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'The Law of Attraction' - Bard Supplement Essay

2 - The last paragraph is unnecessary. I do not think the admissions officers will appreciate being told what to do....

Undergraduateharzel - Oct 12, 2009l3goals12 - Oct 12, 2009
FSU-"Vires, Artes, Mores"-my experiences in life (first draft)

7 - "Another area where I have grown is in media art, especially in painting and scratchboard." Possibly reword this...

UndergraduateWildcat8803 - Oct 4, 2009Woolachee - Oct 12, 2009
'As I stood in the murky spotlight...' college application essay - over the word count limit

7 - Okay thank you for your help. This was actually the edited version, containing 497 words, just enough to get...

Undergraduateamyewald - Sep 1, 2009amyewald - Oct 12, 2009
'music and character' Lafayette short essay: intellectual interest (like Stanford's?)

6 - Well... I said some rock banders commit suicide, not some rock listeners...that makes some difference, I think......

Undergraduateharzel - Oct 10, 2009harzel - Oct 12, 2009
Working with me - Common App - Someone who had a significant influence on you

7 - "The high standards that he has always held me to have become my own expectations for myself. " Is...

Undergraduatemothaeffa - Oct 11, 2009trung2012 - Oct 12, 2009
Let's go to Mui Ne - Phan Thiet

4 - I think you misunderstand. That was a rhetorical question. Vietnam is in fact an S-shaped country. It is not...

Writing Feedbackheromanmax - Oct 10, 2009EF_Sean - Oct 12, 2009
"How did I get caught?" - My Essay for college admission..

3 - I see...yeah at first I thought this introducing is a bit wordy...I will fix it ;]...

Undergraduatemiffy2002 - Oct 7, 2009miffy2002 - Oct 12, 2009
'psychology measured up to my expectations' - Academic Interests- U of I essay

2 - You can cut all of this, and replace it with some sort of narrative anecdote that shows the...

Undergraduateparimp - Oct 11, 2009EF_Sean - Oct 12, 2009
Economic Crisis in Clinton Missouri - Research Essay

4 - Thank you for the advice. I completley agree with your comments about the last paragraph. I struggled to write...

Research Papersmikesperry79 - Oct 11, 2009mikesperry79 - Oct 12, 2009
Short Activity essay on commonapp...about debate!~

8 - Is there anything more that needs to be corrected? If not I will use it....

Undergraduateharzel - Oct 11, 2009harzel - Oct 12, 2009
"to develop a strong character" - Florida State Application Essa

3 - Stop making general statements or statements that define words already explained in the prompt: "Vires, Artes, Mores" the...

Undergraduatebaseball4202 - Oct 11, 2009EF_Sean - Oct 11, 2009
How will college allow you to achieve your goals?

2 - "And I think in addition to Purdue's diversity on campus, up to date experimental equipment and foreign internship opportunities"...

UndergraduateZoe - Oct 11, 2009EF_Sean - Oct 11, 2009
Fsu vires essay

4 - This sounds like a thesis statement, as if it is going to the focus of your essay, but...

Undergraduaterdeez - Oct 11, 2009EF_Sean - Oct 11, 2009
Stanford Supplement - Intellectually Engaging Experience [Edit!]

5 - The topic, as I said, is interesting. The negativity hurts you a bit. This could easily be...

Undergraduatesmoores - Oct 8, 2009EF_Sean - Oct 11, 2009
Common application essay(Indicate a person who has had a significant influence .

2 - "My grand uncle who is a retired red-cross nurse likes to talk international events and politics while I am...

Undergraduatel3goals12 - Oct 11, 2009Vulpix - Oct 11, 2009
My Name is Damon and I Can Roll my R's

16 - You should be able to hear which one is right if you simplify the sentence: "It's not what...

UndergraduateDamon1570 - Aug 31, 2009EF_Sean - Oct 11, 2009
"American Idiot" - I feel like my words just fail to do it with justice; Album review

NEW - The task is relatively simple: pick a rock/pop/country album that you love (you know, one of those albums that...

Writing Feedbackma201314 - Oct 11, 2009 -
Sports professionals are genius like others professional & need to be paid well

4 - What I meant to say was that salary is not decided by the intrinsic value of a job. Professional...

Writing Feedbackthinhtvdhtm - Oct 11, 2009Zoe - Oct 11, 2009
Common App Essay - My Academic Passions

2 - I'm also a 14er so my comments may not be that...thorough... You are mentioning you love both Physics and...

Undergraduateaussie7us - Oct 11, 2009harzel - Oct 11, 2009
increase in sale reflect the power of advertisement not for real need

3 - I'm not familiar with IELTS. I've read your other essay about professional athletes earning too much money and it...

Writing Feedbackthinhtvdhtm - Oct 11, 2009Zoe - Oct 11, 2009
Extracurricular Acitvity Essay-York High School

5 - Hm, does anybody else have any other helpful criticism about this essay?!...

Undergraduatelovinglife - Oct 10, 2009lovinglife - Oct 11, 2009
"my love of learning and compassion for others" - fsu vires artes mores essay

6 - defining vires, arts, or mores is unnecessary. Also, you should input more detail into your essay, it seems kind...

Undergraduatedtkgray - Oct 3, 2009NailahMJ - Oct 11, 2009
Strength, Art, and Tradition. Writing this essay has helped me fathom who I really am.

5 - Nice points, mpatt. Much better, Melanie. There is a much better flow and the vocab doesn't jolt the...

UndergraduatePatelJ - Oct 10, 2009EF_Stephen - Oct 11, 2009
My relationship with my grandparents had always been rough. Common app essay

10 - I agree with keds and EFSean. If you're going to use thiss as an admission essay, the past and...

Undergraduatejennyz - Oct 3, 2009EF_Stephen - Oct 11, 2009
Friction Between Roommates Draft

4 - Hi quiksilverq, I think your essay presents your points very well! But I don't know if adding...

Writing Feedbackquiksilverq - Oct 10, 2009aroundtheworld - Oct 11, 2009
"my venture in French" - University of Florida Essay

4 - Two things here: you've already used the expression 'hand-in-hand' once above. Twice in a short essay is too...

Undergraduatedancingpenguin - Oct 11, 2009EF_Stephen - Oct 11, 2009
"John's influence" - comment on my essay. Is the topic too generic?

4 - Thanks a lot for the help. I will be sure to take your thoughts into consideration while revising. :)...

Undergraduatekb2010 - Oct 10, 2009kb2010 - Oct 11, 2009
Free Art; positive artistic activities should always be encouraged

6 - Technically, if you limit art in any way, it isn't unlimited. This is a difficult argument. It is...

Writing Feedbackvivien_wang - Oct 10, 2009EF_Stephen - Oct 11, 2009
RU is a vibrant community - Be critical of the essay

6 - I agree with the other comments. You should expand upon how you will fit in at Rutgers, and why...

Undergraduatevlatski - Oct 4, 2009ballerina7 - Oct 11, 2009
It is the sport, the multiculturalism; What Australia Means To Me

8 - It isn't for a test. It is school work....

Writing Feedbackjgv115 - Oct 9, 2009jgv115 - Oct 11, 2009
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