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MBA behavioral essay: "Went beyond what was defined"

4 - I notice you've got a lot of "to be" verbs in your first paragraph. This goes towards what Liebe...

Graduatemksnake - Sep 5, 2009catalyst0435 - Sep 5, 2009
"Out of difficulties, makes miracle" (Purdue University essay)

10 - ^I think you should. This essay is not that interesting. People do fail their tests in a while,...

Undergraduateryantan1121 - Sep 5, 2009Liebe - Sep 5, 2009
George Washington University- Transfer Student Admissions Essay

7 - Right, but in some spiritual systems, the start and end point are the same place and journey is not...

Undergraduatecasetro311 - Aug 31, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 5, 2009
Folding Diseases (UVA Admissions Essay)

2 - It's a bit show-offy, but readers expect that in an admission essay. I like the use of avant-garde,...

Undergraduatecatalyst0435 - Sep 4, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 5, 2009
As a young man I'd choose to purchase a business instead of a house; TOEFL

4 - Your prose is clearly that of a non-native speaker, but is not "strange" in the way that you worry...

Writing Feedbackmrarching - Sep 4, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 5, 2009
the pediatric volunteer - Common App- Siginificant experience

7 - ^Your use of the word 'aware' suggests your certainty, whereas your use of the word 'perhaps' does...

Undergraduatethisissparta - Aug 26, 2009Liebe - Sep 5, 2009
LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW - "The Mission"; Apa format

4 - Yes, many of your sources seem to come from the JPL website, but as you have the author names...

Undergraduateskyrider2812 - Sep 4, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 4, 2009
IN MOST COUNNTRIES PLANT AND ANIMALS ARE DECLINING ,TELL REASON AND SOLUTIONS

3 - And in most countries where birth control is freely available, birth rates tend to be below the level needed...

Writing Feedbackniraj - Sep 4, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 4, 2009
Applying to college after a 10 year absence; Non-traditional Student

5 - Firstly, this essay as a whole is really inspiring, and like Simone and Sean said, it's strong and pointed....

UndergraduateSFLady77 - Sep 4, 2009catalyst0435 - Sep 4, 2009
Transfer Admission Essay - a thoughtful commentary on your academic goals

6 - Media and their connection to the human experience are fascinating, so much so that this tepid statement falls...

UndergraduateCorpusCallosum - Aug 1, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 4, 2009
"America's Best Colleges" guide - UCF Admissions Essay Help?

16 - What major? Why don't you say? This essay could have been written by any applicant. You need it...

Undergraduateshannyn92 - Sep 4, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 4, 2009
Should government withhold information?--A GRE Issue topic

12 - Yes, I just had the same frustrating experience with another user....

Writing Feedbackmathsam - Aug 11, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 4, 2009
Crippling an Insect (My Common App Essay)

9 - Thanks, I realize the last paragraph could be extraneous, and probably is given the negative response to it, so...

Undergraduatecatalyst0435 - Sep 3, 2009catalyst0435 - Sep 4, 2009
Essay about the happiest day of my life so far?

9 - That is a broad subject. Some rules are to be questioned, specially the ones that are there to...

Writing Feedbackdccb - Sep 2, 2009dccb - Sep 4, 2009
Analytical essay on A Rose for Miss Emily

4 - Why not start with a point form outline in which you list the symbols and Gothic elements you wish...

Book Reportstholloway - Sep 4, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 4, 2009
GRE argument--Prescribe medication on men and women

3 - Ah. I see that the author's account has been suspend, and so will withhold comment....

Writing Feedbackyx200986 - Sep 4, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 4, 2009
Qualities to be a good and complete student

11 - The thing is, what you should do depends very heavily on the level of proficiency you are striving for....

Writing FeedbackBlack_Code - Aug 25, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 4, 2009
UMichigan, diversity and how you can contribute; Spring Festival in China

5 - You picked a good experience to write about, and I think the essay is fundamentally solid. That lets...

Undergraduatecissywdi - Sep 2, 2009catalyst0435 - Sep 4, 2009
Fascinated by the business world (Ryerson essay)

5 - Is there a prompt for this essay? I ask because your essay sounds like an autobiography of all...

Undergraduatesohelmatrix - Sep 2, 2009catalyst0435 - Sep 4, 2009
Toefl Question: Movies and books in a modern life

10 - So, this experience will maybe motivate you to read more often? The main general principle that you...

Writing Feedbackessay0405 - Sep 3, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 4, 2009
Taking standardized tests to prove learning progress - Toefl IBT writing essay

6 - Well, this shows that is not a good prompt for the TOEFL, as it requires some cultural knowledge...

Writing Feedbacktuanlnc - Aug 25, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 4, 2009
earth hour or how to save the world -essay

5 - it is still earlier for us to make judgment....

Writing Feedbackquia - Aug 30, 2009quia - Sep 4, 2009
'Both education and Track and Field' - Stanford a good place for you?

14 - I have had trouble with this one also. Start a thread and we may be able to help...

Undergraduatethegerman - Aug 1, 2009Llamapoop123 - Sep 4, 2009
Mistakes make success--GRE Issue

5 - Where are you from? I am from China....

Writing FeedbackHellgreeting - Aug 25, 2009yx200986 - Sep 4, 2009
GRE issue---Government support or restrict scientific research

4 - Thanks, EF_Sean! I have learned a lot from your comment. I will be cautious to the problems appeared in...

Writing Feedbackyx200986 - Sep 1, 2009yx200986 - Sep 4, 2009
esssay -global warming&natural disasters

8 - In the long term, burning off fuels in trying to grow up the industry for the better economy are...

Writing FeedbackHarryK - Aug 25, 2009jgv115 - Sep 4, 2009
Choose your own topic essays?

9 - Yeah, that's pretty much the standard way of writing intros for academic essays. Occasionally you'll get teachers who want...

Essayslouiedasilva - Aug 27, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 4, 2009
Purpose for earning more money should not become the main goal for us - toefl essay

6 - The grammar remains so rough that it is very difficult to follow what you are writing. "Some people...

Writing Feedbacksirius51 - Aug 30, 2009EF_Sean - Sep 4, 2009
Common Application Essay - Mark Twain

7 - Your revision is much stronger. In general, I advise people under 30 to avoid saying "nowadays," as if they...

UndergraduateGabrielle - Aug 23, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 3, 2009
"My passion for hockey" ; extracurricular activity

5 - It's good that it's a narrative. But, I'd get rid of the "woulds" and also use an action...

Undergraduatefat_b - Sep 2, 2009EF_Simone - Sep 3, 2009
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