Undergraduate / I was an international volunteer @ Jamaican Spring Break;Common App, Extracurricular [10]

It sounds good, but I wish if you had elaborated more on the work you did there. You have written this with more focus on Bella's relationship with you, but little did you say about the overall experience. Bella's story is good to add more emotional appealing to this, but at the same time you need to show what you learned through this experience, how it influenced you and shaped your character.

Writing Feedback / Students should be required to take regular standardized tests - TOEFL [3]


I believe that standardized tests are a valuable option for an educational system as long as it could judge students learning ability in a fair manner.


.... what issue? You need to specify that


Further, standardized tests demand students to prepare themselves for the exams. This indirectly engage students to refresh their already acquired knowledge and also to apply the knowledge in practical problem solving scenarios.

Writing Feedback / IELTS:The best way to improve the quality of education is to increase salary [3]


both efficiency and commitment :)


I believe that there are many other ways than pay hikes that can have more effect on improving their performance.


.... good sentence : )
Another great essay! You can aim for a real good band : )

Writing Feedback / 'organise yourself' Should teenagers work while they are students? (TOEFL) [8]

Good introduction. Very direct and factual. : )


...and do not have a clear vision about their future ... there's nothing wrong with the way you have presented this idea. I just introduced you a good "key word" . Yes, "vision" is a very good key word that adds a good punch to this idea. :D


Another key word' "Manage"
Having a job means one needs to manage time well to achieve a good balance between working and studying.

Writing Feedback / University should teach us to psychologically prepare for the cruel competitions [3]


... for some, may be from all over the world :D


Most importantly, it is the place that equips ourselves with the necessary skills and knowledge that prepare us to take up challenges in our future careers.


First, the university should help its students to achieve the right mindset and attitude to face challenges such as sever competition in their future work places.

Writing Feedback / ( IELTS essay) scientific researches in public sector..? [6]


.... In the previous sentence you have used the plural form and therefore you need to maintain the same form. My suggestion;
Both public and private sectors are engaged in research work.


The money spent by private companies



.... experiment and research have a vast difference in their respective meanings. "experiment" has a too narrow meaning when compared to "research". I'd suggest you to go by the same word "research".

Writing Feedback / Cleaning is the most important job in my city [8]


.... the right word is "cleanliness" and not "cleenness"
First of all, cleanliness matters a lot for peoples' health. .... Very good start :)


...there are more chances for us to be infected by germs in the polluted air that may cause serious illnesses.


That's why I prefer a cleaning job than others.
I think this is pretty good for a speaking task. : )

Writing Feedback / IELTS ; Are Children given too much freedom? Children need a balance [6]


They also believe that children are give excessive freedom and therefore children should spend more time in school activities.


Children can certainly benefit from academic activities. However, they also learn important life skills and lessons by having themselves engaged in extracurricular activities such as sports, drama, associations and clubs etc.

Writing Feedback / Working from home or offcices? _ Ielts [12]


computer is now available/ computers are now available


do their work from home .... this is about performing their office functions from home without commuting to office. So it should be "from"and not "at"


First all, people do not have to follow rigid time schedules when they work from home.


Further, people who live in far away places find commuting to work place is quite a strain. This is the same case with the days that have bad weather conditions.

Good examples :)

Writing Feedback / First letter to my pen pal; IELTS TASK 1 [6]


I hope this finds you ... I hope these find you


... it's a specific event that two of you met. So you need to refer to that... that's why "the" instead of "an"


I thought of writing to you in hope of taking our acquaintance further to a sound friendship by knowing each other better.



.... when you say you work for seven years that means you are well experienced. : )


Excellent!
I've given you my suggestions... It does not mean that you write bad. You do well and and handle this task easily. Good Luck with your exam!

Writing Feedback / Should children spend their free time on school work? IELTS [9]


.... try to present the core idea without lengthening the sentence. It helps improve the clarity. Here your idea is to say that some believe children should spend their leisure time doing school work. Say it direct;

There are people who perceive that children should engage in activities that are related to school work during their leisure time.
You should have a strong and clear sentence for the opening line. You can take lots of help from the prompt, though you should not repeat it one to one. But there's no harm in taking its sense.


This is good, but reader tend to find out what these different ways are. So you need to tell the reader about them.


....it should be "personality building"
You need to give a specific example for this reason. Talk about some program that helps them learn such life skills. Remember, it's important to give specific examples.

You write well :) Have confidence and do it. Remember your structure well and stick to that!
Good Luck!

Letters / Immunology,Molecular Biology & Biochemistry; Motivation letter-Erasmus bioanalytics [7]


Hi Turbina,
Well, I tried to comment on your threads but found they are closed ; so, I have no option to give my comments in closed threads. Can you give me the links of threads you need comments. I'll talk to EF_Team and try to help you with.

Bebee - Sorry ... I'm using your thread to help Turbina ; )

Undergraduate / Football/Asian/High School experience; Georgia Tech- Roommate letter [4]


Well... this gives insights about your personality, but it has no reference to your roommate. I mean you don't seem to be talking to him, but talking about your past experiences only. Since this is a letter to the one with whom you are going to share your life for the next three or four years, I wish if you add some lines to build a relationship with him.

Writing Feedback / The trend that damages our quality of life: Multinational Companies [8]


That's fine. My intention was to make you understand the difference between "abandon" and "abundant"
Examples;
He abandoned his wife and children and moved to another country.
He is an athlete with talents in abundance.


Don't worry, as you go on practicing you would naturally get the flow. Read good essays under similar topics that would help you collect key words and certain sentence structures.

Writing Feedback / Essay on how our lives have improved due to better cooking methods available [3]


These days there are many kitchen appliances that have increased speed and efficiency for cooking.


.... when you say just scratch without detailing, you ideas does not come clearly :)
... traditional options of cooking meals that consume lots of time and effort


.... This line should go to your introduction.

Writing Feedback / Always telling the truth is the most important consideration?Yes honesty is important [4]

Very good introduction... you show good writing skills :)



As known to all " OR As it's known to all ... However, I wish you used a different phrase; One cannot deny that honesty comes first in various relationships, such as marrige and friendship.


I don't think you have any problem. You are really good with your writing skills. :)


.... very impressive

Do more practice with time and post your essays here. You can aim for a very good score :)

Writing Feedback / TV is most effective; parents should choose which programme is suitable for kids [3]


This is not a complete sentence. You need to specify what this concern is, otherwise this sentence becomes useless :(


... well.... "upsides and backsides" is not a proper usage. You can say "positives and negatives" or "pros and cons" or "advantages and disadvantages" or "pluses and minors" or "merits and demerits"


recording tunnel?
Books are the only source that provides us with information about history because this had been the media used for recording historical events that were passed down form generation to generation. ... however, I don't agree with this because now every detail of history is available with electronic medias and with a click @ google you get loads of info.

Writing Feedback / The trend that damages our quality of life: Multinational Companies [8]


abandon means you leave something completely or desert/ give up.... here the word should be ''abundant" meaning plentiful.
My suggestion;
They offer very sophisticated and efficient products and solutions that leave people with so many options.


.... economic develpment


However, the multinationals have some negative influences on economies and therefore I agree with this statement to a certain degree.

Writing Feedback / What are some causes of stress among young people and How could this be ameliorated? [7]


.... I guess what you mean by physical lives is about physical activities.
...people do not need to worry too much about their physical activities.


how to be satisfied and dealt with ... OR .. how to be satisfied and how to deal with ...
However, I feel this sentence sounds weak as an idea :(

Your introduction has a few issues. It does not properly introduce the topic and tends to talk of irrelevant things. Also the sentences there are loosely connected. : (

Writing Feedback / Brain Drain; More and more qualified professionals move from poor to rich countries! [5]


Hey.... glad to help you. But you have to give me the links :)

Writing Feedback / Brain Drain; More and more qualified professionals move from poor to rich countries! [5]

Great start. However, this line breaks its flow :(


abroad nations? .... it should be foreign nations.
You should have said this in a more simple and interesting tone;
However, some people perceive this as an unhealthy trend that rich countries tend to exploit this situation for their benifit. However, others argue that skilled professionals who have made so many sacrifices in earning their credentials, do have a right to get good career breaks outside their country.

You can write really well and don't have any worries for this task :)
Only thing, don't forget to give specific examples!
Hope EF has helped you improve and also we wish that you'd continue to visit EF and help others who need your experienced advice :)

Wish you good luck with your exam!

Letters / Engineering Materials Science; Letter of Motivation/ Masters Degree [3]


I wish to express my interest in applying for the masters program offered by your esteemed institution in "Engineering ..." , scheduled to begin in August 2013.


Thank you for considering my application and I look forward to hearing a positive response from you.

Writing Feedback / IELST task 1: Graph shows the percentage of four different types of fuels in use [3]


.... charts generally present trends, so "trend" is generally a keyword that goes with charts ;
The chart presents the trends of using of wood, coal, oil and gas during the period of year 1800 to 2000.


In 1800, wood had been the only fuel that was used by everybody.


However, using wood as a fuel shows a sharp decline from the year 1800 to 1950 mainly as a result of invention of coal.

Writing Feedback / ( IELTS )Why student find it hard to study at university: Reasons and Solutions [9]


Good opening! .... "dropouts have become common" .... sounds better this way!


.... diminish is not the appropriate word here. Try "eliminate"!
I guess you can improve the presentation of this sentence;
There are several reasons for this trend which I intend to discuss in this essay in hope of suggesting appropriate measures to arrest this negative trend.

Writing Feedback / PORT DICKSON; School holiday exprience [5]


.... I think you should talk more about the experience rather than talking every little detail of the day;
We found a shady place where we could relax and enjoy.


The water was cool and refreshing and I loved splashing it on my little brother.


However, the sun was pretty scorching that made us feel uncomfortable.

Writing Feedback / In many countries children engaged in some kind of paid work.(IELTS) [4]


Today the trend of youngchildrenbeing employed shows an alarming growth.


This situation can be observed in both developing and developed countries.


...very good point
In developing countries, many children engage with paid work to earn their living that help them contribute to ease off their families' financial constraints.

Undergraduate / Jesus's words & actions/ My strengths & weaknesses/ Canisius College - Type of LEADER [3]


....'' trustworthiness '' , "team spirit"
You have touched mostly the common humane traits of a good person. There is no doubt that a good leader should have most of these. However, there are many other leadership qualities that one need in leading a team; He should be visionary; should be a good negotiator; effective communicator; catalyst; etc. etc.

Here I feel you have not spoken much about what type of leader you wish to be in your way to achieve your goal. Have the focus on you!

Undergraduate / My best friend Charles; CommonAPP - Person with significant influence [4]


.... "swum"is the past participle of the word "swim" while"swam" is the past tense. My suggestion;
If you've ever lost your swim ring by accident while swimming in the middle of the ocean, then you would understand my feelings of that moment.


Charles was the most outstanding student in our class.

Writing Feedback / be a good model; Parents should teach children how to be good members of society [2]


I feel this sounds a bit controversial as even in previous eras, education had always been directed to create useful citizens. So, I suggest you to start with a more conceivable and relevant opening statement;

Education plays a major role in shaping children to become good members in society.

Writing Feedback / IELTS-There can be many negative effects caused by people resisting to new changes! [5]


This is not a strong sentence.This gives an impression that this has begun in recent times. In my opinion, this is a general phenomenon of all times. So I suggest you to keep this idea in a more general form;

It is a known fact that people generally tend to resist change.


... this is and had been an issue of all times. So let's say differently;
In today's dynamic world where change is inevitable, this is an issue of concern.

Writing Feedback / 'Uniting together' -In many cities, crime is increasing why do u think that happening [6]


In recent years the crime rate has taken a steep increase world over, especially in the major cities.


This is not a strong sentence. It sounds a repetition of your previous sentence. At this point you need to say something that helps you achieve an alignment to your topic;

There are various reasons for this trend. Poverty, severe stress and competition are a few main reasons for this issue.

Graduate / 'process control engineering' - Graduate application: letter of intent [4]


It aroused my interest and influenced me to undertake developing a biodiesel transesterification process in a Continuous Stirred Tank Reactor as a part of my undergraduate project.


This demanded me to acquire an advanced knowledge in mathematical modeling and its applications in order to become an effective control engineer.

Writing Feedback / Machine translation is slower and less accurate than human translation - IELTS [10]


..."Some" refers to a collection of people and hence it is plural;
Some argue that machine translation would have no chance to take over human translations in terms of accuracy and efficiency while others believe otherwise.


The right form is - as far as I am concerned

You have good ideas but you need to organize your sentences better that help you arrange the flow of ideas in a more appealing manner. :)

Letters / Immunology,Molecular Biology & Biochemistry; Motivation letter-Erasmus bioanalytics [7]


I wish to apply for participation in Erasmus program(May-July 2013) in Rome.


I'm a post-graduate student of Masters program in Healthcare Bioanalytics at the Charles University in Prague, Faculty....


... What do you mean by grammar school? I haven't heard of a grammar school before :(

Writing Feedback / Vacation can be boring, more complicated and less sophisticated without friends [3]


especially after a long spell of hard work


... It's nicer if you said this in direct speech;
Good food, exciting location and great friends are the three main factors that make one's vacation very enjoyable.


.... This sentence is not written properly. It has a few issues with vocabulary;
Although some people consider that food and the place are more important for them to enjoy the vacation, I personally feel that my vacation is spent best if I am in the company of my good friends.

Writing Feedback / Formal education start at early ages? Let children play and enjoy childhood (IELTS) [4]


... Are they? :P


These two lines are loosely connected. I think you should take off the second one coz it doesn't really contribute to the flow. Instead it distracts the flow. Strictly stick to your topic :)


However, I believe that it is healthier to let small children play and enjoy their childhood because it allows them to learn very important lessons and life skills in a natural process that has a major bearing on their adult life.

Undergraduate / competition / no compassionate and considerate ; LMU / Fr. Arrupe? [6]


... I guess "social standing"is not subject to competition. Competition is there for jobs and accessing resources. But social standing has nothing to do with competition.

Today's generation faces a severe competition when finding jobs and accessing limited resources.


People today find it hard to be compassionate or considerate about others if there are no social or material incentives.

Undergraduate / "celebrated, not tolerated"; Common App/Personal Statement(transfer) [5]


I struggle to find the meaning of this sentence.
Also I find you consume too many sentences telling your family background which is full of engineers. It's ok to mention that you come from a family which has an engineering background, but you should not dedicate almost one full para for that. It does not add much value for your answer.

Writing Feedback / IELTS ESSAY, International law will not reduce crime rate in different countries [5]


"crime rate" is the better usage. :)


... this has some grammar issues;
International laws play a significant role in controlling illegal international activities such as drug traffiking, human smuggling etc.


This is what you mean by human smuggling :)

Undergraduate / Eugene Lang : A time when I was in the minority. [3]

Good editing by Turbina : )


This is not very clear. Are they three types of communities?


As their laugh burst out loudly, my tears began to roll over my cheeks.


Yet no one saw me crying because I did not wish them see me as coward.


After some months, I grabbed the first place at the year end examination.