Undergraduate / UT-Dallas Prompt B - Minecraft and how it affected me as a person [2]

@Noah_177
Hi there. Welcome to the forum! I hope you find this feedback to be helpful for your writing endeavors.

First and foremost, I find that the general feel and outlook of the essay is quite put-together. Given the amount of detail that you've given into the essay, there's a lot of prosperity in the way that you have managed to compose your texts. Additionally, you were able to build a decent tone throughout your writing, making your essay even more astounding in its entirety.

Other than this, I would try to expound more on the last paragraph of your essay. It appears to be quite bland. Although you were attempting to integrate emotions into the writing, it wasn't particularly enticing to be involved in the process without feeling the persona of the individual who's supposed to be listened to in the process.

Undergraduate / "Genius Festival" - Personal Statement [3]

@chi_l_2002252
Hi there. Welcome here! While it's great that you are here to listen to our feedback, it would be beneficial on both ends if you could reason out why you are writing this essay. Giving us a brief background information would help us analyze the essay in its entirety.

The first paragraph is alright. I do wish that you expounded a little bit more, especially because it currently only showcases being particularly bland in the situation. I recommend that you try to incorporate more concrete and objective narrations instead of having observation-based elucidations of events. Take a look at your second paragraph. These were mostly thought-based or personal narrations. Try to balance out your writing with more boldness.

While the third paragraph is great because of the amount of detail, it still lacks that profoundness that is being sought after. If you prioritize what to put in your written text, you would be able to have a more in-depth approach because you're giving specific focal points for your writing.

The last paragraph should be integrated with the last sentences of the third paragraph. Because of the lack of length, the conclusive remarks appear to be rather bland. I recommend trying to be more integral with your writing approach.

Best of luck.

Scholarship / Biographical Essay for Questbdrige: "A big year with big changes." [2]

@LouisTheLuis
Hi there! Welcome to the forum. I hope that you find this feedback to be helpful. Should you have any more inquiries, don't hesitate to approach and message us.

First and foremost, the first paragraph is quite put-together. I find that this establishes a decent tone for throughout your writing. I would recommend that you try to, however, simplify your sentences here in order to cultivate a more sensible and dynamic approach to writing. The second paragraph, while decently put-together and provided the necessary feedback on writing, lacks a more substantive written approach. Try to add more of what is necessary and omit what is unnecessary to have a more put-together essay.

The third paragraph should also be merged with the first two as it appears quite messy as it is now.

The last paragraph was quite fascinating. You were able to have an enhanced approach towards explaining the situation in full context.

Graduate / My internship - PTCAS PERSONAL STATEMENT ESSAY CRITIQUE - a meaningful experience and its influence [4]

@gerardim
Hi there! I apologize for the delay. I hope to provide you with meaningful feedback on this essay.

First and foremost, while I find that you have incorporated sufficient details all throughout your writing, I suggest that you incorporate more pauses when illustrating. Remember that, while it is essential to provide utmost details, you should also have grasp over prioritizing what is necessary and what is unnecessary. Separating these two would help you to not over-explain your thoughts and opinions. For instance, the first paragraph was quite overpowering in an odd manner. Try to be more sensible with information you are sharing.

When you were transitioning into the second paragraph, while you had elaborated with ease, try to be more cautious with the way that you explain situations. You could have merged the first two paragraphs to have a simplified and more concise explanation as to the situation.

Graduate / SOP - applying for PhD in some top tier US universities on Machine Learning, Computer Science [3]

@caspianprince
Hi there. Welcome to the forum. I wish you the best of luck in your application. I also wish that you find this feedback beneficial. If you do, please do not hesitate to come back to us for more information/inquiry on the text.

First and foremost, I find that the first paragraph doesn't quite mesh well with the other paragraphs that you have. The first paragraph appears to have a more intrigued and informal writing approach - whereas other portions of your essay appeared to be more systematized in introducing information. I would recommend that you either omit this portion or enhance its formality to better fit the purpose of the essay.

I find that the amount of detail that you have incorporated into the text is already quite excellent. I would only recommend that you try your best in order to have a more organized approach to writing. For instance, take a look at how you fade into the conclusion part of the essay. Because of how many information you've been trying to plug into the essay, the last portion has turned out to be rather off-putting because of the lack of detail to be found all over. In this part of the essay (considering it's the concluding remarks), you should be able to gradually fade into the genuine purpose and intention of your text - rather than needing to overtly explain your credentials repetitively.

Scholarship / Personal statement of Korean Government scholarship program - after my bachelor degree [3]

@deayz
Hi there, Deay! Welcome to the forum. I hope that this feedback would be beneficial for your application. I know these times pose a lot of pressure - and I truthfully hope that you push through! If you like the feedback, don't hesitate to come back for more from us.

First and foremost, I find that the introductory portion of the text is quite nicely structured. The first sentences, although included a bit of dramatization to enhance the creative approach of the topic, were able to properly expound your intent in the application. I heavily suggest keeping up this tone of language throughout your written work.

However, I did find that the succeeding paragraphs had a lot of unnecessary information that could have been omitted. Instead of focusing on your personal fantasies towards the country, I heavily suggest that you attempt to integrate more of an integral writing approach wherein you explain things from a pragmatic and realistic point of view.

Undergraduate / Common app prompt 6 (engaging activities) - Investing with Dad [2]

@quavius
Hi there. Welcome to the forum! We're always open to other people being a part of our community. We hope that you also actively contribute in all of the open discussions here.

First and foremost, generally speaking, the length of your paragraphs can still be improved. I heavily suggest that you stick with shorter content instead of having to deal with hefty paragraphs. Notice that lengths are usually suggested to be around four to six sentences - nothing more or less. This will also entice readers more to read your content as you would be able to have hold over what you're putting out there.

On the other hand, your sequenced approach to story-telling is quite impressive. It is nice how you were able to structure everything in this manner, making your essay easy to follow.

I would suggest only that you try to not over-complicate the way that you reiterate your content. When you are telling a story, keeping it concise would reap benefits for you.

Scholarship / Networking is contagious (English Chevening essay for Networking question) [2]

@Bayuaddi
Hi there. Welcome here! I hope that you find this forum to be helpful for your writing endeavors. Please do not hesitate to approach us for a more detailed review - and we'd be glad to lend a helping hand to you.

First and foremost, while the first paragraph is quite exquisite and demonstrates your capacity to be extensively creative, I recommend that you try to link this with other more internal ideas that are more necessary for what is actually being asked for in the text.

Having said so, I recommend that you keep your thoughts more organized as well. While the next parts of the essay are quite put-together and beautifully constructed, they failed to articulate a more structured approach to writing. Try to firstly introduce values before you attempt to construct concrete messages throughout.

Writing Feedback / How to become successful in sports? [2]

@alexyale
Hi there. I'll be providing you with feedback on your essay. I hope that this will somehow help you improve your writing. Wish you the best of luck as well in your IELTS!

First and foremost, I recommend that you try to make concise your language. Especially when you are looking at the thesis statements of your essay, you should attempt to cut down excessive language tones. Take a look at your introductory paragraph. You can make a simple structured sentence in order to have a more effective written technique that'll relay your message with ease.

Furthermore, try to be clearer with the way that you articulate. Take, for instance, the second paragraph. The first sentence does not link well with the second one, making it quite difficult to comprehend the entirety of your text. Try to be more accurate with the way you reiterate.

Try to also utilize examples that are bolder in the long-run. Concrete examples should have as much detail as possible with them, ensuring that readers do not deal with purely hypothetical content when you are writing.

Best of luck as always.

Writing Feedback / Reply to an e-mail sent by the marketing director of the Classical Shakespeare Theatre of Bardville [2]

@jaypark00
Hi there. Welcome to the forum. I hope you find this feedback helpful for your writing endeavors.

First and foremost, I find that your general use of structure and punctuation is quite decent. There are no obvious mistakes that are to be found. While you still needed to be more cautious with packing your sentences with heftiness, there were only small instances wherein you were unable to have a smooth flow of writing. I heavily recommend that you cut down on excessive sentence lengths as these do not positively contribute to the overall content.

Moreover, try to be more specific when you are explaining. Taking a look at your conclusion, you still needed to have a more step-by-step flow when you're trying to encapsulate your thoughts. You were successful in this area in the body paragraphs - however, you did lose track of doing so in the last portions of the text.

Scholarship / My passion to catch dreams. PERSONAL STATEMENT FOR KGSP UNDERGRADUATE PROGRAM EMBASSY TRACK [3]

@Bellareginaa
Hi there, Bella! I'm a consistent contributor on the forum and would like to welcome you here. You can use this feedback to assist you in your application. I wish you the best of luck as well in your application!

Firstly, while the first sentence is quite emotionally attached to your aspirations, I do not recommend moving forward with this. Considering that this entails that you should have a more professional or formal approach to the application, I suggest revising the first portions to be more straightforward about your intentions in studying at the said university.

Furthermore, be more organized with your thought process. You were quite messy when it came to following a specific chronological order. Remember that this is critical as it can affect how you would be perceived by the individuals reading the text. If you plan to discuss things from your childhood until the time that you have grown up, then try to stick with this order rather than messing around with a generalized formatting.

Scholarship / Technology administrator - how you build and maintain relationships in a professional capacity [2]

@cornel
Hi there. Thanks for your continuous support in the site. We hope that you keep coming back to us for more input.

First and foremost, I find that your written work is sufficiently put-together. Because you were able to incorporate the necessary details for the readers to comprehend the entirety of your text, it made it easier to intertwine all of the details to ensure that your credibility would be proven.

I would only recommend that you try to incorporate more concrete examples all throughout. For instance, be cautious of adding more step-by-step examples of how you exhibit these particular traits. Experiences should be understood with more certainty, ensuring that you are able to expound in great detail how you have contributed to your community.

When writing thesis statements (usually the introductory sentence, try to also focus primarily on precision. Doing this will ensure that there is clarity in the voice of your message.

Scholarship / My education is a significant issue - Preview of KGSP Personal Statement. [3]

@tawfiqb
Hello. Welcome to the forum! I apologize for the slight delay; and I hope this can assist you in your writing endeavors for future references.

First and foremost, the first paragraph is already sufficient. I appreciate how you were able to integrate such a concrete writing approach that is able to describe without doing it excessively. I would only recommend working more on the dynamism of the lengths of your sentences. It is pivotal that you are able to expound how certain lines flow. Furthermore, the second paragraph has quite a lengthy introductory line. I suggest revising this to have a more simplified writing approach.

The second to the last paragraph appears to be a little out-of-place. I recommend revising this to make it into a smaller chunk to help your writing process.

Scholarship / Korean and English Language, Korean Culture, Dramas and friends - Study Plan for KGSP [2]

@KeeneSapphire
Hi there. Welcome back here! I hope that previous feedback has helped you in your writing endeavors. I'm going to assist you and provide feedback on this essay.

First and foremost, I recommend that you ensure that you comply by fundamental writing rules that are necessary. This includes, for example, ensuring that you have the proper tenses for your verbs. Furthermore, it is also critical that you have the critical pauses and punctuation. Simplifying your text not only accomplishes this, but it also permits you to have a more structured writing approach that'll help readers fully comprehend better what you are typing.

Take a look at your second paragraph. Not only is it excessively (unnecessarily) long, but it also lacks a more cautious writing approach that'll enable you to have a more worthwhile writing composition.

The last paragraph also lacks a more distinctive approach to writing. You were unable to fully wrap up this portion of the text, making it difficult for readers to comprehend how this all comes together in the end.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - TASK1: The diagram below shows the various stages involved in the production of beer [2]

@phminh271
Hi there. Welcome to the forum. I hope you find this feedback helpful in any way.

The introductory line (first paragraph) is quite sufficient. You had a heads-on and straightforward approach to the written work, making it easier for people to fully comprehend your text. I would recommend trying to make more concise and shorter your sentences to enhance the overall outlook of your writing. For instance, if you take a look at your second paragraph, you should be able to simplify the length of your content even more.

Try to evade the usage of unnecessary lines that do not help and improve your essay. Take a look at your last paragraph. There were instances wherein you were quite repetitive with your language. If you focus more on enhancing your written work by merging similar or synonymous texts, you'll have a more compact written work.

Scholarship / "a journey of thousand miles" begins with a simple step - Personal Statement (Scholarship Korea) [2]

@Recart
Hi there. Welcome to the forum. I hope you find this feedback helpful for your writing endeavors.

I find that the first paragraph is quite decent already. I would suggest trying to improve your writing in order to incorporate more writing techniques such as omitting unnecessary lines and ensuring that you have a more compact essay. You can easily determine what to revise depending on how you approach the writing of the content. If you have lengthy portions, you can opt to separate them into smaller chunks. If a line has two distinguishable sentences, you can opt to write the two.

Be more specific when you are writing. Your last paragraph has so much potential. You could have maximized the space you have put here if only you had focused more on providing more specific information for your writing.

Undergraduate / Your reasons for applying to the University of Waterloo; my interest in computer engineering [2]

@tennis_ball1
Hi there! Welcome to the forum. Seeing as you are new here, don't be afraid to keep coming back for more in case you have any more additional inquiries. I hope this serves you positively in your endeavors.

Considering as it is a rough draft, I find that the opening portion of your essay is quite decent already. Because you were able to keep everything compact, this positively contributed to your essay appearing to be more packed with necessary information. I would only recommend that you try sticking with necessary information instead of putting everything out in the open.

I would suggest that you opt to remove parts of your essay that are unnecessary. For instance, words that do not add value to your writing should be removed. Doing this will help you focus more on what is essential.

Take a look at this revision:

This experience ... - from simple projects like fingerprint door locks to more complex ones like oil and gas surveillance drones.

Writing Feedback / The proportion of the most popular sports played by boys and girls in New Zealand (IELTS 1) [2]

@kirstenlee
Hi there. Welcome to the forum. I hope you find this feedback helpful for your writing endeavors.

First and foremost, I appreciate how compact your writing is. Because your writing is compact, it enables people to fully comprehend smaller chunks of text. In the long-run, this is potentially helpful for readers to fully understand more how the flow of text functions.

I would only recommend that you try to incorporate more writing techniques that will make even more compact your text. For instance, take a look at the first sentence of your second paragraph. You could have merged together the two statistics that were found in this sentence to improve your maximization of space.

Additionally, if you take a look at your last paragraph's first sentence, the paragraph is too packed with unnecessary details that you could have opted to remove.

Writing Feedback / Argumentative essay- CBEST: "We succeed only as we identify in life a single overriding objective" [3]

@Norbsidy
Hi there. Welcome to the forum. I hope you find the feedback helpful for your writing endeavors.

The first sentence could be sub-divided into two different ones. Bear in mind that clarity is critical, especially if you're working with the first portions of the essay. When you're merely touching the surface to relay the thesis statement of your essay, it is critical to ensure that you do not blur out any details.

Try to not be repetitive as well with your text. Take a look at your second paragraph's first sentences. You were continuously mentioning that the direction leads to a particular goal that is essential for success. Try to encompass these thoughts into a smaller single sentence instead of an intensive block of text.

Bear this in mind throughout your text.

Undergraduate / I want to pursue a degree in Computer Engineering or Mechanical Engineering - AIF reply [3]

@razor0424
Hi there. Welcome to the forum. I hope you find this feedback helpful for your writing endeavors. If you do, please don't hesitate to come back for more.

The initial impression I gather from your writing is that it lacks structure. Focus more on adding more pauses and punctuation. By doing so, you are cutting down the unnecessary portions and simplifying your message. Take, for example, the first sentence. You could have sub-divided it into two instead of what you have now. Having a structured approach will help you in the long-run to write with ease.

Furthermore, try to be more specific when you are writing. For instance, tackle more in detail what specific portions of the program would assist you in being more innovative in your ventures. The more detailed your approach is, the better.

Graduate / SOP Graduate Admission Essay | Mass Comm; Social Media | first draft [2]

@wardamnkim
Hi there! Welcome to the forum. I'm glad that you've found us - and we're more than happy to assist you in writing. I hope you find this to be useful for your admissions.

I commend how you began your essay. The beginning portion is nicely put-together, enabling the readers to have an enthusiastic glimpse of what to look forward to. It also encapsulated a bit of your personal image. This would truly assist readers in comprehending you as an applicant.

In your second paragraph, I suggest working with smaller chunks of your text. From the very beginning from this forward, you had lengthy sentences that do not positively contribute to those who are reading this content. You have to integrate easier to digest techniques. When writing, try your best to compress all of the information to ensure that you're delivering with clarity. Take a look at your second paragraph. You began mumbling in some portions because of the lack of delivery.

Undergraduate / Becoming a USNA graduate - Congressional Nomination Essay [2]

@colt2002
Hi there. Welcome back here! I hope that you've found the forum to be helpful for your writing endeavors. Please do come back for more if you wish to do so.

First and foremost, I find that the opening line is quite dragging for the readers. Try to compose your text with more ease and simplicity. If you do this, you'll have more comprehensible text lines. Especially when you're discussing the very first sentence of your essay, I recommend that you stick with smaller chunks of discernible composition as this would be easier.

Furthermore, your second paragraph (while packed with a lot of seemingly necessary text) is stretched too thinly. I recommend keeping the length of your paragraphs to the fundamental four to six sentences. Doing so will permit you to prioritize what you truly need in your text.

Graduate / HOW HAVE YOU IMPROVED? What have you done since last application that improves candidacy? [2]

@kcharl02
Hi there! I hope this feedback becomes useful for your writing endeavors.

Because of how restricted this essay is given the length, I would recommend that you try to maximize this space. There are multiple ways to go about this. For one, you could have attempted to remove unnecessary adjectives or descriptors in order to evade usage of potentially intelligible space. For instance, you could have merged the last two sentences of your second paragraph into a shorter, much more compact text.

While the third paragraph is quite extensive, I would recommend trying to shorten your sentences here. Because of the current structure, it can be difficult to comprehend the entirety of the text. When tackling complex thoughts, trying to simplify the text would definitively help you in the process.

Scholarship / I plan on starting a training consultancy firm after granting Chevening Scholarship [2]

@ahsan_daniyal
Hi there. I apologize for the delay. I still hope this feedback becomes of assistance to your application to the scholarship!

I would firstly recommend reorganizing your essay. I would consider tackling your background more before discussing your long-term goals. This enables the readers fully understand where you're coming from in order to better have utilization of the information you are giving.

Regardless of that, the general content of your essay is substantiated with depth already. You had a lot of the essential details that are necessary to cultivate detail.

While the last paragraph is a bold statement and can add spice to your writing, I recommend adding more into it that would detail out how this links together with all of the other details present in the text.

Writing Feedback / On Tackling Congestion in Chinese Cities [3]

@TriceLiu
Hi there. I'm here to provide writing feedback on your essay. I hope you find this helpful for your continuous learning.

First and foremost, I find that the initial portions (introductory paragraph) were quite decent. You were able to reiterate your concerns without stretching the context of the essay. Regardless, the next paragraphs can still be improved if you had focused more on maintaining a compact language while writing. This pertains to having shorter sentences in order articulate with more clarity what you want to say. Take, for example, your second paragraph's first sentence. You could have opted for a more clear-cut writing approach when discussing how these incentive systems work.

The last paragraph can also be improved. If you would expound on the last sentence, you would be able to have more meaning attached to these remarks.

Undergraduate / Taiwan trip - the impact of this experience and the greatest learning outcome for you [2]

@Kelly Pender
Hi there. Apologize for the delay. I'm here to provide you feedback on your writing.

I'm going to give you feedback on both the structure and content of this written work.

With regards to structure, I heavily recommend that you try to create more dynamism in the flow of your work. While it's great that you are able to expound your thoughts with such precision, I heavily recommend trying to add more variety to the length to ensure that you do not drag your essay. Take, for instance, your introductory paragraph. You could have made into two separate lines mentioning that you had a cycle trip and the one wherein you had reiterated that this was for self-fulfillment. Having this more step-by-step process will assist you in writing.

Furthermore, with regards the depth and what the content encompasses, the last portions of your essay remain to be a little bit abstract in their entirety. I recommend adding more details as to what you pertain is this efficient path.

Undergraduate / University of Michigan Supplement Essay--My Time in the Navy [2]

@saubesas
Hi there. I see that you're new here. Welcome to the forum! I hope that you find this feedback helpful for your writing endeavors.

Firstly, I would suggest organizing details of your text in a more structured manner. While you were able to lay out the bare minimum requirements for the text, you still needed to have a more cohesive approach to writing everything down. You can firstly tackle the relevance of these credentials to your personal beliefs. Afterwards, you can go through a sequence of your personal endeavors.

Furthermore, I also heavily recommend adding a lot more pauses into your text. Remember to allot space for proper punctuation at all times. When dealing with complex sentences, this is even more critical.

Scholarship / Chevening Leadership & Influence Essay: my understanding and examples [4]

@q4261709
Hi there. Welcome to the forum! It's always a pleasure seeing new people around here. I hope that you're doing well with your application process. If you find this to be of assistance, don't be afraid to come back to us for more.

Speaking firstly of your overall composition and general flow of text, I find that your essay is put-together. You were able to integrate essential details, squeezing them into one remarkable piece of work.

I would recommend working on the structure of your writing. However good you are with words, you need to incorporate more pauses that'll help you structure your writing with more ease. Remember how essential punctuation marks are in the process of writing. Take a look at your first paragraph. You had packed everything too much into your text, making it difficult to comprehend the essay in its totality.

Graduate / "Small is Beautiful" - SOP for the Master of Science program in Computer Science [2]

@sujith1993
Hi there. Here to provide you with writing feedback on this essay!

First and foremost, the initial parts of the essay require that you have a more straightforward writing approach. Especially when you're merely starting out, it is indeed critical that you firstly etablish your thesis statement with ease before expounding with details.

I also recommend trying to balance the overall structure of your writing. You have quite lengthy paragraphs that can deter the readers from reading further because there's "too much going on". I recommend simplifying details to prioritize which ones you actually need to incorporate into your writing.

Furthermore, work on organization of details. It is critical that you have a balanced writing approach wherein you either focus on a sequence that would highlight your skills - or you would be able to use a more synchronized take.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 -Task: describe your opinion of sense of competition or co-operation is better [2]

@longman2270
Hi there. I'll assist you in this by providing feedback on this essay.

I find the first paragraph to be sufficient. You were clear and straightforward with what you had wanted as a thesis statement.

The second paragraph needs a bit of work. The first sentence was quite packed. You needed to shorten and trim down your length a bit more. Having so many constructed intricacies woven into your text makes some portions difficult to comprehend. Try to have more simplified texts in order to have a clearer delivery of your message. You had committed the same mistake in your third paragraph.

Scholarship / Example, not persuasion - Chevening Leadership & Influence Essay [4]

@Wara
Hi, dear! Thanks for your consistent and persistent support in the forum. If you find this feedback and others helpful, please do inform us.

I agree with the prior comment that you had been overexplaining the concept from a bystander's perspective rather than a personal viewpoint. You may still incorporate this, however ensure that the focal point of your writing would be the highlights of your experiences. This a more solidified approach to writing, I reckon.

The transition to the concluding paragraph is also quite odd, considering that you did not bridge properly those remarks with the huge chunks of text before it. Remember that you should be adding more flair and details to expound the thoughts and opinions with more ease.

Keep your paragraphs shorter. Remember that this is easier on the eyes of readers more than anything else.

Writing Feedback / Letter to a friend asking for help with translation of documents [3]

@coke
Hi there. Thanks for consistently being a member of the forum. I hope you're doing well. I'll try my best to assist you in your writing endeavors.

Firstly, I find that the first sentence appears to be quite lacking in terms of appeal. I agree with the previous comment that you need to add more of a casual flair to ensure that it's a lot less formal, considering that that should be the nature of this text.

Furthermore, work on the structure of your content. This pertains to usage of punctuation to enhances the pauses and academic appropriateness of the writing. Take a look at the first sentence of the second paragraph. You should have divided your two clauses with a punctuation as to indicate a meshing together of two portions.

Scholarship / Personal Statement (KGSP Undergraduate application) - Motivations, background, experiences... [4]

@alyssa2036
Hi there. It's good to see you around here! I hope you find this feedback beneficial for your writing endeavors. We're always looking forward to having new people around here.

Firstly, it would be better if you had incorporated a more technical opening for your essay. While your writing is decent, it is noticeable how you were unable to provide a firm foundation from the very beginning. I heavily recommend building on the work present in order to substantiate with a more appropriate academic tone.

While the second paragraph adds a lot of personal sentiments to the writing that can seemingly help your admission, these details can also be treated with a heavy hand. I would recommend to be cautious with details that you're sharing with the people as to evade being misunderstood.

Try to make your sentiments and proclamations a lot more bolder and concise. Shortening your words will help you relate more to the person reading and evaluating, especially considering the lack of language transmission present.

Undergraduate / common app essay for college about an epiphany - OPEN TO ALL CRITIQUES [3]

@hcpsleeil
Hi. Welcome to the forum. I hope you find all of this feedback to be helpful for your writing endeavors. If you do, please don't hesitate to approach us for more.

In general, there's nothing inherently wrong with all of the content that you've produced. You merely have to be more cautious and head on with all of the small inconsistencies that can occur in your text. Say, for instance, the usage of consistent tenses is critical when writing. You have to ensure not to place any lost marks here.

Moreveoer, while you have quite a creative flair when you write, you should attempt to minimize overpowering the story with these crafty words. When overdone, it can be exhausting for readers to have to be extend their writing this much.

Scholarship / Applied for a scholarship at South Korea with the GKS program to study culinary arts. Further plans. [2]

@pato_rivasN
Hi, Javier! I hope you're doing well. I hope this feedback helps you write more efficiently to help you in your scholarship endeavors. If it does, I hope it can continuously assist you by being an active member of the forum.

Firstly, I would like to emphasize that structure is critical when you are writing. You cannot simply speak without having pauses and appropriate punctuation. Bear in mind that this can affect the entirety of the audience's perspective. Take a look at your background information. You had a messy cluster of details in there, making it difficult for readers to point out significant portions.

Aside from this, the organization of your written assemblage is quite helpful for readers. I highly commend this. I would only add more specified details to help readers comprehend what the text is about.

Scholarship / The Master of Science in EMJMD IMAGE PROCESSING AND COMPUTER VISION application [3]

@PRABU
Hi. Welcome to the forum. It's always good to see new people come by here. I hope you find this feedback to be helpful.

I find that the first paragraph is quite decent already as it is. Because of this, I would not recommend making any further revision that couple trample the delivery of the context. Rather, I do recommend that you attempt to relay the last sentence in a clearer manner. Try to provide a separate sentence for your reiteration of your current career pattern in order to help readers better fathom the text provided.

Furthermore, I also recommend being more cautious of following fundamental writing rules as you proceed. Throughout your writing, you had minute mistakes concerning grammatical composition. Just be more cautious as you proceed.

Writing Feedback / Essay about climate change and bringing awareness. (Rough Draft) [3]

@landon7192
Hi. Welcome, dear! All of this feedback is geared towards helping you in your writing endeavors. I hope this becomes useful for you. If you find this to be helpful, please do not hesitate to come back.

First and foremost, the direction of the essay is unclear in the introductory paragraphs. It is critical that you have mentioned a crystal clear vision of what is to be expected in this writing from the beginning. I would recommend moving the last sentences of the first paragraph into the initial parts instead.

Overall, nonetheless, your writing is put together. I commend the detailed description of the situation, making it easier for readers to understand what the text is about. I would only suggest to further trim down your essay's excessive sentences (ie. third paragraph's last sentence) to curate a more meaningful approach to writing.

Undergraduate / Congressional Nomination Essay - beyond graduation from the Naval Academy [3]

@colt2002
Hi. It's good to see you here. As always, I truly hope this feedback becomes useful for you. If it is, I hope that this would become a way for you to learn more as an individual.

I would firstly mention that the first paragraph appears to be quite messy. This is mostly due to the construed structure that doesn't seem to have an explicit direction or intent. I recommend trying to be more specific in order to not appear to be rambling with vague pieces of text.

While the second paragraph was great in terms of packing content, I found it quite heavy on the eyes due to the lack of pauses and appropriate punctuation that would have made your text truly wonderful.

Scholarship / Leadership and influencing skills are distinct characteristics ... - Chevening Scholarship [3]

@mko
Hi there, dear! Welcome to the forum. As always, we're always glad to have more people here. I hope this feedback suits your needs.

Firstly, while the first paragraph was cutting through the minimum requirements that you need, I do find that you need to work on packaging your writing in a way that would add more flair to it. For instance, instead of mentioning merely how much leadership has been important to you, talk more about how critical your role is in writing. If you do this, you'll be able to foster a better written approach.

Furthermore, there's so much unnecessary weight on the second paragraph. I recommend trimming it down in terms of length to ensure that it would be easier for readers.

Writing Feedback / Work commuting transportation - Ielts writing task 1 pie charts [3]

@jocelyne001
Welcome back here! I hope you're back to gather more learning ventures from this forum. Please do inform us about how beneficial this has been for you. I'll do my best now to provide you with a helpful feedback on your writing.

While the first paragraph is alright, I suggest revising it to focus more on the entire structure of the text. It appears to be messy now because it's only huge block of text acting as an overall thesis statement. I recommend dividing it into portions and prioritizing what needs to be given attention to.

The method you transitioned into the second paragraph is also quite odd because of the chunk of transition words. I recommend diversifying your writing portfolio in these sections.