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highly zealous, energetic and motivated - UT Austin - Statement of Purpose

7 - It would be nice if I could incorporate my passion to serve the country by contributing to the development...

Undergraduatesparklingway - Aug 19, 2009sparklingway - Aug 23, 2009
'Materials Science and Engineering' - MIT Short Answer: Which Department?

10 - Thanks for the responses guys. As I take it, I should delete/shorten the first examples. Then I should...

UndergraduatePikafu - Aug 18, 2009Pikafu - Aug 19, 2009
animals, artwork, sciences - present yourself to the Committee on Admissions

3 - I have also been said to be a great dog trainer. I grew up rescuing stray dogs in...

Undergraduatesad_an6el - Aug 18, 2009EF_Simone - Aug 18, 2009
Hard work was preferable to the expense of neglected morals and sore back - Ethical dilemma QB essay

9 - Also, how do you indent the first line of a paragraph in the text editor? The tab key doesn't...

Undergraduateasyn - Aug 18, 2009asyn - Aug 20, 2009
PhD - Social Work Research

13 - Great sentence! Thanks Sean!...

Graduatekdm504 - Aug 18, 2009kdm504 - Aug 31, 2009
"Dear Admission's Committee" - Addendum to a Personal Statement

9 - Pay attention to your sentence structure. The first part, before it is offset with the comas, needs to...

Graduatediana_pencheva - Aug 18, 2009Notoman - Aug 21, 2009
"BODY SLAM"; Wrestling - Common App Short Essay

9 - Thanks for the feedback Simone and asyn. I incorporated what both of you said: When the local youth...

UndergraduateAphamos - Aug 18, 2009Aphamos - Aug 20, 2009
Reading has always been a favorite pastime of mine. - Common App

14 - Let me jump in with a few general comments. I like both versions and would like to see you...

Undergraduateraven - Aug 18, 2009EF_Simone - Aug 20, 2009
The benefit of a global university-- GRE topic, need help

6 - If you are worried about having enough time to say what you want to say in this...

Writing FeedbackSuperkid - Aug 18, 2009EF_Simone - Aug 19, 2009
"Soccer is my inspiration" - Common Application 150 word essay

5 - Ideally, you will do both: Show off your writing skills and tell or, even better, demonstrate something about...

UndergraduateRay274 - Aug 18, 2009EF_Simone - Aug 19, 2009
Common Application. Personal Statement. ''Dragon boat race"'

17 - I think it is a good essay to write for the common app. Maybe you might want to consider...

Undergraduatelinhexi - Aug 18, 2009zw123 - Oct 3, 2009
IELTS Essay: Main purpose for Universities

4 - I agree with Simone. Especially the last sentence. It's confusing....

Writing Feedbackcxfcxh - Aug 18, 2009jyxff - Aug 21, 2009
Criminal records, British and Australia laws - IELTS Essay

9 - Passive constructions use the object of an action as the sentence's grammatical subject, as oppose to the active voice,...

Writing Feedbackstealthreaction - Aug 18, 2009EF_Sean - Aug 21, 2009
Scholarship Essay: Passion for Computer Science

4 - Your grammar is good over all. Let's see the revision that takes Noto's comments into account. There's no...

ScholarshipHiImShante - Aug 17, 2009EF_Simone - Aug 18, 2009
"It takes more than good academics" - Florida State University Essay

11 - "The true perfection of man lies not in what man has, but in what man is", said Oscar Wilde....

UndergraduateSxmBeauty - Aug 17, 2009SxmBeauty - Sep 3, 2009
The Art Institute of Dallas admission essay

10 - Unless Ms. Hoen remains your art teacher, you want to say, "When I was younger, I had a...

Undergraduateiluv_noodles - Aug 17, 2009EF_Simone - Aug 22, 2009
UT topic B (freshman) - Costa Rica, issue of importance.

5 - This is a sentence fragment. And, indeed, your conclusion is incomplete. Your two stories are very strong. Now,...

Undergraduateemilyemily0 - Aug 17, 2009EF_Simone - Aug 19, 2009
Signif. Experiences: Bitter and Sweet--UF application-suggestions?

11 - Thank you for your suggestion, Llamapoop. I will try to rework the introduction, although, some have hinted that mentioning...

Undergraduatejankrav - Aug 17, 2009jankrav - Aug 27, 2009
Volunteerism is like this: Rewarding Experience

7 - 1900 characters...not words....

Undergraduatesad_an6el - Aug 17, 2009Llamapoop123 - Aug 22, 2009
"The burgeoning field of Computer Science" - my Statement of Purpose

6 - The highlighted portion seems fine to me. As I understand it, parallel computing is particularly hot right now and...

GraduateM Ehsan ul Haq - Aug 17, 2009EF_Simone - Aug 30, 2009
"A well informed family" - MSU personal statement

9 - I think this is a fantastic essay! I also think the revisions are approipriate and good luck to you...

Undergraduatejyxff - Aug 17, 2009schubzcrazee - Aug 21, 2009
Spanish Language proficiency

15 - Once you have left helpful comments for two other forum members, then you can start your own thread...

Writing Feedbacksad_an6el - Aug 17, 2009EF_Simone - Aug 28, 2009
Prepare to serve - a medical practice in an underserved area

5 - I think this is great stuff. You sound sincere, and the experiences you've had are all really relevant to...

Undergraduatesad_an6el - Aug 17, 2009kritipg - Aug 18, 2009
creating music - Common App 150 word essay

6 - I'm not certain what you mean by this....

Undergraduater0fflew0ffles - Aug 17, 2009EF_Simone - Aug 18, 2009
Compare yourself now to when you were younger..

12 - ^I am surprised. I didnt think it was harsh feedback. Just good ol useful feedback. ^...

UndergraduateMayada - Aug 17, 2009Liebe - Aug 19, 2009
parents and relatives make the decisions

3 - Whereas parents and relatives never do this? No parent has ever pressured his or her child to be,...

Writing Feedbacktoefl7 - Aug 17, 2009EF_Sean - Aug 17, 2009
"I say China, I say America" - UC Transfer Essay

4 - Thanks you guys! I'll make some edits and post my revision :)...

Undergraduateyoulovewendy - Aug 17, 2009youlovewendy - Aug 20, 2009
Intended major : Public Health <Applying to Berkeley & UCI>

6 - Your first paragraph, while well written, doesn't seem to have anything to do with the rest of your essay,...

UndergraduateCalLover - Aug 17, 2009EF_Sean - Aug 22, 2009
FSU essay; strength within

4 - Personally, I feel that it would be better if you specify which word (in this case Vires) you are...

Undergraduateeclipse00 - Aug 16, 2009fat_b - Aug 17, 2009
"Questioning authority" - GRE topic.

4 - You need to elaborate more on your examples. At the moment, you are not using them to actually prove...

Writing FeedbackKahollavan81 - Aug 16, 2009EF_Sean - Aug 17, 2009
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