Holt Educational Consultant
Dec 1, 2017
Writing Feedback / A university education should include an internship or some type of work experience. [2]
TrĂ , which of the English tests are you preparing for? IELTS or TOEFL? Also, what is the complete prompt that you are responding to? I read your opening paragraph and could not understand what the point of the essay is because you obviously have not presented a proper restatement of the discussion topic and instructions in the first paragraph. So I will not be able to help you improve your presentation in terms of TA requirements. If I may though, the opening paragraph should contain the following:
1. The topic for discussion.
2. The reason for the discussion.
3. The discussion method
Your opening sentence doesn't properly introduce the topic for discussion so it cannot be considered an appropriate opening presentation for a Task 2 essay (for IELTS) or prompt restatement (for TOEFL).
Your succeeding paragraphs are also improperly formatted. You are given only 5 sentences per paragraph to discuss your essay. You should have divided your second paragraph into 2 since you are allowed a reasoning discussion covering 3 paragraphs. That helps you to better focus the discussion per paragraph. The point of these English tests is to decide whether you have the ability to present your thoughts in coherent English, within a limited number of sentences.
Your discussion does not seem to have a proper direction. There is no point to the discussion aside from showing off your knowledge about the topic. I really wish you had provided the prompt when you uploaded the essay. I am frustrated because I can only give you one piece of advice per thread and right now, I am limited in the way I can help you improve due to lack of data.
Please remember that a concluding paragraph still needs at least 3 sentences because it is supposed to present the summarized form of your prompt discussion. You cannot do that in a single sentence. That will lower your scoring considerations immensely.
TrĂ , which of the English tests are you preparing for? IELTS or TOEFL? Also, what is the complete prompt that you are responding to? I read your opening paragraph and could not understand what the point of the essay is because you obviously have not presented a proper restatement of the discussion topic and instructions in the first paragraph. So I will not be able to help you improve your presentation in terms of TA requirements. If I may though, the opening paragraph should contain the following:
1. The topic for discussion.
2. The reason for the discussion.
3. The discussion method
Your opening sentence doesn't properly introduce the topic for discussion so it cannot be considered an appropriate opening presentation for a Task 2 essay (for IELTS) or prompt restatement (for TOEFL).
Your succeeding paragraphs are also improperly formatted. You are given only 5 sentences per paragraph to discuss your essay. You should have divided your second paragraph into 2 since you are allowed a reasoning discussion covering 3 paragraphs. That helps you to better focus the discussion per paragraph. The point of these English tests is to decide whether you have the ability to present your thoughts in coherent English, within a limited number of sentences.
Your discussion does not seem to have a proper direction. There is no point to the discussion aside from showing off your knowledge about the topic. I really wish you had provided the prompt when you uploaded the essay. I am frustrated because I can only give you one piece of advice per thread and right now, I am limited in the way I can help you improve due to lack of data.
Please remember that a concluding paragraph still needs at least 3 sentences because it is supposed to present the summarized form of your prompt discussion. You cannot do that in a single sentence. That will lower your scoring considerations immensely.