Scholarship / The development of creative and cultural industries in Viet Nam - Chevening - Career Plan Essay [2]

@pionpt
Hello there. Thanks for being in the forum! We'll be more than happy to assist you if you have more questions. For now, I'll give you feedback on this essay.

Firstly, the first paragraph of the essay is quite put-together. I appreciate how you were able to explain things without pushing too hard, a trait that will be appreciated by your readers in the long-run. When you're dealing with evaluators, it is always important to show that you have expertise in whatever topic you're reaching out on.

The second paragraph, however, needs to be trimmed down a little bit. I would recommend that you try to utilize more effective writing techniques such as focusing more on the value of the writing rather than on the composition per say.

Try your best to not introduce new data on the conclusion. Rather, this portion should only be dedicated to giving a comprehensive summation and a brief analysis of what your application entails. Best of luck!

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 Correction about sharing information in the public [4]

@satan123
Welcome to the forum. Hopefully, this essay will help you in your IELTS exam!

Generally, I think that your writing is put-together and excellent. The composition appears to be truly easy to comprehend. What I do recommend, though, is being more specific with your content, especially if you're working with the thesis statement. For instance, I noticed that you lacked this portion on the first paragraph. You should have at least given an indicator here to clarify what the outline of your writing will be.

Furthermore, omit the usage of unnecessary words that just add bulk without substance.Your second paragraph is a good indicator of what this means.

The conclusion also lacks a bit more push. I would rather that you talk more in-depth about the details rather than having everything out in the open.

Scholarship / A Leader Without Title - Leadership Essay for Chevening [2]

@ndhnif
Hi. Thanks for being a part of the site! We're more than happy to help you in case you want our feedback. I hope this helps you in your Chevening application!

Firstly, be cautious of your usage of tenses throughout the writing. I have noticed how certain parts still need to be changed for the better. The first paragraph, for example, lacks a bit of academic standardization. I heavily recommend that you look into the more specific details of your writing to avoid these types of issues.

Furthermore, when you're trying to explain your experiences, I suggest sticking with values rather than having to explain everything. A brief two-sentence can be sufficient in explaining why this experience is beneficial for your application. Focus more on what the experience means to you, rather than what happened.

Letters / The excelled student. Letter of Recommendation from my Principal for Scholarship application [2]

@HaiderAli
Hi there! Welcome to the forum. Hopefully, this feedback will give you an idea on how to revise this essay.

Firstly, be cautious of the small grammatical and technical lapses in your writing. While it was great how you had incorporated quite a lot of details into your writing from the very beginning, you could have still tried to patch everything together with a more profession and academic flow. I would heavily recommend giving general appraisals and an outline of the essay's flow on the first paragraph. Move all of the details into the body itself (second paragraph onward). This will give more structure to your writing.

Furthermore, the last paragraph appears to be confusing. When you mention that the individual is a "bored person," it doesn't really bring out any appeal for your writing. Try to be more distinguished and creative when giving descriptions. I am fairly certain there are better ways to package the attitude and drive other than this one.

Undergraduate / Things that caught my interests in Purdue - in one hundred words or less [4]

@omostic21
Hello! Welcome to the forum. I'm going to give you feedback on this writing. Please don't hesitate to continuously reach out to us for more details!

Firstly, while I appreciate the first paragraph, you definitely could have gotten away with producing more persuasive content. Remember that it is part of your goals to increase the overall appeal of your written work. If we take a look at, for instance, the first paragraph, you could have opted for a more creative introduction rather than jumping into the idea of academic diversity. While what you have now is alright, there's still a lot more that you can put into the writing.

Furthermore, the ending of the essay appears to still lack that sense of conclusiveness. Try to tie everything altogether in a more encompassing manner instead of just mentioning how these degrees are fulfilling. Try to, for example, give a prospective analysis on what you can contribute to the entire thing. This will be much better in the long-run.

Undergraduate / Stanford students have a sense of intellectual vitality. Intellectually engaging idea or experience. [3]

@JKANG
Welcome to the forum. We're always glad to have new people interacting in the site!

First and foremost, I think that the introductory part of the essay can still be improved. If you focus more on the values you have in relation to the program instead of the general experiences, I think you'll be able to produce a more productive working space.

Furthermore, the latter parts of the essay need to be restructured to appear more professional. I have noticed that certain parts midway have already appeared to be a little off-putting because of the casualness of the writing. I heavily recommend that you stick with a formal writing approach to elevate the appeal of the essay.

Undergraduate / When my dog died - Most Significant challenge I faced - MIT Prompt [2]

@prmchpra7
Hello there! Good luck on your MIT application. I'm going to provide you with feedback on your writing. Hopefully, this sheds a bit of light on you on what to anticipate regarding the application!

Firstly, while I appreciate that you jumped into the context of writing immediately, it would have been better if you had incorporated a more substantive approach. For instance, the first paragraph immediately did not start with a thesis sentence. The thesis statement is extremely important, especially if you ought that this content be treated professionally by evaluators.

Furthermore, there seems to be a lack of division in between your paragraphs. Having just one block of text will not give you much benefits, especially because it may even confuse your readers even more so. Try to compartmentalize and keep everything as organized as possible!

Scholarship / Photography and African culture - Chevening Networking Essay review [4]

@Tobechukwu
Hello! Welcome to the forum. I wish you luck in your Chevening application. Hopefully, this essay will somehow help you in writing.

Firstly, from the get-go, that first paragraph appears to be rather cluttered. Opt to compartmentalize your writing better. For example, talk about the purpose of the essay's composition and a brief background first. Afterwards, you may dedicate a completely separate paragraph to tackle your experiences in the field. Try to also prioritize what information you're putting out there, considering that you need to be able to convince the readers that you are worth being read.

Furthermore, I think you should focus more on the prospective of your career, rather than on what you have already gone through. Chevening is extremely competitive. One of the ways to give you leverage is if you are able to tackle what makes you a more worth it candidate for the long-run.

Undergraduate / My passion for aviation. Congressional Nominational Essay for Air force Academy [2]

@Bpriley1414
Welcome to the forum. I hope this feedback becomes beneficial for you! Please don't hesitate to approach us for a more detailed look into your writing.

Firstly, I think that the initial parts of your essay are just okay. What I do recommend is improving the overall appeal of the essay by using more impactful words. If you can, for example, rephrase the first paragraph to have a more distinguishable look to it. When you're opening up your essay, the first sentence should immediately draw the readers in. Try opting for a more persuading introduction other than saying merely that this was only an option until recently. The more serious your appeal is, the better.

Furthermore, be cautious of run-on sentences that do not have proper punctuation and structure. Always be mindful of what you're typing - and you'll go a long way.

Undergraduate / "My world and my Dreams" MIT prompt [3]

@prmchpra7
Hello. I'm here to give feedback on this essay! I would be glad to help you with the MIT content.

Are there any word count limitations to this essay? If there's none, I heavily recommend sticking with the introduction - body - conclusion pattern of writing. What you are essentially doing with this one is chunking everything into one cluster. This certainly cannot help you in the long-run because there's no distinction right now.

Furthermore, try to compartmentalize your writing and ensure that you're abiding by the regular rules of writing. Focus on having the core rules (ie. avoiding run-on sentences, using proper punctuation, and dividing your sentence sin a more paced out manner). Doing this will help boost your application by a million times.

Scholarship / Man Behind The Scene - Leadership Essay for Chevening [3]

@izecsony5
Welcome to the forum. I hope this feedback serves you well.

I think that, firstly, you can do better with the introductory paragraph. While it was great that you attempted to utilize a variety of techniques in writing, having a more concise writing pattern (especially for the first thesis statement) is imperative. In that regard, you would be better off if you tried to invest more time in making more strategic sentences.

Structurally speaking, you need to work on the length of your sentences as well as the lack of usage of punctuation marks. Generally, if you feel as though a pause is necessary, then a comma is necessary. When you're working with regular sentences, you should be even more cautious of this rule.

Content-wise, try to make your narrations a bit shorter. Having such lengthy story-telling content can backlash. In a sense, instead of you mentioning all of the tiny details, try to focus on the larger picture, the goals and values you wish to promote, and engage more diplomatically with the content.

Good luck with your Chevening application!

Scholarship / Leadership and influence (Chevening award) - disability equality promoter [3]

@Susan_jscl
Welcome here. I hope that the feedback you receive will be helpful for your learning endeavors. Please don't hesitate to give us a message if you have more concerns!

Technicalities, you should first mention the full definition of the acronym before mentioning what the acronym is in parenthesis. You had done the other way around.

Moreover, the latter parts of your writing also need a bit more push in terms of being concise. I have noticed that certain areas are messy mostly because of the lack of clear-cut definitions in between your writing. Remember that utilizing as much pauses through punctuation marks can go a long way for your writing!

In the latter parts of your essay, I have also noticed how the writing appears to be a little bit off-putting already. When you're trying to give details about a specific event, try your best to minimize the usage of language that appears to be vague. Be more specific with what truly transpired.

Writing Feedback / How to reword my essay on the delayed retirement so that it can be more fluent? [2]

@Romani
Hello there. Welcome here. Hopefully, this feedback will help you then with your competition!

I appreciate the introductory paragraph of your essay, taking into account that it was quite a condensed and yet impactful piece of work. I think the main issue that I have is focused mainly on your writing is the fact that you need to work more on the manner that you wrap your paragraphs by the end. Notice how the last sentence of the first paragraph still appears to be rather confusing. It's almost as if the paragraph wasn't supposed to end there yet, but was forced into doing so.

Furthermore, work on the punctuation of your writing. I find that, in certain parts, you were still unable to utilize the proper markings, making it even a little bit harder to see the professionalism of the text.

Scholarship / Foreign languages and literature - PERSONAL STATEMENT FOR KOREAN SCHOLARSHIP (GRADUATE) [3]

@Mariaa1234567891
Hello! I'll give you feedback on this essay. Hopefully, it will somehow help you as you are applying.

Firstly, the first paragraph needs to be trimmed down a little bit more. The excessive language can be off-putting, especially if you're working with such huge clusters of words. I truly suggest trying to stick with the bare minimum when writing these types of essays. For one, you do not really need all the fancier words, taking into consideration that the goal of the essay is to give your personal take on why you deserve to be part of the program.

Furthermore, the second paragraph can also be bettered through minimizing the rhetorical parts of the text. Please bear in mind that you are writing this for the purpose of showcasing your innate skills. Rather than mentioning how certain values reflect to you, I suggest focusing more on the details themselves of your experiences.

The concluding paragraph should be inclusive of the entirety of the essay. Avoid trying to insert new information in that last bit. As the goal in this part is to cap everything you've written, you will be better off with just compartmentalizing everything and giving an in-depth perspective on the topic.

Writing Feedback / Money from parents to encourage their children to become more passionate about study [3]

@aysoo
Hello. Welcome to the forum. I'm here to give you feedback on your writing. Hopefully, you will be able to learn at least something from this.

Firstly, the first paragraph (although is quite alright) needs a bit hammering down. The structural composition of the third to last sentence here appears to be rather baffling. What I would suggest is trying to cut your content into smaller and easier to digest chunks. This will certainly go a long way when you're trying to write with precision.

Furthermore, the next paragraphs also suffer from the same mistakes. What I would heavily recommend that you do is focus on how you can integrate these thoughts and opinions into a more understandable cluster. If we take a look at your second paragraph's last sentences, the conclusiveness of the content appears to be rather lost instead of easy to comprehend.

Undergraduate / Beyond "Good" and "Bad" - Common App Essay, Prompt 3 (questioning/challenging a belief) [3]

@espeon12
Hi. Welcome to the forum. Let me provide you with feedback on your writing to hopefully help you in your writing endeavors.

Firstly, while I think that the composition is quite innovative in terms of the manner of writing, I also think that you still have a lot of room for improvement. For instance, the first sentences of the first paragraph could have been compartmentalized better. Doing this will surely improve the overall structure of the writing because, then, you wouldn't need to add as much unnecessary detailing.

Furthermore, the second paragraph can also be improved with the same mindset in mind. The descriptions were vivid, however it was already quite excessive, especially because you still needed to take in the theoretical angle of the writing. Focus more on your interpretation of what happened instead of a generalized understanding of the whole idea.

Writing Feedback / Information about water use worldwide and water consumption in Brazil / Congo - twentieth century [3]

@nightowlirene
Hello. Welcome here. Hopefully, this feedback will help you in your writing endeavors. If it does, do not hesitate to come again to the forum. We're always glad to have new people coming around!

I would like to mention first that including the graph or chart will truly be more helpful for people who are reviewing your essay. Next time, try not to miss that part out.

Firstly, I think that the first two paragraphs could have been merged to create a more conclusive introductory paragraph. Doing this will certainly boost the way that your essay appears, considering it will make you look packed with the necessary knowledge and skills.

Furthermore, the transitions that you had in the first half of your third paragraph also can be improved. Try utilizing more solid transition words to evade having to merge your thoughts into one small cluster (remember that doing this runs you at risk of having run-on sentences).

Undergraduate / The Importance of Education - What is important to you and why? - UBC Personal Profile [3]

@ng864
Hi. Thanks for being in the forum once more. Please don't hesitate to come back if you have more questions and inquiries with regards your writing. We'll be more than happy to assist you!

Firstly, from the very beginning, it was quite clear how informal the writing is. Whenever you are writing academically, try to always compose your sentences with as much standardization as possible. For instance, the first paragraph can be revised to better suit what is being asked of you.

You can try to phrase it like this:
Education is a critical part in life. It allows us to learn essential knowledge that we will be able to carry over. These valuable skills should, therefore, be transferred to other people. Hence, educating others is a passion I patronize.

Notice how much more concise it is when you attempt to construct the introductory sentences in that regard. Keep this in mind at all costs when you are writing. Good luck.

Writing Feedback / Dwellers of residences - percentage of households in owned and rented accommodation [3]

@chloeyyy123
Hello. Thanks for being consistent in the forum. I'm here to give you a comprehensive feedback on this essay. Hopefully, this will help you in your writing endeavors!

Firstly, I agree that, in terms of the analytical angle of your writing, you were quite put-together. This surely made it easier to comprehend the entirety of your text.

Generally, I think that you can improve the writing by focusing more on the manner in which you transition between your sentences. For instance, taking a look at the third paragraph, it was quite noticeable how you did not use any transition words. While it's alright not to care about these things, having them in place surely gives you the benefit of appearing to be a lot more put-together in writing.

Undergraduate / Woman for Humanity - the person you dream of becoming and how do you believe Syracuse University [2]

@obluebeanso
Hello. Thanks for coming to the forum. I'm going to give feedback on this essay of yours. Hopefully, this will help you in your writing endeavors.

Generally, I think that there's nothing significantly wrong with your writing. You had all of the basics covered. Moreover, you had used quite a clear tone in your writing, making it easier to comprehend what the core topic is. What I do suggest, however, to improve your writing would be to utilize more efficient methods of relaying your story. For example, if we take a look at the flow of the essay, the third to the last sentence appears to be quite baffling given the content of your writing. From the beginning, you were trying to make the readers realize that the university would help you - and yet, the small idea of being able to help others aside from a career-oriented perspective appeared to be quite off-putting and far from this. I suggest rephrasing certain parts such as this to make the writing a lot more conducive.

Graduate / NOTHING THREATS THE WORLD MORE THAN NUCLEAR WEAPONS [2]

@Blue Autumn
Hi. Welcome here! We're always glad to have new people coming around. If you have more questions with regards to the forum, we'll be more than happy to assist you!

Firstly, I appreciate the introductory paragraph. It was quite a quirky and innovative manner of introducing the subject itself. The only concern I have with this part of your text is that it still lacks the comprehensiveness. See, it is not enough for you to just mention briefly these details. Instead, what I heavily recommend is trying to put here a brief summation of the thesis statement of your essay. Be clearer with what you really want the readers to see.

Furthermore, if we take a look at the chunk of your body paragraphs, you seem to be lacking concrete evidences throughout. While it was great that you were creatively trying to explain, for example, what happened in Agent Orange, it also can come off as quite treacherous, considering that these events need to have more of a serious appeal to them given the nature of it.

What I do suggest is outlining everything prior to writing. From my observation, the writing appears to be quite cluttered in terms of what direction you're planning to take it in.

Writing Feedback / Applicants' personal data are valuable to the employers to figure out certain requirements and goals [2]

@jagadish
Welcome to the forum. I hope that this feedback serves you well in your writing endeavors! If it does, don't hesitate to approach us for more information and details. We'd be more than happy to help as always!

Firstly, I find that the general flow of the composition is well-done. What I only recommend is trying to make everything a tad bit more comprehensive. For instance, the second and third paragraphs can be merged together to create something more impactful.

Furthermore, on top of that, I also recommend reviewing your conclusive paragraph. While I do not think that anything is wrong with the composition, the last sentence appears to be rather hanging than anything else. Try to rephrase it in a way that it leads to a distinguishable conclusion for your narration.

Writing Feedback / Music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. A or D? [2]

@lehuuhoaloc
Hi! Welcome to the forum. I'm here to give you feedback on your writing. Hopefully, this will somehow help you in your writing endeavors.

Firstly, the introductory parts are quite put-together. I appreciate how you had integrated smoother transition materials, making your essay incredibly sophisticated from the get-go.

My only suggestions would be focused on the body of your paragraphs. Consider your second paragraph. While it was great that you had included a chunk of information as an example, it certainly took away from deepening the analysis in the first parts. Always try your best to link back to your primary thesis statement as it is what you should focus on.

Furthermore, balance out your writing by trying to add more into the conclusion. If you're able to do this, you will be able to integrate more appeal to the text.

Undergraduate / To Work as a Software Engineer - SFU Dual Degree Prompts - Academic or career goals after university [2]

@ng864
Hi. Thanks for your continuous contributions to the forum. I hope that this feedback gives you insight on how to improve your writing!

Firstly, the introductory sentence needs to be hammered down and improved. You can utilize more sophisticated content here by ensuring that you are delivering the message with a lot of flair and confidence. Try to shorten the sentence and talk more about the aspiration with fervor.

Furthermore, what can also improve your writing is if you dedicated enough time to explaining more in detail how this experience abroad will help you in your future endeavors. I find that simply mentioning things with a generalized tone does not specifically tell readers what they should anticipate. Try to be more detailed rather than just saying that it will help you find employment opportunities.

Undergraduate / My interest in Computer Science and Chinese Culture - SFU Dual Degree Program Statement of Interest [2]

@ng864
Thanks for your continuous participation in the platform. I'm here again to give you feedback on this essay to hopefully help you grow further as you are learning!

Firstly, the introductory part is quite interesting. I appreciate how you were able to knit altogether your history and your aspirations. This was a great way to start your writing. What I do suggest is trying to compartmentalize and organize your writing by how important a particular part is.

Take, for example, the paragraph's chunk of content midway. You would have been better off if you had omitted the cultural angle, considering that it's quite far from the central thematic viewpoint of the writing. I heavily suggest focusing more on the professional views rather than on other sub-angles.

Scholarship / Leadership is about helping a team reach a goal- Chevening Scholarship on Leadership [3]

@Lawrencia169
Welcome to the forum. I'm here to give you feedback on your Chevening essay. Hopefully, this will somehow assist you in writing!

Firstly, I appreciate the brief introduction that gives light on your personal endeavors. To improve your first paragraph, I think that you should try to be more specific. Avoid beating around the bush, especially because your introduction is critical in showing that you are able to develop your thoughts and opinions. A solid thesis statement is what you need above anything else.

When talking about your real-life professional experiences, it would be better if you enlightened the readers a little bit more with details. Avoid generalized observations, rather try sticking with concrete details that will help you write more effectively.

Scholarship / Consistency and steady approach; Leadership and influence essay, Chevening Scholarship [3]

@Saeed_2176
Welcome here. I'll be giving feedback on this essay of yours. I hope it somewhat boosts your writing endeavors.

First and foremost, I heavily suggest improving the articulation on the first paragraph. I recommend trying to compartmentalize your thoughts here by ensuring that you are incorporating the main thesis statement of the entire writing. Don't just lovingly give out a creative paragraph without linking it to the purpose of the text.

Furthermore, when you're trying to elaborate your experiences, a better way to do it would be by exploring the technical angles. Mention specifically what you have contributed in your job as this will drastically improve the flow of your writing.

Scholarship / My personal and team goals - Leadership Essay for Chevening [3]

@ranuarga
Welcome back here. I hope that you have been liking the feedback you've received here. I'm going to do my best to assist you in your writing!

There seems to be quite a confusing opening segment for your writing. The first paragraph, for instance, needs to be polished and integrated in a smarter way. It's quite odd to have a piece of event such as this in the very beginning. What you could do, instead, is try to make a small comparative overview. This will help you become creative without losing space for proper context.

Furthermore, while it was great that you integrated your experiences in the latter parts, I find that there's a struggle when it comes to trying to flesh out the core values in these stories. Focus more on what trait you've acquired from these experiences, rather than just story-telling them.

Scholarship / Chevening Scholarship_ Network Building Essay - Program Coordinator [2]

@Konkhmer12345
Hello. I'm going to give you feedback on the essay, no worries!

Firstly, from the get-go, mentioning your distinguishable link to Chevening's values will give you a step forward. Your first paragraph already has potential. Just try to develop the writing into focusing more on how you specifically can contribute to the program. Try to have a more level-headed focus to help you intensify your writing.

Furthermore, while I find that a great chunk of your writing is excellent because of the prevalence of detail, I think that you should focus more on the technicalities of your writing. The paragraph about your experiences as a program coordinator, for instance, could have been better if you focused on your successes - and how you may be able to utilize this moment.

Best of luck.

Undergraduate / Student with passion for technology - UBC Personal Profile - Who are you? [2]

@ng864
Hi. Thanks for your continuous support and feedback into this site. We're hoping that you've learned something valuable out of it. I'm here now to give feedback on this essay of yours.

First and foremost, while I appreciate the first paragraph, you still need to improve and strengthen the realness of your writing. You were talking quite a lot about aspirations, but it would be better if you could focus more on innate values that makes you distinguishable from others.

Furthermore, the latter parts of the essay were already becoming quite repetitive with the adjectives and such. What I would suggest is trying to compartmentalize everything in a better light by using language that is more sophisticated. Try to elaborate per value to avoid being too repetitive with your utterances.

Best of luck.

Scholarship / Personal statement, Applying for a Master's in Linguistics (KGSP-G 2020) [2]

@briscast
Welcome here. I hope that this feedback is helpful for your writing endeavors. If they are, please do not hesitate to approach us for more information. We'd be more than happy to assist you!

Firstly, work on your transitions. While I think that it is generally alright to have lapses in the usage of punctuation, it would be better if you can utilize them more effectively to show that your writing is sufficiently academic.

Content-wise, I think that, while you were able to showcase an intense passion for the field through the first paragraph, this was not properly balanced out with the professional angle. Meaning to say, you still need to flesh out your qualifications as much as possible to show that you deserve the spot in the program.

More than showing your love for Korea as a country, try to lean more on the practicality of it all.

Scholarship / Architect and Student - Leadership and influence. Is Chevening looking for someone like me? [2]

@DFAR
Welcome to the forum. I hope you have looked around and liked what you've read here. I'll give you feedback on this essay!

Firstly, while I appreciate how direct the first paragraph is, it still lacks emphasis. Being that this is your introductory paragraph, it should at least have a detailed outlook on what the content of the essay will be. Furthermore, this part should also include supplementary details on what the latter parts of the essay will disclose to the readers. This will make it easier to follow your writing.

Furthermore, work as well on ensuring that you are using texts that intentionally need to use. For instance, if we take a look at the second paragraph, it would have been better if you merged together the last sentences to create a more conclusively content.

Try to keep all of this in mind. Good luck!

Graduate / Statement of Purpose: MS in Computer Science with the expertise in Machine Learning [2]

@romitjain
Hi. Welcome! I'm going to give you a briefing of what you can do to improve this essay (and your writing in general). I hope that this somehow helps you.

Firstly, while I find that the first paragraph is great because you had a balanced flair between formality and casualness, you need to improve how you knit together your sentences. Avoid overly lengthy ones, especially when you're working with thesis statements. Being straightforward is almost always the right way to go.

Furthermore, the latter parts of the essay also need to be structured in this regard. I have noticed that the second paragraph still needs to be trimmed down to its core attributes. Try to always focus on prioritizing details. Small little stories are not always necessary - or the best - to add in these types of content.

Good luck.

Research Papers / Should children attend preschool? [2]

@ALI2162205
Welcome to the forum! I hope you're doing good. I'm here to give you feedback on your writing.

Firstly, try to create a smoother flow when you're transitioning in between sentence. Consider your first paragraph. Immediately, what is noticeable is the fact that you were unable to link properly the first two sentences. What I would opt that you do is try to find a common ground between the first sentences, and then work your way up from there.

Furthermore, be cautious of the lack of punctuation marks. Oftentimes, not having the appropriate amount of these marks can truly negatively affect the direction of your writing. Consider that it impairs you from having an organic writing structure - one that will impress your readers even more.

Regardless, best of luck in your writing!

Undergraduate / "The Heartbeat" - APPLICATION ESSAY - TELL US WHO YOU ARE [2]

@chikhnguyen16
Welcome to the forum. I'm going to provide you with my feedback on this writing to hopefully help you in your writing endeavors. If you have more questions regarding your essay, just hit us up and tell us. We would be more than happy to assist!

Firstly, with regards the construction of your sentences, I recommend trying to utilize more appropriate and formal punctuation marks. Not doing this would essentially cut-off your writing, taking into consideration that you would be unable to relate well with academic writing. If we take a glance at your first paragraph, for instance, the initial sentence immediately hits hard because of the lack of structure. Punctuation marks will essentially be your best friends as you are writing.

Furthermore, the latter portions of the text also need to be compartmentalized in a better light. If we take a look at your second paragraph, for example, it immediately is relevant how you had been describing and reiterating, however you were doing a chunk of this without any regard for how the essay will be received. Please work on prioritizing which information should actually be incorporated - and which ones you can get away with not having.

Scholarship / School and Community - LEADERSHIP SKILLS FOR SCHOLARSHIP IN TO MASTERS [3]

@RengkatAlex
Hello. Welcome here. I'll be giving you feedback on this writing. If you somehow like the feedback you will be receiving, don't hesitate to keep approaching us for more information.

Firstly, while I appreciate the first paragraph's creative plunge, I do hold reservations because it's a nonconformist to more traditionalist perceptions of writing. On a personal note, I always suggest to readers to stick with a conventional writing format (3-4 sentences) when writing for these levels of academics. This is because this translates to how well-endowed you are in your learning skills.

Furthermore, the latter paragraphs still need to be structured in a better light. I heavily, heavily recommend that you try to give out descriptions that paint a picture, rather than tell what the picture is. This means using more visual imagery over using purely adjectives-based content. This will certainly help you elevate your writing standards in the long-run.

Graduate / A technological world - statement of purpose for masters in computer science [2]

@saikadiyala
Welcome to the forum! I truly hope that the feedback you will receive from me would help you in your writing endeavors. If you have more questions, don't hesitate to post once more.

On the get-go, the structure of the composition appears to be rather imbalanced. Take a look at the first and the third paragraphs.There's a vast gap in between both that can affect the manner that your writing will be received by the readers. What I recommend is that you try to structure your writing's content in a way that will avoid this. One way to do this is to ensure that you are mind mapping and creating an outline priorto writing.

Furthermore, making sure that you transition between paragraphs is surely critical, especially when you're working with these types of content. What I recommend is that, in hindsight, you ensure that your writing will be structured with more ease. Use transition words at all costs, not unless you wish to do a creative essay.

Writing Feedback / Shopping malls are considered to be good places to go with friends and families to enjoy a free time [2]

@fach1910
Hello! Welcome to the forum! Hopefully, you like what you have been reading around here. I'm going to work and provide you with feedback on this writing.

Firstly, the first sentence of the initial paragraph is alright. The problem arose in the second sentences onward. You already had a cluster of a sentence that should have been reduced into its core and separated into two different lines. When you find yourself writing excessively, always take a step back and reassess your writing.

Furthermore, there's a severe imbalance in the bulk of the body of your writing. The second and third paragraphs, specifically, need to be catered and designated a little bit more to ensure that you are not merely writing without intention. Notice how, in the second paragraph, you were able to explain utterly what the central message of the text is, whereas the third paragraph is left hanging. Avoid this imbalance as it can be a distressful thing to witness in writing.

Writing Feedback / Preferable essay: Should learn from books or experience? [3]

@iuerk19
Welcome here. I am here to give you feedback on your writing. Hopefully, this will help you in the long-run!

Firstly, I commend the writing on the first paragraph because of its structure. You had maximized the usage of punctuation to work between different clusters of thought. Great job! What I do recommend for this portion is to minimize the usage of excessive language. One key question to ask yourself when writing with intent is: Is there any way for me to make a more concise version of this text? If the answer is yes, you can deal with this in this manner. If the answer is no, then you're good to go.

The bulk of the body appears to be alright, however you need to work on how you add depth to your writing. Remember that writing should not just be about uttering whatever comes to mind. Intention and prioritization are both to be considered as well.

Writing Feedback / Summarise the information in the graph about the consumption of four kinds of food in Europe [2]

@thanhden96
Hello. Welcome to the forum. I hope this feedback serves you well.

Before mentioning anything, it would be helpful for you to include the graph that you are basing this writing from. After all, the written work should also be evaluated on the basis of its analytical structure. I heavily recommend this for the next activity.

Firstly, the first sentence needs to be hammered down a little bit more. Notice how the writing itself lacks fervor. If we take a look at your actual body paragraph (the last two paragraphs), it's quite prevalent how you had focused so much on filling in the spaces of writing rather than on the context itself. I would recommend that you try to incorporate a more extensive analysis to improve the substantiation.

Furthermore, you should transition in a better way when moving in between different clusters of thought. There should have been more commas, for instance, on the last paragraph to mark this transition. Be cautious of this mistake.