2009
The Chinese Ninespine stickeleback Fish - uc essay prompt 1?

2 - When I was in fifth grade, I read a book called "Chinese... Don't capitalize "after" in that first...

Undergraduatejholic - Nov 25, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
"New Era" missionary experiences - BYU "Setback" Admission Essay, 200 word

2 - I had known for seven years that... I greatly regret that I spent the first six months waiting...

Undergraduateabstractpoet - Nov 25, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
Scholarship essay: community service activity Hurricane katrina

2 - The idea behind the first para is good, but it is not helpful to say people from all walks...

Scholarshippcvrz34g - Nov 25, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
UC transfer prom: something about life experience > want to be psychologist

2 - I think you should use italics for the first part, with the questions people asked you. I think...

UndergraduateFieldnagger - Nov 25, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
The Stone Angel/King Lear Comparison Essay

2 - If they are prevented from seeing something, it is redundant to call it "blindness" in the same sentence. Instead...

Book Reportsalex21 - Nov 25, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
The lifestyle we live today is leading us down the path of an evolutionary disaster; choices we made

2 - Yes, the second para is much stronger than the first. Often, we need to cut the first para, because...

Writing Feedbackneuromancer - Nov 25, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
Don't change or Accept change? Which one is better?

2 - You should use a capital letter at the beginning of every sentence. Put a space after periods. ...

Undergraduateyousafzai - Nov 25, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
UC Prompt 2: Bottles and Cans

2 - Oh... you needed a service learning project in order to graduate. Okay, the first para is confusing, because you...

Undergraduatejpazn23 - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
"Test under pressure" - UC Prompt 2

2 - Maybe you want to use a dash for a "dramatic pause" :-) for such a moment -- or if...

Undergraduatemaatthheew - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
'Divorce rate is nearing 50%' - someone who has made an impact on your life

2 - The first sentence says the American economy is a superpower, but that is not quite right. The second sentence...

Undergraduatem4rx - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
UC personal statement 1 - My Siblings

2 - Use a comma: My family has always been a big one, and being... It is great that your...

Undergraduatehieuh600 - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
my passion for nursing and things i will do if i actually became one

6 - Not sure if you revised your essay, but about the prompt, I thought you answered only half of it....

UndergraduateGodizgood - Nov 22, 2009doug - Nov 26, 2009
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