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Posts by niesaysi
Name: Jhonies Saysi
Joined: Feb 5, 2011		 Last Post: Jun 16, 2021
Threads: 16
Posts: 290  
Likes: 85
From: Philippines
School: Polytechnic University of the Philippines

Displayed posts: 306 / page 5 of 8
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niesaysi   
Mar 22, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task II : Pros and cons of Credit card [10]

Obviously, it simplifies and very helpful solutions for making payment that help us avoid carrying bulk cash, while the opponents argued the credit card advantages which influenced people onto simplicity shopping may result huge debts.

Obviously, it immensely helps us for making payment and alleviates carrying bulk cash ; however, the opponents argue that simple shopping using credit card may result to huge debts.

For example, card is such the best solution for emergency hospital payment or deadline tuition fee payment. In any case of peak holiday payment, people also need to race for booking suitable services whereas the price fluctuated in minute.

Great examples!

..it is beneficial to complete the transaction with one card inon their hand.
This choosingchoice is due to simplicity and safety reasons. "Choosing" is nevertheless correct, but "choice" is pragmatically correct.
Credit card may effects consumerism.
While people freely to purchase what they want as unlimited transaction occurred, the unconsciousness of their financial status will later lea d them onto deep trouble during...
niesaysi   
Mar 23, 2014
Writing Feedback / Watching television is one of the simplest ways to relax after hard working time [5]

There are some people who do not like watching TV say that television and movies have bad influences on people's actions, however; other ones give opposite attitude on this issue.

Some people who do not like watching TV say that television and movies have bad influences on people's actions ; however,some oppose this issue .

In my opinion, I concur with the idea claiming that TV and movies give more positive effects on human behavior.

In my opinion, I believe that television and movies give more positive effects on human behavior.

There are some reasons why I say so.

Do not write this way. It is understood that you will enumerate the reasons in your next para why you have such stand.
niesaysi   
Mar 24, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: the high sales of goods & power of advertising - 'what we buy is up to ourselves' [6]

Nowadays, the arrival of new technologies make advertising more common in our daily life and can even influence consumers' decisionschoice .
With the use of technologies, advertising becomes persuasive that it can even influence the consumer's choice.
..in some way as it stimulates unconscious and deep-seated motives.

However, advertising can only persuade us but can't decide for us.

I like this sentence- somewhat tricky!
Firstly, advertisements informgive u s about the various choices we have
...ways to judge and one thing in common is that they mainly depends on needs.
...that we won't be easily mislea d

Secondly, if we did buy an advertised good and found no use, we won't buy it again and our friends and relatives will know about this good which will never make it a bestseller as a result.

This is a very good stand!
niesaysi   
Mar 24, 2014
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Keep trying and never stop working for your goals. [6]

"Keep running!," shouted from my heart when I was coachingcheering myself.

For me,this is a good hook.

My reasons to support my statement isar e as follows.

Omit this sentence. It is unnecessary.

Firstly, committing to our goal helps us creating personal worth.

Thirdly, the success that comes from our endeavor is more valuable than the one that can be obtained easily.

Excellent idea!

The test of triumph is sweeter not only because of the rewards that is high

"Rewards that are high"--what does it mean?Please rephrase it.
farther than what he thinks of himself.
niesaysi   
Mar 26, 2014
Writing Feedback / price of petrol vs traffic & pollution - temporary solution [3]

Then, goverment adoptedpromulgated some policies to restrict it and the increase in price of petrol is one of them.

As the high price of petrol, it maybe has partly some effects on me but it not at all.

In my opinion, the hike of petrol's price has various effects to people.

Spelling: sollution (solution)

It broughtbrings some satisfactory results such as many people now usingwould rather use public transports in stead of their own cars, orand some wealthy families are replacing would choose to utilize all facilities usinggasby onesusing natural energy instead of gas for their facilities .

niesaysi   
Mar 28, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Some people enjoy change, new experiences. Changing our habits is making us better [7]

Human live is different between somebody and others.

The idea of this is not well-stated.
We all have different life perspectives for ourselves.

Many people have desirability for they them selves.

Take this off.

Compare these two approach do you prefer?

I don't understand this. Are you going to compare both stands or will you state your preference and discuss it? However, in your case, you did the latter.
niesaysi   
Mar 28, 2014
Writing Feedback / parents are the best teachers. use specific reasons and examples to support your answer [7]

they teach their child with love which is required for the child to understand and with right amount of strictness which is at times needed to ensure their child doesn't take the lessons lightly.

They teach and discipline their child with love and right amount of strictness.Make your sentence concise as much as possible.
niesaysi   
Mar 28, 2014
Writing Feedback / Painter, director, writter, photographers - creatives artists, expressing their own ideas. [4]

Painter, director, writter, photographers- t hese creative artists need liberty to express themselves through their creations.

This is a good start.

I personally think that politics, laws, or dictatorships should not ban anysuch form of expression.

Readers may have different connotations if you'll use "any". Your prompt only focuses on the freedom expressions of CREATIVE ARTISTS ( using "any" may also even connote to EXPRESSIONS OF non-creative artists.)
niesaysi   
Mar 28, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Energy consumption by fuel in the USA (1980-2030) nuclear, solar, wind, hydro power [5]

energy in the United State of American

I think it is United State of America

Overall, it can be seen that petrol and oil are anticipated that will continually be the chief energy source.

It shows in the graphthat petrol and oil are anticipated that will continually be the chief energy source.

By 2014, both consumptions have climbed to the same number, at 25q, before that of coal will grew to 30q in 2030 and that of natural gas will level off.

In 2014, the consumption of both energy sources will reach 25q similarly, but in 2030 that of coal will ascend to 30q while that of natural gas will level off.
niesaysi   
Mar 28, 2014
Essays / My process of learning - how to read and write over the years [6]

I am going to tell you about my process of, learning how to read and write over the years.

Avoid writing this way. This is only applicable in speaking, specifically reporting. Think first of a good introduction: 1. it is the first paragraph 2. it should not be lengthy/long 3. it should have thesis statement or main topic. The other one is the body (another paragraph). Here it's time for you to elaborate your topic by presenting general statements with specific details supporting them. It should be longer than your intro, of course. The last paragraph is conclusion( how will you conclude/summarize it?). This is the structure which you don't apply in your posted essay. Follow this first.

At the time it was tough understanding the concept of reading and writing, because it was a language I did not understand.

At that time it was difficult for me to understand the concept of reading and writing, because of the language used as a means of instruction.

A couple of years passed, and my family decided to move on to the United States.

In the year 2006. There I stared attending a middle school named Ferndle.

In the year 2006, there I started attending in a middle school named Ferndle.

I had ESL class, where they just showedgave me picture books with plain pictureswith not many words .

niesaysi   
Mar 28, 2014
Writing Feedback / hard work vs luck - become the person what you are trying to be, not by the luck [5]

In our life, there are many factors that effect to our success.

But it is only basic foundation, not is a decisive factor to make you successful

strive for mastery

Rephrase. This is a bit ambiguous.

Firstly, allmany scientists became famous because they worked hard in their projects duringwithin a long period. with hard work

Secondary,

Secondly

Instead if you strive hard to achieve what you want, then your hard work will lead you to closerwithto your final goal.

niesaysi   
Mar 30, 2014
Writing Feedback / Relying more on technology to solve problems let human ability deteriorate. [3]

This technology dependency issue is partly right for some specific people who are practicing their rudimentary academic skills;

This does not support the issue you are supposed to discuss.

As I have discussed earlier, technology, on the whole, does not have negative effect on human thinking ability except when misused during rudimentary academic practicing.

I am too with Priya. This is a good conclusion. However, you have to provide more examples to further discuss the topic. It seems that you have just pointed out the types of humans who will be affected by technology dependency. You better give more emphasis on how too much dependency on technology deteriorates the THINKING ABILITY OF HUMANS.

Good point: Structurally, you write well.
niesaysi   
Mar 30, 2014
Undergraduate / MIT essay, Boston; 'I do volunteering job in Boston with Arabs for Altruism' [9]

Since we know that the ability to use algebra specially "using equation" is helpful to set the solution in physics. I was thinking about making special course for Basic Algebra.

Combine these two sentences. You cannot separate them. Otherwise, it will be grammatically incorrect.

We opened two classes and added extra math skills with extra a month and all students who had filed in physics and math, after they attended the course they passed their exams with average "B" and some of them got "A" in physics and math.

This has several grammatical issues. So it should be better fixed this way.
We opened two classes with one-month extension and added extra math skills for all the attendees. All of them had filed in physics and math, and after they took the course, they passed their exams with a mark of "A " and "B" in both subjects.
niesaysi   
Apr 6, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1; UK TELEPHONE CALLS - three categories [5]

It is obvious that local fixed line calls were the highest throughout the period, rising from 72 million to approximate 90 million in 1998.

Let us change the bold part into a more direct one.
Evidently, local fixed line calls were the highest throughout the period, rising from 72 million to approximate 90 million in 1998.
niesaysi   
Apr 6, 2014
Writing Feedback / Telecomm. effects; 'Edison would be astonished if he saw the use of telephone' [3]

Where is your prompt? Anyway, I will just concentrate on syntactical principles (grammar, mechanics, sentence structure).

What has changed our normal life mostly is the electrical business,( don't use comma here). Y ou can buy anything you could imagine through virtual markets online .

Peoples' relationships with each other variesvary a lot with the new lifestyles they have chosen.

As the booming of telecommunicationbooms ,

but we should be aware of some negative aspects it may bringshould be aware of.
niesaysi   
Apr 6, 2014
Writing Feedback / 'Game is imagination bowed three dimension'; important for adults and children [6]

games is very famous or if it is plural games are famous

adults play games for loosingto get relieved from stress

Having fun sometimes gives us advantage and disadvantages depending on our folk view about it.

Games isare imagination... - Another wrong grammar

There are many people like games.

What do you mean?

Because it gives advantages and disadvantages especially for adults

This is not a sentence.; thus it contains an incomplete idea.

Note:You have great ideas, but to be frankly, you cannot express them clearly if your grammar is poor. So, please take it as a serious consideration.
niesaysi   
Apr 6, 2014
Writing Feedback / 'Game is imagination bowed three dimension'; important for adults and children [6]

This example clearly shows that games which sometimes become important for living. gives good effect and bad effectsto our life .

There is statement,G ames can whic h influence develop children positively or negatively, either . gives good an effect and bad influence.

So, start writing essays with simple sentences with proper grammar.

This is a good advice. Pay attention to it. In your case, practice writing simple sentences with accordance to basic grammar ( singular subject takes singular verb ; plural subject takes plural verb; sentence patterns)
niesaysi   
Apr 9, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task II The different of Life Culture in the past and in the modern era [8]

In theL ong time ago, people have had a different a life cultures like today.

The different cultures people love to stay in one place in a whole life but in the modern era people often live in several different places in their life.

With these different cultures, people loved to stay in one place in their whole life, but in today's time people often live in several different places permanently.

Actually, it will give the advantages both of such in the past they did not spend much money to move in another house and today, people will meet new people and they will find new experiences. However, the disadvantages in the past was they did not know about the different culture and in this time people live in several different places will give impact to their social relation, they have to follow the new culture. (Give your own point of view CONCISELY. You may just state that both different ideas have advantages and disadvantages. Then, expound them in your body para.)
niesaysi   
Apr 10, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task II The different of Life Culture in the past and in the modern era [8]

in your comment above it was my opinion such my experience like what i saw in the real life. So did you mean, i have to write like "in my opinion or in my view" in the first sentence, didn't it ?

What i mean is that you have to make your opinion concise. In your case, you have expressed your opinions obviously lengthy. Actually, introduction just contains thesis and your opinion ( sometimes, it has a HOOK if you want to make your intro appealing to the readers.) In short, just two or three sentences will do for your intro.
niesaysi   
Apr 10, 2014
Writing Feedback / Movies & TV affect people. 'Vietnamese man who hasn't gone to other countries' [9]

TV- spell this ou t "Television" . "TV" is just used in normal discourse.

These points will be examined closely as follows.

Delete this. It is already understood that you will enumerate your points in the next paras.

First of all, knowledge can be acquired owing to televisions.

Firstly, watching significant television shows can help people gain knowledge.

By watching Discovery channel, he or she can getthe notionvisually knowof how well a polar bear camouflages in order to hunt rabbits in the most vivid way, which is obviously impossible to know without television.

hope this helps :)
niesaysi   
Apr 10, 2014
Writing Feedback / people living longer nowadays. Is it good or bad? [7]

Time is running and we are keeping our pace so as to chase it but in doing so ourlife style of living lif e has also been changing from traditional and conventional to modern sophisticated luxurious form.

As a result, we are consuming healthier balanced diet and using less physical force in performing jobs which isare soaring our life expectancy a bit longer than we used to live in the past.

How about your own point of view? Please include it. That is part of an introduction.
niesaysi   
Apr 10, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: International Graduations of Canadian Colleges; New Brunswick highest % [4]

Graduate number of each province rose during the five years generally and the highest number in each the two mentioned years, 2001 and 2006, happened on New Brunswick.

The number of graduates in every province rose during the five years.But New Brunswick got the highest number in 2001 and 2006.
niesaysi   
Apr 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: Changes in one city spending patterns in 1966. [8]

To begin with, food and cars were the highest spending in both of them.

To begin with, both graphs show that food and cars were the highest spending among all.

Even thoughOn the other hand , the lowest spending factor in a graph (a) was by computers and in a graph (b) was by books.

Food has number 44% of spending in 1996 (a), but declined dramatically until 14% in 1996 (b).

In the first illustration, food reached 44% of spending in 1996 but in the second one, it declined dramatically until 14% in the same year.
niesaysi   
Apr 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS task II Learning by Gadgets than books. [9]

Learning is now based more and gadget than books in some schools.

based more on gadgets

Nowadays, new technology program and tools are increasing and always update in every generations. Learning also change in every change years, it is more modern such learning by gadgets, books almost not famous stuff in some school. Now, I am a student in the modern era which gadgets are similar useful like the book function. The advantages of gadgets and books in the schools social are gadget is more be able to bring in everywhere and students can also search information subject when they connect with internet. The other advantages of book functions are students can read directly and just concentrate in the subject of book. In other hand, there also has disadvantages of gadgets and books function such gadgets can broke eyes of students if they watch their gadgets in much time and they will not concentrate in their education value because they can able to open another program in their gadget. The disadvantages of books in education are its heavy stuff in the students bring many books in their bag also in the future books will be give negative impact in the environmental as global warming.[/quote]

I agree with Pahan. This is too lengthy.

Nowadays, educational technology and programsand tools are increasing and always updatedin every generation s. These educational changes affect the learning process due to the use ofLearning also change in every change years, it ismore modern such learning by gadgets; thus ,learning by books areis left behindalmost not famous stuff . ( Next is your point of view.)Based on your ideas, I try to neaten up your intro.
niesaysi   
Apr 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTSTask1: Music choice VS Pop parade music [7]

The chart indicates a survey about compared two kinds of new music on internet as long as fifteen days period that people visit.

The chart indicates a survey showing the number of visits of each music site on the web within fifteen days.

These are music choice and pop parade music with approximately 180.000 respondents.

The graph shows that the two music sites on the web are music choice and pop parade with approximately 180.000 respondents.
niesaysi   
Apr 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: mobile phone; "Iron man" / "Weichat" - destroy social interactions? [8]

In the first place, spending too much time on phones may exert adverse effects on social life.In the first place(try to use another related transitional
device since you have used it in the preceding sentence) , as people are increasingly tend tofocus and relayrelying on phones, they
may lose their interest on daily activities like meeting with their friends so that distraction may be developed during study or social activities(The bold part is another
idea which makes your sentence ambiguous.) .

niesaysi   
Apr 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1; region and by gender for the year 2000. [9]

There are the chart shows estimated world illiteracy rates by region and gender in the year 2000 between female and male.

The chart showsthe estimated world illiteracy rates by region and gender in the year 2000 between female and male.

I will just rectify the following sentences in terms of grammatical structure.

Firstly,There are male illiteracy for the 6 areas shown.

Firstly, the bar graph illustrates male illiteracy in all regions.

In the chart, the lowest illiteracy rates were Developed Countries, Latin America/Caribbean, East Asia/Oceania which have percentage each regions as big as 1 %, 10 %, and 8 %.

Among the six regions, Developed Countries, Latin America/Caribbean, and East Asia/Oceania got the lowest illiteracy rates with a percentage of 1 %, 10 %, and 8 %.
niesaysi   
Apr 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / Movies & TV affect people. 'Vietnamese man who hasn't gone to other countries' [9]

There are 24/7 live broadcasts on TV

"24/7' means 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The bold part is not universally known; others may misunderstand that. Better not abbreviate it.

Now, television provides them with contacts so that customers can possess necessary items in the simplest and most convenient way.

Great idea!

Last but not least

I think you may simply say , "Lastly" .

These are necessary especially when we now live in a flattervirtua l world where virtually people can communicate through all borders can beerasedthanks to technology.

television benefits us in many aspects of life

To sum up, we can benefit television in many aspects of our life.

bad things and wrongdoings

You can't use both in one sentence. Otherwise, it will be redundant.

Can I ask whether my wording seems too simple and informal?

To be frank, you answer the prompt clearly. With regards to grammatical structure, above are my edits. Hope those help you.
niesaysi   
Apr 13, 2014
Writing Feedback / Ielts task 2: Benefits and drawbacks of having several careers. [3]

you'll

you will . Avoid contraction.

several-career lifestyle will help you to wider your outlook

1 job

one job

because at that times

it is my strong believe belief

or simply write, "I strongly believe.."

Note:It seems that you write well. Apart from what I have edited above, I cannot find any grammatical mistakes so far.
niesaysi   
Apr 13, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2; More people want to buy famous brands. Give reason and opinion [6]

People preferred to buy cheap but good products several years ago. However, increasing number of people trend to pursue famous-brand items such as clothes, cars and cell phone.

I do not see any connection. I think your hook does not add worth to the next sentence.

to pursue famous-brand items

The word "pursue" is inappropriately used in the context.It should be "purchase".
niesaysi   
Apr 19, 2014
Writing Feedback / Honesty vs Telling lies - persuasive essay [5]

If you are about to write a persuasive essay, you should know how to start PERSUASIVELY. To achieve that, there are several introductory techniques - description, exemplification/illustration, definition, analogy, cause and effect- which you can use.

Lies, they are never justified. Lying is a sin from my religious belief. Not only lying is a sin but you can lose trust between others. You put shame on yourself. Lying isn't going to get you anywhere, you're just going to end up with a whole bunch of crap that you never wanted in the first place.

Write the full prompt or the subject you are about to discuss.

Lying is a sin from my religious belief.

This sentence does not have a logic. Also, the "you-attitude" is used in your intro, therefore avoid using the first person point of view. Be consistent. It shows like you are the basis of truth that lying is really a sin ( we all know it is really a sin religiously.) :D
niesaysi   
Apr 20, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: man to man interaction changed; reason - technology [3]

While public use the Internet or smart phone to share information to each other at different positions.

This is actually incomplete.

Instead of using letters, technology advanced not only gives us more spare time but also convenient and efficient.

Instead of using letters in communication, people can now use technology to keep in touch with others conveniently and efficiently.

More, even if family members who are in different countries, they also can use the Internet to connect each others, especially though the images or videos, they can feel close.

As instance, family members who are in different countries can see each other through the use of Internet.

Furthermore, technology is also essential for students, livelike in remote districtsareas , to shared the valuable natural resources with friends.

Another issue is that within the continuousever-accelerated updating of science and technology,

, but now, thanks to the social networking websites, people can easily to find someone who has similar interests.

In this way, technology is beneficial to humanitytowardsdevelopsdeveloping positive relationships.

I agree with that the technology has more optimal effects on people's interaction, because it helps ordinary people to make new
friends and to maintain relationships.

Hope this helps you :)
niesaysi   
Apr 20, 2014
Writing Feedback / Parents should allow their children to select their own profession [7]

You still need to tremendously improve what you have posted above. I have a strong feeling you can do that. Also,just a sort of important reminder, always include the subject/prompt you are going to discuss.

If we talk about the recent era, Parents just want their children to be a doctor or engineer. They force them to go in the field which they want and don't care about what their children want and what are their interests. It's just like a new trend that my friend's daughter is a doctor and getting very handsome amount of salary so they start degrading their daughter that why don't you become a doctor rather than being a teacher.
Parents should keep this thing in their minds that what are the interest of their children and what they want to be in future. What are their desires.If they force them to be what they want then maybe they start getting against of their parents.

This does not follow the real structure of an essay. What you did is just you have merely presented your ideas without considering certain principles important to make your entire composition more coherent.
niesaysi   
Apr 20, 2014
Undergraduate / US College application essay. check my essay for mistakes. [4]

When I was a child, I got used to playin g games on my older brother's computer and with that, I gradually felt excited about information technology.

During the time Ihave worked there, I have enthused over finance and business and thus I have decided to learn more about Business field.

niesaysi   
Apr 20, 2014
Graduate / it's never too late to start a new beginning: MS in BI- motivation letter [4]

As economic environment is constantly changing, particularly economics and business demand for advanced computer-based methods capable of processing and analyzing complex and divers information.

?Complete the idea of this.

This job provided me an opportunity to understand better particular spheres of business (finance, marketing, logistics, law, and accounting).

AmongOne of my current responsibilities is establishing of new business contacts with foreign companies.

I think the Master programme will assist me in acquiring up-to-date knowledge of information technology and to developing complex approach, which combines management concepts with computer science technologies.

After graduation I aspire to work in the area of technical consultancy, especiallyfor I am interested in developing informational infrastructures in business companies.

I will be deeplygreatly honored if you decide to acceptwill consider my candidature.

I found some small grammatical mistakes. Hope this helps you a lot :)
niesaysi   
Apr 20, 2014
Writing Feedback / Individuals should not be allowed to carry guns - 'used for illegal purposes' [6]

Since you have not included the full prompt, I will just focus on the grammatical structure.

These days, it seems that far more modern society's justice desire to legitimate carrying firearms among individuals.

The issue about legitimization of carrying firearms among individuals is getting serious.

Although there are valid arguments to the contrary,in this paper However, I would argue that to carrying guns should be prohibited. The reason for this are twofold.

ThoughAlthough the storing of gun , to store gun legally no matter whetheris for self protection or to tackle some problems , it could still disturb this peace, that one day it will shot and cousecause bloodshed.

Indeed , Becausethe prime reason for weapon invention is to use it against humans.

great point!

If the government legitimates carrying guns, this would be welcomecertainly affirmtothe jungleworld of dictatorship and chaos.

Even more disturbing, firearms could be used for illegal purposes, thoughin spite ofthe usage of them is legal.

By the way of conclusionTo conclude , I once reaffirm my position and my agreement to the statement by support of aforementioned views above agree that carrying guns should not be promulgated for this will only open the way towards destruction and trouble .

:D
niesaysi   
Apr 24, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 : The electricity consumption and cost per year [8]

cost per year of various household divides.

What does the bold part really mean?

In a year, electricity consumption (singular) increases depending on the kinds of electronic.

There are only 5 electronicswhere in this part.

The bold part is grammatically incorrect.Simply delete "where" to make it correct.

They are need about 1000 kwh per year.

You do not need to use the be verb " are" in that sentence.

They are need not less than 1500 kwh per year and cost $125 per year.

The same issue as the first one.

Good luck :)
niesaysi   
Apr 24, 2014
Writing Feedback / During this 25 year period, consumption of pizza and hamburgers by Australian teenagers increased [6]

Pizza line shows from 1975 to 1995 increased sharply until 82 people eaten per year.

Take a glance at the meaning of the bold part. It really makes the reader confused. Do not misplace it. Put it closer to the one it modifies.

But, in 5 years latest consumed of this food leveling off about 82 people eaten per year.

But, in five years, the consumption of this food leveled off with about 82 people patronizing it per year.

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