Writing Feedback / Why college or university? To acquire a new knowledge and prepare for a future career - IELTS [3]

TOEFL Independent Task 1

Q:
People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Attending a university or a college has a great influence on shaping people's future. People pursue their studies at university or college for many reasons. In my view, the two main reasons are acquiring new knowledge and preparing themselves for their future career.

First, people attend university or college in order to increase their knowledge. People can be specialized in a specific field of study of their own choice by attending university or college. For example, in my case, after passing my baccalaureate exam, I have chosen computer science major to purse my undergraduate studies at university. By attending this course, I have learned a lot about computers and their architectures. I have also got familiar with numerous softwares. Moreover, I have programmed an application as a part of my graduation. I will never achieve these accomplishments if I did not join a university.

Second, people go to university or college to prepare themselves for their future career. The knowledge that they acquire at university or college they will exploit in real life situations in their jobs. For instance, after my graduation, I worked at a private school as a teacher of computer science. During my work, I taught my students how computers work and how to use them. I was also responsible on the state of computers, so whenever computers got damaged I fixed them. Studying at university has crafted my career.

To sum up, people attend university or college to increase their knowledge which they will use later in their future careers.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL Independent essay- owning smart phones by young children [4]

Some parents forbid young children from owning smart phones (cell phones with Internet access), while others disagree and believe that they are important tools for keeping in touch. Which point of view do you think is better, and why?

Smart phone is one of the most important inventions . Regardless of the fact that many people think that children should own cell phones with internet access; others disagree. In my opinion, I think that children should not have smart phones for two reasons; internet could be dangerous for young children without the supervision of their parents, besides that using internet via smartphones is costly.

First of all, young children should access to internet under the supervision of their parents. Owning a cell phone with internet access makes this difficult. Hence, smartphone is a double edged weapon; it can keep young children in touch with their parents; however, it can also be a real danger for them if they use it to talk to strangers. For example, a couple of years ago, I have watched a documentary about pedophiles who use fake internet accounts to communicate with children. That is why I think that children should not get smartphones with internet access.

Second, accessing to internet via smartphones is costly. Children may not be aware of the fact that using internet via a smartphone is more expensive than using it via a computer with cable internet connection or WIFI connection. Therefore, the hours they spend will be extended little by little. This wasted time may affect their studies in a negative way. Furthermore, there are some sites which offer goods that can be bought online. Some children may find their dream toys there and do anything to have them. For instance, I have heard that a boy stole his father's credit card to buy some toys from a website.

In conclusion, smartphones are very beneficial. However, they could be the inappropriate choice for young children because they allow them to access to internet without the supervision of their parents. Furthermore, accessing to internet via smart phones may be costly. Before offering a child a smartphone, it is imperative to take the disadvantages of the ability of accessing to internet into consideration.

Writing Feedback / Early education for young children to help them to hone their intellectual and social skills - TOEFL [3]

Waiting for your valuable comments.

Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age and should spend most of their time on school studies. Others believe that young children should spend most of their time playing. Compare these two views. Which view do you agree with? Why?

Early childhood education has been long debated by varying opinions. Some feel that children of ages up to five years should not be instructed. Others feel the opposite. I am inclined to believe that it is imperative to focus on educating young children in order to help them to hone their intellectual and social skills and to discover their talents as well.

To begin with, teaching children in a tender age allow them to enhance their intellectual skills. A recent research has shown that the perfect age for learning is in the first five years of the human life. In this period, the most important developments of the human brain occur. Teachers, who are aware of this information, use a variety of methods and techniques to stimulate these developments. They use worksheets, drawings, songs, games, etc. for instructing young learners. Their professional assistance is valuable in the intellectual capacities development of young children.

In addition to developing intellectual skills, early education allows young children to improve their social skills. They learn how to live and express themselves within a group. They also follow a number of instructions and rules set by professionals, who are in this case teachers and educators, in order to be more disciplined and well behaved. They equip them with skills that help them to appropriately fit their societies. Early education provides the chance for youngster to formally socialize and it prepares them for the future.

And beyond developing social and intellectual skills, I personally think that early education helps parents to discover and to improve their children's talents so they can develop them in an early age. For example, my friend, who is a teacher at kindergarten, has found that one her students has no interest in learning or studying, however, when she gave them some activities that involve drawings and paintings, he showed an impressive talent. My friend contacted his mother and advised her to enroll him to take courses in the school of fine arts of the city. Teachers can notice the brilliant abilities of their learners and notify their parents in order to develop them in an early age.

To sum up, children's early age is a critical period of their lives. Regardless of the disadvantages of going to school at this time, the merits are endless. As far as I am concerned, schools can provide the appropriate atmosphere that allows young children to develop their intellectual and social skills and discover their talents so they can properly use them in the future.

Writing Feedback / One day visit to your country -TOEFL independent essay [6]

A foreign visitor has only one day to spend in your country. Where should this visitor go on that day? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.

My country is full of beautiful places; however, it seems to me that a foreign visitor, who can only stay for one day, should visit my city because it takes him one day to learn about several aspects of the culture of my country. In his short trip, he can visit the archeological sites, taste the traditional food and do some shopping in the old market of the city.

In the morning, he should move to the East of the city in order to visit the historical places. I live in place known by its Roman and Numidian ruins. Visiting the archeological places, will give a foreign visitor an opportunity to know about the cultural heritage and learn more about the history of my country. It will also allow him to take some photos there while enjoying the ancient architecture of my ancestors.

After visiting the archeological sites, a visitor must be hungry and ready for tasting the traditional food of my city. Going to one of the famous restaurants and ordering some traditional dishes will be a great idea. For instance, he can order couscous, which is a delicious dish made of steamed semolina and served with meat and vegetables. Tasting new food and knowing the different flavors of my country's cuisine makes part of this exciting trip.

Finally, after having lunch, it would be a great idea to the visitor to do some shopping in the old market. This visit will enable him to know more about the traditional industry of my country. He can find there a lot of antiques, colorful carpets, traditional clothes, etc. Moreover, he can buy some souvenirs and gifts to his family and friends. This will be the last activity in his short trip.

By a way of conclusion, based on the reasons explored above, I believe that a trip to my city is the best choice for any foreigner who wants to spend one day in a different country and learn a lot about it. In my city, visitors can enjoy not only seeing the archeological places but also savoring the delicious traditional dishes and buying beautiful souvenirs which will remind them of their unforgettable visit forever.

Writing Feedback / The well behaved and educated parents are the best teachers for their children. TOEFL independent [2]

Hey,
I spent more than five minutes trying to figuring out the appropriate outline of this thirty-minutes essay. In all the TOEFL essays that I have read about agreeing or disagreeing essays, I have found that the writers agree or disagree totally with the statement. but I was wondering, what if I partially agree with the statement?

Could my essay for this question be correct?
I am waiting for your valuable feedbacks

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Every child is born as a white paper. It is the role of his parents to make him a good or a bad person. Personally, I am inclined to I believe that parents are the best teachers if they are good people but if they are not they cannot be good teachers.

To begin with, in case parents are good and well educated people. They will arise their children to be well behaved.They will also implement in them good habits. For instance, personally, my parents instilled in me the love of reading books. When I was young, they used to read for me stories from different books genres. They also brought me a lot of books. This made me love studying and reading books which enabled me to learn a lot of things. This what makes parents to be the best teachers.

In case parents are not good or well educated people. They will not arise their offspring to be good individuals. They will not teach them good manners. On the contrary, in best cases, they will spoil them. For example, one of my neighbors has only one boy and loves so much which negatively affected him. She never taught him to depend on himself. She even does his school activities on his behalf. By doing this, she raised him on being more dependent on other people. This does not make her a good teacher.

By a way of conclusion, based on the reasons explored above, I am of the opinion that only the well behaved and well educated parents are the best teachers for their children.

Writing Feedback / Many people watch television and movies on a daily basis. This can affect their behavior. How? [2]

How do movies or television influence people's behavior? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

Many people watch television and movies on a daily basis. This can affect their behavior. Television and movies have positive and negative impacts on people's behavior.

To begin with, television can instill good morals in people, especially children. People want to be like films heroes of the films they watch. Choosing the appropriate movie enables them to learn how to be courageous, patriotic and have a positive impact on the society. For example, watching Will Smith's movie "The Pursuit of Happyness" has taught me a lot about self motivation and courage.

On the other hand, television plays an important role in spreading hate and violence among children and adolescents. Action and horror movies, that contain a lot of scenes of blood, have a negative impact on the human subconscious. When people watch their favorite actors playing the roles of gangsters or bad people, they will try to be like them. For instance, my neighbor who is a fan of action movies likes violence and always hits his peers at school.

By a way of conclusion, movies and television have a great impact on people's behavior. They can implement good morals as they can spread violence and hate. Thus, People should be selective when they choose a TV programme or a movie to watch.

Writing Feedback / In order to work in a productive atmosphere, co-workers must have some specific characteristics. [4]

TOEFL independent essay

We all work or in jobs with many different kinds of people. In your opinion, what are some important characteristics of a co-worker (someone you work closely with)? Use reasons and specific examples to explain why these characteristics are important.

At work, we meet people from different backgrounds. In order to work in a productive atmosphere, co- workers must have some specific characteristics. Personally, I am inclined to work with collaborative and reliable people.

To begin with, collaboration is an important characteristic in a co-worker. It allows him to work within a team. A collaborative co-worker is ready to assist his colleagues even if this means that he has to work for extra hours. For example, a couple of years ago, while we were preparing for an important project, one of my co-workers had a family death which prevented him to come to work. So I decided with my colleagues to devise his work and do it on his behalf. It was a great initiative that helped the company and my co-worker as well.

Additionally, it is important to work with reliable people. In every job, there are secrets that must not be known by others. Therefore, it is important to work with co-workers who can be trusted and can count on them. For instance, one of my co-workers had told a work secret to a competing company. His mistake cost our company a valuable loss.

To sum up, there are many characteristics that a co-worker must have. As far as I am concerned, a co-worker must be collaborative and reliable. These two merits create a healthy environment at the workplace.

Writing Feedback / I have always believed that hard work is the key to success - TOEFL independent essay [2]

"When people succeed, it is because hard work. Luck has nothing to do with this success." Do you agree or disagree with the quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position.

There is a proverb that goes "genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration". Although some people spend their whole lives waiting for a miracle to make their dreams come true. I have always believed that hard work is the key to success, especially for people who want to achieve an academic success or to be wealthy.

To begin with, People must work hard in order to succeed at school. Success can be achieved by trying several times, no matter what difficulties people face. They must not let themselves defeated by previous failures. For example, even though I got seventeen in the writing section last time I took the TOEFL test, which was the first time I take it, I did not stop practicing hard to improve my score in this section.

Additionally, people who want to be rich cannot depend on only luck to succeed. Even luck needs preparation which is based on hard work. As the saying goes "luck is when preparation meets opportunity." For instance, I heard about a man who became rich by winning the lottery. But his fortune did not last forever because he did not use it in a financial project. Thus, a stroke of luck can make a person wealthy but it does not make him a successful person; however, making good plans,to use gained money in projects, and working hard to realize these plans can make a person successful .

To sum up, I believe that without hard work people cannot achieve success. Even the success achieved by chance is temporary, and does not last for a long time without making efforts and working hard.

Writing Feedback / A big city is better for children to grow up- TOEFL independent essay [2]

It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay.

Life in a big city is not as easy as life in countryside because life in this latter is calm and comfortable. But when it comes to children, I prefer to choose what is better for their future. That is why, I am inclined to believe that a big city is better for children to grow up, in order to get better education and have a lot of activities to do in their spare time.

To begin with, children get better education in a big city. They acquire knowledge in the best schools and by the best teachers because schools in big cities use modern methods and techniques to instruct learners. Moreover, these schools have different clubs and sport teams which enable children to develop their talents and even give them the chance to win scholarships. For example, one of my relatives, who lives in a big city, joined the soccer team of his school, this allow him to win a scholarship and pursue his studies at a ranked university.

Beyond education, children can do a lot of activities in their spare time. Big cities have several amenities, in which children can learn and have fun such as parks, museums, theaters and art exhibitions. They can learn, by visiting museums, the history of their countries. For instance, during my stay in the capital of my country, I visited a lot of museums, where I learnt more about the history of my country. I also visited several art exhibitions. These visits taught a lot about modern art and the techniques used in painting, which I will not discover if I went to countryside.

To conclude, children can live in countryside a calm and easy life compared to life in big city; however, the merits of this latter is countless. As far as I am concerned, life in a big city assure better education to children and it provides them places to learn, socialize and enjoy life.

Writing Feedback / A good neighbor must be respectful and thoughtful - TOEFL independent essay [2]

Neighbors are the people who live near us. In your opinion, what are the qualities of a good neighbor? Use specific reasons and examples in your answer.

There is an Arabic proverb that goes "Choose the neighbor before you choose the house", which means, while choosing a house to buy, neighbors are more important than the house. In my opinion, a good neighbor must be respectful and thoughtful.

First of all, a good neighbor respects his neighbors. He does not make noise after midnight or when one of his neighbors is sick. He always greets the other neighbors whenever he sees them. For example, I remember one of my neighbors who was an old man, waters the plants of his front garden, every morning, and greets every passerby with a smile. One day, he did not show up as usual, everyone missed him. When they went to ask about him, they found out that he was sick.

Additionally, a good neighbor must be thoughtful. He cares about his neighbors and ready to help them in the times of need. He also has a sense of responsibility; whenever one of his neighbors has a trouble he rushes to give him a helping hand. Besides that, he remembers his neighbors in the special occasions and celebrations. For instance, the lady who lives next door likes cooking and always sends us dishes and cakes, especially in the religious occasions.

To sum up, a neighbor is not less important than the house. With respectful and thoughtful neighbors, anyone can live in peace and harmony in his neighborhood.

Writing Feedback / I am inclined to oppose constructing a factory in my near community - TOEFL independent essay [2]

Hey, it's me again. I find a lot of difficulties to reach 300 words while focusing on finding the appropriate ideas and rewriting the sentences several times to avoid mistakes within 30 minutes. Here is my essay. I am waiting for your feedbacks. :-)

A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and the advantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? explain your position.

(194 words)

Factories play an important role in the development of the economy of countries. However, despite people think that building a factory may provide jobs; there are drawbacks accompanying this factory. Therefore, I am inclined to oppose constructing a factory in my near community because it negatively affects the environment.

First of all, a factory can destroy the environment of my community. It emits gases that can cause several diseases such as asthma. It also pollutes the underground water and rivers by releasing unclean water in them. The soil also has its share of this pollution; the garbage thrown by factories destroys fertilized lands that surround the factory.

On the other hand, the supporters of the idea of building a factory in their city think that it will create more jobs. This is true, however, these new jobs will attract people from different places which lead to growing the society, more roads and houses will be built, and traffic problems will also be created.

To sum up, despite of the merits of building a factory in my city, they are outweighed by the disadvantages. A factory can create new jobs but it can also pollute the environment.

Writing Feedback / I believe that the knowledge that I have acquired from my experiences is more important - TOEFL [4]

It has been said "Not everything that is learned is contained in books." Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books. In your opinion, which source is more important? Why?

I have a great passion for reading books because they have opened my eyes on many facts and have shaped my way of thinking. However, despite of the undeniable benefits of books, I still believe that the knowledge that I have acquired from my experiences is more important because it enabled me to develop my skills and be more mature.

First of all, experience gives us the chance to improve our skills. When we want to learn a new skill, reading about it in books is not always sufficient. We generally have to experience it and practice it until we master it. For example, in order to learn academic writing, I did not just read books that deal with this topic but I also practised writing every day.

Additionally, with experience, we become more mature. It teach us how get ourselves from troubles. For instance, managing to get myself out from a difficult situation will teach me more than if I read a story about how to deal with troubles in a book, which I may forget after a while.

To sum up, books have a valuable importance; however, it is outweighed by the importance of experience. This latter allows us to hone our skills and practise the different knowledge that we read about them in books.

Writing Feedback / Reading passage and the lecture are discussing the danger of invasive plants- TOEFL integrated essay [2]

Hey, I tried to upload a picture of reading passage and the audio file but it doesn't work :/ Any suggestions.
This is my integrated essay. waiting for your feedbacks :)

Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they respond to the specific points made in the reading passage.

Plants and Animals Research

Both the reading passage and the lecture are discussing the danger of invasive plants. They are both explaining the reason of introducing them to a new area, their characteristics and their negative impacts on the native plants and animals.

First of all, the writer states that there are several reasons why nonnative plants are brought to the United States. These reasons are food, medicine, or because they resist drought or simple because they are beautiful and people like them. The professor agrees with this point and provides the example of Garlic Mustard plant to illustrate this idea. She states in her lecture that this plant is brought for nutrition and medicine reasons.

Secondly, the writer explains the characteristics of the nonnative plants. According to him, these plants are called invasive because they grow wildly and they are aggressive; they shade the native plants and prevent them to get food and water. Likewise, the professor asserts this fact and explains that the invasive plants struggle with native plants on food, space and light.

Thirdly, the writer explores the drawbacks of invasive plants. This latter reduce the number of native plants and animals. Similarly, the professor avouches this point and provides the example of the butterfly whose eggs cannot hatch if they put on the Garlic Mustard leaves.

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Writing Feedback / The relationship between children's grades and TV. TOEFL integrated essay [2]

Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they respond to the specific points made in the reading passage.

Both the professor and the writer are discussing the effects of watching television on the children's performance at school. They explain the relationship between children's grades and the number of hours spent in front of television and they suggest some solutions to enhance their grades.

First of all, the writer states that the children's performance at school is negatively affected by the number of hours they spend watching television. He affirms that they get low grades compared by those who spend fewer hours or do not watch television at all. The professor refutes this point and by giving the example of Japanese children who get high grades even though they spend more hours to watch television than their American peers.

Secondly, both the writer and the professor suggest some solutions to improve children's performance at school. The writer states that television should be used as an educational tool. Likewise, the professor agrees with this idea. Moreover, the writer proposes that parents should not allow their offspring to watch TV because it makes them passive and distract them from doing their homework, however, the professor opposes this idea and recommends that parents should choose appropriate TV programs for their youngsters and encourage them to be active by other activities such as visiting museums, zoos or playing outside.

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Writing Feedback / The impact of advances in technology on office workers productivity- TOEFL integrated essay [5]

Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they respond to the specific points made in the reading passage.

Both the writer and the professor are discussing the impact of advances in technology on office workers. The author states that this advance reduces the productivity of workers and causes them health issues; however, the professor asserts that technology increases workers' productivity.

First of all, the writer affirms that advances in technology affects adversely the employees' productivity. He explains that those who stay the whole day on their desks and do not leave it even in lunch time have health problems which lead them to be less productive.

On the other hand, the professor avouches that technology is an important factor in increasing office workers productivity. To illustrate this idea, she provides the example of the photocopy machines used in the past which needs an assistant to accomplish the job and the modern ones which work without assistance. Moreover, the professor points out that emails have reduced time and efforts spent on holding face to face meetings which increases the productivity of office employees.

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