Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK2:Shopping as a replacement of hobbies and other leisure activities. [7]

Hello forumers.Once again I am sharing my essay.Feedback and advice are always welcome.
I am fully aware that I have overused the word "shopping". I just don't have other means of replacing it.

TASK:Nowadays, many people go shopping in their free time. Shopping has replaced many other activities that people choose as their hobby. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development?

In today's world, more and more people love to go shopping. They enjoyed buying things not only for themselves but also for others. Thus, it has been preferred over other types of leisure activities and hobbies. Impacts of this development will be taken into consideration.

The perception of people on shopping has greatly evolved. In earlier times, people buy things such as food and clothing for the purpose of preparing supplies to be consumed in the coming days. Nowadays, they have considered shopping as a means of rewarding themselves for working hard. Furthermore, others tried to work hard to earn money for the things they want to buy. Shoppers claim that they felt so relaxed and contented whenever they go around malls and buy things. These perspectives leave other forms of leisure activity less appealing.

Consumers play an important role in a nation's economic industry. The growth of a country's economy greatly depends on how the market flows. If one vital component such as a consumer is not participating, the cycle will be broken. Thus, a country's financial status is deemed to be in trouble. Therefore the more people spend their money, the more chances their nation's economy will grow.

On the other hand, there are also undesirable results brought about by this development. Firstly, spending money or walking around supermarket and malls involves very less physical and mental activities. Undoubtedly, choosing it over hobbies like biking and hiking would mean a person's negligence to his own health. Secondly, there is a great tendency that most shoppers become materialistic. Their preferences are more inclined to brand names and signature items regardless of price. Moreover, these kinds of shoppers usually overspend causing them to be in major debt problems.

In a holistic approach shopping brings benefits to a society. However, looking at the impacts it can do to an individual's character, prioritizing shopping over other forms of leisure activity is regarded as a negative development.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK2:things learned by children from watching tv and movies [9]

Hi I appreciate your help in improving my essay. Thanks in advance.

Essay prompt:Children are learning things by watching TV and movies. What are advantages and disadvantages of this? Give reasons and examples.

Ever since television and film industry was introduced, numerous arguments were discussed pertaining to its influence on younger generation. While some people believe that TV and movies are harmful to children, others oppose and claim that they are beneficial. Both good and bad things learned from watching these shows will be discussed in this essay.

One of the most common problems complained by parents is violence. It is considered harmful because it influences a child to be violent towards their friends. Nowadays, violence is almost present on every show even on those that you would least expect. An example is the cartoon show "Tom and Jerry". This program shows a mouse and a cat repetitively fighting each other in different situations. For innocent minds, they would think it would be funny if they could imitate those actions towards their playmates. Thus, may result to injury and conflict. Another concern complained by parents is the unregulated screening of inappropriate scenes. These scenes if wrongly interpreted by young minds will trigger curiosity and intimacy among peers. In recent cases, it has been proven that adult films are some of the major factors causing early pregnancies.

Shows and films may cause undesired results but originally, they were created to benefit us especially the children. Firstly, the provision of educational shows has helped many parents educate their children. Programs like Barney and Sesame Street teach children learning fundamentals with less supervision and assistance from parents. Furthermore, it helps the young ones in preparing themselves for school. Secondly, some films feature moral lessons which instill values and virtues to the audience. Both components are vital to a child on becoming a good member of society.

In conclusion, children will learn so many good things from watching TV and movies. However, if left unattended, chances of learning bad things are also possible. Adults should be responsible in controlling the kind of film being viewed by children. In addition, proper guidance is also necessary to avoid misconceptions.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Fixed or variable punishment for crimes [7]

Hi Guys. Once again I will be needing you kind advice with this piece I made.Thanks.

TASK:
Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime.Others,however,argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for commiting it,should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment.

Concerns about reviewing crimes and their corresponding penalties have been numerously raised in the civil society. Many stand to the theory that crimes should receive the same degree of punishment regardless of situation and intention. Both views of individuals in favor and against this theory will be discussed.

People in favor of equal punishment claimed that justice is best served when no considerations are taken in to account. Moreover, if crimes were viewed in a flat perspective, potential crimes would be reduced since individuals will be aware that the chances of being acquitted will be low. Thus, through equal punishment it is believed that society would be more safe and secure.

However, many are also against this theory. It is without a doubt that humans are gifted with wisdom for the purpose of seeking justice and truth. This is what separates humanity from computers: why would you judge a crime logically when you can do it rationally? A perfect example of this is euthanasia or otherwise called as mercy-killing. Logically, the act of killing a person itself is a crime. But the act of releasing a victim from his endless suffering is considered a good deed. Thus, the killer with a motive of helping does not deserve to receive the same amount of punishment as normal killers do.

In my opinion, it is more human to carefully review the circumstances of the violation being done. In addition, the type of punishment should be variable depending to the degree of crime.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK2:Should driving be taught at school? [10]

Young drivers are careless and overconfident, and too many are killed in accidents. To eliminate this problem, we could teach children the skills of safe driving while they are at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Throughout the years, the frequency of road accidents has been witnessed as an increasing trend in mankind. It is true that in most cases juvenile drivers are behind these tragic events. However, I do not agree that it is necessary to include driving lessons at school to solve this issue.

Firstly, the risk and choice to learn driving should be a personal option, not a compulsory requirement for everyone. Including driving in the school curriculum would force everyone to do it. This is unfair especially to those who think driving is not yet necessary for them to learn. Persons who opt to learn driving should avail the services of establishments like driving schools and private instructors.

Secondly, if schools were to include driving in their lessons, ironically they are encouraging children to drive at a young and immature age. Law prohibits driving under the age of 18 because these young individuals are considered to be prone in making wrong decisions under critical situations. In the secondary school I went before, faculty took road accidents seriously. They are against on parents consenting their children to drive. Thus, if students were caught doing such acts, they will be suspended for a few days.

Lastly, values like discipline are essential to become a responsible driver. He should control himself to avoid harmful things like drugs and alcohol. Unlike family, schools are limited to theoretically provide ideas and examples only in teaching moral values. Parents are the best teachers for their children in this area since they can be role models and they can show them real life situations.

Overall the aspects of individual preference, maturity, and teaching of moral values lead us to the theory that it is not recommended to have driving lessons taught at school in order to address problems in road accidents.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK2:who should take care of the elderly,family or professionals? [4]

Again, I would like to seek your help in assessing my essay.Thank you for the endless support.Cheers!

TASK:It is better for elderly people to live in special places and look after by professional people more than live with noisy and young members in their own families. To what extend do you agree or disagree with the statement".

In modern times, matters like family relations have been considered to be one of our top priorities. At a certain point, one has to make a decision on who should take care of the elderly. Would it be preferable to avail the services of professionals or should they stay at home with their families as traditionally practised?

For one, most of the concerns of old people are properly attended under the supervision of skilled and experienced individuals. Moreover, elderly staying at special homes will not feel lonely and left out because they will surely meet others, who have common interests, in that place. However, on the downside they might feel abandoned by their own family. This practice is commonly seen in business-oriented countries such as Singapore. They have depended much on the provision of home for the aged facilities and caregiver professionals. Although they are expensive, these facilities have been highly utilized because of the convenience they have provided through their services.

In culture-oriented countries like Philippines, younger generations are morally bound to look after the old as they become mature persons. Many are against this practice for the fact that in most cases young and innocent members of the family have been assigned the task of taking care of the elderly. The noisy atmosphere brought about by teenagers and toddlers could also lead to restlessness. But despite these negative impacts, majority still prefer to be taken care of their family because they feel special about it. Presence of comfort and happiness is felt much around the people you love.

As shown above, both ideas have good and bad points to influence a decision. In today's busy life, I believe that it is better to seek the services of a professional. There is greater assurance that the elderly people are more safe and secure in the hands of expert individuals.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK1:Letter to inform a friend about his accomodation [6]

Write a letter to a foreign friend that is coming for a vacation in your country and he would like to stay at your place. Unfortunately, you cannot accommodate him.

- Tell him the reason why you cannot accommodate him.
- Recommend a new place for his stay
- Invite him again to visit on your free time

Hi Greg,

Sorry if it took me a couple of weeks to reply your mail. I have been busy with our ongoing project at work. With regard to your query about the accommodation, I regret to inform you that I will not be able to host you next month on your stay here at Singapore.

We decided to let our parents come over next month to take over our nanny, who will be away for weeks to attend her sister's wedding. I think it would be inappropriate to accommodate too many guests at the same time considering that I am sharing the house with another family. Please do not let this incident spoil your trip. Let me help you find better alternatives. I know lots of recommended hotels which are a few blocks away from my place. Definitely, most of them have all the amenities you might need and I am sure they are inexpensive too. Just advise me your preference so that everything will be arranged prior to your arrival.

Again, I hope you understand my situation and I am truly sorry for this unfortunate news. Nevertheless, if you have spare time please come and visit us. My wife have heard so much about you and she would love to meet you. I have provided our residential address and phone number below. See you soon.

Regards,
Chandler

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK1:Complain letter for wrong information on a product's AD [3]

I hope you guys can help assess the letter I composed.an IELTS band score would be great
all comments and suggestions are welcome..thanks..

Task :
You have purchased an item after gone through an advertisement. But some of the information in the advertisement, was wrong about the purchased product. Write a letter to the manufacturer about it. In your letter,

- mention the product you purchased and about the advertisement
- what went wrong with the information and describe your problem
- what you want the manufacturer to do and ask for the solution

Dear Sir / Madam,

I am writing to express my dissatisfaction on one of your latest television product, particularly Smart TV EX500.I purchased a set 3 days ago from one of your authorized retail shop in Southlane street. I was disappointed when I found out the unavailability of the wireless feature.

As advertised in television commercials, I was expecting that this model is capable of connecting to the internet without any hassle. After unboxing and experimenting, I discovered that the unit requires a dongle for wireless functionality, which is essential if associating the unit to internet. Not only will the dongle cost me additional 300 dollars but it will also take a couple of weeks to be delivered. I hope you understand how upset I am to be in this situation.

Overall I have decided it is better-off to upgrade the unit to a higher model. I need your assistance to approve my request to trade the unit I have purchased with Smart TV SX500. I am prepared to pay for the price difference if necessary. I would also suggest that you review the advertisement for this product to avoid future unhappy customers.

I hope to hear from you soon.

Yours faithfully,
Chandler

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK2:Reward or punishment for a good behavior? [6]

guys. I need your help again to assess my essay. Any fedbacks are much welcomed and I am writing for IELTS soon so it
would be great if you can judge it with a band score. thanks..

Task: Some people believe that Children behave better when they are rewarded for a good behavior, while some people argue that children behave better only after they got punished.

Discuss both the views and give your opinion. Use your real life experience.

One of the major challenges in building a family is raising your children to become virtuous individuals as they grow up. It has been argued that in terms of disciplining your children, which one has desirable results, reward or punishment? Both methodologies will be carefully examined in this essay.

No one can deny the effectiveness of punishment as a means of correcting juvenile issues. The act of depriving or revoking something precious to your child will make him think twice on being mischief again. But for the fact that it is usually associated with fear and pain, it is considered immoral and unjust. In worst cases it develops hatred in a child to his family. For example, back when I was young, I have this uncle who used to punish me for not doing the chores. Instead of teaching me a lesson, I end up disliking him until now. This illustrates how punishment could sometimes yield a negative result.

On the other hand, giving a reward for a good deed also brings good results. It reminds a child that proper behavior is always appreciated. As a result they tend to exert effort to do more good acts in order to receive more rewards. For instance, a few years ago when I was training my younger cousins to do the chores, I promised them a box of ice cream if all the tasks are completed. Their response was good as they are looking forward to have the ice cream I promised. On the following days after, they would do the chores even without me telling them. This shows how influential a reward can be in terms of teaching good values.

Following this look at both aspects I have discussed, I believe reward produces better results compared to punishment. The former normally brings a happier environment therefore is followed with a more positive outcome. In serious cases, punishment may be necessary but it is morally recommended to avoid this method while you can.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK2:learning to play a music instrument is a waste of time [10]

Task2:Some say that learning to play a music instrument is a waste of time, agree or disagree?

The role of musicians has brought many arguments in a society. One topic of discussion is the amount of time spent on learning musical instruments. Many people claim that it is just a waste of time, I firmly oppose to this statement. In this essay we will be discussing how teaching oneself discipline and gaining self-confidence as a result of learning to play an instrument could be beneficial to an individual.

Learning an instrument is not as easy as it sounds. A person needs commitment and dedication to be successful .Thus, discipline is a key requirement to achieve good results. For instance, learning a guitar cannot be accomplished overnight, it is essential to spend at least two hours daily for your practice. This shows that you have taught to discipline yourself in the aspect of time management.

Being able to play an instrument makes you feel better about yourself and it gives you a sense of belongingness. An example is heard from stories of most talent show candidates like America's Got Talent. In real life they are struggling their way for survival and they feel unworthy of themselves. But once they are on stage playing an instrument, it is like living a dream for them. This makes them feel special about themselves and thus they have gained self-confidence.

Both aspects shown above clearly proves that learning a musical instrument brings positive results to oneself. Therefore, it is unrightful to claim that time spent on practicing an instrument is wasted. In fact, it is considered as an investment for self-improvement.