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Research advice on TOEFL, SAT, IELTS, GRE and other academic essays (page 465)

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[TOEFL] Observing or studying animals teaches us a lot about human nature

4 - oh, i did not mean to offend anyone, I will be more specify next time. Because my English is...

Writing Feedbackjohn6503 - Jul 21, 2009 / john6503 - Jul 21, 2009
"A government's role" - academic writing test IELTS to be correct

8 - You should always say what you are going to talk about in your introduction. That's what makes it...

Writing FeedbackPinklemon - Jul 20, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 4, 2009
Not eveything that is learned is contained in the books

20 - Very practical of you to give yourself another month. But, since your problem, in particular, has been thinking of...

Writing Feedbackorlando - Jul 20, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 3, 2009
Cbest Essay - Proble in Community

5 - Try "Our community, Muirland Community, experienced a rash of break-ins last year" instead. You have various minor...

Writing Feedbackelainedlcruz - Jul 20, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 2, 2009
CBEST Essay - Why I enter education field?

4 - "Then came an opportunity to volunteer at a daycare program for children with autism. I grabbed both opportunities, working...

Writing Feedbackelainedlcruz - Jul 20, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 21, 2009
CBEST-writing: an unforgettable person; 'my grandfather always wore his black glass'

5 - "In our life, we may encounter different kinds of people and some of them have a positive or a...

Writing FeedbackEllen Wang - Jul 18, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 20, 2009
Least Favorite Place Essay

8 - That would be the least original way to start the essay....

Writing Feedbackshamey - Jul 18, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 22, 2009
Letter to a Manager; You were delivered with different items to what you ordered!

9 - you have done a great job for your first letter. It contain mistakes but thats usual at first step,...

Writing Feedbackboonwah - Jul 16, 2009 / Cosmo Resources - Jul 22, 2009
"Separate classrooms for male and female students" - practice ACT Essay

4 - And given how far ahead of boys girls tend to be academically, as reflected in university admission rates, many...

Writing FeedbackLukeLC23 - Jul 17, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 19, 2009
Story that affected me most - my TOEFL essay

5 - Your grammar structure and sentencing skills look really professional considering that English isn't your first language. However, for TOEFL,...

Writing Feedbackfearistheenemy - Jul 17, 2009 / john6503 - Jul 27, 2009
Mythology - Timeless Questions - Timeless Answers

3 - Sean is right. You've got some good insights but the essay as a whole is incoherent due to lack...

Writing FeedbackNouget - Jul 17, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 18, 2009
The generation gap + Prevention vs Cure - help with these topics

6 - Yes Thank you all :)...

Writing FeedbackEve - Jul 17, 2009 / Eve - Jul 18, 2009
Advertisements affects on consumer goods - ielts preparing

15 - Thank you for your explanations! This word makes me so miserable. Like Orlando, I will be more cautious when...

Writing Feedbackorlando - Jul 17, 2009 / trangquynh - Jul 19, 2009
Credit cards's advantages

8 - You forgot to leave spaces after a full stop and a comma....

Writing Feedbackonur - Jul 17, 2009 / john6503 - Jul 21, 2009
A concise narrative about an important event - UF Architecture college essay!

17 - You could leave out the over-used rainbow/rain statement altogether....

Writing Feedbackmshireling1 - Jul 16, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 30, 2009
health and personal fitness, interview three people and back ur thesis up!

3 - Indeed. You cannot say that the amount of responsibility alone determines, or is even the main determinant, in how...

Writing Feedbackhollyn91 - Jul 15, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 18, 2009
Narrative Essay (Warning: slightly depressing)!

11 - ^Hmm I did not spot that. Well spotted Sean!...

Writing Feedbackdancer09 - Jul 15, 2009 / Liebe - Jul 18, 2009
CBEST: The Age of Invention

6 - thank you! I see your points. Maybe I will add a bit more details to that example to clarify...

Writing Feedbackbubuvio - Jul 14, 2009 / bubuvio - Jul 18, 2009
Any suggestions on this "tent" descriptive essay?

5 - Overall this is really quite interesting. Try not to get carried away, though. Sometimes, your imagery becomes a bit...

Writing Feedbackdancer09 - Jul 13, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 14, 2009
[TOEFL] Big company vs Small company

6 - Proofreading carefully is the key. It's so easy to use "site" when you mean "cite" or "wright" when you...

Writing Feedbackjohn6503 - Jul 13, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 14, 2009
General Ielts: Governments should encourage employers to choose young people?

7 - In your last paragraph, i prefer "In conclusion, ..." instead of "For these reasons...". Reason is, it is more...

Writing Feedbackborzou27 - Jul 13, 2009 / boonwah - Jul 18, 2009
Tools to attract people to work.

6 - thank you sean... and thank all who helped me......

Writing Feedbackahmad - Jul 13, 2009 / ahmad - Jul 14, 2009
I believe that police protection and good schools are the main factors to create an ideal community

19 - You're doing everything right. Just keep at it and you will see improvement. I am already seeing improvement in...

Writing Feedbackorlando - Jul 12, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 16, 2009
Good Boss, Bad Boss: Compare/Contrast Essay

27 - Oh, yes. People think that online courses will be easier but, because so much of communication occurs through...

Writing Feedbackbreeny - Jul 11, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 24, 2009
Identify what are the most important features of an ideal community and why they are important?

10 - Noticed this in your other essay too -- be careful with your conjugation of perfect tenses: "Good school,...

Writing Feedbackbubuvio - Jul 11, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 14, 2009
Is Obama's stimulus package working?

15 - Noto, I think you will be an excellent history teacher, if that's the field you elect to pursue. The...

Writing Feedbackjohn6503 - Jul 9, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 11, 2009
TOEFL : young people should have the ability to plan and organize.

6 - You forgot to capitilize first letter of the sententences and I think your overall argumetns. Also you generalized your...

Writing Feedbackviolet0222 - Jul 9, 2009 / john6503 - Jul 13, 2009
Ielts : working children; Good or bad?

6 - You could learn a lot by studying trangquynh's essay. He has the right formula. Three specific reasons, each treated...

Writing Feedbackorlando - Jul 9, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 10, 2009
Similarities of Love and Jealousy in today's society - Dreaded Shakespear   2

42 - The last two are elements of style that you can fix fairly easily by good proofreading. The first one...

Writing Feedbackyonman - Jul 9, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 18, 2009
[TOEFL] Serious movies or entertaining movies? Which is better?

9 - You were taught it? I never was, in school or at university. I first learned about it through my...

Writing Feedbackjohn6503 - Jul 9, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 10, 2009
GMAT issue essay - censorship of television programmes

9 - Actually, if you believe that censorship of television is necessary to protect children, then that argument would presumably be...

Writing Feedbackrashminet84 - Jul 8, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 10, 2009
Should parents be held responsible for acts of vandalism committed by their children?

17 - Hmmmm . . . well, let's take a break from focusing on content for awhile, and start worrying about...

Writing Feedbackbubuvio - Jul 8, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 14, 2009
Nowadays people care more about their appearance more than before. Do you agree?

11 - Certainly. I think we can agree that people responding to the prompt are free to write about whatever time...

Writing Feedbacktieuzidane - Jul 8, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 10, 2009
IELTS: International Tourism - TENSION or UNDERSTANDING?

11 - And when brainstorming, write down both the pro and the con arguments that occur to you. You may find...

Writing Feedbackorlando - Jul 8, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 10, 2009
[TOEFL] The number of cars will increase in the future

6 - In fact, the conclusion could do with some serious cutting: Before: "In conclusion, I strongly believe that there...

Writing Feedbackjohn6503 - Jul 8, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 12, 2009
Ielts essay. Working women and children

8 - Thank you Simone. I just posted an essay and tried to make itsound as logical as I could :...

Writing Feedbackorlando - Jul 8, 2009 / orlando - Jul 8, 2009
"poor countries in the world" - wealthy nations to be required to share their wealth?

12 - Your grammar needs work in order to improve to the level of an academic essay. Use online tests and...

Writing Feedbackorlando - Jul 7, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 8, 2009
"The Attitude of Success!" - CBEST: successful person essay!

14 - No, no . . . the conversation was meant to highlight the weakness of your description, not as suggested...

Writing Feedbackbubuvio - Jul 7, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 10, 2009
Media in the Courtroom

3 - Yeah, once you have the essay down to about a third of its original length, you should have a...

Writing Feedbackdgoldsby - Jul 7, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 8, 2009
increase minimum wage

3 - Minimum wage laws are established in Canada and each province has its own minimum wage law. This...

Writing Feedbackpurplee - Jul 7, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 12, 2009
'minimum obligations' [TOEFL] Who enjoyed/enjoy life better? Older or Young?

6 - Your structure and content are good, here. You have the right general formula down, and use some strong concrete...

Writing Feedbackjohn6503 - Jul 7, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 10, 2009
The eating habits and lifestyle of children in different countries/generations.

10 - Thank you for your comment tranqquynh. You are right that I didnt plan my essay well. I think of...

Writing Feedbackorlando - Jul 7, 2009 / orlando - Jul 9, 2009
CBEST: the most important trait a teacher can have is self-acceptance!

9 - Here, we have a very common logical error. The question states that self-acceptance helps teachers to relate better to...

Writing Feedbackbubuvio - Jul 6, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 10, 2009
IELTS essay: Museums as a form of entertainment or education?

4 - Thanks for good ideas. I must bear those in mind!...

Writing Feedbacktrangquynh - Jul 6, 2009 / trangquynh - Jul 7, 2009
Corporate Case Study, XXX-Car

5 - Dear Moderators Thank you for the tips. Yes. I'd to a certain extent conduct minor research....

Writing Feedbackbretta49 - Jul 6, 2009 / bretta49 - Jul 9, 2009
Too much rules are useful or not?

6 - You keep telling us what you are going to write about, instead of just writing about...

Writing Feedbackahmad - Jul 6, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 11, 2009
Leaders in my life (16 years so far)

8 - That's good advice, Ahmad....

Writing Feedbackcbuddy - Jul 5, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 6, 2009
Tv's influences on culture... who can help me to correct this essay?

9 - Ahmad, I would like to see your corrections of this essay. Can you add your last draft? Thanks!...

Writing Feedbackahmad - Jul 4, 2009 / bubuvio - Jul 7, 2009
GRE analytical writing ..TOPIC (preservation on endangered species)

7 - It's not so much that you need to justify this statement, per se. You should of course rewrite...

Writing FeedbackNEHALB - Jul 4, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 4, 2009
An Essay about " my ideal vacation". someone proof read it!

5 - People tend to be wordy and include useless phrases when (a) they've not thought closely enough about what...

Writing FeedbackBananaPancakes - Jul 3, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 4, 2009
IELTS; SHARE WEALTH AMONG POORER NATIONS

12 - Some comments on first part There always exist both rich and poor people in one community. Some poor people...

Writing FeedbackEve - Jul 2, 2009 / tiantian12 - Jul 12, 2009
There are many places that wait their visitors; Turkish Tourism Culture

4 - At the moment, you have so few details that you could turn this into a single paragraph, and, once...

Writing Feedbackosman - Jul 2, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 4, 2009
Changed in Everyday Life Caused by New Technology

4 - Okay, I know you writing this essay to practice grammar, but still, why are you writing this essay? All...

Writing Feedbackmajed - Jul 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 4, 2009
Prescribed drugs and its various effects on the body and mind

8 - I am not sure that the "On the one hand . . . on the other hand" structure is...

Writing Feedbackfernaj13 - Jul 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 7, 2009
Should university studies be subsidized?

9 - Specific details are usually a good idea. In this particular essay, though, the statistics for Sri Lanka really need...

Writing FeedbackIELTS_Student - Jul 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 10, 2009
Single career or several careers? Both have negatives and positives

4 - You seem to be arguing that having a single career is easier than having multiple ones. However, Simone is...

Writing FeedbackEve - Jul 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 4, 2009
Comparing Brutus's and Mark Antony's rhetoric in Julius Caesar

3 - I also notice that you seem to be arguing that Mark Antony has the better rhetoric because the crowd...

Writing Feedbackkleinhenz - Jun 30, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 1, 2009
IELTS; GENDER EQUALITY @ UNI ADMISSION

4 - Feel free to post your revised version for even more feedback....

Writing Feedbackltandi - Jun 30, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 14, 2009
Paper about an important movie

9 - Thanks for your encouragament !...

Writing Feedbackkim1 - Jun 30, 2009 / kim1 - Jul 1, 2009
True Friendship Essay (living without friends)

12 - I think your revised essay is quite good. However, I am really confused with this. You said,"As we grow...

Writing FeedbackAlexbig - Jun 29, 2009 / Janie Tine - Jul 29, 2009

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