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'High Heels award' - Personal essay for UCLA(Transfer to film major)

5 - I think I'd skip the orchestra part, too. it really isn't necessary. this is a good essay. I...

Undergraduatelxhtin - Oct 17, 2009EF_Stephen - Oct 19, 2009
Sport and motivations - money influence?

5 - Thank Stehen for your help....

Writing Feedbackasoa - Oct 19, 2009asoa - Oct 19, 2009
richmond supplement: out of the comfort zone- comments appreciated

2 - This is basically a good essay and and an interesting one, too. But it needs more paragraphs (break...

Undergraduateariel0812 - Oct 19, 2009EF_Stephen - Oct 19, 2009
"The Reason We Trust", "Cured" - my two personal essays for common app

2 - These are both very good essays. The first one is the stronger of the two. The dialogue I'm guessing...

Undergraduatemiffy2002 - Oct 19, 2009EF_Sean - Oct 19, 2009
Can a computer be hacked easily? Introduction to Computer research paper...

2 - Um, that seems like a fairly important issue, and one that has all sorts of ethical implications. ...

Writing FeedbackNita S - Oct 18, 2009EF_Sean - Oct 19, 2009
Carleton college short answer: teacher who most influenced you.

2 - Before getting into the grammar, which needs a lot of work, let's look at the content. Tou speak about...

Undergraduatelinhexi - Oct 18, 2009EF_Sean - Oct 19, 2009
"How reoccurring nightmares helped me choose Psychology as a major"- UF Prompt

2 - Not bad. The television metaphor you use in your introduction doesn't really work, though. For one thing, ...

Undergraduatemusicloverabby - Oct 17, 2009EF_Sean - Oct 19, 2009
Essay about individuals' identities and definition of "foreign"

2 - Well, the question seems fairly straightforward to me. Does a person's identity influence what he considers foreign. For instance,...

Essaysbrood910 - Oct 17, 2009EF_Sean - Oct 19, 2009
"experienced a lot of new things" - Common Application.

2 - Admissions essays should say something good about you. This doesn't, really, except that you like to procrastinate, and know...

UndergraduateGHS2UChicago - Oct 18, 2009EF_Sean - Oct 19, 2009
'Music based on Math' - Stanford essay: intellectually engaging experience

4 - Thanks a lot for the responses guys....I'm gonna structure it a bit more and come back with a new,...

Undergraduatelonestranger - Oct 17, 2009lonestranger - Oct 19, 2009
Common App 150 word short answer, My Favorite Sport

6 - Try to show your passion. Not the sport itself. The reader knows how the game works. But dont worry....

Undergraduatenike t - Oct 17, 2009youngjoony - Oct 19, 2009
'Not afraid of challenges' - Duke engineering why essay

3 - "For me, there are both individual and social purposes of education: one is to gain knowledge to enrich myself,...

Undergraduateikiz - Oct 17, 2009youngjoony - Oct 19, 2009
TOEFL essay "modern technology"

7 - hi feom my view , i dont know if it is a contrast essay or A&D essay, you d...

Writing Feedbacklyqinyi - Oct 13, 2009fuhuanluck - Oct 19, 2009
Computer Science usage - Help with Carnegie essay prompt

3 - I get rid of about 5 times i used Computer Science in the essay. But I still use it...

Undergraduateprompter - Oct 18, 2009prompter - Oct 19, 2009
"we are both geniuses" - U of M Essay (3rd option)

5 - I think your writing carefully and you have your own understandin about biology. Which is good~~ I chose to...

Undergraduateemjay1264jr - Oct 18, 2009miffy2002 - Oct 19, 2009
"that this is the lowest price" - my short essay of the common app

4 - Maybe the common is using this topic to ask you an activity that is important for us, not only...

UndergraduateMrJ - Oct 18, 2009zealzou - Oct 19, 2009
I still don't know, what who I want to become

6 - I completely agree with Tsunami! For one, just take out "type of" in the first line. It makes it...

Undergraduatesnow153 - Oct 15, 2009gongan - Oct 19, 2009
"In my hands, I held a jar of flames" (U of I admission essay)

8 - Do you think if I added a paragraph describing what I want out of my college education in between...

Undergraduatebuglady - Sep 24, 2009buglady - Oct 18, 2009
"i need to get out of this bubble"...MSU undergrad essay

4 - its funny i just covered passive voice in my writing class...guess this is why i didn't do so great...

Undergraduaterrayyan6 - Oct 18, 2009rrayyan6 - Oct 18, 2009
"I am the Beast" -Lord of the Flies Essay

6 - It's often a good idea to go back and rewrite your introduction after you are finished, because that's when...

Book ReportsKev - Oct 14, 2009EF_Sean - Oct 18, 2009
"underestimating" - Common Application short answer. 150 words or less....

12 - EF_Stephen lol, THANK YOU! that word would most likely to be used in any of my essays, since it's...

UndergraduateGHS2UChicago - Oct 18, 2009GHS2UChicago - Oct 18, 2009
"the Renewal Foundation" - MIT Creativity Essay

2 - Nice! It's inspiring. I think it answers the question well too....

Undergraduateanniebiotic - Oct 18, 2009MakeAnImpact97 - Oct 18, 2009
A fresh palette full of oil colors ; U of I (Career Aspirations - Visual Arts)

2 - I like it! This is what they are looking for. No university or scholarship committee wants to know what...

UndergraduateMojoRising - Oct 18, 2009MakeAnImpact97 - Oct 18, 2009
Sarcastic Common Application Essay

7 - Hi, Ok, I understand your style and your intention. It would be better if you can improve the...

Undergraduatebob92 - Oct 18, 2009qyuiosilent - Oct 18, 2009
"leaving the gym after a solid workout" - common app short answer critique

4 - I think that your updated version more closely resembles your second essay (just on observation). You have struck a...

Undergraduateeric412 - Oct 18, 2009supadupaman7 - Oct 18, 2009
"Benny? Benny?! Where are you?" (Rutgers essay appl.)

18 - i really like it i think its a great story and the suggestions above are good!...

Undergraduatevlatski - Oct 3, 2009rrayyan6 - Oct 18, 2009
Water! Water! Good or evil?; Essay on water

2 - "Sometimes, I just couldn't help but wondering" I would change the couldn't to cannot and the wondering to wonder....

UndergraduateKhadijah - Oct 18, 2009emjay1264jr - Oct 18, 2009
The pricing tools, Black's model - assignment for Master level

5 - Hi Anyone can help me to check my writing? Please...

Research Papersxiang2009 - Oct 13, 2009xiang2009 - Oct 18, 2009
"intellectual vitality" - Stanford Admission Essays.

3 - While your knowledge and comprehension of Milton's work do show your advanced grasp of literature, I think you come...

UndergraduateCollegehopefull - Oct 18, 2009Kimmay159 - Oct 18, 2009
Very rough, very cliche essay (significant experience). Common App

16 - Here's the thing that bugged me the most, but nearly all your sentences start with "I" which gets quite...

Undergraduateefesach - Sep 26, 2009gongan - Oct 18, 2009
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