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Research advice on TOEFL, SAT, IELTS, GRE and other academic essays (page 466)

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Any suggestions on this "tent" descriptive essay?

5 - Overall this is really quite interesting. Try not to get carried away, though. Sometimes, your imagery becomes a bit...

Writing Feedbackdancer09 - Jul 13, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 14, 2009
[TOEFL] Big company vs Small company

6 - Proofreading carefully is the key. It's so easy to use "site" when you mean "cite" or "wright" when you...

Writing Feedbackjohn6503 - Jul 13, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 14, 2009
General Ielts: Governments should encourage employers to choose young people?

7 - In your last paragraph, i prefer "In conclusion, ..." instead of "For these reasons...". Reason is, it is more...

Writing Feedbackborzou27 - Jul 13, 2009 / boonwah - Jul 18, 2009
Tools to attract people to work.

6 - thank you sean... and thank all who helped me......

Writing Feedbackahmad - Jul 13, 2009 / ahmad - Jul 14, 2009
I believe that police protection and good schools are the main factors to create an ideal community

19 - You're doing everything right. Just keep at it and you will see improvement. I am already seeing improvement in...

Writing Feedbackorlando - Jul 12, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 16, 2009
Good Boss, Bad Boss: Compare/Contrast Essay

27 - Oh, yes. People think that online courses will be easier but, because so much of communication occurs through...

Writing Feedbackbreeny - Jul 11, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 24, 2009
Identify what are the most important features of an ideal community and why they are important?

10 - Noticed this in your other essay too -- be careful with your conjugation of perfect tenses: "Good school,...

Writing Feedbackbubuvio - Jul 11, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 14, 2009
Is Obama's stimulus package working?

15 - Noto, I think you will be an excellent history teacher, if that's the field you elect to pursue. The...

Writing Feedbackjohn6503 - Jul 9, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 11, 2009
TOEFL : young people should have the ability to plan and organize.

6 - You forgot to capitilize first letter of the sententences and I think your overall argumetns. Also you generalized your...

Writing Feedbackviolet0222 - Jul 9, 2009 / john6503 - Jul 13, 2009
Ielts : working children; Good or bad?

6 - You could learn a lot by studying trangquynh's essay. He has the right formula. Three specific reasons, each treated...

Writing Feedbackorlando - Jul 9, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 10, 2009
Similarities of Love and Jealousy in today's society - Dreaded Shakespear   2

42 - The last two are elements of style that you can fix fairly easily by good proofreading. The first one...

Writing Feedbackyonman - Jul 9, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 18, 2009
[TOEFL] Serious movies or entertaining movies? Which is better?

9 - You were taught it? I never was, in school or at university. I first learned about it through my...

Writing Feedbackjohn6503 - Jul 9, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 10, 2009
GMAT issue essay - censorship of television programmes

9 - Actually, if you believe that censorship of television is necessary to protect children, then that argument would presumably be...

Writing Feedbackrashminet84 - Jul 8, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 10, 2009
Should parents be held responsible for acts of vandalism committed by their children?

17 - Hmmmm . . . well, let's take a break from focusing on content for awhile, and start worrying about...

Writing Feedbackbubuvio - Jul 8, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 14, 2009
Nowadays people care more about their appearance more than before. Do you agree?

11 - Certainly. I think we can agree that people responding to the prompt are free to write about whatever time...

Writing Feedbacktieuzidane - Jul 8, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 10, 2009
IELTS: International Tourism - TENSION or UNDERSTANDING?

11 - And when brainstorming, write down both the pro and the con arguments that occur to you. You may find...

Writing Feedbackorlando - Jul 8, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 10, 2009
[TOEFL] The number of cars will increase in the future

6 - In fact, the conclusion could do with some serious cutting: Before: "In conclusion, I strongly believe that there...

Writing Feedbackjohn6503 - Jul 8, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 12, 2009
Ielts essay. Working women and children

8 - Thank you Simone. I just posted an essay and tried to make itsound as logical as I could :...

Writing Feedbackorlando - Jul 8, 2009 / orlando - Jul 8, 2009
"poor countries in the world" - wealthy nations to be required to share their wealth?

12 - Your grammar needs work in order to improve to the level of an academic essay. Use online tests and...

Writing Feedbackorlando - Jul 7, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 8, 2009
"The Attitude of Success!" - CBEST: successful person essay!

14 - No, no . . . the conversation was meant to highlight the weakness of your description, not as suggested...

Writing Feedbackbubuvio - Jul 7, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 10, 2009
Media in the Courtroom

3 - Yeah, once you have the essay down to about a third of its original length, you should have a...

Writing Feedbackdgoldsby - Jul 7, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 8, 2009
increase minimum wage

3 - Minimum wage laws are established in Canada and each province has its own minimum wage law. This...

Writing Feedbackpurplee - Jul 7, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 12, 2009
'minimum obligations' [TOEFL] Who enjoyed/enjoy life better? Older or Young?

6 - Your structure and content are good, here. You have the right general formula down, and use some strong concrete...

Writing Feedbackjohn6503 - Jul 7, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 10, 2009
The eating habits and lifestyle of children in different countries/generations.

10 - Thank you for your comment tranqquynh. You are right that I didnt plan my essay well. I think of...

Writing Feedbackorlando - Jul 7, 2009 / orlando - Jul 9, 2009
CBEST: the most important trait a teacher can have is self-acceptance!

9 - Here, we have a very common logical error. The question states that self-acceptance helps teachers to relate better to...

Writing Feedbackbubuvio - Jul 6, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 10, 2009
IELTS essay: Museums as a form of entertainment or education?

4 - Thanks for good ideas. I must bear those in mind!...

Writing Feedbacktrangquynh - Jul 6, 2009 / trangquynh - Jul 7, 2009
Corporate Case Study, XXX-Car

5 - Dear Moderators Thank you for the tips. Yes. I'd to a certain extent conduct minor research....

Writing Feedbackbretta49 - Jul 6, 2009 / bretta49 - Jul 9, 2009
Too much rules are useful or not?

6 - You keep telling us what you are going to write about, instead of just writing about...

Writing Feedbackahmad - Jul 6, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 11, 2009
Leaders in my life (16 years so far)

8 - That's good advice, Ahmad....

Writing Feedbackcbuddy - Jul 5, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 6, 2009
Tv's influences on culture... who can help me to correct this essay?

9 - Ahmad, I would like to see your corrections of this essay. Can you add your last draft? Thanks!...

Writing Feedbackahmad - Jul 4, 2009 / bubuvio - Jul 7, 2009
GRE analytical writing ..TOPIC (preservation on endangered species)

7 - It's not so much that you need to justify this statement, per se. You should of course rewrite...

Writing FeedbackNEHALB - Jul 4, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 4, 2009
An Essay about " my ideal vacation". someone proof read it!

5 - People tend to be wordy and include useless phrases when (a) they've not thought closely enough about what...

Writing FeedbackBananaPancakes - Jul 3, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 4, 2009
IELTS; SHARE WEALTH AMONG POORER NATIONS

12 - Some comments on first part There always exist both rich and poor people in one community. Some poor people...

Writing FeedbackEve - Jul 2, 2009 / tiantian12 - Jul 12, 2009
There are many places that wait their visitors; Turkish Tourism Culture

4 - At the moment, you have so few details that you could turn this into a single paragraph, and, once...

Writing Feedbackosman - Jul 2, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 4, 2009
Changed in Everyday Life Caused by New Technology

4 - Okay, I know you writing this essay to practice grammar, but still, why are you writing this essay? All...

Writing Feedbackmajed - Jul 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 4, 2009
Prescribed drugs and its various effects on the body and mind

8 - I am not sure that the "On the one hand . . . on the other hand" structure is...

Writing Feedbackfernaj13 - Jul 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 7, 2009
Should university studies be subsidized?

9 - Specific details are usually a good idea. In this particular essay, though, the statistics for Sri Lanka really need...

Writing FeedbackIELTS_Student - Jul 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 10, 2009
Single career or several careers? Both have negatives and positives

4 - You seem to be arguing that having a single career is easier than having multiple ones. However, Simone is...

Writing FeedbackEve - Jul 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 4, 2009
Comparing Brutus's and Mark Antony's rhetoric in Julius Caesar

3 - I also notice that you seem to be arguing that Mark Antony has the better rhetoric because the crowd...

Writing Feedbackkleinhenz - Jun 30, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 1, 2009
IELTS; GENDER EQUALITY @ UNI ADMISSION

4 - Feel free to post your revised version for even more feedback....

Writing Feedbackltandi - Jun 30, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 14, 2009
Paper about an important movie

9 - Thanks for your encouragament !...

Writing Feedbackkim1 - Jun 30, 2009 / kim1 - Jul 1, 2009
True Friendship Essay (living without friends)

12 - I think your revised essay is quite good. However, I am really confused with this. You said,"As we grow...

Writing FeedbackAlexbig - Jun 29, 2009 / Janie Tine - Jul 29, 2009
"Cellular Phones" - need someone proof read my paper

9 - Simone's already told you what your thesis is -- you just need to paraphrase it so that its...

Writing FeedbackSoCkMoNkeYJaNe - Jun 29, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 30, 2009
GRE analytical writing ..TOPIC (the need for global universities.)

4 - You might also want to explain in a bit more detail what a "global university" would look like. If...

Writing FeedbackNEHALB - Jun 29, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 30, 2009
No Driving Licenses for People Under 18 - Argumentation/ Persuasion Essay

4 - Haha, I would argue that kids should be allowed the right to drive as early as 15 if they...

Writing Feedbacknewuser1 - Jun 29, 2009 / Mustafa1991 - Jun 30, 2009
"Going overseas for the university" essay

7 - Why thank you. I'm afraid it doesn't bode well for the essay, though. When your reader's first thought is...

Writing Feedbackzeny - Jun 27, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 30, 2009
Libraries are not just a collection of books: Are public libraries important?

4 - People still do this? I thought going off-line would result in a horrible death by some form of...

Writing Feedbackiris1 - Jun 27, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 27, 2009
IELTS essay: Newspapers will soon become a thing of the past

7 - For this sort of essay, a completely one-sided argument is generally okay, and easier to write. In general, though,...

Writing Feedbacktrangquynh - Jun 26, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 26, 2009
1st essay in 13 years. Disadvantages that working mothers give to their children

12 - I wasn't offended by your essay. I was trying to point out that it is not a black...

Writing Feedbackdhachem - Jun 25, 2009 / Notoman - Jul 9, 2009
Your decision to enter the education field - CBEST Essay pratice

10 - I'm not so sure: Mark Twain wrote several humorous essays in the first person voice of a wrong-headed narrator....

Writing Feedbackrolandj727 - Jun 23, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jun 25, 2009
"tip the waiter" essay - what have you learnt from a mistake?

9 - Should we tip the waiter?". "Okay.", he said. Outside the restaurant, we (me and my 4 friends) were...

Writing Feedbackchintan - Jun 21, 2009 / Liebe - Jun 25, 2009
Social Work Theory, Skills and Methods Assignment

6 - Post the essay you submitted originally, and the comments you got back on it. That way we can give...

Writing Feedbackelzbietabielec - Jun 21, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 30, 2009
The relationship between an organization and environment - essay

9 - The first sentence is awkward, due to the lack of an article in front of "business environment" and the...

Writing FeedbackTarunPathak - Jun 21, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 28, 2009
Narrative essay- important decision for CBEST Pormpt

2 - First I will talk about content and then about grammar and style. You've made a good choice concerning which...

Writing Feedbacksapst21 - Jun 16, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jun 17, 2009
a baby doesn't know the intricacy of external world; TOEFL IBT Essay "Parents are the best teachers"

6 - Content-wise you could shore up your essay by defining what exactly you mean by "best teacher" before attempting to...

Writing FeedbackHVC - Jun 16, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 17, 2009
CBEST Essay using technology prompt

8 - The handbook I am using is the one created and required by a major U.S. university. Again, Sean, your...

Writing Feedbackrolandj727 - Jun 15, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jun 16, 2009
TOEFL Writing: 2 short essays (reading versus doing things; Neighbors)

6 - I agree with Sean, I have seen in TOEFL essays this type of starting some time confuses the...

Writing Feedbackbon - Jun 15, 2009 / biggestv - Jun 18, 2009
TOEFL Essay on why people want to study (give me any comment on my following essay)

8 - Sean, thanks for giving me further clarification. Any other comment, please let me know....

Writing Feedbacklinjuncai - Jun 14, 2009 / linjuncai - Jun 16, 2009
Cultural psychology short paper

9 - When Sean asks you to say the same thing in fewer words, he is asking you to write more...

Writing Feedbackcarlychan - Jun 13, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jun 16, 2009
The Advantages of Capital Punishment-- very short essay --

6 - thank you.......

Writing Feedbacksilentheart - Jun 12, 2009 / silentheart - Jun 16, 2009

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