Writing Feedback / Advice for my exercise - FOR INTRODUCTION - IELTS WRITING PART 2 [5]

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please give your advice for my exercise
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EXERCISE 1
1. As global trade increase, many goods, including those we use on a daily basis, produced in other countries and have to be transported long distance.

Do the benefits of this trend outweigh the drawbacks ?

Answer :
Nowadays, there are several products, including people use on daily activities are raise up by global trade. Besides, i would more likely it is an advantages because not only produced in our country but also the other country would be contribute for it. Furthermore the products was transport with distance, which are very far as such i will explaining about the benefits of this trend.

2. In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard his as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience.

Discuss both opinions and give your opinion.

Answer :
There are many children's engaging in an occupation in several countries. But some society disagree for this statement although another person think it an advantage for children to add some work experience. I think it is harmful for children it mean unacceptable for this statement. The children is better to learn in school than spend their time in workplace.

3. Unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighborhood, or teaching sports to younger children).

To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Answer :
Unpaid community service must be an important activity in school programs. There are several reason why i believe that charity program to build up student awareness in their circumstance and social skills student most of the critical program for school.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 : CONCLUSION for global trade, working children and community service [2]

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Exercise 2
Please help me guys for correct my answer ...
1. As global trade increases, many goods, including those we use on a daily basis, are produced in other countries and have to be transported long distance.

Do the benefits of this trend outweigh the drawbacks ?
CONCLUSION :
In conclusion, cross border trade will bring more benefits as this can strengthen economic growth of developing countries and meet essential need of society. This activity will become the future hope of particullar country to sustain the prosperity of the citizen.

2. In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience.

Discuss both opinions and give your opinion ?
CONCLUSION :
In summary, i am more likely to believe that children should not take a part in work experience as this will wanders student's attention in learning. It is therefore goverment should take that problem into account.

3. Unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood, or teaching sports to younger children).

To what extent do you agree or disagree ?
CONCLUSION :
One of the most critical activity in school programs is voluntary work. Thus it can develop student careness for their atmosphere and for building up social skills student in the future. Therefore, unpaid community service is important for learners.

Writing Feedback / The changing rates of crime in the inner city from 2003 - 2012 [2]

please examine my task

The chart below shos the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in Newport City centre from 2003 - 2012.
Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph shows the changing rates of crime in the inner city from 2003 - 2012. Overall, it can be seen that despite some fluctuations over the period as a whole the rate of wickedness fall in three aspects.

Burglary and car theft produced the most rate of crime was stood at 3400 number of accident in 2003. After that, increase in the peak at 2004 with 3700 accidents. Then, decrease until 2008. Furthermore burglary was fluctuate whole of the year between 2008 until 2012. Car theft start from 2800 number of accidents in 2003 and steady until 2005. But in 2006, it was occur decrease until 2100 number of accidents.

Robbery had a an fluctuate pattern whole the year between 2003 until 2012. So the number of accidents for robbery amongst 500 until 900 and this is the most lower accident than the others. In conclusion the most number of accidents is occured by Burglary in 2003 until 2006. Conversely, car theft was leads than other from 2007 to 2012.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 : ABOUT ABROAD STUDY [3]

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In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country.
nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad.
what are the advantages and disadvantages of this development ?
you should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your argument with examples and relevant evidence.

The students just study in their nation and are rarely to abroad study because of many reasons in the past. But for now, they have more chances for studying in another country. I am more likely this opportunity for building future leader. But there are so many benefits even drawbacks of abroad study. While this trend will lead to students in building up their carier, it has also several advantages.

In this paragraph, i will explain about disadvantages of abroad study. Firstly, to get LoA (Letter Of Acceptance) it is difficult from another university, because you must send an essay, personal statement and score of ielts. Ever country has different standart for ielts for example United States, United Kingdom, Australia with band 6.5. but several country have band 4 until 6 such as Thailand, China and many more. It will consume time and for several people it is waste time. Secondly, the geography conditional must suit our body. I heard from the leader of LPDP, Mr Abdul Kahar said one of the awardee in Canada cant survive because if he comes out home he will be nose blood. Thirdly, we can found some environmental not good for moeslim religion. They feel difficult to find "halal food" it means refreshment allowed by god. The last point is to survive with their cultures, maybe when arrived feel strange people but as time goes on it will be common.

For advantages of studying abroad is so important especially for this country. Because this nation needs smart people for making better future. I think we can learn about their diversity in other country. One of the most advantages is the chance to entrance the university in the world.

Writing Feedback / Individuals vs. environment - PRACTICE IELTS WRITING TASK 2 : ESSAY TYPE AGREE OR DISAGREE [2]

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Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment. only large companies and business can make a difference.

to what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Nowadays, only huge enterprise and venture can make a difference the circumstance although persons have been as much as possible to fix that. There benefits to looking at both sides of this issue, but I do not believe that this has been good statement for the following reasons. I will promote that the vicinity more protected by humankind than the corporate.

On the proponent side, the enermous corporation can create the good environment. This is because they have a lot of money and indemnify that they have done to nature such as tree planting since waste disposal. In addition, they can fix the circumstance for example, pay some communities or unemployment to join with them. As result produce a lot of tree to be green open space in around building. The government more easier to give an permission for this action.

However, the opponent side to this argue is every human can contribute to their circumstance. This is due to the fact that small steps of people's action will have impact on the environment. For example, make a hole of biopori which to help the water absorb easily into the soil. Consequently, this act to minimize the occurrence of natural disasters such as flood. The authority should support about this program for endorse green campaign in each side of the city.

In brief, from that statement have an advantages to see both sides, yet I can not to encourage this issue and conserve the environment by society than enterprise. Therefore I more likely to opponent this statement since individuals can contribute to enviroment. This would better if all humans including enterprise to cooperate each other.

Writing Feedback / It is true that the Internet affects the way people live. Our life is much more easier now. [2]

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I really need your comment

The internet has made human lives more convenient.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

At present, the internet was attend in our daily routines. In addition, people's lives more easier due to the internet. I more likely to believe that the internet give an ease in various activities. This essay would stand to propose my proponent to the notions of broaden horizon and easier with communication.

It is generally believed that the internet can expanding knowledge by using the gadget then typing a few words to enter a web address can obtain a lot of information. For example, a footbal fan search about their favorite team on the internet, then all about that team will be arise. Access to various source of information is very pivotal, especially in understanding something easier then with the presence of cutting-edge technology can also help performance in obtaining fact such as smartphones and laptops. Some examples of science that can be apparent obtained on the internet such as history, technology and world news. Humankind must to following this era for using the gadget in order to obtain data straightforward.

Moreover, the internet also brings cosiness in communicating fellow humans with the emergence of several applications that support the inhabitants necessity. For instance, most people have whatsapp, BBM, messenger in their smartphone to easier their basic needs that is sending a message. As a result, as far as any distance between human beings will still be able to communicate with the Internet.

In brief, the internet was facilitate human affairs. This is due to the fact that humankind lives will be more efficient and simple with internet. I hope this sophisticated internet more develop than before with cooperate between private companies and the authority.

Writing Feedback / Data regarding water usage in six middle-east countries with three activities in 2000 [2]

The table compares the data about water usage in six middle-east countries with three activities in 2000 and is measured in percentage. It is noticeable that agriculture was dominated in four nations, while the highest proportion for domestic only in two countries, but water use for industrial activity was low in all countries.

With regard to the use of water for agriculture, both Oman and Saudi Arabia dominated the proportion with the over 80%, compared to Qatar and UAE at more than three-fifths. On the other hand, Bahrain use water for this activity almost two-fifths and small proportion is seen in Kuwait at almost 20%.

Water usage for domestic necessity was dominated by Bahrain and Kuwait, although Kuwait higher than Bahrain. Then it approximately 40% for Qatar and UAE, while below a fifth was seen in Oman and Saudi Arabia. In contrast, the usage of water for industrial activity is low and take place all Gulf Countries with average under 10%.

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  Water Use in Gulf Countries 2000
  

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1 : The diagrams show the design for a wind turbine and its location. [2]

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please help me to correct my essay to be powerful essay

The figures presents a wind turbine based on location. Although it is build up with some material and structure, it can be seen that different place where the two wind turbines are constructed determine the amount of energy resulted.

The process starts when wind blows to the blades which are made from fiberglass or wood. After that, the tower is made by steel to sustain blades. In addition, the direction and angle of blades are controlled using computer which is connected to wind sensor on generator. As a result, the wind turbine can generate 1.5 megawatts electricity.

Following this, turbine can be placed into two possible area. First spot is in the shore, where the turbine can generate more electricity as wind blowing from sea is the fast speed. On the other hand, the turbine also can be constructed in the highly lying area such as in mountain. It will obtain maximum wind strengths while another has blades which cannot be spoiled. In conclusion, domestic turbine in a landscape only can produce 100 kilowatts, but the turbine in the mountain can generate much higher electricity.

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Writing Feedback / In 1962, there was a limited public transport in the surveyed villages. [2]

The map shows the development of Meadowside village and Fonton over three different time periods (1962,1985 and present)
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The map illustrates Meadowside village and Fonton was constructed in three periods consist of 1962, 1985, and present. Over the period, the area witnessed dramatic changes.

In 1962, there was a lot of empty space and just the road was through Meadowside village, while only the railway line passing Fonton. The following period, Meadowside village was had major changes such as housing state, leisure complex, and super store were contructed in this area. Besides, roads was more bigger than before and it also linked between Fonton and Meadowside village. At the same time both areas was expanding.

Next, at the present time, the most noticeable addition is Forton and Meadowside were merge to be a one area. Besides, village was change into suburb area in Meadowside. Then there are three additional places consist of Hotel, Station, dan Business park.

Following this, business park was developed in front of artery road and across of station. Afterwards, station can reach from Fonton with train and hotel is opposite the station.

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  village.jpeg
  

Writing Feedback / Tontowi Ahmad, the golden boy alongside Liliyana Natsir [2]

Tontowi Ahmad win an Olympic Rio De Janeiro together with Liliana Natsir and won the gold medal in the sport of badminton. Tontowi loved this sport since third-grade elementary school, then coached by his father with difficulty because it takes extra patience to train Tontowi to be good at playing badminton. However, Tontowi showed fairly good progress then join in Argo Pantes Badminton Association (PB Argo Pantes) in Tangerang before switching to Semen Gresik's training center.

In 2010, Tontowi played mixed doubles together Liliyana Natsir and reach some achivement, starting from their first win together in the 2011 Malaysia Open GP Gold, All England Super Series Premier and Swiss Open Grand Prix Gold in 2012, now got gold at Olympic Rio in Brazil.

Although, there are best partner in the field it does not mean that never get tension between them. Sometime Liliana Natsir often to push her emotion because she know Tontowi aim an victory too. Tontowi hope's our struggle will inspire many people and junior athletes will following our footsteps.

Writing Feedback / The proportion of the nationalities among the tourists in New Zealand from around the world [2]

INTERNATIONAL VISITORS TO THE NEW ZEALAND : COUNTRY OF ORIGIN

The pie chart gives information about the proportion of the homeland of the tourists across the globe in New Zealand consist of three developed countries, three countries in East Asia and others and is measured in percentage. Overall it is immediately apparent that three developed countries, especially Australia was dominate international guest in New Zealand.

Looking at the details, the highest percentage occurs for three developed countries and Australia in the first place at two-fifths and followed by United Kingdom at 12% and United States at 9%. It means Australia was represent majority visitors to New Zealand.

In contrast, three nations in East Asia get small proportion for international tourist in New Zealand. At one in twenty, it belongs to China then Japan has a difference of one point with China at 4%. After that the last country in East Asia is South Korea which are contribute at 3% for international tourism. Turning to the last one is others countries at 27% and it is divided by several countries.

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Writing Feedback / AMERICA DREAM - SUMMARY TED VIDEO [2]

for the last few years, 5 millions people have been living in this world. they all need for community and creativity to survive and then many of them in need of money to meet the needs of daily activity. In this country often a gap between rich and poor. It is in the causes of the poor are lazy to go to work, if compared to the rich women still work. Then the desire of children to pursue their ideals will be achieved with government policies like this and they deserve it such as free for education. Many people do not know about the advantages of association when the organization can make people's lives convenient because they can share about their daily lives and even in terms of the emotional soul. Then the most important thing is to establish the bonding in the family is important to connect and create great family.

Writing Feedback / Five reasons of journey to New Zealand by foreign tourists, measured in percentage [2]

IELTS WRITING TASK 1 : (INTERNATIONAL VISITORS TO NEW ZEALAND : REASON FOR VISIT)

The chart gives information about five reasons foreign tourists to journey in New Zealand and is measured in percentage. At first glance it is evident that, walking and sightseeing is favorite activities undertaken by the visitors compared with boating, visiting volcanoes, and visiting museum.

With regards to favorite activity, walking is on the top ranks and reach 85%. After that, sigthseeing overtake in second position by approximately 72%. It is noticeable that majority of visitors prefer to undertake walking in New Zealand than sightseeing.

On the other hand, reason visitors come to New Zealand also for boating at half. Besides, charm of visiting volcanoes and museum do not make foreign tourists interested so this activities are in the last position by approximately 30%. In brief, many tourists who came from the outside of New Zealand inclined enjoy magnificence of this country by walking and sigthseeing than tour with boat. Unfortunately, all of them do not like to circulate historic sites and museum volcanoes.

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Writing Feedback / An increasing temperature on the planet can have domino-falling effects for the future of Earth [2]

TED Summary : New Thinking On The Climate Crisis

An increasing temperature on the planet can have domino-falling effects for the future of Earth. Wide-spread changes in the Earth's climate. Ecological changes would mark the extinction of many types of species. With ecological changes, the ripple effect starts trickling closer to home. With ecosystems failing, our own environment becomes threatened. Not since the rise of the Industrial Revolution, has climate change been so rampant. In 2005, the US released 6.1 billion tonnes of carbon dioxide into the sky that is equal to 1.2 billion elephants, it is time to stop ignoring the 1.2 billion elephants in the room. Gasoline consumption the developing country was following developed country. So give a technology for developing country to build up to be great nations. For example put a price on carbon in developing country. Solutions renewable energy is often the best way to bring electricity to places that do not have it, second emissions trading is bringing new resources to sustainable development, the last reforestation programs can support rural livelihoods.