Writing Feedback / IELTS: Intended instruction hours in public institution [3]

The charts shows information regarding hours of children aged 7 to 14 in institutional instruction in different countries in 2005

Overall, the total number of intended instruction hours in public institutions rose gradually in children development.

Turning to the details, the hours of institutional instruction came nearly 2000 in children aged 7 to 8 while children aged 9 to 11 intended double to approximately 5000-hour. However, children aged 12 to 14 experienced the highest rate in 8000 hours.

A more detailed look at the graph compared that the overall hours in numbers was not always similar. Standing in contrast with Finland adolescence, the Italian adolescence reached the top notch intention by more than 8000-hour while Finland teens intend to follow instructional hours as the least by 5400. The Netherlands teenagers coming second spent 8200 hour, then followed by eleven different countries that gained significance 7000-hour. However, while the nine countries obtained the proportion of intended instructions by 6000 to 7000-hour, the five others countries reckoned 6000-hour institutional instructions over a period of 2005.

• 
  many_bars.png
  

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 : Developing on Chorleywood Village [4]

Hi, all. This is the third times I write in the same map, it does not matter for me to write same prompt repetitively, in order to increase my understanding.I am glad that all of you deign to compare my two previous.

======================================================

The given map reveals the information regarding the developing of Chorleywood village in 126 years started from 1868 to 1994.

Overall, while three transportation accesses were built between 1909 and 1970, the four areas in Chorleywood, shaped in the legend, also built consecutively.

Turning to the details, started from 1868 to 1883 a small area appeared nearly Chorleywood Park and Golf course while horizontally shaded area, built between 1883 and 1992, constructed around Chorleywood station. Next, by comparison with the two darkly shaded areas which were established in the west corner and south-east station, the newest area showed tremendous developed in almost center and east of village.

A more detail looked at the transportation accesses. By comparison with Railway and Motorway, number of main roads quantitatively showed in the north and west side of map. On the other hand, the length of railway connecting west-to-east side of village built in 1909 while the motorway connecting north-to-south appeared in 1970.

Interestingly, the centre of village showed the highest rate of development from 1868 to 1883 and from 1970 to 1994.

• 
  chorleywood.jpg
  

Writing Feedback / The officials of Canadian universities have high variety in allow international students to graduate [3]

The given chart reveals inquiry regarding a comparison in percentage of overseas student graduating from universities in the field Canadian provinces between 2001 and 2006.

Overall, the differences of graduate student proportion sought in 2001 and 2006.Thus reversing gaps in the two years question occurs, universities in Alberta province were solely graduating more collegian in the outset.

Turning to the detail, by comparison with all of provinces, New Brunswick stood favorably as the top notch provinces throughout the time which graduate 7 per cent overseas student in 2001 then climb nearly 12 per cent in 2006.

However, in 2001, Nova Scotia coming second with 7 percent student studied there then followed by Quebec, Alberta, British Columbia, Manitoba, Newfoundland-and-Labrador and Ontario province as the least 3 per cent chosen by international pupils.

A closer forward look at the year 2006, the similarity percentage revealed that 7 per cent pupils graduated from Manitoba and Newfoundland-and-Labrador provinces while 11 per cent students obtained their degree in Nova Scotia and British Columbia. Therefore, the three provinces, Ontario, Quebec and Nova Scotia officially allowed international student to graduate almost more doubled, length 8-to-9 percent, than such percentage in the previous year.

Interestingly, while News Brunswick stance as the top most percentage in overall time, British Columbia student percentage grow significantly in increasing international graduation. Therefore, Alberta province shows a diminishing percentage ever.

We can conclude that the official of Canadian universities has high variety in allow international student to graduate.

• 
  Yoras.JPG
  

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 : Factors influence job performance [3]

The table reveals evidence regarding 100 workers, grouped by age, which is depended on factors affected work performance.

Overall, all mentioned factors varied markedly. The groups or worker performed prefentially in the some major factors with different proportion while another minor factors show similar proportion of those groups.

Turning to the detail, although 30 and 70 workers, either young and old, choose work environment and team spirit as the factors influenced their performance the youngster marked a rocket performance than older worker when facing four others factors.

Having been presented in the graph, even though 80 youngster workers engaged with promotion prospect and relaxed working environment as the factors effecting work performance, the oldest affected less with these factors by 57 and 38. Standing by contrast, the chance for personal development reaching the top notch factors with almost all youngsters chosen then job insecurity coming the tenth factors chosen by only 24 older workers.

A more detailed look at close in the two contrary proportions, 60 older workers and 58 younger workers attached the competence boss to encourage their performance whereas 45 older and 46 younger workers go for job satisfaction in order to emerge their performance. These show slight contrast in aged workers

Interestingly, eight factors show the gap between groups of workers, while another two factors perform equality.

• 
  G78.png
  

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: Subway system in six major countries [5]

Write at least 150 words
===========================================
The table reveals evidence of the underground railway systems in six major countries in field of opening date, length of route, and the commuters are carried.

Not surprisingly, all mentioned features of six subway system varied markedly. While Kyoto subways reckoned for the least route and the least passenger statistic per year, the oldest underground railway system in London shows the longest length.

Turning to the details, by comparison with Los Angeles subway system, London's system coming first construction in 1863 and carried out at 775 million commuters annually. However, coming the sixth underground railway systems, Los Angeles, being inaugurated in 2001 carried 50 passengers in the route of 28 kilometers.

A more detailed look at the table shows, the subterranean railways appears in the twentieth century in Tokyo. Such trend attaching 155 kilometer route and reached the top notch passenger by 1927 million, followed by 199 length system in Paris recorded 1191 million ridership and 126 kms length. However, Washington DC underground railways lengthening 126 kms serviced 144 million commuters per year.

• 
  Railway_system.jpg
  

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : Australian children leisure activity [5]

The graph below gives information about the preferred leisure activities of Australian children.
==============================================================
The given chart reveals information regarding gender in a preference of leisure among Australian children aged 5-14.

Overall, the Australian children, either boys or girls, does watching television or video as the first chosen for their leisure activities, while skateboarding or rollerblading coming fifth free-time activities with different proportion of each gender.

Regarding the inquiry the differences on the other three categories: bike riding, electronic or computer games, and art-and-craft occurred differently in each gender. First, the attractive noticeable trends is seen in biking and gaming activities as twin trends, eighty per cent Australian boys like biking and gaming while the Australian counterpart doing these activities by 50 per cent. Second, by comparison between boys and girls in art and craft has dissimilar percentage, boys started off crafting more than girls. By 58 percent Australian boys do art and craft whereas 38 per cent girls chosen such activity for their leisure interest.

• 
  Australian_children_.jpg
  

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Water Cycle from the ocean to air and to the Earth surface [6]

Hi, all. Please kindly check my writing. Thank you

The diagram below shows the water cycle which is the continuous movement of water on, above and below the surface of the Earth.
==============================================================

The diagram describes the process of water cycle from the ocean to air and to the Earth surface which distinct in the three stages.

More clearly, evaporation appears as the first stage. The heat of sun condenses 80 per cent of sea water then reform it become cloud. Next, the result of evaporation process stimulates cloud to precipitate as the preparation of the next stage. Thus, the evaporate process makes cloud formation, the process continue to precipitate amount of water falls to the ground as the second stage.

After that, the rain water stored in the lakes and in the mountain summit as snow. Those kind of storage, water lake and snow, move along to return to the ocean, this is the third cycle stage. Moreover, while the groundwater stay in the impervious layer, the water movement keeps going through the line then the salt intrusion may affect seawater become salty; this is the of the third stage. Therefore, this cycle does continuously after water stance in the ocean.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Young people are much aware about issues than previous generations. [3]

hi, all. I am studying for increasing my writing. I am glad if you give the reason and explanation about my mistake(s). Thank you

Young people are much aware and concerned about issues like the environment, poverty, and animal welfare than previous generations. What is your own opinion?
=============================================================

There is a comparison between young and old generation in order to see particular issues such as environment, poverty and animal welfare. While some people claim that the new generation is more concerned about those issues rather than the former generation, I too personally hold this view by several important reasons.

The previous generation lives where the natural resource is abundance. Thus, they benefit from the resources surround without care how to preserve it for the present for the following generation. As fact, nowadays we can see the environmental problem emerging everywhere and also urging the now generation to tackle this problem. Therefore, many juveniles emphasizing their seriousness tackle this problem through creativity ways such as making poster, blogging campaign and planting trees are commonly occurs.

Moreover, the youngster not only aware about the environmental issue but also pay attention about social difficulties. I believe this also caused by rapid development of technology such as internet which counterpart with the former generation. While technology does not occur well in the previous, the antecedent commonly paid attention to fulfill they own goods. On the other hand, hearing the sound of hunger in isolated place raise and touch their heart to do some movement. Thus, this resulted for various creative events in order to tackle poverty problems made by youngster. Take one example, Danny Glover a young actor also a poverty activist. He is in collaborated with United Nation Development Program (UNDP) in a mission to reduce poverty in the impoverished nations.

Animal welfare should be thought serious nowadays. In comparison with the previous era, there is no such a suitable place for animal especially in the big city. We can see dogs and cats are walking freely through the main road and in high risk violence by cruel people. But nowadays, aware youngsters, commonly in a community, already build shelters to care such wild animals.

In conclusion, whether sometimes people are underestimated youngster ability in order to tackle the happening issues. In my opinion, those reasons above are kind of emphasize that youngster also can do much with their ways give to alternative solution related to problems surrounds.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 : Findland Telephone calls [10]

The bar chart shows the number of telephone calls in terms of local landline, national and international landline and mobiles in Finland over a 9 year period from 1995 to 2004.

Overall, the three categories: local landline, national-and-international landline and Mobile show a parallel increase after the starting point, although local landline category experienced a downward trend in the last four year of the course.

As per the bar chart, national-and-international calls increased gradually from 6000 million minutes in 1995 to 10000 million minutes in 2004, a rise about 4000 minutes calls. Occupying 12000 minutes calls in 1995, the local landline doubled in number compared to the national and international landline calls recorded in the same years. The local landline recorded as the main communication media using by Finland's residents. After a short peak period in 2001, the figure for local landline dropped consecutively to finish at 12000 calls, a similar number of such figure in 1995.

Finland residents were less likely to use mobiles, even though the record showed that it gained the highest improvement of the overall categories. It start closely to zero calls then underwent a little dip in 1999 prior to rose sharply nearly 10000 minutes in the last statistic year. However, the gap between three categories had narrowed considerably over the second half of the period in question, although local landlines were the still popular in 2004.

• 
  Finland_Telephone_Ca.png
  

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : Problems that overpopulation causes and suggest solution. [5]

I am a beginner, please comment mine briefly. It is glad for me if you give the reason and explanation about my mistake(s). This is very useful for my understanding. Thank you :)

The world is experiencing a dramatic increase in population. This is causing problems not only for poor, undeveloped countries, but also for industrialised and developing nations.

Describe some of the problems that overpopulation causes, and suggest at least one possible solution.

You should write at least 250 words

You are required to support your ideas with relevant information and examples based on your own knowledge and experience.

==============================================================
In the twenty first century a rapid increase of population are occurred. This phenomenon is seen not only in the industrialised countries but also in the poor countries. Obviously, this overpopulation problem should be seek from it causes in order to suggest the solution(s).

The increasing population of world's developing countries naturally is much higher than developed one. It can be caused by the high percentage uneducated people. Unfortunately, the lack of knowledge may raise the tendency to make large family member. This is might be understood because people in undeveloped country commonly not considerate to provide the advance facilities in order to bringing up their children. On the other hand, the traditional view for many children linear with wealthy condition is still anchored in several people who live in this classification. This assumption is acceptable for few decades ago because commonly people work in the field and need more assistants in order to hoe or plow the land.

Nevertheless, population explosion in the develop country may also related to the tremendous migrations. The migration is also engaged with the desire for working in the worth place. Nowadays, we can see most of people who lived in big city in the developed country are immigrants who go there to be the breadwinner. For example in Jakarta, the capital city of Indonesia, numbers of transmigration annually increased. This is linear with the result of government census which said that the most reason why people come to Jakarta is job looking purpose.

Furthermore, to tackle this problem several solutions might be stood. First, the regulation which is control the birth number has to stand strictly. For instance, to reduce rate of population Indonesia's government release Keluarga Berencana. This program persuades family for having 2 children only. One of the features is give guidance and counseling to marital people, and provide with easy access to contraception. Second, penalties for the offender are necessary. This may seem cruel, but we can reflect from China experience, the most populous nation, which can reduce the numbers of population with this way. In fact, the number of population can be naturally decreased if the citizen aware that numbers of family members has drawbacks not only for the family itself but also for the entire country.

In conclusion, although the explosion of population came with many causes, there is no other way to solve it beside people awareness to give priority of quality instead quantity.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task I : Flowchart process of academic writing [6]

I am in my journey to write Task 1, please comment mine. Thank you

The flowchart below shows the process involved in writing formal academic essay for particular university course.

Describe the stages of the process in a reporter a university lecturer.

You should write at least 150 words.
================================================================= ===============
The flowchart below reveals the stages which should be complete in writing academic essay in a particular university course.

Generally, there are six stages should be complete to make an academic essay consecutively.

The first stage is private tutorial. This stage directs the student to take discussion about the task topic with the tutor. After that, obtaining resources such as books and articles should be done, too. The second stage involves conducting a research. Taking note in the library, giving questionnaire, conducting interview, and doing survey are the part of this stage. Next, making an essay draft is the third stage. It is necessary to plan your essay with organize the content and produce the brief outline; and also first checking for writing style and formal language usage is needed, too.

However, discussing the first draft problems and asking for further ideas suggestion are occurred in the fourth stage. Then, student should be revised the draft with read resource material again and adding the suggestion in the previous stage; also checking for quotations is required. Now, five stages have been complete. The final draft checking should be stand strictly before student submitted the final draft. It includes rewrite the final draft with carefully check the words spelling; compiled with bibliography and add title page are necessitate, consider to submit the essay before the deadline completion.

• 
  flowchart.gif
  

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Elderly Population in three different countries: Japan, Sweden and USA [2]

The Graph show the proportion of the population 65 aged and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph illustrates the changes of elderly population in USA, Sweden and Japan during a period of 100 years from 1940 to 2040.

Overall, the projection of the elder proportions shows a dramatic increase by 2040.

In 1940, the highest proportion of elderly had shown in USA, accounted nearly 10 %. This was higher than that of Sweden and Japan population which were revealed approximately 7 % and 5%. However, Apart from the brief decline over the 40 years following, the proportion of elderly in USA and Sweden gradually increased to nearly 15 % in 1980. While the figure of ageing population in USA experienced a little declined between 1980 and 200, Japan elderly population recovered at 5% in 2000.

A closer to year 2000, Japan trend will be experienced a gradual increased prior to rocket by more than 25 percent at 2040. The figure of elderly in Sweden will undergo a fluctuation before will finished at 25% while USA elderly is predicted to peak just nearly 25% at the end of the course.

Interestingly, despite Japan elderly population recorded as the lowest proportion in 1940, the forecast of its figure will be overtaken the proportion of USA and Sweden over a 100 year period.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Living in modern Apartment or Traditional House - support your choice [4]

Hi, all. I am open for comments.

Would you prefer to live in a traditional house or in a modern apartment building? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.

These days, many residents in the big city afford the apartment, while the other choose traditional house to live. Personally, I prefer to live in a traditional house, and I want to examine my choice in two reasons.

Firstly, the consideration to choose place of living is based on the economic reason. In the big city, a modern luxurious apartment is unaffordable. So, we can see city inhabitants who are in the middle or low class favors to live in the traditional house. While for wealth people choosing apartment as housing is preferable.

Secondly, choosing place to stay is depended on personal taste. Even though the modern feature and service of apartment simplify the daily duties, some people feel out of their coziness. For example, whether the door locked or not, does not to be afraid because it is automatically tightens, but wake up with morning with bird tweeting exactly unavailable in apartment. However, living in the traditional house with peaceful atmosphere might be a dream of most of city inhabitant. We should be understood it as an effect of city density dissatisfaction. People are bored with traffic, deadlines, and noisy. So, they tend to relax in the traditional house which is complete with green grass.

In my personal view, living in the traditional house is better. My consideration is about sudden natural disaster like earthquake. As we know, when living in the skyscrapers like apartment, it should take long time to came out in such emergency situation whereas the traditional house is better enough than apartment does. Further, the traditional house has uniqueness in design variation in compare with minimalist style or other modern pattern.

In conclusion, while others have a freedom to decide which suitable place for them to live, traditional or modern, I believe that choosing place to stay in is depend on economical ability and personal taste.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK II : "Mother is the dead heart of the family" - Fatherhood vs Motherhood [7]

hi, essayers Please kindly commented mine. I can't wait for your corrections.

"Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood". The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up.

=======================================================
There is a saying from an Australian Female eunuch "Mother is the dead heart of the family". This saying may imply in the concept that mother is solely responsible in bringing up their child but the concept changed nowadays. Therefore, emphasizing fatherhood as the happening concept should be pondered as the way to build togetherness in order to bring the children up. I want to examine that both concepts might walk altogether for several reasons.

Firstly, the old view people often separated mother and father in the two big roles; mother responsible at home and father responsible as the breadwinner. Linear with world developing, mothers do work for earning money commonly seen in many part of world. Therefore, a family with working mother may need support from father also in order to caring their child a working mother may over exhaust after several job duties. Hence, accompanying their child doing homework, playing, and make a joke with them are such unimportant while the children in their development totally need mother's love. In this case, fatherhood may chip in to accompany children.

Secondly, father may attach with tough skills and mother with soft skills. Children learn how to interact and to show their feelings softly from mother while father related to decision making, surviving and braving in the term to face life obstacle. Taking an example, an elementary boy is in a crush with his classmate; in this case, learning the way to forgive each other is a lesson from motherhood and the way to solve it is fatherhood's lesson.

The aforementioned above are the reasons that not only motherhood take essential but also fatherhood in the child caring. Furthermore, equality of motherhood and fatherhood take a benefit especially for children in a family. Children can be attached in both of them and trained to gain great personality. As an example, a girl gets love and compassion side as the successful of motherhood, and become a great decision maker as fatherhood succeeds. This is actually different with children who get caring from deviant portion parenthood which usually made a boy, for example, is tough enough but lack when expressing his feeling.

In conclusion, either fatherhood or motherhood has importance in different side in term of well-mature process. Obviously, each side of parenting should do well altogether.

Writing Feedback / It is astonishing that people keep in circling in their comfort zone and avoid life variation [4]

I was posted the same prompt in several days ago. But have unsatisfied with my writing. Here I try to make the newest with the different explanation. I hope for some member especially who followed my progress can give me enlightening advices. Thanks in advance :)

People naturally resist making changes in their lives. What kind of problems can cause this? What solution you suggest? Give the reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

=========================================================
It is astonished that people keep in circling in their comfort zone and avoid life variation, whether world changing force most of inhabitant to take a challenge. Obviously, it is keen to aligned several causes related to this problem to find solutions. I tend to explain those, cause and solutions, in the following paragraph.

To begin with, keeping stays in the circumstance may be caused by people mentality. For example, there are some graduated students who favor applying in local university rather than enrolled in international college overseas. This evidence may indicate as fearlessness to adapt with different weather, lifestyle, meal, and environment which opposite with he(she) origins. Moreover, pleasure tendency may be stood as the other background in resistant people. While the others forced their self to defeat time for making change, resist people who have pleasure embryo usually keep staying in their convenient boundaries and not to try other possibilities for challenging themselves. For instance, a loyal civil servant earns 2 million IDR salaries monthly for 20 years her (his) job without trying another income.

Therefore, after several causes which may relate to resist in changing challenge; the possible solutions can be sought. People should be eager to face different kind of life disturbance; it kind of adaptation patterns. Sometimes the solution of our fearfulness is just braving to try or not. Taking baby walk as an example; the toddler should experiences several suffering, injury, and braise before well-walking. Nowadays do walking for adult is not being problem anymore. Likewise, anchoring our mind in positive way is another suggestion which I may mentioned. Due to this positivity, the nightmare can be became sweet dream. For example, the trekker who thinks hiking as the interesting way and easy to do commonly showed better performance rather than others who think hiking as such obstacles they could not pass.

In conclusion, while being resistant influence several people, as part of society we should seek far behind what causes this problem in order to suggest some solutions to help people with this difficulties.