Letters / Master Environment and Energy Management Motivation letter (UNIVERSITY OF TWENTE) [2]

The response to the first few questions of the essay are on point. The paragraphs respond to the questions, but can use some editing to help shorten the response, allowing the reviewers to scan the essay for information and applicability in a manner that will save them time, since they have other essays to review within the work day. The main problem of the essay is the response to why they chose the university.

As a response, it does not really lend itself to the connection between learning goals and career outcomes. The explanations are too simple and do not really illustrate the understanding the applicant has of the course curriculum as it applies to the professional interest of the student, which the university exposure can help him achieve. The main question that should be answered is how will these be met by the university masters course. The response at the moment could use more work as the information is neither here nor there in terms of enhancing the response to the given question.

Letters / Motivation Letter for Admission Postgraduate Certificate in Global Business Management at University [2]

Saying that "I love business" is too amateur. It is almost high schooler in sentiment. I would not use such unprofessional sounding words to describe a motivation. There should also be a singular focus on one of the 2 mentioned career paths. Which one do you really want to pursue? Why? Would you say that is the strongest motivating factor for your interest in completing this course?

Show more familiarity with the university and course offerings by explaining how these courses are applicable to your motivating factors. Do not just explain it by creating an excitement for learning. Being a double masters student, you should be able to explain these in relation to professional goals.

The paragraph about the dream of studying abroad should be eliminated from the presentation. These truly make the applicant sound unprofessional. Dreams of studying abroad are not considered valid motivating factors. Neither is gender inequality in your country. Those are part of personal statement discussions.

Writing Feedback / Argumentative - Coaching classes or private tuition should be banned [3]

When opening with a quote, do not forget to add to the impact or drama of your opening statement by referring to the person you have quoted and how his background lends itself to the application of the text in your context. This will help create a more marked and analytical opening for your speech. You can do a lot with the citation if you know how to use the background of the source for impact. Prove the validity of the quote in terms of the topic being discussed. Right now, the quote is relevant but lacking in a strong impression.


What does the quote represent in this case? You cannot just say the school is the basket. What concept does it represent and why should all the possible learning possibilities be placed in schools?

There are portions of the essay that need to be corrected for grammar. Even with the editing needed, the essay still represents an interesting and somewhat strong argument for private institutions.

Scholarship / Why did you choose Master of Data Science (Australia)? Proposed course and institution (AAS Essay) [2]

The first and second paragraphs are not relevant to this discussion. These may be removed and pinned for future use in the proposed study contribution instead. Remember that the reviewers have limited time to read your application responses. When they see that the opening response is irrelevant, they will set aside your essay and move on to the next applicant. They might forget to come back to your application response when that happens. Always focus on delivering a direct response to the question instead. So discuss the universities and the course choices. Do not use more than 2 paragraphs. It is unnecessary to go into a 3rd paragraph if your properly explain the university and course choices. It does not need to be a long essay, it needs to be responsive essay. Further expand on the explanation related to the question instead. The responses provided are promising, but lacking in development.

Scholarship / The Developer Company - How will the proposed study contribute to your career*? [2]

There are 2 ways you can approach this response. The first, is by keeping the first paragraph, but removing the reference to the second paragraph. You are not being asked what sort of research you plan to do as a student so that discussion is actually irrelevant to the presentation. Should you want to retain the long term career plan, then you will have to edit the paragraph to focus only on that discussion, without referring to research as the rest of the current version does.

The other option is for you to open with the current third paragraph, which is the most striking in terms of discussion references. It actually contains a future career plan that clearly indicates why it is important for you to finish the course. The relevant end result of the studies and its application to the professional plan of action shows a well thought out response to the question. You can actually develop the last 2 paragraphs further to leave a more marked impression of your goals on the reviewers.

Scholarship / MOTIVATION LETTER - MSC ECONOMICS; explain your professional qualifications and personal motivations [3]

Never tell the reviewers that you are an ideal candidate for the course based on your previous course studies. Rather, offer those for their consideration. It is a matter of properly framing your academic background. However, I have to caution you about simply listing the related courses that you completed. That is because merely completing the courses will not make you a notable candidate. Now, if you have proven academic excellence through academic merit recognition, then you should definitely be highlighting those achievements as those will prove your ability to excel academically as a masters student. Merely completing the courses indicates only an average and unremarkable accomplishment. If possible, focus on your work exprience to convince the reviewers instead.

Tie your research work exprience directly with the course requirements. Proving you are a notable professional can definitely change the game for you. The research skills you have are what the reviewers will be interested in since that is your motivation for the masters course. Focus on continued research as it will relate to your return to Nigeria and the improvement of the field you participate or plan to participate in.

The main problem that the essay has though, is that you fail to show a true knowledge of the university course and its offerings. You have delivered only a superficial reference that does not show a true familiarity with the course. How can you do this?Go back to my earlier statement about the continued research. The relationship between your continued research and the university's ability to assist you in its completion will be key to your presentation.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed [2]

Keep your personal opinion to yourself. Do not use it as the introduction to the topic in the prompt restatement. The prompt restatement is altered when compared to the original when you do that. The representation no longer carries the correct information output as the you have indicated information not linked to the original idea. It is also important for the TA score, that is based on the clear opinion of the writer, that you respond directly to the questions provided. The direct responses help meet the task accuracy requirement and allows the examiner to judge how well you understood the discussion requirements. They do not give scores for merely repeating the questions in the form of a direct statement. This current statement has adhered to the discussion instructions only once out of the expected response forms.

The discussion format is also incorrect as the writer strayed from the discussion focus which is the disadvantages of being self-employed. As referenced in the relevant paragraph, he had 2 reasons to discuss as the disadvantage. These should have been thoroughly discussed over 2 relevant paragraphs. There was no need to discuss the advantage. That irrelevant presentation needlessly lengthened the presentation. A futile exercise since it will not be scored and the irrelevant paragraph word count will be deducted from the overall word count. Falling under the 250 minimum count will result in percentage deductions.

Scholarship / Applying for scholarship given by Pusan National University as a credit transferred student [3]

Okay. The main question your self introduction should answer is why you would be interested to study English in a non-English speaking country. South Korea, where this university is located, teaches their classes mostly in Hangul, making one wonder how an English major would benefit from studies in a non-English speaking country. The explain the reasoning behind this question as a part of your self introduction.

Since you are a transfer credit applicant, it would be necessary for you to explain why you would want to transfer to a Korean university beyond the current war in your country. In all honesty, all of the Burmese applicants for foreign scholarships sound more like asylum and refugee applicants more than students. You fall under this category at the start of the essay. Do not think that the reviewers have not noticed this trend from the Burmese applicants because they have. South Korea and the university are not offering the scholarship to house escapees from war torn countries.

They are not in the business of housing refugees. They are in the business of education and educating foreign students interested in learning from the Korean educators. They are not looking for people to save from war. Korea is not running a refugee camp nor asylum accepting country so do not apply or introduce your motivation as having been influenced by the war in Mynmar.

Writing Feedback / Tell us about a thing you try to unlearn. [2]

I am not sure that one would want to unlearn obedience. For all the reasons you presented, one thing remains clear about it. Obedience is necessary so that the concept of law and order can exist. Without obedience to law war would continue to range on a large scale at different levels. Do not discuss unlearning obedience in general. Be specific about what sort of obedience you would want to unlearn. You wish to unlearn "cultural obedience".

The reference to "Black" people in this essay is offensive and politically incorrect. The proper descriptive term for the race is "African American". Only they may refer to their race as "Black". It is considered disrespectful for other races or skin color to call them "Black".

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing T2: In some countries, schools are open till late so that children can be looked after [2]

The prompt restatement is a problem because it contains too much of the original keywords, phrases, and references to be judged as revised or rewritten by the exam taker. By showing that he can only use cut and paste sections for his writing, the writer's TA score will have to be a failing one. He must always restate the topic in his own words, never using any of the original words. Without direct topic references for the advantage and disadvantage, the writer fails to present a clear opinion. A repeated discussion instruction will not receive a score. Only direct topic foundations will receive considerations.

A toddler does not attend school yet. The most they attend is daycare. Which is not the same set- up as a school. This is a wrong synonym usage that will negatively affect the LR and C + C score. The writer needs to build his vocabulary to help him score better in these sections.

The conclusion should be a recap of the overall discussion The writer did not dothat. Instead he offered an unwarranted personal opinion, which will not be scored as it is a prompt alteration. It will result in a reduced score instead.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - History vs Science and Technology in High School [2]

The first sentence is an incomplete thought. It should not be presented in the paragraph for 2 reasons:
- It does not relate to the original discussion foundation
- It is a personal opinion of the writer that should be presented in the writer's opinion sentence.

The topic sentence of the prompt restatement should always follow the content of the original presentation, without any alterations or additional information. This sentence will force score reductions in terms of restatement accuracy. However, the essay will have limited deductions since the writer presented a strong personal opinion + summarized reason presentation towards the end of the paragraph.

The student has not proven the 2 public opinions to be true or false, or of equal importance based on public opinion. The reason for the public opinion must first be stated, followed by the writer's opinion of that viewpoint. Either he supports it or not. His opinion should be effectively merged into the public discussion paragraphs.

By including a clear explanation of his personal opinion in the concluding paragraph, the writer will cause the essay to get a failing score due to the lack of proper reverse paraphrase in the concluding summary. The essay is open ended rather than concluded in this current format.

*Contact us privately for detailed scoring services.

Writing Feedback / Essay about high desire to keep pets at home. What are the causes and effects of this? [2]

The prompt restatement paragraph is faulty as the writer repeats himself over several sentences. It also shows that the writer can only write in memorized phrases as he reuses the phrase


and its variation several times in the presentation. Each time the phrase is used, he merely repeats his first meaning, thus creating redundant presentations throughout the paragraph. He also uses the word "concern" incorrectly. The word usually carries a negative connotation referring to worry and distress. If the reference is positive then this is not the word that should be used. Good work on presenting the positive causes of keeping pets though. That was definitely on point and helped clarify the writer's opinion even though the prompt restatement was confusing for the reader.

The writer has over-written the discussion points in the sense that he presents 3 reasoning paragraphs where only 2 discussion paragraphs are needed. So the writer will basically not meet the time limitation for the essay, which is 40 minutes. He has written so much, and failed to review the essay for errors that can lower his score. There problem points were left in the presentation, uncorrected. So the essay will not be leaning towards a passing score.

He has punctuation errors that should have been corrected. He used a comma and ellipse successively in a sentence. 2 punctuation marks cannot be used simultaneously in a sentence, these must be separated by a phrase. One punctuation mark per idea. Ellipses are used to connote unspoken thought, which is not allowed in the Task 2 essay. This shows the lack of punctuation usage knowledge on the part of the writer and will reduce the score accordingly.

Writing Feedback / Some people believe that professional workers such as doctors and teachers should be paid more [2]

The writer has turned the essay into a vocabulary usage exercise that does not meet the discussion requirements at all. The writer was expected to present an opinion based on a measured response within the prompt restatement, he did not do that. He did not offer any sort of response that met the measurement requirements. The restatement itself does not really make much sense, nor carry much logic for an English reader because the presentation uses English words that do not suit the original presentation. The discussion paragraphs are faulty for the same reason.

As such, this is nothing more than a vocabulary building exercise. It is not a task 2 essay that can receive a passing score due to incorrect response formatting, incorrect LR presentation, and confusing C+C formats. The final error comes in the form of confusing GRA presentations from the beginning to the end of the discussion essay.

Writing Feedback / Electricity Production and Consumption - IELTS Writing Task 1; The bar chart report [2]

Avoid stating all the summarized information in one sentence. Such a format does not properly showcase your sentence structure ability. It is not considered simple, compound, nor complex in presentation. A sentence can only be properly structured when it contains one reference topic per sentence. This paragraph will greatly reduce the GRA and C + C scores. Once the clarity of thought is lost in the written paragraph, the reader will automatically be confused by the presentation. Avoiding that confusion is important as it is a major scoring consideration.

There is no need to create a reference to how the writer viewed the image. Read the stock market reports as a reference. Describe the measured movements only. That is what the report is based on.


Since the countries are not first compared to others, there is no need to use an adverb here.

Scholarship / AAS Essay - How will the proposed study contribute to your career*? (Master in Data Science) [3]

This should not be an expectation but a contribution. The prompt does not ask you to address expectations. Does your invention somehow directly relate to data science? It sounds more like coding and programming to me. If it is a side contribution that cannot directly relate to your masters course, you can skip it. The contribution should focus on data science development in your country.

Be more specific about your agency targets. Name the agency. Why that agency? How does it help you reach your main goal? Vagueness shows a lack of future career planning, not to be confused with future ambitions. The recap atthe end is not necessary. You need to instead, close with a hopeful note that refers to the excitement of achieving these goals through the masters course.

Writing Feedback / Essay about GDP (Gross domestic product) annual growth in three groups of nations [3]

When you speak of the plural form of words such as "nations", there is no need to use an apostrophe as you only need tofollow the + S rule for plural word formation. This incorrect word presentation will affect the GRA score. As for the presentation format, a 4 paragraph report must be used in instances of 2 image comparisons. A single image needs only 3 paragraphs. The first paragraph contains the 3-5 sentence summary + trending statement. That format creates a more cohesive and coherent presentation.

Never use vague references to the years involved. Always use the data as provided. The reader cannot?guess these information, Remember, he cannot see the image. Therefore the report must be factually accurate.

Good job on reporting just the same. The analysis is understandable and easy to scan while reading.

Scholarship / Sales & Marketing Manager - solving a challenge and to implementing change or reform [2]

Take out the "etc." reference in the essay. That is a highly unprofessional reference/word and should not be used in formal writing. clarify the reference point for the essay. Will it be the pandemic or coup? Which had the greater effect on the tourism economy? That is the reference point you should use. Bear in mind that Covid had lockdown scenarios over a number of years that totally shutdown international tourism. In which case, your scenario is difficult to believe. Did Myanmar not lockdown?

There should be a discussion as to how effective the steps you took were in terms of solving the challenge. Did the resort see increased income? Increased guest count? What positive results were attained ? Try to focus less on the "We" or team effort since the question is all about you on the "I" in solving the problem.

Writing Feedback / Traveling in a group or alone? [2]


This is a word phrase error. Going outside means that one merely steps outside of the home. It does not carry the same meaning as travel or any of its synonyms. The writers opinion then becomes incorrect as it slightly deviates from the given topic and response consideration.



Again with the LR problem. Look up the meaning of the words. There have been used as incorrect references in each sentence. The emerging problem trend at this point has a direct relationship with the writers lack of familiarity with various English words meanings.

The writer has a tendency to use run-on sentences in the essay. These sentence structure errors tend to reduce the possible GRA score of the essay.

While the writer understood the topic and offered interesting discussion paragraphs, his grammar errors cannot be ignored. These will greatly reduce his final score.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - CRIME AND THE LAW - THE DEATH PENALTY [2]

The prompt restatement should not include a reference to the global scale of death penalty agreement as that is not indicated in the original prompt topic or reason. As that is the writers personal opinion, it should be presented elsewhere in the appropriate discussion paragraphs. It must also be pointed out that the lack of the writers clear opinion atthe end of this paragraph makes it incomplete since the paragraph is scored on the prompt restatement + writers opinion consideration. The lack of the latter means the scoring consideration will be incomplete for that section.

This is a 5 paragraph essay. There needs to be 3 reasoning paragraphs + 1 conclusion. Without a proper concluding summary, the essay could automatically garner a failing score due to an incorrect discussion format. Never neglect to present a concluding summary or reverse paraphrase at the end. Avoid all reasons for scoring deductions that could lead to an auto-fail in the final score.

The reasons and explanations are clear to the reader.The opposing arguments are well represented in a general manner to show the difference from the writer's personal opinion.something most writers of this prompt format often fail to do. Good job!

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 essay about regular physical activity of different age groups with both genders [4]

Do not fool yourself. Since you committed the same errors as the last time, you cannot make any claims of improvement to your work /writing. You are lying to yourself if you believe that. You will not improve if you try to make yourself believe that there are positive changes to your presentation when you very well know there are none.

You knew that you committed the same mistakes as the last time since you mentioned it here. What prevented you from correcting these mistakes immediately? It should have been worth the effort since this is a practice test. The timer could have been reset for your do-over. By coming here knowing the same errors exist, you leave me with with nothing to review. It is senseless for me to repeat the same advice.

When you can spot mistakes and ommissions in the work of others, and can see the same in your work and knowingly fail to correct these problems then, there is a problem with you and your learning process. You can give advise, even if it is only rewriting the work of others, but cannot take or accept advice for your own improvement as evidenced by your current work. So why should other students take your advice and believe it to be better than that of the educational consultant?

Next time, make an effort to show true improvement by correcting the errors you spot yourself. That is what proofreading for a higher score is all about. Otherwise, I will believe that you just do not want to learn. When that happens, I am done with you.

Writing Feedback / TASK 1 how solar panels can be used to provide electricity for domestic use. [4]

The essay will automatically recieve a failing task score because it did not meet the minimum 150 word requirement. The lacking wordcount is just too insurmountable to allow this essay to receive a passing score. There will also be a failing score applied to the C + C section as there is neither cohesiveness nor coherence to be found in the statements. The writer writes in broken English without knowing how to form proper English sentences, resulting in failing L R and GRA scores. There is nothing positive to be said about this presentation. The writer must enroll in ESL classes to help him improve overall. By starting his basic English language lessons now, he may be ready to take the IELTS test sometime next year.

Letters / Msc Human technology in Sports and medicine - my motivation letter [3]

The introduction has a serious and character building reference that supports the motive for studies. The second half of the paragraph that discusses the early development of the writers interest in sports and athletics is irrelevant. Rather, a statement about professional development in relation to the previous words would have given a direct career motivation, which is what the reviewers will be looking for. As this is a masters admission application, the motivation should be more targeted towards how his past 2 years work experience further motivated him to persica advanced studies.

Skip the second half of the first paragraph and all of the 2nd paragraph. Jump directly to the third paragraph to keep the discussion focus. The second to the last paragraph does not contain a specific motivational reason and may be deleted as well.

Scholarship / AN ESSAY OF MY CONTRIBUTION TO HOME COUNTRY DEVELOPMENT AFTER MY STUDIES ABROAD FOR A SCHOLARSHIP [3]

The writer has too many future plans in every paragraph. It has gotten to the point where his plans do not offer a solid development plan. He tends to confuse the reasons for his contribution to Ghana with future academic plans. The PhD presentation does not align itself with the requirements. Niether does the idea of developing his character as he developed during his time overseas.

The ideas are too cluttered to show a true benefit once he contributes to the field at home. Narrow down the discussion to 3 ideas instead:

- Academic contribution to future graduates
- Local economy contribution
- Potential for national economy contribution

It is important to have a doable implementation plan along with contribution ideas. Do not get too excited by the ideas you have. Be serious and discuss the projects that you can actually accomplish based on the above list.

Research Papers / Cerebral Palsy in infants [2]

The work has too many in-text citations from the very beginning. The writer relies heavily on the other person research reference to establish his foundation. It does not contain an effective whoduction or thesis statement due to the quotation reliance. It will appear that the writer did not even try to come up with orginal thoughts, insights, and research considerations that the researched data should explain, support, or inform about. While the latter part of the paper comes across as informative and strong, the early part is weak due to the over-reliance on citing other people to establish the paper foundation. Think about altering the first half to help establish a personal insight before using other people's research to assist you in the establishment of the overall research.

Writing Feedback / The expansion of multinational companies produces positive effects for everyone. Agree or disagree? [2]

This is a single opinion essay that bases the opinion defense paragraphs on the agreement or disagreement of the writer with the statement provided. It does not leave any room for a comparative essay presentation that shows indecision or a change of opinion coming from the writer within the reasoning paragraphs. That said, the writer has managed to offer contradicting opinions in the defense portion of the discussion which will lead the examiner to score the essay accuracy on a dubious or unclear opinion presentation. To prevent that failing score, the writer must never change his opinion in the middle of the writing. He must never use a comparison discussion either. He must simply offer 2 opinions that will convince the readers that his opinion has a factual basis to be believed. By the way, the writer also altered the discussion instruction from agree or disagree to advantages versus disadvantages, there will be slight score deduction for that redirected prompt discussion since he still managed to respond correctly to the question. The problem was in the way the answer was formatted. He should not have used the A/D format for the response.

Scholarship / School band member - Applying for Kaist undergraduate scholarship [3]

You only describe your dream of becoming a businesswoman and your personal desires attached to this ambition. Nowhere in the essay have you addressed the question of the steps you have taken to achieve this. Are you a start-up or unicorn type of businessperson? How far have you gotten in terms of establishing your business? Do you have a part-time business online or offline that would show a true interest in business and successful entrepreneurship skills early on? These are qualifications of considerable candidates. That is why it mustbe clearly shown or explained to the reviewers. You cannot apply blindly, without a foundation for the program established.

The personal wants that you listed do not qualify as future plans for your business. Like I said, you do not indicate any relevant business foundation leading to future business growth. It simply is not there. Perhaps because there is no business to speak of? This course is meant for current small scale business owners wanting to learn about how to take the business to the next level. Your presentation does not qualify you as such. The essay only answered the dream part of the prompt, nothing more.

Scholarship / Incredible core courses and field of studies - why this course and institution? [2]

There is a need to present 2 course choices at 2 universities. This is a requirement that allows the reviewers room to better assess where your documented qualifications will be a better fit, provided you make it to that qualifying round. There should also be an integrated discussion based on course curricula and your forward thinking reasons for studies. What weaknesses do you hope to address?

The way your response reads at the moment, you are trying to sell yourself as overqualified rather than just qualified for the course. Being over qualified will remove you from consideration. Balance your past studies, current skillsct, and anticipated need for higher training to change the current image being presented. Rather than being impressive, it makes one wonder why you need to go to Australia to study when you are solidly established as a professional already.

Research Papers / Importance of Universal Health (UHC) Coverage in the US and Modern World [2]

The introduction is less of an original thesis presentation as it is composed mostly of cited material from the works of others. There is very little reference to the author's original reasons for this research. In fact, I don't see any original thought in the paragraph, just in-text citations. The professor or teacher will ask that the section be rewritten with little to no citations at all since it is an introduction to the topic and not the actual discussion yet. That section should be definitive for the topic but hypothetical for everything else.

It is difficult to come to a comprehensive presentation of the topic based on the U.S.v.Whole world approach. The paper tends to lose the balance of discussion. Perhaps you would like to consider narrowing it down to the U.S. and a particular European country where UHC is successful? That would help create a more detailed and effective comparison of the topic.

Research Papers / Cold Cookies and Culturalism: AP Research paper on cultural upbringing and biology [2]

Ease the reader into the sugar and temperature focus. Use cultural and food history elements to accomplish there entry points. Do not jump directly into the conversation without first offering the reader a veiled tutorial or history lesson to explain its relevance within a cultural landscape. There was already a reference to social relevance in the first sentence. Develop that idea a bit more in the paragraph. Focus on explaining the Korean palate in comparison with an American one. Excite the gustatory senses to create interest in your piece. It is too technical at the moment, making it disinteresting to the reader. By the way, will the psychological anecdotal reviews be based on Korean and American experiences? Since the study has a specific nationality focus, it must be made reference to at points where necessary for the readers guidance.

* Limited review provided due to research length. Contact us privately for a comprehensive review costing.

Writing Feedback / The chart compares the outcomes of a research on the customers' buying and drink habits in Australia [6]

The writer has not completed A thorough score increasing analysis of the presentation. An adequate investigative presentation should be at least 175 rather than 154 words only. While the latter is a little above the minimum word count, it is not enough to show the full writing range of the author. Something best achieved with the former word count.

Clearly identify the type of chart indicated as the image to help define how the information was presented. Each chart type has a specific function so it is better to be clear about it in relation to task accuracy early on. A quick listing of the 5 cities in the summary will also help add to the clarity of the trending statement. The trending statement would have also benefitted from the mention of highs and lows with regard to duect cities being mentioned. Both sections would have gotten a scoring boost if these messing presentation data were included.

The writer will get a failing L R score due to his lack of spelling expertise. He did not even bother to double check the correct spelling for Brisbane in the chart. He spelled it incorrectly several times in various paragraphs. Neither did he use proper word spacing when using commas which will result in GRA deductions.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 - Revenues and Expenditures of a Children's Charity in the USA. [2]

The opening summary will immediately result in a lower GRA consideration due to the run-on nature of the presentation. It does not properly represent the academic format of a 3-5 sentence paragraph. This presentation should have been presented over a 3 sentence discussion owing to the individual nature of each information piece provided.

While the trending paragraph showed potential, the writer mistakenly included an actual measurement reference. This negated the content written and tuned it into a data paragraph instead. A trending indicator does not include any actual information yet, assumed or otherwise. save those information for the actual reporting sections.

The presented reporting paragraphs are well analyzed.These also meet the meremum sentence requirement for the paragraph analysis. One might say that the writer did his best work in these sections.

Writing Feedback / Give the cause and solution of pneumonia and diarrhea in children [2]

This essay is suitable only as an English writing exercise and not an IELTS Task 2 essay. The reason? The topic is too vast and requiring actual researched information. These 2 factors disqualify the prompt as a Task 2 topic.

While the prompt given is pretty straightforward, the representation makes it more complex with the inclusion of regional references. However, the actual discussion does not focus on these areas thereby creating a disconnection between the restatement and the discussion. One of the two presentations is incorrect.

Since Pneumonia and Diarrhea are 2 different illnesses with different underlying causes and cures, these must be discussed using separate paragraph presentations. The combined paragraph format has resulted in a confusing discussion presentation.

There are instances where the writer does not make sense with his claims. He failed to double check and correct the following error:


I have never seen anyone smoke medicine unless it was medical marijuana, which is not applicable in this case. Avoid spreading what? what does cooking have to do with anything? There is no logic to be forend in this sentence.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 essay about regular physical activity of different age groups with both genders [4]

I'll forgo a review of your report at this point. Due to your obvious confusion and questions, it will be better to clarify things for you first.


There are no set formats for data comparison. Report upon the available information in the way you would be most comfortable doing so. Even during an actual test, should 2 or more students receive the same image, their reporting style /formats will vary due to different analysis approaches.


Yes. Report on the trends separately. One sentence, or 2 for each gender depending upon what tend you want to present ( high, Iow, or high AND low).


Do not write in compressed sentences. Always have a topic/anchor sentence at the start. Then follow-up with individual comparison data based on the graph. One idea per sentence. As long as you write at least 3 sentences, you will be sure to meet the minimum word requirement.

For this image, I would have done the comparison on a per gender basis to make it easier to develop the paragraphs. One for men and one for women. I would have done a joint gender based comparison only for the trending statement.

I hope I was able to clarify your questions. Then try writing a new task 1 essay using my advice. Let's see how you will do. feel free to ask new questions in the new thread.

Letters / COVER LETTER APPLY TO SCIENTIFIC DEVELOPER POSITION AT SCHRODINGER, INC. [2]

The letter is not clear about whether the position being applied for is currently open or if the applicant is looking for an open position in the department. That makes a world of difference in the way the letter should be presented. The lack of clarity affects the impact of the letter upon the reader.

Highlights of the work experience are not real accomplishments. Rather it is a bullet form of duties and responsibilities. Do not interchange the 2. The claims of work excellence and experience are betrayed by the lack of proper accomplishments. It creates a question of information validity on the part of the applicant.

The last 2 paraghs do not make sense. It is unprofessional in content and very juvenile in witten content. The lack of profession related insights in relation to the job being applied for creates an ignorable consideration for this applicant.

Scholarship / Master of Landscape Architecture - proposed course and institution [3]

Leave Soekarno out of the essay. You are making this response unnecessarily long with that quote and the misplaced reference to youth. This is a character limited response so get to the point. Avoid use of over- flowery and irrelevant language. Start immediately with your study goal statement instead. Avoid tired and redundant references to Australia being the best country for education. That is a suck-up line that reviewers never fall for.

For the first choice, You do not emphasize your reasons for becoming a member of ILA. What relevance does that have for your future professional goals? All I read was an outline of advantages through the syllabus but no applicable reasons for the choice.

The same concern exists for the second choice. While your reasons may be clear to you as the writers this does not translate into something that would carry a meaning to the reviewer. Spell it out. The statement is too vague for the reader.

Always answer with clear references to "Why" and " How". These are the missing links in your statement.

Undergraduate / GKS scholarship Personal statement 2023 for Medicine [4]

The only way to improve the essay is by writing a new essay after deleting this one. The GKS-U program considers the applicant's candidacy based upon a series of pre-set questions that are provided as a part of the downloadable application packet. These are the questions that the applicant should respond to in essay form for the written interview. These specifics help determine the qualifications of the applicant. The applicant cannot write a personal statement that provides unqualified information like in this essay. These are the reasons why I am suggesting that anew essay be drafted.

The response should be based on the question list. Use an outline response system first. Write the response under every question to ensure all applicable response points are covered. Then, erase the questions and expand on the paragraphical information. Ensure that all the responses meet the interview requirements. Then you will have a GKS-U responsive personal statement.

Scholarship / Australia Awards Scholarship Application Supporting Statement: Contribution to solving challenges [2]

The problem is the constant alternating between "we" and "I" in the presentation. Focus on the "I" aspect only. Avoid using confusing references for the sake of the reviewers. They only need to understand your participation in solving the problem through highlighted skills presentation. That said, the explanation has won for shortening through a more concise presentation. The contents of the fist paragraph can very well be merged into the 2nd paragraphs events. There need not be a detailed account of the participants, just an overview will suffice.

Clarify whom you presented the work schedule to and how it was received. Did adjustments have to be made? Show how you collaborate with higher authorities using various skills. That is something the reviewers will be looking for, but you forgot to represent in your response. It appears that you did not have to collaborate with others to solve the problem.Nor did you need higher authority approval. The leadership ability then becomes unbelievably exaggerated.

Writing Feedback / Hosting an international sporting competition is a beneficial chance for a country; true or false? [2]

The restated opinions must be presented as 2 stand-alone sentences. These separate sentences will allow the reader to better understand the individual nature of each pov. The witter must never fully depend on the use of commas in a paragraph for sentence formation. The over and incorrect use of the comma will result in GRA deductions. The comma use alone will not be useful in creating simple and complex sentences. However, it does always create a score lowering run-on presentation.

The writer neglected to present his personal openon in the first paragraph where it is used to score the comprehension skills of the writer. Repeating writing instructions are not a task 2 requirement. Directly indicating the writer opinion as the basis of the discussion or point of new is partof the scoring process.The examiner already knows what the discussion instructions are, there is no need to repeat it for his benefit. It will not help your score.

The word "because" is to be used as a conjunction or preposition. Due to the nature of the word usage, it cannot be used at the start of a sentence where no noun, adjective, verb, or interjection exists. This error is word usage will further lower the C + C and GRA scores of the examinee.

The writer has neglected to highlight the public and personal discussion points in his presentation. The reader and examiner cannot differentiate between the 2 in this writing, even as it was called for and specified in the writing instructions. The reader will be confused by this presentation format as it does not use the correct paragraph structure and pronoun representations in its writing.

* Contact me privately for scoring needs.

Undergraduate / Mechanical Engineering BS - educational and career goals and the reason for choosing your major [2]

As far as the reasons for the course choice are concerned, the reasons are vast but lacking in development. It is always better to have one or two highly explained reasons for the choice to convince the reviewer that the applicant has considered most or all options prior to making what is perceived to be his final course choice.

Tie in the educational goal with a specific professional future. Pick either Tesla or SpaceX. NASA is no longer the goal for most engineers looking to work in a notable corporation. However, if you want to work at NASA to bring back its glory days and usefulness in the world of engineering, then you need to specifically say that.

Prove that you are a mature student pursuing a goal in life that is not financially oriented. Do this by narrowing the discussion of what you really want to professionally accomplish and why. Right now the responses are unfocused, requiring a whole new response to be written.

Writing Feedback / Young people who commit crimes should be treated the same way as adults. Agree or Disagree? [4]

There is a difference between a juvenile delinquent who participates in crimes more often attributed to the youth and a juvenile who enacts adult crimes. That is a differentiation made clear in the orginal presentation but is missing from the replacement. The rewording is only partially accurate and can be considered misinformation due to the lacking referee. It is not topic accurate and the TA score will reflect that. The complete writer opinion will buffer that deduction though as the writer's opinion Is clearly established with supporting reasons. Good job !



Review proper noun and apostrophe usage. These are not proper nouns. Learn about how to write words in plural form as well. An apostrophe is not required.

The writer has writing problems in reference to singular v. plural word usage. His lowest score will come in the GRA section. The aforementioned problem will affect the score in relation to proper English sentence formation. Regardless of the existing clarity of the explanations, points will still be deducted for incorrect grammar.