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Posts by Anfalia
Name: Anfa
Joined: Sep 15, 2014
Last Post: May 29, 2015
Threads: 40
Posts: 56  
Likes: 23
From: Indonesia

Displayed posts: 96 / page 2 of 3
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Anfalia   
Feb 11, 2015
Writing Feedback / A prominent task of universities is to enroll prospective students for further next. IELTS [5]

wow! thank you so much for all comments. It is really improve my writing.
Fadlanmuzakki, thank you for your suggestion, I've checked on my dictionary.
sHanafi, thank you so much sister, I'll try to do better for my next writing.

Vns9x
" Your essay would have looked much better if you had somehow conflated the conclusion and your opinion to be honest!"
I'm sorry, Actually I don't really know what do you mean of this sentence?
Anfalia   
Feb 11, 2015
Writing Feedback / One's success determines through rewarding career. People are choosing to change careers, why? [4]

An increasing number of people are choosing to change careers during their working lives, and some even do so more than once.
What reasons might people have to change careers?
Do you think this is a positive or negative development for society?


One's success determines through rewarding career. From this personal perspective, changing career in working lives has already remained a remarkably widespread phenomenon. The majority of people change their careers pretty often in view of getting better their career prospects. Although there are positives and negatives in such changes, I am personally convinced that the benefits by doing so do outweigh its disadvantages.

The reason why people especially teenage years are more likely to change their personal career is a tendency of high expectation to try out new experiences, instead of following the family career path. Research studies show that people in the age of 15 tend to avoid in the case of working in the same organization with their family, they are more likely to be traveler or other job sectors. When the age over 20, this fascination with new places is declining, and changes is less attractive. Consequently, the age-related trend can be observed in all experiences.

This phenomenon enables to address positives sides for people. Firstly, people acquire the various experience of working lives. It predicts to be useful for their bright future life when it comes to work. The more people have work experience, the easier for them to obtain high level jobs. Also, they are easily to adapt and behave properly with many kinds of individual characteristic. It owes to their intensity to interact with other people in different jobs. As a result, inhabitants who have the enormous working experience indirectly improve their personal social behavior.

Conversely, people do not have chance to move easily to the higher job position when they only work for a short time in the same company. However, when they stay in this job permanently, it is easier for them to achieve their higher job position, and it results to get higher income. For pragmatic instance, a commercial industry such as Pizza Hut allows their employees to be manager when these employees have already been worked for several years. By pointing out this fact, it can be concluded that the long term people work guarantees to their job satisfaction.

On the whole, as the majority of people these days prefer to work in many different companies address some merits and demerits, I would argue that people should bear in mind when they want to decide to work because a whole of their career determines their future success. Where possible, people should enjoy their time at young ages to vary their experiences because as they get older, their openness to new experiences is slowly declining.
Anfalia   
Feb 11, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Big outdoor public space is necessary for all cities and towns, agree or disagree? [3]

Because of a similar interest, ideas can be easily spread and bonds can be smoothly formed among them.

this sentence is double verb without any conjunction.

it is where the mass can have a close contact with nature, just like a temporary and easy getaway from all the seemingly unescapable(inescapable) hustling and bustling part of city life. (many verbs but one conjunction) The combination of a moment of quietness and a place of fresh air isare always desirable.

Anfalia   
Feb 11, 2015
Writing Feedback / A horizon communication these days speaks more than one language. Learning foreign language issue [2]

All children should study a foreign language in school, starting in the earliest grades.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?


A horizon communication these days speaks more than one language. As the country's future asset, children are able to master foreign languages. Therefore, the early grade school year is the perfect quality of time for them to learn this lesson. While the evidence of this argument is nearly to be true to some extent, I am personally convinced that children who learn second language in the earliest age are expected to be well-prepared for advanced language learning tasks.

A foreign language enables to ensure children's basic understanding. Admittedly, they acquire ability to gain many vocabularies, and to mimic closely the native pronunciation and intonation of a new language. Research study shows that some earlier schools in Indonesia provide 2-10 foreign language vocabularies completed by well-pronounced every morning. It resulted in the school's next level that they are able to communicate effectively using vary basic vocabularies and excellent pronunciation.

Conversely, learning a foreign language is probably addresses some drawbacks. Initially, children tend to be hard in the case of obtaining critical thinking and to understand completely the explanation. English as a second language in Asia can be taken to exemplify this case; It shows that young learners are difficult to learn English structures such as grammatical and syntax. Consequently, children are stressful when they were insisted on learning this lesson. Again, learning second foreign language enables to delay children's development to learn first language. It is owing to their hard intention to focus on learning the second language as their preparation to live and work in a global society for further next.

Ultimately, earliest grade is the excellent basic foundation for young learners to understand foreign language, and it gives them a chance to get the advanced language learning tasks. Where possible, children in the early grade school year should have intense preparation to learn the second language. Despite all, it does not mean that children put the second of first language because it is the vital aspect of lesson for them in the term of language.
Anfalia   
Feb 10, 2015
Writing Feedback / What cause of people life longer ? is that positive of negative development? (IELTS Task 2) [3]

Hello sister..

I'm sorry, let me try to give you a comment to improve my IELTS learning with you.
overall, you did a good job for this essay, and I like you essay.
it might enable you to cogitate whether it is true or false of my argument here;

Moreover, the discovery of vaccines take part in cause of living longer. ...

In my opinion, you should separate this part of paragraph to be the second paragraph. it seems too bulky.

technological and vaccine discoveries would be take a huge part

I think you do not need to add "be" in this sentence because if you use "be" means that it's followed by verb3.

Thank you sister.. Good Luck! :)
Anfalia   
Feb 7, 2015
Writing Feedback / Both transportation stakeholders and commuters should participate in solving traffic problem [2]

Some people say that, to reduce traffic congestion in large cities, governments should act to reduce the number of cars on the roads. Others say that it is the responsibility of individuals to use cars less and public transport more. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Traffic congestion is a major issue in society these days. For this reason, the majority of people view that the only way to arrest this case is government's action to reduce the existence of cars on the roads. While others argue that individuals should minimize the need to commute by using private car, and they are supposed to use public transport, I personally believe that both governments and individuals play an important aspect to tackle this problem.

General speaking, the most crucial case in the city is the huge number of cars used by societies that leads a terrible threat. Therefore, government has a prominent right and high level position in a country to tackle this problem. Research studies have shown that one large city in Singapore is free from traffic jams. This results of a government program to flight air pollution and traffic jams by simply making very expensive tax for everyone who wants a car, and they should buy permit. In addition, to drive and enter downtown on weekdays in Singapore acquires to pay big tax on gasoline. As a result, government enables to create happy situation with no accident and traffic congestion on the road.

Admittedly, the only essential way to tackle this case is individuals themselves. They are supposed to be aware to use less car and more public transport. By applying so, the number of traffic congestion can be reduced gradually. To exemplify, the majority of Japanese are aware to not use more cars, they prefer to use bicycle or on foot when it comes to do their daily activities. Conduct to this fact states that Japan is well-known by a clean country with less waste, pollution, and traffic problem. In consequence, people cannot rely on only to government because the root of problem comes from their personalities.

On the whole, traffic congestion is continuously problem affecting to the development of country. While government as a head to minimize this problem clearly, people also enable to change their behavior relating to traffic jams. However, I would argue that both transportation stakeholders and commuters should hand in hand to obtain viable solution relating to this case. Doubtfully, people cannot avoid the use of private vehicle as the development technological advanced and as the huge of brilliant people who create more sophisticated transportation.
Anfalia   
Feb 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / Art is a product of human expression and for this case government should promote it [3]

Some people believe that governments should fund and promote artistic and cultural activities for their citizens. Others, however, think that these activities should be left to private individuals and institutions.

Discuss both these views and give your opinion.


The government plays an important role in developing a country. That is why there is an argument as to how the government should invest more in either artistic or cultural activities. While other people believe that private individuals and institutions should take these activities, I am personally convinced that government should maintain these activities properly as a country's asset.

Art is a product of human expression and for this case government should give the amount of finance to promote and cultural activities because these activities are countries symbol so as to prominent for them to preserve properly these activities. To exemplify, traditional dance such as "Reog Ponorogo" in Indonesia is the famous traditional activity in Indonesia. By this truly fact, all countries around the world recognize well that this country is original from Indonesia. Automatically, this is a significant symbol which is owned by Indonesia. Consequently, the development of culture and artistic is in government's hand.

On the other hand, some artistic and cultural activities should be taken to private in individuals and institution because in this reality governments do not pay attention more through these activities. However, when these activities were handled by private institution, they will preserve them as perfect as possible because they tend to utilize them as their asset to obtain much profit. As a result, this artistic and cultural activity appears lovingly when it comes to private institution's hand.

On the whole, both artistic and cultural activities were prominent aspects for the development of country. While private institution enables to maintain it perfectly, I strongly argue that private institution will handle these fully, and doubtfully, all citizens cannot own these activities as their countries' pride.
Anfalia   
Feb 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / When possible, parents should sometimes have a trip to natural park on holiday with their children. [4]

you need to put conclusion "as a result" which cover this paragraph or revers to main topic in the first sentence.

On the other hand, children should visit some spectacular scenery over the world directly as the natural environment is absolutely different from what they see on the computer screen.

this is in the same case as above (put conclusion from main topic)
this red bold means that; you have three verbs and one conjunction as noun clause)

overall, this is good essay. Good Luck brother! :)
Anfalia   
Feb 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: The average age at which workers retire appears to vary widely around the world. [2]

The average age at which workers retire appears to vary widely around the world. What factors contribute to deciding retirement age?
How are societies advantaged or disadvantaged by workers retiring early?


More attention should be paid when it comes to work retirement. While this phenomenon becomes a broaden-horizon these days, the number of retire people are more likely to rise over decades. While this trend leads several factors, I am personally convinced that workers retiring early address some advantages and disadvantages for citizens relating to their future lives.

Admittedly, the case of retirement age leads to several factors. The suitable retirement age enable to be considered by an organization or individual. For some developed and developing country at which have the huge younger population enable to open the door largely in the workforce by forcing worker's retirement an earlier age. The purpose of this is to obtain professional workers selectively. Conversely, a state with fewer numbers of populations may wish to extend the working lives so that people in workforce maintains its economic competitiveness.

In addition, the simplify factor for employ people to decide the early retirement is financial trouble. As an obvious fact, the older worker in industry decides to leave his job soon as a way of saving money on salaries. This phenomenon happen as worker work for a long time in this job, but he does not get the enhancement of salary. As a result, finance enable to be crucial factor in the case of people retire.

Conversely, the early retirement also addresses distinct drawbacks for society. Firstly, as citizens, they receive less tax revenue and must pay benefits to a larger portion of populations as a result in employee retired. Furthermore, societies are less of considerable expertise and experience from older workers offer. Some employees in young ages cannot be guaranteed to have wide experience to run of business well.

In conclusion, as the more popular work retirement, people should bear in mind before taking the decision to retire from their jobs. Where possible, the authorities should allow workers to retire later in a whole of their life, and it is expected to avoid the associated disadvantages to society of an early retirement.

Anfalia   
Feb 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: teaching method with a teacher and students in a classroom will not exist [2]

Some people say that teaching method with a teacher and students in a classroom will not exist by the year 2050. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Modern technology has totally changed remarkably through our approach to study. For this case, some people argue that situation in classroom which teacher teaching students extensively will not implement anymore over 2050. However, I am personally convinced that formal situation between teacher and students encourage positively to the effectiveness of successful learning.

These days, technological advanced renders the various teaching methodology. For pragmatic instance, some American students have the new way of study. It is "online video teaching". This method refers to students who enable to study with their teacher by video online for several hours. As a consequence, a novel teaching methodology tends to create informal learning process.

Conversely, the majority of students are more likely to acquire easily and understand some materials properly by meeting their teachers directly. What they benefit from this learning process is a discussion time among students, teachers, and their friends. To exemplify, teachers give students a debate topic, and they automatically will share with their friends about what they have in their mind related to the topic. Admittedly, this learning process builds a cognitive linguistic ability among students to have critical thinking.

Personally, teaching method afford several merits for personal students. To begin with, students are able to exploit their available amount of time to study with both their friends and teachers. As an obvious example, when students have time-consuming homework or materials, they enable to address a question through their teachers or friends. This pattern cannot be found on the internet or E-book. Again, teaching method renders students to require their broad knowledge of lessons and teaching methods given by teachers. It may be predicted to be used for their further next.

In conclusion, teaching methodology is expected to be broad as the development of technology and analytical brilliant mind which personally individualists have, and it will affect to the existence of teaching learning process. What should education stakeholders react for this phenomenon is incline the quality of teachers to create the expert one and ask students to have more discussion with their friends so as to do not spend their time on the internet.

Anfalia   
Feb 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / A whole culture has grown up around the new possibilities of keeping in touch on the Web [3]

Some people believe that the internet is a wonderful tool for making new friends and maintaining existing friendship. Others, however, think that socializing online removes the face-to-face contact so vital to human relationship.

Discuss both views and gives your own opinion.


Technological advanced affects significantly through human life horizon. As a universal, people argue that internet transmutes social life of inhabitants in a term of having closer relationship with new or existing friends. However, others believe that this socializing online addresses consuming time to face closely their friends. While these two ideas are nearly to be true to some extent, I am personally convinced that the internet enables to be broad into human companionship relatively.

A whole culture has grown up around the new possibilities of keeping in touch on the Web. This helps people to have intense relationship with friends and family regardless time and location. For pragmatic instance, frequent email and social media users have more firmly tied than those who just communicate via writing letters or seeing directly. Consequently, the number of interactions avid cyberspace users have is higher online than that of in real life situations.

Conversely, the changes in behavior and cognition among the young are really drives negative outcome dues to internet used. Research studies in Washington DC states that the brain multitasking teens and young adults are "wired". It owes to spend most of energy for sharing short social messages, being entertained and distracted away from engagement in-depth with people and knowledge. By doing so, people are more likely to be less in their interaction through face-to-face social skills and deep-thinking capabilities.

Taking into account from two different points of view, I might speculate that surfing the internet primarily introduces positive social consequences in human daily life, while it dues to the increase in a frequency and quality of interpersonal communications. People access easily to others ought to feel better connected and more strongly supported by others, leading to happiness and engagement in families, organizations, and communities more generally. Doubtfully, by the existing the modern means of communication, people would be able to access the internet inappropriate purpose in the future.
Anfalia   
Feb 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / A prominent task of universities is to enroll prospective students for further next. IELTS [5]

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?


A prominent task of universities is to enroll prospective students for further next. For this personal perspective, an equivalence of the number both male and female scholars should be accepted through university education. As the argument is more likely to be true for some extent, I am personally convinced that people enable to argue with prestigious university when it has two prominent aspects to conscious choose selectively in the case of accepting new students for both male and female: personal ability and high qualified persons.

To begin with, universities should be fair to accept reluctantly the number of both sexes so as to help the dogmatism mind through students' intelligent. It dues to female students are more likely to be shy and cannot expose their understanding of subjects all out when it comes to the majority of male students at class who are more than that to female students. To exemplify, female students tend to avoid a situation class when the comparison of students in both sexes is 1:1. As a result, unfairly accepting the number of scholars affects to cut students down from the class.

Conversely, it is remarkably that large, mixed-sexes class both male and female students enable to create two crucial aspects. Initially, it declines insignificant the number of intelligent people between male and female. For pragmatic instance, scholars get high education at class means that they are predicted to get easy way to gain some jobs compared to uneducated people. This trend results to create the equal number of employments between both sexes. Again, this develops the social sense among inhabitants. When they are used to socialize with the variety of human characteristics, they would easily to have social interaction in this globalization era.

Taking into account from two different points of view, what credibility measurement for leading university is not to put on the sexes among students, but for their personal ability and high qualification. They are the most prominent aspects to incline education development. It does not matter whether a boy or a girl in the class as far they are capable to follow a whole of their subjects. In addition, the students' qualification such as achievement also enables to build the positive sense of university.

On the whole, while the argument to accept the equal number of male and female students still in the hot issue currently; I personally argue that this is not the prominent aspect that should be bear in mind continuously. Where possible, education stakeholders should pay attention at students' ability and qualification to address the name of university to the global world in a positive way.

Anfalia   
Dec 17, 2014
Writing Feedback / 'it is rather a common phenomenon for people to have debts' - causes of debts and prevention [7]

Since credit card is(has been)convient(convenient??) for shopping, people are tended to be lured to buy random items without paying for it in a right away. Layaway plans could trick people who do not keep a day book of their daily spending. Then, once the bill all come, people who overspent would easily in debt after they have a picture of how they have spent in months.

Anfalia   
Dec 17, 2014
Writing Feedback / First impression is an essential appear in workplace - employees should dress smartly - IELTS TASK 2 [2]

Some organizations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


First impression is an essential appear in workplace. For this reason, while some corporations argue that perfect dress is prominent for staffers, others believe that managing quality is a crucial factor for business world. However, I strongly argue that companies will progress rapidly when employees are smart in both grooming and work skill.

Appearance enables to influence people and potentially impact of how a business performs effectively. Firstly, appearance creates an excellent impression among colleagues. It dues to they would understand how people are in the first sight from their performance. As an obvious example, when an employee comes to work in a wrinkled shirt, they will likely be perceived as less ambitious and dedicated not in a positive way. As a result, people tend to associate them incapable as an employee. Secondly, appearance can boost a company's public image. When the employees dress in appropriate way, it introduces company to public in a positive way. Thirdly, it helps companies comply with self-care and health because the employees will stay away from dirt performance as to get reputable image.

Conversely, performance is detrimental to company's success. Organizations create a well-rounded approach to managing and coaching work force to require the expertise of an excellent human resources leader. To exemplify, Steeve Job, as the owner of Apple Company, when he wants to promote his project about Pixar animation, he presents smartly to public in order that they accept his new project. Taking account of the example, career progression depends on the abilities which enable to contribute someone's quality of work life.

Ultimately, considering of two arguments which are primary aspect in business world, I personally believe that advanced companies will progress rapidly when they have employees who are expert in job and well-performance. Where possible, companies' authorities should allow employees to have great appearance in appropriate way. Also, they should recruit employees selectively.
Anfalia   
Dec 16, 2014
Writing Feedback / Both - public services and impressive buildings obtain income for a city. IELTS Task 2 [2]

Some people think that large, impressive buildings are important for a city. Others believe that the money should be spent on improving schools and hospitals.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


The great building is an icon of city. Several people a whole of the world argue that a city should have an impressive building to attract tourist and the other believes that government's money expenditure for public services. However, I personally argue that public services still need more attention from the government.

A large and impressive building is a crucial aspect for a city because this gives some benefits. Firstly, a great building can be easily to attract the tourist to come and visit to the city. The more visitors the more funded for government. Secondly, the buildings produce much tax. The private company owning the building absolutely has right to pay public fund to the government. As a result, the impressive building gives some benefits for the city.

However, a city should improve public services such as school and hospitals. Both the public services give the prominent impacts for societies. As an obvious example, the great school can attract people to continue the education. Furthermore, when government improves the health aspect in a city, the societies will life prosperous without suffering health problems. This does not matter for government to spend much finance for public services because the benefits will be back to the society.

In conclusion, both public services and impressive buildings obtain income for a city. Although, the impressive building gives much tax for the improving city, school and hospital are more functional for citizen other than giving much income too. Where possible, governments should balance in improving both sides.

Anfalia   
Dec 13, 2014
Writing Feedback / To learn effectively, children need to eat a healthy meal and study in a comfortable atmosphere [2]

To learn effectively, children need to eat a healthy meal at school. How true is this statement?
Whose responsibility is it to provide food for school children?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Good health is the key for a happy life. For this reason, eating a healthy diet helps children stay alert during class. While it is true, school food policies help schools to provide children with foods and drinks that are part of a healthy diet.

Schoolchildren spend almost a half of their time and consume at least half of their meals each day at school. United States Department of Agriculture requires the national school lunch and breakfast program with healthy and nutritious meals to millions of American children every day. These excellent balanced diet programs encourage children easily to focus on their learning at class. As a result, one of children's successful learning depends on their food consumption at school.

On the other hand, several aspects may affect the effectiveness of children's learning. Firstly, a comfortable atmosphere encourages the development of children's brain storming so as that they study seriously. To exemplify, several high schools in Indonesia provide air conditioner in every class. It is undeniable that students more particularly focus on learning because they do not need to be worried through the extreme hot weather. Secondly, students will learn successfully when they have a competent teacher who explains lesson briefly. Thirdly, students need friendly friends to create their learning spirit. This presently comes from the atmosphere which enables to build an environment conducive to learning.

Another point to discuss this opinion is support from educational stakeholders and health authorities. They are supposed to make schools healthier places to learn by providing quality food and teaching children about the importance of nutrition and embracing a healthy active lifestyle. As an obvious example, the first lady has challenged America to put 6,000 salad bars into schools with fresh vegetables and fruit. Indeed, this is an easy step toward a healthier nation.

Ultimately, a healthy meal and comfortable atmosphere are essential for schoolchildren to create the effectiveness of learning at class. Where possible, they should also get a balanced nutrition diet from their parents, which is the vital factor for children to be focus on their learning.
Anfalia   
Dec 13, 2014
Writing Feedback / Logging of the rainforests is a serious problem and it may lead to very serious problems on Earth [2]

IELTS - Logging of the rain forests is a serious problem and it may lead to the extinction of animal life and human life.
Discuss.


Today's environmental issues from logging of rainforest affect animal and human are in danger of extinction. While this is surely authentic, I personally argue that government should mainly concern in the representative samples of environmental impacts instead of focusing on protect natural areas and people should stop cutting trees down in rain forest.

It is undeniable that problem of logging rain forest affects to today's world life and it is caused by human action. To exemplify, people always cut trees down in the forest for their benefits. One illustration is paper's company such as "Tjiwi Kimia" in Mojokerto-one of city in Indonesia- needs the large number of trees for their production to make paper and book. As a result, deforestation is emerging as the following of human necessity.

Admittedly, the wide-ranging of animals and humans are in near-extinction. To exemplify, tigers and rhinoceroses -danger species- need hardwood forest for living but it is hard for them because lack of the number of trees in the forest. This presently comes from deforestation and human action which unable to keep a natural forest.

Another point to discuss this opinion is the support from governments and forest authorities. They are supposed to provide some innovative programs. Firstly, the valuable idea is that they build the natural parks because this attracts tourists while protecting animals. For pragmatic instance, Safari park had already built in a country which a lot of various animals lived there. While this opened for public, approximately a hundred visitors visited this park. As a result, this acquires the sum of money from ticket sales. Secondly, they need to stricter rules for cutting trees down freely to protect natural areas and animals living there. Thirdly, leading co-green program to the environmental stakeholders such as schoolchildren creates the awareness in conserving natural forest.

Taking account of all this factors that animals and humans are always in danger of extinction as far as illegal logging is done by people. While government and forest authorities should cooperate to create hardwood forest, I deliberate this idea seems dubious because as human who live onward in this world, forest is a crucial aspect for their particular function to create the industrial production creatively.
Anfalia   
Nov 26, 2014
Undergraduate / I wished I could be back in that garage....UC essay #1 on Overcoming Obstacles [4]

Violent screams, fragmented dishes, aggressive shoves, torn furniture.

this is one sentence but you don't complete it with subject,verb

we'd sit stillstill sat , we were afraid to move, afraid [quote=
to trigger the monster inside of him

mayradio0508]They'd growgrown up without parents, they wouldn't live as a normal life[/quote]

I look forward to the challenges I'm going to overcome in college

you should separate this sentence because double subject and verb
Anfalia   
Nov 26, 2014
Undergraduate / The noise that was cancer had disrupted my childhood - Personal Statement [3]

Sure, I read Frog and Toad but I also had to watch my mom clean up her vomit

i think you should use simple past form. allow me to rewrite; cleaned her vomit up

I'd tell her "kind of" and this would result in us eventually not going to the store, the birthday party or the restaurant.

it could be better if you add subject and verb after "eventually" before "not

I did not allow people to see me for who I really was how actually I was.

Still til this day

what does it mean??

Just recently I was a sister who took her brother

"recently" means that present so it could be better if you change this word or you change the meaning as present

I pride proud of myself in being a friend

Anfalia   
Nov 26, 2014
Writing Feedback / Unhealthy lifestyle - Perfect health in the way of life is a vital aspect in human life [NEW]

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem.
To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


Perfect health in the way of life is a vital aspect in human life. While these days the majority of children spending long hours for pointing at TV and computer lead children's habitual to be unhealthy, lack of the physical activity and unbalanced diet also affect children's modern lifestyle. However, I strongly argue that not only parents and educational stakeholders could take the primary responsibility from this case but also government and health authorities should be able to inform the healthy lifestyle for children.

A general lack of wide-ranging fitness leads children's health problem currently. Parents' and schools' duties are to help children enhancing the high-intensity exercise. As an obvious example, physical subject should be the crucial subject at school; however, parents should educate their children to have regular sport every early morning. As a result, children will use to life in the conditional healthy style.

In addition, a range of foods might be significant factors in children's life-changing. It is undeniable that both parents and schools take the responsible for children's balance diet. To exemplify, schools introduce the appropriate balance diet theory and parents consider to prepare food-cooked include the taste and quality. Taking account of the example that being selective for the balance diet leads children to be health.

Another point to discuss this opinion is the support from governments and health authorities. They are supposed to provide health training for children. As an obvious example, leading co-green program and building a little dirt up into surrounded area enable children to create a hygiene lifestyle.

The aforementioned examines that all stakeholders related to children's development are responsible to require the balance healthy lifestyle for both physical activity and foods-ranged. Doubtfully, as the development of newly-invented technologies onward is about to lead the way children's habitual to be unhealthy.
Anfalia   
Oct 27, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: The pattern of studying plays a major crucial aspect in the academic achievements [3]

Some students prefer to study alone. Others prefer to study with a group of students. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Pattern of studying plays a major crucial aspect in academic achievements. Some students argue that sharing ideas together in a class makes them fully participate as they can, while others believe that studying alone can be achieved in the optimal conditions. Therefore, I'm personally argue that study alone acquires more concentration in obtaining the power through of material.

Majority of students in the same places enable to share materials collaboratively toward the same goals. For pragmatic instance, in United States; one-room schoolhouse dated back through 1700's and was commonplace in rural communities. They would work together to learn relevant materials in an effort to meet particular learning outcome. This method can be discussed in a supportive and understanding environment based on student perspective.

However, studying alone is more likely gaining some benefits for pupils. Firstly, it avoids distraction at class. Generally, an entire course can be derailed by a fight between two students, or by a teacher that simply does not get his points across. Also, studying alone can create own pace. This does not mean that you are a better or weaker student; it means you need to do assignments at your own pace. However, enlarge their own learning in plenty of available time improves their brain development. Consequently, they enable to finish their studying fast.

Furthermore, in my personal argument, the key to have an excellent learning is how we enable to master the lesson accurately in our learning. The quite silent situation acquires our brain to study hard and achieve our learning goal. As young learners, needless to say, whether we are learning in any other type of subjects, this could be privileged to ensure that we create an environment which promotes preferable concentration thus excellent results.

Taking account of all the factors, studying alone or studying in a group create pupil's creativity to struggle in achieving their learning purposes. It is undeniable that studying group is a sense of enhancing the organizational skill. However, studying alone is one of the ways to improve self-independent. Where possible, students are able study in every condition.
Anfalia   
Oct 23, 2014
Writing Feedback / People can easily achieve success unless they have two prominent aspects: talent and hard effort [3]

Some people say that success is '10 percent talent and 90 percent hard work. Is hard work the key to success, or is talent also important?

Success is conditional aspect for human beings in the horizon. While some people believe that hard work is the dominant factor being success, others argue that having great talent encouraged someone to be successful. However, I strongly believe that hard work and assert ourselves using our mind and imagination completed by great talented enable us to shape the world of our desires. That is the key for successful life.

Hard work is a prison sentence only if it does not have meaning. People will achieve greatness only through an enormous amount of hard work over many years; not only any struggles, but also work of a particular type that is demanding and painful. Not surprisingly, people kill their spare time to work productively on their job. As an obvious example, a senior editor at Fortune magazine Geoffrey Colvin shows that Tiger Woods as the youngest-ever winner of golf in the U.S. He enable to play golf because his father introduced him to golf at an extremely early age - 18 months - and encouraged him to practice intensively, Woods had racked up at least 15 years of practice.

On the other hand, having talented also encourages people to be successful. Talent is how skills, intelligent, and knowledge are used. It seems impossible success without having a talent even though they already have tried in their effort. Human kinds usually love doing activities they 'do best' - often leading to a happier disposition. For instance, a famous singer -Avril Lavigne- she has an exciting talent to sing beautifully. By having that talent, she is successful to be an international singer with the beautiful voice that she has. This is evidence that talent also remarkably influence in the successful life.

In conclusion, people can easily achieve success unless they have two prominent aspects: talent and hard effort. Greatness is not handed to anyone. This requires a lot of hard work. Yet that is not enough, since many people work hard for decades without approaching greatness or even getting significantly better. There is no evidence of high-level performance without experience or practice. Success is started from intention, and then has a talent to gain the goal which is supported by struggle hard.
Anfalia   
Oct 22, 2014
Writing Feedback / In the professional work life there is just one factor that motivates people - money [6]

Some peoplemay prefer having a lower-paying job which provides these people them more spare time for spending with their families and friends

Firstly, in the professional work life there is just one factor thatmotivates the people is money .

you have three verbs but only one conjunction.

For instance, you have more time

they want to see their people near by them.

With this positive aspects, there is no one who preferprefersgettingto get a low-paying job with more spare times.

Anfalia   
Oct 22, 2014
Writing Feedback / Study without teacher? You should choose the right way which suits your learning. [3]

hello...

Studying without a teacher has many advantages that; however, studying with teacher does not have.

When you study at school with teacherteachers and friends,

so you can ask them for helptheir favour

[quote=Kristy Nguyen]there is no one to help you

t They share more information

; the first letter should be capital.

overall, you should separate in each paragraph. Good Luck!
Anfalia   
Oct 22, 2014
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1- process of chocolate-making and the percentage of allocation the cost [2]

hello sister.. :)

there are five types that would be receive the retail cost.

received

This process change cocoa liquor become chocolate bar

i think it doubled verb without conjunction. if I'm not mistaken you can add "and" before "become". allow me to rewrite;

This process changed cocoa liquor and became chocolate bar

However, the pie chart showsthat the lowest price of chocolate bar is received by farmer who planting and harvesting cocoa beans, receives only 4 per cent of the retail cost.

if I'm not mistaken you can change "receiving"
Anfalia   
Oct 22, 2014
Writing Feedback / Mankind nowadays face their natural enemy, nature. IELTS Writing Task 2 [3]

hello dicky.. :)

The executive of countries among the world unite to declaration fight again global warming and decrease the effect.

Due the fact, the most responsible to effected global warming is industrial activities based on economic activities in developed countries.

i think "to" should be followed by verb bare infinitive

Walhi, organize

organizes/organized

commonly develop countries depend

depend on

overall, your writing is good based on some facts. but you should separate the form of second paragraph because it seems bulky.
Good Luck boy.. :)
Anfalia   
Oct 22, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Modern forms of communication increases the frequency and quality of interpersonal links [3]

Modern forms of communication such as email and messaging have reduced the amount of time people spend seeing their friends. This has had a negative effect on their social lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Technological advance affects significantly in the horizon of human life. As a universal, electronic messaging and email transmute social life of inhabitants. While it causes some negative effects in social lives, I strongly argue that the merits of modern forms of communication overweigh the drawbacks.

In the previous era, the way people communicate one another is by sending a letter. They need to wait for getting message respond for several days. Also, rich man commonly use home phone to contact with their relatives. It is no wondering if elderly people hard effort to meet or see each other in their leisure time.

That overview is slightly distinguished from this era. People spend their available time to communicate with their friends mere by using the electronic communication. This is more efficient; also enable to create a closer relationship. As my obvious example, I spent almost every time in my daily to hold a gadget or to overlooked at my notebook to have some chats with a whole of my friends. As a result, I enable to know my friends' condition in a current and do not need to waste my energy and money to meet them.

On the other hand, Pew Research Internet Project in Washington DC states that in 2020 the brain of multitasking teens and young adults are "wired" differently from those over age 35 and overall it yields baleful results. They do not retain information; they spend most of energy sharing short social messages, being entertained and being distracted away from deep engagement with people and knowledge. They lack deep-thinking capabilities; they lack face to face social skills; they deepen in unhealthy ways on the internet and mobile devices to function. The changes in behavior and cognition among the young are generally negative outcomes.

In conclusion, since the primary use of the modern forms of communication, I might speculate that it will have positive social consequences in people's everyday lives, because it increases the frequency and quality of interpersonal communications among people. People with easy access to others ought to feel better connected and more strongly supported by others, leading to happiness and engagement in families, organizations, communities, and society more generally.
Anfalia   
Oct 20, 2014
Undergraduate / Describe your notion of "the good life." [3]

hello...
I want to give you a feedback about your overall essay.
Firstly, "layout" is very important! you should divide your essay into several parts

This "good life" is defined differently and specifically for each individual, of course, as everyone is unique in their values and understanding.

secondly, if I'm not mistaken, you have double verb and for the italic words above, you do not have an object. as I can guess it more likely to be "passive voice" or you just remove "is" then it is clear.

overall, it's great essay. good luck! :)
Anfalia   
Oct 20, 2014
Graduate / I was only 17, when I gave birth to my first child - entrance into a graduate nursing program [4]

hello...
I want to give you a feedback about your overall essay.
Firstly, "layout" is very important! you should divide your essay into several parts.

There was no explanation from the nurse before or after about what was happening, no reassurance, from anyone as to why I hadn'thad not heard the baby cry.

secondly, as i know in writing, we should not use construction words.