Letters / Motivation letter for the erasmus mundus program in green networking and cloud computing [2]

The applicant lacks the required professional experience to be admitted into the EM program. The consortium will have to consider the application based on an assessment of his internship and academic related experiences. It would have been preferrable for the applicant to have some sort of professional work experience and not be a student still enrolled in college at this point, but the consortium treats all applications as equally as possible so they will consider this application with an open mind as well. Though lacking in work experience, it has enough academic references to stand a chance of being considered, but do not hold me to that statement. All I am saying is, if no other more qualified applicant exists for the same program, then, they may consider your application seriously.

The narration in the second paragraph takes too long to get to the point. Since this is only an anecdote told to the applicant, it needs to get to the point sooner rather than later. If possible, just use it as a reference to the motivation. It is not good that the applicant had to do research to find further motivation to continue with higher studies. While the student will view this as a "drive" to go forward, the consortium could view it as an applicant who has no idea what his actual motivation is.

Writing Feedback / Vietnamese society has changed significantly in the past decades [2]

I am not sure why you are focused on Vietnam for this discussion. The original prompt references a general trend in the change of culture and traditional values. It is not solely focused on Vietnam. Did you create your own prompt requirement for this? If yes, then you should have included your original prompt so that I can properly review your essay. Please provide that next time.


The examiner is not interested in a restatement of the purpose of the essay. You should have already accomplished that in the prompt restatement sentence. This section should only represent your opinion, along with the simple basis of your opinion, which will be expanded upon in the next paragraphs. There is no need to restate what is obvious to the examiner. Large percentage points will be lost that way.

Writing Feedback / Essay about the lesson children can learn from TV and it may be good or not for them - [3]


This paragraph does not make sense to a native English reader. That means, the prompt restatement + opinion is not clear to the reader due to a lack of control over sentence structure and word usage. The first paragraph will receive a failing TA score. This will practically ensure that the essay is not going to get an overall passing score.

The essay will receive a failing score, even though the writer shows great effort in doing his best respond to the prompt. The lack of control over sentence structure, the lack of coherence in the paragraphs, the lack of clarity in thought presentation, the highly limited grammar range, all add up to the lowest possible scores, based on the scoring rubic for this exam taker.

Letters / Electronics and Telecommunication Engineering - Erasmus mundus motivation letter [2]


So what? Every student has an ambition to pursue their studies in their field of work. There is nothing remarkable about this statement. It is not even memorable. If you have a true ambition to contribute something specific to the electric vehicle field, then state what it is as the primary motivating factor in the opening paragraph.


This is too elementary a consideration for the EM program. Do you not have any professional training, seminars, skills development, conferences, publications, or the like to use? These references must be within the professional realm rather than undergraduate reference. The other applicants will have national references to speak of, thus practically ensuring you do not make it past the first screening.


Do not repeat information about the program to the consortium. The reasons you want to attend this program must have a proper professional requirement.

Reading through this application, I can only say that the current qualifications of the applicant are not competitive enough to make it past the screening round. The applicant lacks in relevant professional requirements and accomplishments.

Writing Feedback / Food shortage is still prevalent, despite of using modern technologies in the agricultural industry [3]


This is a discussion misdirection. The writer has added information that is not referred to in the original prompt. As such, the topic has now changed its basis from a general world reference to specific region reference. The topic has been altered and will receive a reduced TA score due to topic inaccuracy.


This is a discussion question repetition sentence. It is not a thesis statement, which is the required infomation for the last 2 sentences. The previous sentence answered the first question. The last sentence did not. This will be another deduction based on irrelevant response format.


This is a redundancy that is not helping the essay in terms of content and clarity. The first sentence must represent the topic of the paragraph through a topic sentence anchor. There is no need to continously repeat information from the original prompt. The 2 reasoning sentences should represent the paragraph content instead.

Scholarship / Designing, assessing, economic policy - Letter of motivation for Erasmus Mundus EPOG+ [4]


Merge the content of this paragraph with the second one. The first paragraph must indicate the career motivation in a manner that addresses the national problem you hope to solve upon your return to Pakistan. Do not use the researched information to such a long extent. It sounds more like a lecture or research paper than a motivation. Use only bits and pieces of it.


Aren't you interested in learning about possible solutions as well? What possible solution do you have in mind that you hope to warn more about? Haven't you given there considerations any thought?


How have these experiences prepared you for the course? Why do these exposures relate to the course requirements? This and the next paragraph should show connectivity.

Writing Feedback / Do you agree that imposing a heavy tax on sugary products can discourage potential consumers? [2]


Do not add information to the presentation. Doing so alters the original content presentation and reduces the accuracy score for the restatement.


The discussion instruction is not asking if you think the solution is acceptable. It is asking you to think about whether you support the solution presented by (dis)agreeing with the statement. The response format is incorrect and not applicable as a response to the original question. The response must cleary represent the keyword response to the question.

The reasoning paragraphs have not focused on the soda tax discussion alone. The alterations range from:


The second reason is so off-base, there is noway it can recieve a partial score. A partial score is all the previous paragraph will recieve. So, while this is a heavily worded essay, it will not receive a passing score. It is just too far from the discussion expectations.

Letters / Law student - Erasmus mundus motivation letter [3]



These are the focal points of your interest in becoming a lawyer. However, your interests in law are too wide and varied. Bring it down to a solid and singular study level. Even though the topics you will be studying in the masters program will be varied, your thesis will be based on a singular theme. Therefore, your study focus must immediately indicate the what and why of your reason to seek familiarity with the program.


Irrelevant. The discussion does not truly highlight a motivating factor for advanced studies. Do not try to add information just for dramatic purposes. If it is not clearly related to the course requirements, it does not need to be in the presentation.

Writing Feedback / My biggest Challenge yet ..... help me on how can I improve my memoir [2]

The writer keeps confusing the timeline of his memoir presentation. He cannot make up his mind as to whether to present this in present or past tense. Since this is a memoir, it is reflection of the writer based on past events. The keyword being "past". So the time references in the essay need to be in past form. The iconcistent time reference is what is most irritating about this memoir. The writer needs to realize that a memoir is based on "memories" and therefore, must be highlighted in presentation from a hindsight look.

As this should be a balanced memoir, the writer should focus on presenting an aspect of how the father's relationship with his children changed as well. Not just from the fear of the children, but from the actual interaction with him to help depict how the family dynamic truly changed for them. That includes how the sister reacted and how that relationship changed between her and their father, and between the siblings as well.

Scholarship / How can I write UCW personal statement prompt considering its missions and values [2]


It is important that you do not waste word count on useless opening sentences that merely repeat the prompt provided. The reviewer will see this as a student desperately trying to respond to the question, when he has not done his research into the university mission and values. Open instead with a direct response to the question. That shall be more appreciated as an informative answer and also, allow you to showcase the succeeding discussion paragraphs.


How? May be? Why aren't you sure? Again, you have not familiarized yourself with UWC and as such, will probably lose the interest of the reviewer at this point, leading to a rejection of your application. Are you certain you wish to attend UWC? Why are you showing signs of not even having familiarized yourself with the foundation of the university?


You and half the young adults on the planet hope for this chance. You have totally misunderstood the reasoning behind the existence of UWC. Read deeper into the university background. You are not making a good case for your admission at all.

Writing Feedback / Do you agree that traditional cultures, traditional habits could be replaced by advanced technology? [3]


The question is, to what degree? So the response format is not proper. The degree of disagreement should be presented in a way that merges the measurement with the thesis statement. The prompt restatement + personal opinion will receive markdowns for the incomplete response statement.


Use the examples as a second paragraph. For the first reasoning paragraph, merge the 2 related reasons for the explanation so that the C+C score will get a better consideration.


This is the actual topic sentence for this paragraph, this is where the paragraph should start. Using the sentence and then providing examples within would have created an engaging and highly infomative discussion presentation.


Good recap. However, you forgot to reiterate your personal opinion in the form of a paraphrased measured response. So the conclusion will have to receive minimal points deductions, just like the prompt restatement paragraph.

Graduate / Essay to apply at University College Dublin for MSc Course [3]


Do not exaggerate. You are only going to be running a family / mom and pop hardware store. That is not an industry, even if you are the only hardware in Nepal. Bring your statement down to earth and within the realm of reality of your family business ambitions.

The essay does not have any proper response to the question "How do you see your career developing over 5 years?" The essay should show a progressive career plan, from start to finish, over 5 years. The reviewer would like to know that you are familiar with the course curriculum, training plan, and other considerations, in relation to your career or business development plan. that is not presented in this essay.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS Writing task 1] EU-born Science and Technology employees working in the US in 1999 [5]

The main problem with your English skills stem from your lack of word usage accuracy, lack of familiarity with plural v. singular word usage, and proper sentence structuring. Although you show that you have a higher than beginner level of English vocabulary, you have not reached an intermediate grasp of the language usage yet. The errors you show in this writing still have you at the beginner level of English writing skills.

Improvements to your writing skills can be achieved by focusing in the observations made above. This will include further review of when and where to use the definite article "the" in a sentence. Yes, although it is commonly used (on a regular basis) in the English language, there are still times when it is not needed in a sentence.

Pointing out the errors in your work in general will be more helpful than if I were to review the content of your presentation. That is not actually the problem of the presentation which is why I chose to focus on what I see as your actual grammar related issues instead.

Writing Feedback / The pie charts illustrate the proportion of six categories of average household expenditures [2]


How many charts? How would you clearly differentiate the representations of each chart? How are these titled in the original presentation?


Make the actual proportion measurement clear to the reader as this is clearly indicated in the actual image. Include a quick run-down of the 6 listed identifiers prior to its inclusion in the trending paragraph. The enumeration will allow the reader to quickly understand, remember, and consider the information coming from the trending paragraph.

The writer must consider using more sentences within the paragraph presentations. The requirement is for 3-5 comparative sentences, which do not represent run-on sentences. The simple and complex sentence presentations can use improvement. Avoid using only single or 2 sentence run-on presentations as presented in this report.

Letters / Practice and theory. Motivational letter for MBA in university of Padua (Italy) [2]

The quotations, regardless of whether these are original or taken from someone else, are not necessary in a motivational letter. You may use that in a personal statements, but never in a motivational statement. The essay lacks focus and direction because the information presented mixes the requirements for a personal statement and a motivational letter. Now, without knowing if these personal references are required of the discussion, I will have to assume that these can be deleted due to the irrelevance of the information presented. There are only several paragraphs that you can use in the 2.0 version of this motivational letter. These are paragraphs 3,4,5,6,7. With regards to language unfamiliarity, you need to start familiarizing yourself with basic Italian use even before you arrive in Italy. By indicating you are now preparing to overcome the language barrier, you show the reviewers that you are serious about going to Italy to study.

Writing Feedback / Living independently - Family I write it for IELTS [3]


Do not change the point of view as presented in the original prompt. These reasons are not indicated as a topic basis in the original. Rather, it represents a part of the writer's opinion, which, when presented in the prompt restatement + opinion, changes the original meaning of the presentation. Stick to a restatement of the original prompt, using the same information, but presented using synonyms instead. This reference will pull down the TA score of the first paragraph.


Good job on the personal statement + thesis presentation. Excellent reflection of your soon to be expanded upon opinion.

The problem arises when the topic is finally discussed. There is no evidence of the public opinion basis of the discussion due to the general nature of the presentation, represening only a personal point of view of the writer. The appropriate format is to use the third person pronouns when discussing the first 2 public opinions, to show that you are "discussing both views" only. This seperation is clear when you notice that the original prompt refers to "Some people" and "others", indicating the need to discuss the public point of view first, the writer's opinion last.

The personal opinion should be presented within a seperate 3rd paragraph to show a clear comparison analysis using first person pronouns. The differentiation of points of views through pronoun use is necessary for the TA + GRA scoring considerations.

Scholarship / Farming interest - Describe the world you come from [3]


Use another word to describe the struggle of your mother to earn an income. "Hustle" is an English slang word that connotes a negative method of earning an income, usually through illicit or illegal means. You do not want that sort of image ingrained into the reviewer's mind.


You are showing poor grammar and sentence structure control. Know when to capitalize a word and when not to capitalize it. The reviewer is also using this essay to assess your grasp and degree of English usage. You are starting to appear at a non-college level at this point.

You described your background but did not refer to the background in terms of how it influenced how you see the world within your area and beyond it. This is not just a written description of where you came from, you must also indicate the influence your world and the exposure within it created your point of you regarding personal, social, and / or moral matters. You may choose one of the 3 options to focus your revised essay on in relation to the description of your community.

Writing Feedback / Language acquistion from the early age. [2]

An opinion based on the author's point of view (disagreement) with the idea presented is not in question and therefore, should not be the opinion response in the restatement + opinion paragraph. The required response, that would have been in accordance with the expected format is the response that was provided in the concluding summary instead;


This opinion should have been mentioned twice in the essay. The first time within the restatement at the beginning and then again in the concluding summary at the end. By providing the required opinion at the end of the essay,. the writer has guaranteed the failing score of his essay based on an irrelevant response (I am in agreement with this idea.) within the topic restatement + opinion section of the essay.

Letters / Write a motivational letter for MSC scholarship swedish University of Agricultural Sciences [3]

The essay would have been better if the student focused its presentation on expanding the compressed information he provided in the first paragraph. The motivations are clearly stated as topics in the summary. These needed to be individually developed in terms of motivational application within the rest of the essay. It would be better to delete the whole essay and start over. That means, use the summary paragraph as the outline basis of the new essay. That way the information presentation will be solely motivation based and on point in terms of application targets, based on SDG goals.

The last 2 paragraphs can use more development. The choice of university and the potential career path need to trace back to the SDG goals of the country and show a clear need for the course of study and have an actual and imperative application need once the student goes back home.

Scholarship / World Wide Web infrastructure. PTDF STATEMENT OF PURPOSE ON CYBER SECURITY [2]

The applicant has failed to make a connection between his interest in cybersecurity and the Petroleum and Oil industry in his country. The basis of the PTDF scholarship is to assist students in learning about programs and techniques that will help improve the oil industry in his home country. Without that connection, the purpose of the applicant for applying to this scholarship is misdirected. While the program might support his interest in cybersecurity as a masters course, he must first prove that he has been working in the field of cybersecurity within the context of the oil and petroleum field. The application of his future studies to the specific industry is a must. This application does not indicate any of those relationships and will result in the rejection of the application of the student due to an irrelevant foundation.

Letters / Motivation Letter for Masters at Tampere University in Peace, mediation and conflict research [2]

The overall letter is not applicable as a motivational reference. The content is more of a conversational personal statement. A personal statement does not provide the same information as a motivational letter. A motivational letter is usually written in relation to the desire of the applicant to develop advanced theoretical and practical skills based on his current work experience. Since the candidate is not even a college graduate yet, he may not qualify for this program at the university. Bear in mind that, unless the candidate is applying for a non-thesis masters course, work experience will be a major factor/consideration during the assessment process. I do not believe that the applicant qualifies for entry to the university at this point. However, if he can prove some sort application strengths based on his academic achievements, and other form of applications for his undergraduate course that have already taken place, he might have a chance for consideration.

Letters / Reference letter for Master of Design program in Hungarian university [2]

The first paragraph must contain a clear reference to the position of the person making the reference. It must explain what sort of interaction occurs between the two persons. That said, this person making the reference has only known the person for less than a year. That makes the reference weak due to the lack of true familiarity within the workplace of the persons involved. It would be better if the reference is made by a previous supervisor who has no more than 5 years working experience with the applicant. It offers a more rounded character and professional reference for the candidate.

Remove the reference to outside the workplace. This person is not supposed to be a friend of the candidate. Such a reference will disqualify this recommendation because the key requirement is that the referee will be basing the recommendation on solely a professional point of view.

Undergraduate / The Computer Engineering program - reasons why you decide to apply to this department.. [2]


This is a highly unprofessional sentence structure. Remember that you are addressing an academic professional through this essay. Therefore a high degree of writing formality is required for the essay, Revise this opening statement to show a higher degree of academic writing standards as expected of an academically educated person.


This is really a useless statement. It does not contain any specific academic and career objectives that will be responded to through the studies and training you will exposed to through the course.


3 problems with this presentation. First, is the continued used of informal / casual English writing presentations. Second, aim for a more high school related basis for your interest in the course. The reference to "kid" is not only informat, but unbelievable as a claim in the eyes of the reviewer. Third, I learned more about your friend and his talents in this field in relation to its influence upon you, rather than how his presence led you to pursue your own interests, independent of his presence.

Writing Feedback / The graph provides information related to how many tourists visited a Carribean island [2]


Divide this long presentation into at least 2 sentences. By increasing the sentence count, the writer will provide a clear short version of the report. Do not forget to include a reference to the countries mentioned prior to the trending statement. Do not fail to include a reference as to how the guests were counted and presented in the graph (by the millions).


Big mistake ! Never present a conclusion in any part of a Task 1 essay. This is only a reporting and assessment essay. It is not an opinion based essay. Only the task 2 essay will require the writer to conclude any of its opinion(s) within the presentation.


Plural form presentation please.

The last paragraph presentation will receive several GRA deductions ranging from word capitalization problems, lack of sentence development/ no control over sentence structuring. and a lack of cohesive and coherent thought presentation.

Graduate / Subject Objective Aminef, Teaching English and Other Languages [2]

There is actually nothing unique about the subject objective of the applicant. The motivation (subject objective) is one among the many common reasons that TESOL applicants use for these applications. The fact that the candidate has less than 2 years work experience in the relevant field, has very little applicable experience as a volunteer, and, does not have an almost perfect grasp of the language sentence structure all work towards a negative consideration of the subject objective. Grammatical errors should be almost none existent in this essay since the applicant claims to have a major in English as an undergraduate course. There is not stand out consideration being presented in this essay be it in terms of applicant contribution to the course, or interest in American culture, along with a desire to attend conferences. The credentials the applicant presents are weak when compared to the applicants with better credentials, work experience, and relevant TESOL seminars attended within their own countries. The aforementioned weaknesses are what the applicant will need to improve on. Go beyond basic and intermediate English, aim to impress on an advanced English scale.

Writing Feedback / The chart illustrates the proportion male and female tutors in six categories of educational setting [4]

The writer has gone overboard with his writing. He should not go over 200 words with this essay. It is only a 3, not 4 paragraph essay since there is only 1 image to review and report on. The writer has over stretched what was supposed to be a 175 word report. 175 being the ideal number of words to write in the report to get maximum scoring consideration and also, leave the writer with a pocket of editing time to perfect his presentation in terms of clarity, grammar and punctuation, as well as word spelling and usage corrections.

He also makes a general reference to a chart, when he should have indicated a specific chart type (bar chart) to add to the accuracy of his summarized report. The summary is lacking in shortened information presentation for the benefit of the reader. The writer is leaving the reader with more questions than answers in the summarized presentation.

Writing Feedback / An article: The best pets [3]

The title of the article should be more focused on the actual pet being discussed, that is, the dog. Revise the title to indicate instead that "Dogs Make the Best Pets". The reason for the article title change is simple. When you refer to "The Best Pets", you need to discuss at least 3 common pet types. Since you are focused on only the dog discussion, therei s no reason to represent "pets" (plural form) in the title.

The change in title will also require a modification to the introductory paragraph. Again, the focus should be on the dogs alone, rather than a generalization of pet types. The first 2 sentences will need to be adjusted accordingly. Avoid general pet discussions / references throughout since you are focused on only the dog reference as being the best pet.

Letters / Motivation letter for applying to master in renewable energy in the marine environment program [2]

Since you are applying to the program with a handicap, the lack of at least 2 years relevant work experience, you are actually going to be considered based on a full academic and internship approach. That is, how dedicated you are to the improvement of the field you have chosen to specialize in. That means, you are not going to submit a personal statement, which is what you have written. Rather, you will want the consortium to focus less on your lack of relevant work experience by highlighting other aspects of your application. You can do that by discussing your academic strengths, specifically, what your scores were in relevant subjects that could be considerations for the courses you will be taking in the future. Also consider your thesis statement and language skills for each country that you will be studying in. Discuss your motivation clearly in relation to the future contribution you wish to make. You will be one of the weaker / less qualified applicants to the program based on the fact that you are trying to go from one undergraduate course to a masters course, without passing through any relevant work experience. So, while your application will be considered, the consortium will handicap it due to missing elements that are greatly considered in an applicant to this program.

Writing Feedback / The figures illustrate the roads though which people can reach to the City Hospital in 2007 & 2010 [2]


For clarity purposes, you must indicate the number of images and also, indicate if there is an image that is based on a revised presentation. That way you clearly lead the reader into the actual descriptive report in the later paragraphs.


This reference makes it appear that physical changes, rather than route changes were made to the city hospital access. That is not the case. There were route designation changes made. Be clear when it comes to information referencing because errors in this part will tend to confuse the reader.

Aside from a few clarity errors, the writer has pretty much explained the differences between the two maps quite well. Word usage could have been better in aid of clarity. The writer shows the potential to deliver a well developed report, provided he learns to use more descriptive words in the correct manner.

Letters / Erasmus - Track F Glocal - green consulting [3]


This aspect must be replaced. Refer instead of a local, national, or international business administration problem that influenced your decision to pursue this masters course. The explanation provided for the motivation must be based on professional experience already since the applicants to this program are expected to have a minimum of 2 years work experience. If your inspiration goes back to a college experience, then your credentials will have failed you as an applicant.


This paragraph, when properly fevised, will make for an excellent local and national problem that influenced your decision or motivated you to apply for this specific course. Properly divided into 2 presentations, the other being the thesis project, the writer will have a pretty convincing academic and professional motivation basis.

Writing Feedback / Climate change is a big environmental problem that has become critical in last couple of decades [3]

The essay is missing a convincing argument based on the writer's opinion. This is most likely due to the discussion deviation that occurred when the reasoning paragraphs were developed. The writer does not use convincing arguments that are based on relevant examples that would support his claims. The discussion therefore, comes about as more generalized in consideration. The lack of properly referenced examples to certain claims such as:


affected the reasoning presentation of the writer in terms of reasoning evidence.

Name the developing countries and the successful alternative energy programs they have implemented in their country. As this claim is a significant part of the thesis statement / writer opinion, his writing must highight this presentation in the second paragraph. Without it, the discussion is unconvincing and cannot be considered a fully developed explanatory essay.

Writing Feedback / CBEST essay writing - help with writing about the topic worst class you ever taken [2]

The writer shows an understanding of the central topic. The discussion itself is applicable although sentence structuring problems can be found in serveral places of writing. These affect the clarity of the presentation and show an inadequate grasp of English word usage. That is very bad news for a person seeking qualification to become an American school teacher. Some problem sentences include:


The writer also tends to overgeneralize the discussion and focus on the class thoughts rather than sticking to the personal aspect of the discussion. Since the reference is to the writer's personal experience, there shouldn't be any reference to "we" in the essay,

The overall essay lacks something important that teachers often provide to their students when narrating stories, that is, a lesson to be taken from the experience. It is not just all about disliking the situation and the person. It must also show a lesson learned from the experience that the reader can take from the presentation.

Writing Feedback / In the modern era, a majority of work can be done either by men or women [2]

The frist 2 sentences of the prompt restatement are contradicting each other. The writer claimes that these days there are jobs that are gender specific, but in the modern era, both genders can perform any job. That is where the contradiction lies. "Nowadays" refers to the same "modern era". So the writer has confused the reader due to his misuse of English terms. That is definitely an LR and GRA failure.


The writer has definitely failed in the prompt restatement portion. He is introducing topics that are not contained within the original prompt. The references are irrelevant and alter the discussion focus. He has already failed the test even though the primary scoring considerations have not been brought forth yet. All because he chose to discuss personal opinions unrelated to the task in the TA section.

Letters / Write an email for Jude about Saturday trip [2]

Unfortunately, the writer only wrote 89 words for a letter that must contain at least 150 words. This will result in an automatic failing grade for the writer, even as scores will be applied for various scoring segments. It is just impossible to get a clear idea of the writer's English writing skills based on this presentation. The reason that there is a minimum word count is because the writer is being given enough room to highlight the best of his writing skills. By writing less than that, the examiner is faced with an elementary and rudimentary type of English writing that shows a beginniners skill rather than the expected intermediate or advanced English writing skills. This type of writing is unacceptable in an actual test and will result in a failing final score.

Writing Feedback / Schools should focus on teaching students academic subjects but sports and music are also necessary [2]


The personal opinion of the writer should not be discussed in the first paragraph and is not considered to be a part of the prompt restatement + personal opinion. This particular restatement paragraph covers, at the most, only 3 sentences, without the unnecessary statement at the start. Any representations that are not part of the original statement or response question representation will result in points deductions for the writer. Stick to the original prompt and respond the the question being asked in the first paragraph.

The writer has provided a strong 2 paragraph reasoning presentation based solely on a personal opinion. So the essay will be scored as having responded to only 1 of the 3 prompt instructions. When asked to discuss both views, the paragraphs must compare and contrast the public opinion with the writer's point of view in relation to the public reasoning. This is not what was represented in this essay due to the missing use of third and first person pronouns. So the essay cannot be scored beyond a first person general opinion basis. It is lacking in correct discussion representation.

Writing Feedback / What should a university offer? The main role of higher education. [2]


This is an empty response that does not offer an actual degree of agreement with the previous topic. In order for this response to be given a proper TA score, based on opinion clarity, the writer should state instead; "I agree with this opinion to the extent that (reason 1) and (reason 2). Doing so indicates an actual opinion rather than a vague reference that does not offer a measured response to the question.

The reasoning for this essay does not support the correct single opinion presentation of the writer. The essay directly asks for a single defense of the writer's opinion. So the best way to prove the writer's opinion as correct would be to take an opinion that appears to be false then turn it around and show why it is a positive instead. Remember that the idea is to show the extent of the validity of the writer's opinion. In a spoken debate, this would be done by disproving the opposing side's opinion. Since this is a written debate, the same rules apply.

Undergraduate / Personal Statement - Business Administration undergraduate programme at NUS [3]

The time gap and age gap between when the question was asked, when it was remembered, and how it was applied by the writer is just too wide. The reviewer will not believe this presentation because it lacks proper development. It does not show a continuing development of the question within the applicant from the time it was first heard. The sudden jump to the visit to Singapore is also out of place. This is a personal statement so a progression of the thoughts, ideas, and experiences, culminating in the decision to study business administration must be present. That is actually what this essay lacks. I know there is a limited character count. However, that can be fixed by avoiding irrelevant discussions and presentations. Fix the first paragraph, adjust the second paragraph, and you should be set with a better personal statement within the character count.

Writing Feedback / Some people believe that capital punishment should not be used. Others, however, argue that it... [2]

Scoring is done privately at this forum. We do not use automated scoring systems for your essays. These essays are reviewed by human beings based on proper scoring assessment guidelines. Please contact us privately for a detailed scoring of your essay.


You are missing the word "instead" at the end of this sentence to show that you are offering an opposite punishment to capital punishment. The sentence is incorrectly structured although it does deliver a clear meaning to the reader. So there will be a slight GRA score deduction for this section based on the improper sentence structure.


Okay, there are 2 problems with the reasoning presentations. The first, is the lack of clear public opinion presentation. The lack of 3rd person pronoun use in the first 2 paragraphs indicates that the writer is assessing the opinions from a personal aspect rather than considering the public discussion. This can be fixed by the usage of 3rd person references in the correct places within the sentences. The other problem, is that the personal opinion of the writer was placed in the concluding paragraph, where it will force a failure of the essay due to the lack of a concluding summary. The personal opinion should be presented in one of 2 ways in this type of discussion:

1. By offering a counter argument from a first person point of view within the public opinion discussion paragraphs;
2. By explaining the personal opinion in full detail within a stand alone 3rd reasoning paragraph.

The conclusion will never be the right place for a personal opinion presentation. It is called a summary conclusion paragraph for a reason. You canniot offer an extended reasoning discussion in this paragraph. It will cause an open ended essay and result in a failing TA score being applied to the presentation paragraph. It could very well force a failing score for the writer in an actual test settin.

Writing Feedback / [WRITING TASK 2] Nowadays people use bicycles less as a form of transport. [3]


Since this is a personal opinion rather than a part of the original presentation, it should not be included in the topic restatement. The writer is not being asked about the validity of the claim being made in the topic. He should not be offering any information that does not adhere to the original presentation requirements as these will result in a TA scoredown for himself.


The writer was provided with 2 direct questions that would be used to assess his ability to deliver a 2 sentence response. One for each question. He is not being asked to restate the questions and how the essay should be discussed. These are considered irrelevant sentence presentations and will further lower the TA score which is based on the ability of the student to restate the prompt and offer direct opinions through topic sentence responses. The TA score is on track to receieve failing marks at this point.



Rather than restating what the discussion topic will be, provide an anchor topic sentence instead. Do not rely on empty fillers or sentence extenders as the examiners will score down those sentences. When you do not manage to deliver direct responses, the paragraph will be considered under developed in terms of discussion, reasoning, and example presentations.


There are less than 40 words in this presentation. It should have at least 40 words and 2 sentences for it to be scored as a complete and accurate summary of the previous discussion. This is too short and will qualify as a fully developed conclusion. Aim to write at least 3 sentences for the concluding paragraph.

Letters / Motivation letter for the Erasmus Mundus Master in Marine and Maritime Intelligent robotics program [3]


There is a problem in your presentation. You have focused solely on the land based application of robotics. The application you are putting in for is Maritime Intelligent Robotics. Where is the interest in maritime technology on your part? Being interested in general robotics is normally acceptable. However, this is a specific robotics program with an emphasis on an area that you appear to have no interest in. The reviewer will not be convinced that you have the qualities and interests they are looking for in a scholar for this type of program. While I cannot deny that your strength in robotics is clear, the fact that you are missing a vital element for the motivation is what will make them second guess and most likely, set aside your application with regards to immediate consideration. There must be a reference to, at the very least, maritime technology development in your motivation letter since that is the focal point of the motivation for the applicants for this course.