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Posts by s410377088
Name: CalvinLo
Joined: Jul 18, 2019
Last Post: Oct 27, 2019
Threads: 11
Posts: 22  
Likes: 4
From: Taiwan
School: NTPU

Displayed posts: 33
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s410377088   
Oct 27, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS The table depicts the average distance in miles traveled by mode of travel per person per year [2]

changes in modes of travel in England between 1985 and 2000



The table depicts the average distance in miles traveled by mode of travel per person per year.
Overall, it can be seen that cars traveled the most miles in both 1985 and 2000, while the least miles traveled by people are taxis and bicycles in 1985 and 2000 respectively. It should also be noted that the biggest increase in travel distance is the car and the biggest decrease is the local bus.

With regards to the highest and lowest number of miles traveled, cars are driven about 3,200 miles and 4,800 miles per person between 1985 and 2000, whereas in 1985 taxi are traveled by each person for about 13 miles and in 2000 bicycles are traveled by each people for only 41 miles. Besides, per person took trains for travel about 300 miles in 1985 and trains traveled about 360 miles by each person in 2000.

When considering the changes of miles that each mode was used to travel, each person drove cars 1,200 more miles in one year, while local buses experienced a 160 miles decrease from 1985 to 2000.




s410377088   
Oct 6, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS1- the forecast increase in world oil production [3]

production of the world's oil



The chart depicts the forecast increase in world oil production. Overall, it can be seen that the barrels of oil were produced the most from Non-OPEC and OPEC Middle East respectively in two periods, while OPEC Middle East is expected to produce the most barrels of oil from 2010 to 2020. It should also be noticed that the total production of gas increased from 1980 to 2010, whereas it is expected to experience a slight decrease over the next 10-year period.

In the context of the highest oil production over the period, Non-OPEC produced approximately 7 million barrels of oil from 1980 to 2000 and 8 million barrels of oil were produced from OPEC Middle East, while it is expected that OPEC Middle East will produce 17 million barrels from 2010 to 2020.

When considering the total number of oil barrels, during the first 20-year period it is about 12 million and increased by 50% to 18 million between 2000 and 2010, while the total production is expected to decrease slightly by 5% to 17 million barrels from 2010 to 2020.




s410377088   
Oct 6, 2019
Writing Feedback / Australians who attended to muscle building exercises - by gender and age - IELTS1 [4]

1. The given graph depicted data on ...
--> this sentence contains too much information but lack of appropriate construction, try to make it simple~

2. the female quantity had tendency to do exercises
--> in task 1 you should not use this kind of subjective attitude

3. run-on sentence in paragraph 1

4. And it reached highest level
s410377088   
Oct 6, 2019
Writing Feedback / The bar - the percentage of Australian working out [3]

1. The bar graph "depicts" the percentage of Australian men and women doing regular exercises in 2010. -->your first sentence has a weird use of "which"

2. Males who aged 15 ... 52.8% --> 52.8% of males between 15 to 24 workout.
--> the second paragraph has several grammatic issues( run-on)

Hope you can do well on IELTS!!!
s410377088   
Aug 13, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS2- READING BOOKS VS COMPUTER & TV [2]

reading more profitable than spending time by the screen



Some people think reading stories in books is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that whether the benefits of spending times on books outweigh those of using computers or TV for entertainment. Although the latter has positive effects on children, I believe that distributing more time on reading is better-off to them.

Watching TV and play computers are always attractive because of their various content. On TV, many programs on different topics enable children to choose their most favorite ones. Boys prefer topics about a robot, while girls like to watch programs about cooking. Computer games also provide huge choices such as car racing and gunfight. Besides, TV can deliver knowledge faster than reading, since it can quickly update recent news and broadcasts to everyone around the world.

However, I strongly prefer a child to read in several reasons. First, children spend too much time watching electronic devices, causing the age of serious shortsighted children going down each year. When they grew up, it will even become a serious health issue that may cause them blind. Second, finishing a whole story takes hours, helping the children to develop their brain ability such as memorizing knowledge and interpreting complex information. The early-developed skills help them to outperform people in same ages on the context of career development. According to recent studies, scientists find out that the earlier people read, the greater the possibility of they succeed in work.

In conclusion, I believe that encouraging people in their early ages to read stories helps them to have a well-developed brain status and avoid the dependent on TV or computers.
s410377088   
Aug 13, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 - Car ownership in Canada; how many citizens owns one car or more [2]

To me, you have a great score on the four sections.

You just need to avoid some small errors like unneeded words.

-->of the adults in this North American country

-->Looking at the graph, it is clear that people

-->adult Canadians possessing more

The biggest and most common mistake in your article is the last sentence, it seems that you make an argument that can not be FOUND in the pie chart.

-->Canada still has some way to go before all its adults become car owners.

Overall the article is perfect~~

Good luck to your IELTS!!!
s410377088   
Aug 13, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: sales of fairtrade-labeled coffee and bananas [3]

Try to post the picture on your article next time~

In your introduction, try to rephrase the sentence instead of copying it.

In the second paragraph, you can express the changes in percentage.
It's much straightforward to name the differences.

... from 1 million euro to 5.5 euros, which was a growth more than five times.
--> two sentences are redundant. leave one of them is enough.

Overall you make a clear comparison between the sales of different items.
Good luck to your preperation~




s410377088   
Aug 9, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS2- problem/solution essay: Not enough students choose science subjects in universities [3]

the popularity of science at schools



Not enough students choose science subjects in universities in many countries. What are the reasons and what are the effects on society?

In many nations, few students select subjects of science as their major in college. The main reasons are likely to be lack of interest or stereotype of a narrow career path, causing the companies hard to find employees with science-related skills.

Since science subject requires heavy calculations, the lack of related training before college make students often fail on such science-related subjects as math and physics, discouraging their confidence in such subjects. Therefore, a lack of confidence is easy to lead to lack of interest, causing them to choose other subjects that include fewer calculations. Also, the career path of science is often connected to research jobs, which spent a lot of time working and was paid less. Unlike other industries like businesses, science will not be the first choice for high school graduates.

However, many companies require people with strong analytical skills to conduct quantitative projects like how many new facilities need to be built or the forecast for next year earnings. Lacking this kind of professions make the enterprises hard to come up with plans, causing them the risk of failure. According to recent studies, it is told that quantitative analysis can help companies to have a more accurate forecast of the future, leading 50% less risk of going bankrupt.

In conclusion, I think that schools should increase more practice of calculations and correct the misunderstanding of the science career path so that companies may have a brighter future.
s410377088   
Aug 5, 2019
Writing Feedback / Wild animals have no use in the 21st century - is preserving them just a waste of resources? [3]

some unnecessary words
--> It seems there is a little element truth in it...

It will be better if you state " I disagree that ..." in the first paragraph to make your position clear.

The coherence in the second paragraph is not strong.
For example:
we muchless rely on animals to hunt and grow grains in agriculture-->??? As a result, every year people spend a lot of money on nature reserve

The third paragraph doesn't make sense to me. Maybe you need to rephrase it.

The conclusion only needs to mention your previous point instead of creating new ones.

Best hope for your test.
考試加油!!!
s410377088   
Aug 5, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: Average daily maximum temperatures in New Zealand vs UK [5]

There are several unnecessary words in your article.
-->From the line graph, it is clear that, The temperature ...

The word usage is incorrect.
-->The temperature ... are contradictory????.

Some grammatic problems such as lack of conjunction (run-on sentence) and abbreviation should not occur in IELTS tests.

Good luck for your test~
s410377088   
Aug 3, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS1- table (five countries): consumer spending on different items / products [2]

putting in money into products in different categories



The diagram illustrates the percentage of consumers' cost on various products from five European nations.

Citizens of all researched countries spent the most on the category of foods, drinks, and tobacco. Among the five nations, the three categories together account the most percentage of cost in Turkey.

In each country, people spend more on foods; drinks; and tobacco than the other two categories of the product combined. In Ireland and Turkey, foods; drinks; and tobacco cost people nearly 30% or more money. Even in the rest of the countries, the three items still account for nearly 15% to 19% of their fortune.

For the category of clothing and footwear, all of the countries spent around 5 to 10 percent of the wealth, while consumers from the five nations are only willing to spend around 3%-4% on education and leisure. On the other hand, citizens from Turkey use more than 40% of their money on these three types of products, while Ireland spent about 36% on them.




s410377088   
Aug 3, 2019
Writing Feedback / Travelers and Visitors - Review my IELTS task 1: The line graph [2]

hello~

You need to rephrase your first paragraph since some grammatic issue happens in your sentence.

You mentioned details of the stats but they scatter throughout your article so it's hard for me to see a clear organize of your paragraphs.

Some sentences are quite confusing for me like "while the number of visitors got the festival ...", try to use a straightforward approach to say it

Best hope for your IELTS~~
s410377088   
Aug 1, 2019
Writing Feedback / The concept of Intelligent Property - sharing information issue [4]

small punctuation problem:
-->good to share information about scientific papers, business secret, and academic knowledge

try not to add some useless word that seems redundant
-->more and more popular
-->their technology and products (leave one of them is enough in my opinion)

cohesion and coherence
-->I will say that almost 10 "and" in the article are too many, try to use other conjunction~~
-->Some people believe that it is good..., while others say that it is too important

hope you get your score~~
s410377088   
Aug 1, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS2- two-part question: do the role of a mother differ in some ways from the role of a father? [3]

Similarities Between the Parent Functions



In some countries, the role of a mother differs in some ways from the role of a father. Why do you think these differences exist? How might parental roles develop in the future?

It is argued in several nations that moms act whole differently as opposed to dads. While several reasons contribute to this kind of difference between parents, I believe that the roles fathers and mothers would function more similarly.

There are several reasons why parents act so differently in the context of kids. Firstly, fathers spent little time with kids than mothers do because his character in a family is to work and earn money. Therefore, dads tend not to get familiar with children' daily lives, while moms take care of almost everything related to them such as their birthday and school's name. Secondly, the ways parents talk to their offspring also differed in certain aspects. Fathers often speak straightforward to children, while mothers choose their words wisely to prevent hurting children' heart.

However, the difference between the parents' role is narrowing due to some cultural factors. Since the 1990s, women have begun to participate more in the work field instead of staying at home fostering son and daughter, making the time parents spent with children come closer. Furthermore, the advocate of gender equality would encourage dads to do a task which moms have been doing for the past century. For example, my mother was always the one making sure I finished homework when I was little, while recently my dad started to ask about my scores of midterm test.

In conclusion, although several factors contribute to the difference in parents' teaching to children, I strongly believe that the gap will become much less apparent in the future.
s410377088   
Aug 1, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: whether people should increase the limit of retirement age. [3]

hi~

There are quite a lot of grammatic problems in your articles such as spelling, word usage, and sentence coherence. You should first read more articles to improve your basic English skills.

The argument of the "a longer retirement generates job-hunting ..." part is not quite convincing to me, maybe you should change a way to express it.
s410377088   
Jul 31, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS2- opinion type: do companies have social responsibilities? [2]

As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

service for society



It is argued that enterprises need to not only earn money but also be responsible for social contribution. I strongly agree with the idea that businesses have to do more for society than making money only.

On the one hand, companies must collect money by selling their products since the earnings are supporting thousands of people, including employees and their families. Furthermore, to account for a bigger share of the market, it is essential for them to spend a lot of money on an advertisement of service, discounts on newly-introduced items, and an expansion on their production line. For example, Nike used to sell their product only in the United States and accumulate a great amount of fortune. It was not until a bigger demand required all around the world that Nike has spent a lot increasing their factories in Asia, Europe, and Africa, making them the biggest sports companies.

On the other hand, being responsible for society may have a positive effect on enterprises. The selfless contribution to people can attract their attention, leaving a good impression on this kind of action from profitable companies. The reputation built from consumers may lead them willing to buy products and help companies to earn more for further investment on scales. According to a recent study, it is found that once a business goes through volunteer service to the neighborhood, the profit will increase by about 20%.

In conclusion, I believe that besides maximizing profits, companies have to service for society's good.
s410377088   
Jul 29, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS1 - the amount of electricity produced by different fuels in Australia and France [3]

IELTS1- pie chart compare



The diagrams illustrate the amount of electricity produced by different fuels in Australia and France beginning from 1980 to 2000.

It is obvious that both countries experienced a huge increase in the production of electricity. In Australia, coal stood a vital percentage in producing electricity while in France nuclear power accounted for the highest percentage in 2000.

The total production of electricity increased by 70% percent to 170 units in Australia over two separate years while the amount in France doubled to 180 units from 1980 to 2000. Comparing the total production between Australia and France, we can find that France produced less electricity than Australia in 1980 but outnumbered it 20 years later.

Throughout the 20-year period in Australia, coal ranked the first on the contribution to produce electricity for more than 50%, while unclear power ranked second to account for about around 20%. In France, coal and natural gas contributed the most to electricity production in 1980 but nuclear power took first place in 2000, amounting to nearly 70%.




s410377088   
Jul 29, 2019
Writing Feedback / Online communication and finding new friends [5]

I think you can change the conclusion a little bit so it can fit to your second reason:
... tool to make friends and meet people from different cultures
s410377088   
Jul 22, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS2- the pursuit of student working or traveling in a gap year [2]

gap year effects



In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for year between finishing high school and starting university studies.

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.


In recent years, more and more teenagers preferred to having a gap year between the time of high school and college. The essay will then discuss the positive and negative aspects of this kind of choice.

There are many advantages for youngsters to choose a gap year in two aspects. First of all, by traveling around the world, they have the chance to broaden their horizon, meeting different people from various professions and exchanging ideas and thoughts with them. Through more interaction with people, they have the chance to form a new perspective to the world, respecting different nations, religion, and races. Secondly, participating in work field may help the teenagers to find out which industries were much more appropriate to them instead of majoring in a subject they later find out boring.

On the other hand, there will always be disadvantages along with advantages. Since teenagers have no plan on what goal they want to accomplish during the gap year, they end up wasting their time staying at home, playing computer games or doing things without a purpose. Additionally, a lack of studying during gap year may make it hard for them to catch up with the speed of university studies after returning to the education system, resulting in a lack of skills required for work after graduation.

In conclusion, the pursuit of working or traveling in a gap year may be beneficial to teenagers already having plans to broaden their horizons or find a suitable career path. On the contrary, it may be no good for teenagers having no idea what they are planning to do.

(268 word)
s410377088   
Jul 19, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS1- household owning and renting accommodation in England and Wales between 1918 and 2011 [3]

properties rented vs bought



The chart compares the percentages of properties rented with properties bought by people from England and Wales between 1918 and 2011.

In more detail, it can be found that during the first 40 years the household owned by people outnumbered the household rented considerably. However, as time moved on, the gap between these two data narrowed until 1971 when both of them equaled.

During the last 50 years, as shown in the chart, the number of properties rented went to skyrocket to a record high of nearly 70 percent, doubling the number of houses bought, and, on the other hand, the number of properties bought went low by more than 10 percent to approximately 30 percent.

All in all, the data shows that the percentage of household rented by people increased from the beginning of the chart to the end. On the contrary, the other one presented an unstoppable decline during the whole 50 years.

(157 words)




s410377088   
Jul 19, 2019
Writing Feedback / It is disputed whether parents of overweight kids should be blamed on causing offspring to be obese [5]

@jocelyn wang @lichien0422
thanks for both of your correction
@Dang Khoa
thx for the compliment
as for your 2nd paragraph's advice, will the argument be more persuasive by doing the following corrections:
Since the infant was born..... causing more fat to accumulate in its body. Even though parents ... be obese.

In this case, there is not so much that father and mother can do to prevent children from gaining extra weight.
s410377088   
Jul 18, 2019
Writing Feedback / It is disputed whether parents of overweight kids should be blamed on causing offspring to be obese [5]

Parents of obese children should be punished for making their children fat.


Do you agree or disagree?


It is disputed that whether parents of overweight kids should be blamed on causing offspring obese. The passage totally disagrees the statement since kids are responsible for their own healthy and since obesity may occur due to genetic factors.

First, it is possible that genetic factors may be attributed to the overweight of children. Since the infant was born, the cells of overweight infant may tend to be more likely than those of normal one to absorb nutrition, causing more fat to accumulate in its body. Even though parents provide enough food, the children still tend to be obese. According to recent research, it is found that an abnormal cell from child absorbs 30% more fat than normal one on the condition that both children consume same amount of food.

Second, children should be the one who take responsibility for their health since parents can't always be present with them. When kids are at school or go on a trip with friends, there is a great chance that they consume more junk food and beverages than they usually do and, as a result, become obesity due to too much fat received. Also, the recent theory studied by nutritionists has revealed that children tend to spend 80% of their money on food, especially junk food, and drinks.

In conclusion, parents should not be punished for causing overweight kids since the cause of obesity to children may be contributed to kids' not taking good care of their own health or some genetic factors.

(251 words)