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Research advice on TOEFL, SAT, IELTS, GRE and other academic essays (page 470)

Replies | Threads
CBEST: If you could be any age that you wanted to be, what age would you choose?

2 - Hmm... This is fine, but simplistic. I wonder if you might want to say something about valuing what you...

Writing Feedbackbubuvio - Sep 7, 2009 / EF_Simone - Sep 7, 2009
Your favorite movie (in IMAX Theater)

8 - hello Sean! Thank you a lot for your message. I understand right now that i need to change the...

Writing FeedbackYulka - Sep 6, 2009 / Yulka - Sep 7, 2009
CHILDREN SHOULD LISTEN TO THEIR PARENTS AND TEACHER, GIVE YOUR OPINION

4 - Really? Are you sure of that? How do you know? Here we have another example of a constructed...

Writing Feedbackniraj - Sep 6, 2009 / EF_Simone - Sep 7, 2009
"Like father, like son" - children benefits if they are brought up with care, love from their father

4 - Overall, it is necessary for a child to have two parents to develop perfectly. I think you should write...

Writing Feedbacksung_tung - Sep 4, 2009 / essay0405 - Sep 7, 2009
"A bizarre charm" - An essay on my most promising bad fortune.

4 - Thanks for your time and consideration for my essay. Now, regarding the essay, it is not an assignment....

Writing Feedbackmikemorpheus - Sep 6, 2009 / mikemorpheus - Sep 7, 2009
"That government is best which governs least" - CLEP essay feedback

4 - Thank you both for your responses. I did question some of the very points you touched on but decided...

Writing FeedbackCatlady - Sep 6, 2009 / Catlady - Sep 7, 2009
iBTTOEFL essay - should university students take part-time jobs?

3 - Thanks catalyst0435! This really helps a lot. I guess I have to work on my grammar more often. When...

Writing Feedbacklitingjiao - Sep 5, 2009 / litingjiao - Sep 6, 2009
MANYCOUNTRIES ARE ORGANISING INTERNATIONAL SPORTING EVENTS.DESCIBE PROS AND CONS

4 - Is it amusing or frustrating that you still capslocked your gratitude but not your essay? You capitalize strangely...

Writing Feedbackniraj - Sep 5, 2009 / catalyst0435 - Sep 6, 2009
The restraint of power - "Of all the manifestations* of power essay

2 - "Overpowered" means overwhelmed by somebody or something with more power. I think what you mean is the exact opposite...

Writing Feedbackantest07 - Sep 5, 2009 / EF_Simone - Sep 5, 2009
Do you think the educational benefits of test & exam outweigh any disadvantages?

4 - Sorry, no, we can't score the essay. But we can continue to offer suggestions and corrections for any other...

Writing Feedbackchaskie143 - Sep 2, 2009 / EF_Simone - Sep 5, 2009
As a young man I'd choose to purchase a business instead of a house; TOEFL

4 - Your prose is clearly that of a non-native speaker, but is not "strange" in the way that you worry...

Writing Feedbackmrarching - Sep 4, 2009 / EF_Simone - Sep 5, 2009
IN MOST COUNNTRIES PLANT AND ANIMALS ARE DECLINING ,TELL REASON AND SOLUTIONS

3 - And in most countries where birth control is freely available, birth rates tend to be below the level needed...

Writing Feedbackniraj - Sep 4, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 4, 2009
Should government withhold information?--A GRE Issue topic

12 - Yes, I just had the same frustrating experience with another user....

Writing Feedbackmathsam - Aug 11, 2009 / EF_Simone - Sep 4, 2009
Essay about the happiest day of my life so far?

9 - That is a broad subject. Some rules are to be questioned, specially the ones that are there to...

Writing Feedbackdccb - Sep 2, 2009 / dccb - Sep 4, 2009
GRE argument--Prescribe medication on men and women

3 - Ah. I see that the author's account has been suspend, and so will withhold comment....

Writing Feedbackyx200986 - Sep 4, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 4, 2009
Qualities to be a good and complete student

11 - The thing is, what you should do depends very heavily on the level of proficiency you are striving for....

Writing FeedbackBlack_Code - Aug 25, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 4, 2009
Toefl Question: Movies and books in a modern life

10 - So, this experience will maybe motivate you to read more often? The main general principle that you...

Writing Feedbackessay0405 - Sep 3, 2009 / EF_Simone - Sep 4, 2009
Taking standardized tests to prove learning progress - Toefl IBT writing essay

6 - Well, this shows that is not a good prompt for the TOEFL, as it requires some cultural knowledge...

Writing Feedbacktuanlnc - Aug 25, 2009 / EF_Simone - Sep 4, 2009
earth hour or how to save the world -essay

5 - it is still earlier for us to make judgment....

Writing Feedbackquia - Aug 30, 2009 / quia - Sep 4, 2009
Mistakes make success--GRE Issue

5 - Where are you from? I am from China....

Writing FeedbackHellgreeting - Aug 25, 2009 / yx200986 - Sep 4, 2009
GRE issue---Government support or restrict scientific research

4 - Thanks, EF_Sean! I have learned a lot from your comment. I will be cautious to the problems appeared in...

Writing Feedbackyx200986 - Sep 1, 2009 / yx200986 - Sep 4, 2009
esssay -global warming&natural disasters

8 - In the long term, burning off fuels in trying to grow up the industry for the better economy are...

Writing FeedbackHarryK - Aug 25, 2009 / jgv115 - Sep 4, 2009
Purpose for earning more money should not become the main goal for us - toefl essay

6 - The grammar remains so rough that it is very difficult to follow what you are writing. "Some people...

Writing Feedbacksirius51 - Aug 30, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 4, 2009
Her. A short and random idea.

11 - I was thinking about using this piece as a springboard for my Stanford essay also. Something along the lines...

Writing FeedbackLlamapoop123 - Aug 29, 2009 / Llamapoop123 - Sep 3, 2009
Toefl essay -- planning and organization

5 - to start with, people now are faced with a more sophisticate society that before, emerging along with the development...

Writing Feedbackclaire echo - Aug 19, 2009 / sirius51 - Sep 3, 2009
The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one.

2 - "The technology's development brings about many changes in our society, today. One of these changes is the way people...

Writing Feedbackstranger1130 - Sep 2, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 2, 2009
TOEFL: Movies or television now play an important role in our life

14 - Thanks very much,I'll correct my essay...

Writing Feedbackdhanh90 - Aug 15, 2009 / sung_tung - Sep 2, 2009
Cbest Essay - Proble in Community

5 - Try "Our community, Muirland Community, experienced a rash of break-ins last year" instead. You have various minor...

Writing Feedbackelainedlcruz - Jul 20, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 2, 2009
time spent for studying and playing

6 - I think children need to concentrate on their study for a little time, and then they can play. concentrate...

Writing Feedbacksung_tung - Sep 1, 2009 / stranger1130 - Sep 2, 2009
Narrative Essay Writing on Indian American Culture - Feedback

2 - There's so much drama in your parents' story. I'm wondering why, then, this essay reads so slowly. Part of...

Writing Feedbackkrnraj1310 - Sep 1, 2009 / EF_Simone - Sep 1, 2009
Access to information about the defendant criminal record - Ielts writing task

8 - Pretty much the way I phrased it. It is in fact the argument that is made whenever a judge...

Writing Feedbackorlando - Aug 29, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 1, 2009
"We found no sign of my mother" - I thought what happened at the night was my allusion

10 - Not bad overall. A few comments: This doesn't quite work. Rephrase. Identify you? Or respond...

Writing FeedbackELL - Aug 29, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 1, 2009
the multimineral Zorba pill (GRE argumentative essay)

3 - Simone and I have a long-running disagreement on whether it is a good idea to attack the methodology of...

Writing Feedbackchitra - Sep 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 1, 2009
Similarity and comparison - GRE essay writing

2 - You're on the right track, but you need to tighten up your logic quite a bit for this to...

Writing Feedbackprabudhak - Aug 31, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 31, 2009
Students should be in control of their own education (IBT)

4 - Again, the word you want is "aims," not "targets."...

Writing Feedbacktuanlnc - Aug 28, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 31, 2009
A concise narrative about an important event - UF Architecture college essay!

17 - You could leave out the over-used rainbow/rain statement altogether....

Writing Feedbackmshireling1 - Jul 16, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 30, 2009
Spanish Language proficiency

15 - Once you have left helpful comments for two other forum members, then you can start your own thread...

Writing Feedbacksad_an6el - Aug 17, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 28, 2009
The relationship between an organization and environment - essay

9 - The first sentence is awkward, due to the lack of an article in front of "business environment" and the...

Writing FeedbackTarunPathak - Jun 21, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 28, 2009
'money and riches' - What Is the Purpose of Higher Education?

5 - If you seperate your paragaphs by an empty line then it's clearer & easier for everybody to read. In...

Writing Feedbacktho91 - Aug 25, 2009 / tuanlnc - Aug 28, 2009
Education career. Everyday you deal with kids and their challenging behaviors. Why put up with that?

4 - Meh. This is fairly dull. Why not recount a narrative about a student you taught, so that we can...

Writing Feedbackrvw1919 - Aug 27, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 27, 2009
it is important to find out if the decision will be popular with others (IBT)

5 - Your grammar and word choice are generally correct, so you are in good shape for taking the TOEFL. ...

Writing Feedbacktuanlnc - Aug 26, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 27, 2009
Should we tell the truth always in order to preserve our friendship?

8 - First, you must register an account on this site. Then, On the right-top corner, there is the "New Thread"...

Writing Feedback123toilama - Aug 26, 2009 / tuanlnc - Aug 27, 2009
GRE: Corporate executives' responsibility

4 - Thanks Sean and Simone for those invaluable suggestions....

Writing FeedbackJunYuan - Aug 26, 2009 / JunYuan - Aug 27, 2009
traditional foods vs international fast food (which is bad)

6 - Yes, one only has two hands. So, one can only say, "on the other hand" once....

Writing FeedbackEricc - Aug 15, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 26, 2009
'Everyone was burned to crisp' - "Jacob" - grammar for my Essay?

4 - This part is confusing to me. You should state that Jacob insisted on quitting school first. Otherwise, there...

Writing FeedbackSPak - Aug 26, 2009 / Llamapoop123 - Aug 26, 2009
[toefl] topic (dis/agree) There are times when lying is acceptable.

4 - I think lying for good purposes is not only acceptable but also necessary. White lies are sometimes very useful....

Writing Feedbacksugarzhi - Aug 26, 2009 / tuanlnc - Aug 26, 2009
Old saying; 'experience is the best teacher' -Review for CLEP

11 - Should be an "are" here because of the word "and". ____________________________________________________________ _______________________ I would suggest including...

Writing Feedbacktg2009 - Aug 12, 2009 / JunYuan - Aug 26, 2009
Non-traditional Student College Personal Essay

6 - Thank you so much for the tips. This was the first draft which popped in my head. I know...

Writing FeedbackSFLady77 - Aug 25, 2009 / SFLady77 - Aug 25, 2009
Moral and ethical standards and effective leadership--GRE issue

3 - Why do you mention business leaders? The prompt specifically asks you to discuss public officials. I think you...

Writing FeedbackSuperkid - Aug 24, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 25, 2009
princeton summer- I practiced soccer with my cousins

4 - What is your thesis? That is, what main point do you want the essay to make about you, that...

Writing Feedbackladidi - Aug 25, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 25, 2009
Appearance and society values--An GRE issue

9 - Tell us what you mean by that. I'm also curious about your insights on differences in thinking patterns....

Writing Feedbacktsp8487 - Aug 23, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 25, 2009
Benefits and drawbacks of urbanization. Better life for older in the countryside

8 - You should focus on the vocabs like simone said...

Writing FeedbackJino - Aug 4, 2009 / HarryK - Aug 25, 2009
GRE: Knowledge and Rejection of Authority

5 - Thanks Notoman for aiding me with my English. Thanks Sean for correcting my inaccuracies and also giving me...

Writing FeedbackJunYuan - Aug 23, 2009 / JunYuan - Aug 25, 2009
GRE Argument ---antibiotics study results

7 - I am in favor of Simone. What you really should focus on is the last sentense. Since you have...

Writing Feedbackyx200986 - Aug 24, 2009 / Superkid - Aug 24, 2009
TOEFL Subjects like art should be a part of child's education, it's a beneficial and necessary trend

13 - got it. thank you a lot. have a nice day~~...

Writing Feedbacksugarzhi - Aug 22, 2009 / sugarzhi - Aug 24, 2009
'Given name from God' - UNC- Chapel Hill College Essay

4 - Usually, you would use this sort of essay to talk about experiences you have had or qualities you possess...

Writing Feedbackemilysimpson - Aug 22, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 23, 2009
I laid there,hoping that I could pass into the void & never return; PATIENCE

6 - I've moved this to the essays and term papers thread, which seems like a better category for it than...

Writing Feedbackkennethfatty - Aug 23, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 23, 2009
The Saluda hospital - Advice for my GRE argument

6 - "The author" works. Or "the newspaper," or "the article." These all would be more standard, and accurate, than "the...

Writing Feedbackmathsam - Aug 8, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 23, 2009
The surest indicator of a great nation---GRE Issue

2 - This would be great if it were being written as a TOEFL essay. For a GRE essay, you'll need...

Writing FeedbackSuperkid - Aug 23, 2009 / EF_Sean - Aug 23, 2009
Do you believe that change is a "good and necessary" thing?

5 - Study up on articles, as you sometimes leave them out. Also, be aware of plurals; you often neglect...

Writing Feedbackjeff - Aug 22, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 22, 2009

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