Writing Feedback / IELTS, Society will produce happy people if there's little gap between rich and the poor [4]

Essay topic: Most people believe that a society will produce more happy people if there is little difference between earnings of the poor and rich member of society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Question of where happiness are generated from in the modern society is hard to give a comprehensive answer. Some people think that if huge gap of income between wealthy and poor people is reduced, a whole community will be cheerful. However, i somewhat agree with this viewpoint that narrow gap of income difference would lead to happy people.

To begin with, justice makes people feel happy and fair in the community. if people are treated equally no depending on which social group they come from, how wealthy they are, they feel satisfied and relaxed with their living community. For example, in job interview, candidates feel good if evaluation process focus on the what knowledge, skills and practice they acquire rather which clothes they wear. Otherwise, people, particularly youth, tend to lose their hope for future and feel desperate with their life.

Furthermore, acquisition of education is the best way to create a happy society and get rid of a huge difference of income among individuals. It is a fact that high level of education lead to high income. When poor people are encouraged to gain vocational education to find a job, poverty rate will be decreased and thus the there will be no anger about earning gap among people.

Nevertheless, it is true that the most influential factor that makes people feel dissatisfied within the community is the widening gap of income of advantaged and disadvantaged individuals. In the urban city, while some people are earning less than a dollar in the outskirts district and living under impoverished line, other are paid high by big corporations and staying in the penthouse. For example, my younger brother asks when their parents will become rich from parents, that have a serious impact on family relations and lead to disappointment at home.

In the conclusion, i am strongly convinced that there are other better approach for leading happy society by education people and treating equally. Therefore, the income of poor will increase and thus community will become more relaxed.

Writing Feedback / IELTS, LIFE WILL BE BETTER IN THE FUTURE OR NOT [5]

Topic: Some say that today's life is better than it will be in the future, others disagree and say that the future life will be better than now. Discuss and include your own opinion.

Some people doubt about whether future life would be improved or not. Some people imagine the future life as like a scenery of movie named "Travel to Future" in which it shows a flying car in the sky. However, other sees the life in the future as a pessimistic view in which people tries escape from natural disaster and moves to Himalayas mountain. In this essay, i will examine a both sides of view and present my personal view on this matter.

On the one hand, there are number of people holding a view that the world would be catastrophic. Due to the fact of a increasing change of climate and high frequency of natural disaster like hurricane, tornado, flood and earthquake, discomfort of living will increase in the next coming centuries. Moreover, as the world population rises, a increasing need of food supply rises among the nations, particularly among developing and third nations. Therefore, rate of famine and hunger increases and level of food safety deteriorates.

On the other hand, much optimism about the future with technological development is hold among people. They anticipate the future life with clean energy, clean electricity and clean environment. The world would be totally green then ever before due to the initiatives of green technologies. Pleasure of life will increase with introduction of new technology into our daily life like travel to outer space and so on.

In the conclusion, i am totally convinced with the view that in coming years, your generation will live in much dangerous condition. Due to a increasing level of various kind of pollution, health concern will arise among them and cost of health will stagger dramatically.

Writing Feedback / IELTS, EXTREME SPORT, WHY KEEPING IT AND HOW RISK COULD BE MINIMIZED? [2]

Please give me your invaluable feedback on my latest essay.

Some sports are extremely dangerous. Why do you think people are still doing this? How can the risk be minimized?

Some terrifying scenery like real fighting among men could be easily seen on the some sport tournaments like boxing, car racing and so on. There are a lot of bleeding, injuring and screaming among the parties. Some people believe that extreme sports should be excluded from types of sports. In this essay, i will present the reason for people are still keeping it as their favorite sport and suggest a way to lessen its harmful way on sportsmen.

to begin with, one of the most common reason of presence of extreme sport is that it is one of precaution's way to protect us from ourselves or others from attack or danger. For example, boxer could help victim of robbery by chasing criminal or save women from raping danger. Moreover, since sport is main source of keeping healthy mental and physical condition, sportsmen can be less stressful than others.

Furthermore, the highest lucrative sports are associated with those extreme sport: car racing, boxing and so on. Sport fans are extremely interested in seeing how they manage to succeed from such extreme condition. Since there are full of action, viewers never get bored and be ready to pay to see it . Therefore, extreme sports become a highly profitable sport and both fan and sportsmen want to continue it further.

Nevertheless, there are urgent need of regulation for lessing its threatening danger to sportsmen. They should be strict regulation in which prohibits bleeding, high frequency of hitting to some part of body and so on. If someone breaks the rule, punishment should be tough like high fine and limiting a right to attend other sport tournaments.

In the conclusion, due to the fact that there are number of supporting factor of keeping extreme sports like healthy lifestyle, self-protection, money and fan satisfaction, i am strongly convinced to keep those further. But We need to make sure safety and security of sportsmen as there is no bleeding, serious injuries and so on.

Writing Feedback / IELTS, One year off after secondary school and before starting university. [3]

Hello Guys,
Please give me your invaluable feedback on my essay.
Thanks a million.

Essay Topic: Some people think students should be encouraged to work or travel after finishing secondary education and before starting university. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Choosing the right major is one of significant decision on one's life. However, that decision is heavily influenced with our parents and peers' advice. I partly agree with given idea and having a year off after completing a high school would lead student to make own career choice and develops some interpersonal skills. Reasons and examples will be outlined below.

To begin with, working or travelling the experience prior to going to university has a positive effect on one's life. It is especially helpful with graduates who are trying to make a career choice. They could know that which area they should be specialized in and decides which subject they truly interested in: French or businessmen or social worker. Therefore, they will not feel regret in which by telling that I should have choice other major instead of choosing suggested profession from family members, teachers and friends.

Furthermore, graduates learn how they should communicate with people from different background. By travelling to abroad or working with others, they meet with new people, customs and culture. Thereby, it becomes easier to manage a relation with other international and domestic students at university. Moreover, by meeting with more experienced people, student could learn from them, in particularly, their time management, organizational and leadership skills.

Nevertheless, most children are reluctant to having a year off. They do not want to be behind from their peers with career, work experience and so forth. Otherwise, they feel depressed and are highly likely to perform poorly at workplace. It is a fact that due to lack of budget, parents could not send their children to travel in other country.

In the conclusion, I am strongly convinced that graduating student should be encouraged to have a year off after finishing the high school, that would result in right professional selection and develop some personal skills.

Writing Feedback / IELTS; Changing look is good or not? [6]

I made some change with my essay, Please give your invaluable comments on this essay

Essay topic: People try to change their look by changing the color of their hair using cosmetics, wearing jewellery or even having a plastic surgery done. Why do you think people do it? Do you think changing a look is good thing?

People's attitude toward appearance was light and careless before the introduction of cosmetic products, surgery and costume items. In the wake of popularity of cosmetic tools, survey and accessories, people become more concerned with their outlook, both men and woman. Some people think that the importance of beauty has good impact on personal character and development. As far as I am concerned, paying more attention to one's appearance have severe affect on our health and wisdom. Reasons and examples will be outlined below.

To begin with, most people are highlighting the importance of appearance rather than developing themselves. Eagerness to invest in education is comparatively lower than that of cosmetics. Even when people goes to shopping malls, they are increasingly likely to head first to clothing section instead of book-selling section. For example, I was encouraged to do heavy make-up when I was high school instead of preparing to admission examination.

Furthermore, it is a fact that there are thousands of thousands of over-weighted youth while they do not much care about their health and body shape. Sport center like fitness club is hardly become a full of customer, spa and beauty centers do not worry about how to attract people. Therefore, many serious diseases like high blood pressure, diabetes and so on are generating from lack of movement among us while keeping our beauty.

Nevertheless, concern over the outlook has good impact on personal character and performance. As we wear comfortable clothes, do make up gently and even have some cosmetic surgery, our self-esteem increases and we become more confidence with what we doing, saying and thinking. That is specially true with business in which 90 percent of business deal is come from clothing. Moreover, worker's performance increases if they feel comfortable with their look.

In the conclusion, I am convinced that investment on our appearance should be balanced with that of education and health and should increase people's awareness of health lifestyle and wisdom rather than fragile beauty.

Writing Feedback / IELTS, Change look is good or not? [4]

Hello All,

please feel free to comment on my essay.

Essay topic: People try to change their look by changing the colour of their hair using cosmetics, wearing jewellery or even having a plastic surgery done. Why do you think people do it? Do you think changing a look is good thing?

To compared with people's presence of 30 years ago, attitude toward appearance has increased dramatically. In the wake of popularity of cosmetic tools, survey and accessories, people become more concerned with their outlook, both men and woman. Some people think that the importance of beauty has severe impact on personal character and development. As far as I am concerned, paying more attention to one's appearance have positive impact on both personal attitude and performance. Reasons and examples will be outlined below.

To begin with, most people become more confidence with what they are doing, saying and hearing when they make up their face, wear some jewelry and having cosmetic survey to part of their body. Once self-esteem increases, individual's attitude toward outer world get charged with positive energy and then create confortable atmosphere with their surrounding area.

Furthermore, it is a fact that individual working performance increases when they feel comfortable with their outlook. As appearance become one of the important factor in people' relation, most of us are frequently going to spa center, buying jewelry items and considering to having plastic surgery. Particularly, in business field, conventional wisdoms says that 90 percent of business success is from clothing. Moreover, it is said that beauty saves the world as peaceful and calm environment comes with beauty.

Nevertheless, less concern over the personal good character like honest, humble, generous and so forth is being neglected once people are paying more attention to their personal appearance. As people get dressed well and boast with their beauty, they become more ambitious and superficial to others. Moreover, high amount of money spent on cosmetics instead of education and healthy life style.

In the conclusion, I am convinced that investment on our appearance have good impact on both personal and professional development and should balance of outer and inside good presence.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Usually directors are paid much higher salaries than simple workers. [3]

Please feel free to give a comment on my essay.
Topic: Usually directors are paid much higher salaries than simple workers. Some people agree with this but other believe it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your own opinion on the topic.

Most of big corporation's CEO salary is incomparable to that of ordinary workers. Some people believe that they are deserved to earn it because of their high education, responsibility and skills while others are against of it. In this essay, I will examine both sides of view and present my personal opinion on this matter.

On the one hand, it is a true that most directors have higher education than its staffs. It is a face that when people's education level increases, rate of earning also rises, even directors are exemption. They are highly likely to have tertiary education from top universities. Furthermore, responsibility they shoulder is much heavy than others. Decision they made about business is matter of failure or success. They bear higher responsibility while competing in the stiff market. Therefore, their responsibility should be equivalent to their salary. Similarly, they are much skillful than others by acquiring leadership and communication skills that are vital for negotiations and deals.

On the other hand, some people strongly oppose the high earning of top directors. It is probably because ordinary workers execute main parts of job while director are less aware of operation. For example, in power plant, electrical engineer is main person for operation of generating electricity, not directors since engineer know day-to-day function of factory. Moreover, ordinary could be distinguished from directors by their less ambitious character. Thereby some people believe that high salary should be paid to ambitious, less responsibly and talkative directors.

In the conclusion, I am convinced that it would be Fairless if director's salary is equal to simple workers. Their earning must be higher than others because their knowledge, skills, practice and reputation are significant parts of corporation's growth and future.

Writing Feedback / Vulnerable social groups like youth and elders need social welfare system - IELTS [5]

Please feel free to comment on this.

Essay topic: Government should not have to provide care or financial support for elderly people because it is the responsibility of each person to prepare for retirement and support him or herself. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Vulnerable social groups like youth and elders need social welfare system because it is hard to support themselves. However, some people believe that in the capitalist society, individuals should bear all own personal matters of finance and care, and any government-funded assistant program for elders should be lifted. I totally disagree with this viewpoint and in this essay, i will explore why it is necessary to support elders financially and personally.

To begin with, there are lack of special community area for elders except retirement home. When people retired, they no longer communicate with work colleagues. As a result, they feel desperate and worthless to society and stays at home for whole day doing nothing. So old-age home plays a prominent role for socializing elders. if government financing include those retirement house's cost to state budget, financial burden for backing those community on elder's should gets rid of.

Second, respectfulness to elders should not be neglected because everyone gets older. There are a high number of elders who do not have children to support them for whatever reasons. Due to increasing price of main commodity and housing fee and less petition fee, elders get more burden with their pocket. In this case, Government funding would receive public applause.

Nevertheless, There are strong discouragement about government backed-retirement house and other financial supporting programs. Fund for elders comprises a considerable part of nation's budget. Did it have other important area finance needed like education and public health. Moreover, Young people are highly likely to work less serious once their future is less risky with state assistance.

In the conclusion, I am strongly convinced that elder should be cared and financially supported with government programs.

Writing Feedback / IELTS, nowadays it is more difficult to concentrate or pay attention in school. [7]

Please feel free to comment on my essay

If we look at our children's daily routine, it would be surprising that how much it is different from our time? Their time was tightly linked with technologies, that result in being heavily disturbed by them in return and poor performance at school. In this essay, i will examine the implications of computer and television on children's coursework and suggest a way to deal with it.

To begin with, there has been a considerable number of computer games and game applications. Since computer game is one of lucrative business, enterprises are enticing children as their customer and offering a various kind of games. As a consequence, children is addicted to the games and time children should spend on coursework is decreasing as time for playing increasing. For example, My younger brother and his classmate used to go to PC game center, that lead to poor grading at school. Furthermore, another main kind of disturbance is the television. Cartoons, children's programs and other television programs make children pay less a attention to their lessons because those are much interesting than lessons.

Key to tackle down that problems is directly dependence from parents. Parents should work with their children on the matter of schedule and help them to arrange time for both playing and learning. Moreover, Children should highly encouraged to understand the importance of school at their future life and dedicated to perform well at school.

In the conclusion, I am highly convinced that there are 2 kind of disturbance on children: computer game and television. Parent should seriously talk to their children about significance of lessons and help them to arrange timetable effectively.

Writing Feedback / Some people fail on their school but achieve success in their adult life. Why do you think [3]

Some people fail on their school but achieve success in their adult life. Why do you think this will happen?
What causes/reasons may lead to a person's successful life?

We know that Steve Jobs, Akio Morita and other famous people were same as other children as their performance on all lessons was not even good. It is so surprising that how they reached to outstanding success and become game changer in the world economy. There are some contributing factor that result to outstanding achievement in person's life. In this essay I will examine the importance of some characters that makes people leading role in their society.

To begin with, one common character among those successful people is that deep interest in one special area rather than being successful in all lessons. When they become interested in one subject, they continue to develop that area further. For example, Akio Morita, who is a founder of Sony Corporation, was excellent at engineering courses but not in social lessons. As a result of it, overall performance seemed poor but that specialization leaded him to become magic person who created many technologies.

Second, being creative is the most importance character brings us to successful life. It is a fact that children who are keen on to initiate something new, they are highly likely to become game changer when they reach a mature. Moreover, perseverance is an important factor of achievement where only person who never gives up to obstacle and stand up again after the failure reaches a top of their class.

In the conclusion, I am convinced that common character found in famous and successful people is being creative and persevered. Also we need to emphasis a role of being specialized in one area that lead to outstanding achievement in our future life.

Writing Feedback / IELTS;More & more people are relying on private cars as their major means of transport [4]

this essay is to describe some of the problems over reliance on cars and offer at least on possible solution,

Invention of automobile was one of the most applauded creation of humankind history. There was the time that everyone want to drive a car once in their life as it was their most wanted dream. However, some people are blaming a car for the number of issue like death, air pollution, traffic jam and so on. In this essay, i will examine the complicated problems arisen by car and explore a way to tackle down the problem.

To begin with, inventions we created are in return on the way to destroy us, even car is not exemption. Everyone want to possess cars because of its privacy and comfort. To compared with public transport vehicles, drivers can create own private atmosphere and can arrange the timetable and schedule on their own. As a consequence, undesirable issue was created that traffic jam. If we count number of time spent in our life, figure could be intimating. Moreover, smoke car emits is the main reason of air pollution, especially in the developing countries. For example, In Delhi, the amount of car's smoke was reached to disastrous level and as a result, respiratory health system was heavily damaged among youth and elders.

Key to overcome a the problem is to encourage public to take public transport vehicles like bus, tram and metro. If people choose to not drive in short distance, city would be free of traffic congestion. Therefore, level of pollution will be reduced once people rely on public vehicles and number of car accidents, injures and other damages caused by cars would be disappear.

Another prominent solution is to increase public awareness of healthy walking. Walking is the most replacement of car in the not long distance and even beneficial to general condition of body.

In the conclusion, i would like to highlight the importance of public transport and walking for substitution of car. It creates healthy environment and has good impact on our health.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Some people think that government should provide unemployed people with a free cell [11]

Being unemployed for your people would be the most tragic phenomena. There has been strong argument for government on the issue of way of supporting jobless people to find a job. I partly agree with the viewpoint of free access of cellphone and internet backed by state budget to eliminate a unemployment. In this essay, I will discuss this issue from both sides of view and present my personal opinion.

On the one hand, most job vacancy could be found in websites. In the wake of growing number of user of internet and member of social network, many job agency put their job advertisements on the websites rather than publishing in the newspapers or journals. However, payment to get access of Internet makes jobless people desperate and hopeless because they could not pay for it. Therefore, some government officials are initiating the policy of installing wi-fi in certain areas and supplying temporary cellphones for jobless people help to find a better job.

On the other hand, there are opposing view against distribution policy of free Internet and phone and highlighting the importance of training workforce. It seems to me that main reason of unemployment is not lack of telecommunication but professional training. Once jobless people take appropriate professional training program, they would escape from unemployed dull life. Moreover, there should be availability of short-courses for workers to improve their capacity regularly; and as a result, they will be sufficient educated with up-to-date information and technology.

In the conclusion, I am strongly convinced with the viewpoint that efficiency of free wi-fi and mobile phone policy would have much less value than improving human resource's capacity and skills with the latest technology and information.