Writing Feedback / Directors of large companies receive high salary; 'Employees are working hard' [9]


Well, I doubt the validity of this point :( Company directors are not the people who have ample free time. They may not physically be seen as active, but most of them are seriously stuck with decision making process and that is one of the reasons why those guys suffer more stress related sicknesses than employees in the lower grades. I feel this section sound a bit stereotype :(

Writing Feedback / Many teachers assign homework to students every day. 'Valuable exercise' [9]

Homework is exercises that are familiar for students. By homework, students will repeat a subject at home. But, some people believe that homework has not functioned for students. I agree with daily homework that is important for students. I will explain my opinion in this essay.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: 'satisfaction'; People are never satisfied with what they have [8]

On the one side, I think that some persons want to reach something that they want. They will not stop following their dreams until they realize thembefore they get satisfaction.


These two lines are not actually explaining the point you stress from your example. The point is that;
On one hand, the people never stop craving for things. For example, they may dream for a motor bicycle while they could not afford it. However, once they would be able to buy one, then they would start dreaming for a car.

Writing Feedback / 'prophet Adam' - famous person from history [9]


Well, all these sentences are totally out of topic. In the introduction, you need to have your concentration on introducing your topic to the reader. The above ideas have no relevance to your topic;


The focus should be on the person (in history) whom you would love to meet and not about time traveling. Always stay with the topic and do not attempt to deviate your writing from the main idea.

Writing Feedback / Ielts task 2: Parents vs teachers: development of a child. [4]

Your introduction does not contain what you think about the issue. It's important to have that in your intro.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1; UK TELEPHONE CALLS - three categories [5]

Also, it is good to have about two detailed body paragraphs. Sort your ideas into two categories and have two separate paras to present them.

After peaking at 90 million the following year, it went backreturned to the almost same figure as in 1998 by 2002.

Different fromIn contrast to the trend of local fixed line calls, national and international fixed calls climbed up stablyhad shown a steady rise all the time, though the growth slowed over the last two years

You write very well! :)

Writing Feedback / IELTS; Parents are the best teachers? Use specific reasons and examples [6]

Furthermore, teachers have also playedplay an important role on children social skillsin the development of children. First of all, school teachers are moremost qualified and experienced on identifying peer conflict and reducing aggressive behaviours.than parents in the field of education.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: 'my rest time' - Childhood is the happiest time of a person's life [6]

Well, as dumi suggested above, you need to pay serious attention to the essay structure if you are going to get a good score at TOEFL. That structure is the best to gain a good score as well as manage time. My suggestion is to re do this whole essay as per her suggestion and post it here for us to provide you with our feed backs :)


... don't use numbers in essay writing unless it is an year. Also, pay more attention to your spellings and grammar/

Writing Feedback / IELTS-GT: Women in Navy or Air Forces - should not be allowed; instead: career, children [5]


This is a very very confusing start :( You need to open your essay with a very impressive sentence that can hook the reader.

Writing Feedback / impressive buildings are important for a city or hospitals and schools [4]


Is this your view? That's not clear :(

Writing Feedback / 'special talents' parent and family background vs teachers influence on children [8]

your question is not very clear. However, I guess you are asking whether it is improper to mention your opinion on the argument in the introduction. Isn't it so? My answer is that it is not improper at all and it is always better to conclude your introduction with a sentence that clearly tells the reader what sort of view you hold. However, you can take whatever side of the argument or take a moderate stance. Depending on the opinion you hold, you need to justify that opinion in the body paras with reasons and examples. By any chance if you take a moderate stance, then have one body para for one side and the other for the other side of the argument.

Writing Feedback / not to separate influence of parents & school on child; useful member of society [7]

As far as I see it , the influence of parents and school is equally important in mouldingmolding one's characteristics and behavior.


... what does this mean? "Walk slightly"? It is not very clear :(
. A child spends most of his or her time in school among thewith teachers and school mates.
Overall, this is a good essay. You have a good understanding about the structure :)

Writing Feedback / Toefl - teacher evaluation; students can learn more [3]

.Some believe that teachers should be evaluated for the better performance ofby the students.

You should not interpret your topic differently :( Always stay aligned with your topic.

Well, you seem to be having a good idea about how your body paras be structured. However, the above seems to be pretty long. Be careful about that because you need to manage time efficiently as well.

Graduate / 'provide me with a bright future' - Motivation letter university [3]

for As as long as I remember I have always had a keen interest in economics. I participated in the student for a day programme for ''Economie en Bedrijfseconomie'' on 25 September 2013. ItAlthough I found itstrongly appealed to me very appealing , ; however itI also felt as if something was missing.


For me, I find this is very vaguely expressed without having some strong case to convince your admission panel. You better talk about how your passion began and you had it nurture in a more detailed manner.

Writing Feedback / WHAT SHOULD YOU CONSIDER TO SET A NEW BUSINESS ? [4]

Is this essay for practicing TOEFL or IELTS? It isn't clear as to why you wrote this essay and if we know the purpose we can align our comments more with your task requirements.


I feel this intro is too short. You do not seem to be introducing your topic adequately. First introduce the topic and then expand on its background.


Actually, you need to do a feasibility study. It is not good enough to have just an idea :(

Writing Feedback / 'dissatisfaction with the house' ; IELTS TASK 1 [14]


First, tell who you are and give them some reference to locate the contract you had with them. They need to know about the house they built for you;

I am ?????? and I am the owner of the house (description of your house, e.g. two bedroom house ) which I purchased from your company in the month of March 2014 under the reference ???????.

Then tell why you are writing this letter to them :)


This should have been shifted to the introductory para.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Some people like to do only what they already do well. [10]

It's better to conclude the intro with a statement expressing your opinion.

Writing Feedback / I agree with the selective roommate system; Dormitory rooms shared by 2 students [4]

Well, I am not in favor of opening your essay with expressing your opinion. Your reader is yet to know what you are going to write about.

Writing Feedback / Travels broaden the mind - Advantage and disadvantage of travelling [9]

Every one agree that travels broadensbroadenthemind.one's perspectives. Journeys enlarge people's knowledge about foreign cultures, other traditions and customs, but also learn some history, improve language skills and sometimes change their point of view on the world.and other languages.

Furthermore, traveling isare also one of thesethe best kinds of entertainment, which makes people feel cheerful, and lets them forget a about their problems or daily routine even for a while.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Is social skill as important as good qualification? give your reasons. [19]

The issue of whether social skills play as vital role as good qualifications when you are looking for a job is of great concern to many people.

It is undoubted that people who are having good qualifications can findasatisfied positionstandout others in the job market.

Well, I read your essay up to your first body para. However, it lacks the feeling of the comparison between life skills and qualifications as your topic suggests.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: people's weight has increased, levels of health decreased; Solusions [7]

Well, I feel you need to get hold of a strong essay structure that helps you include all essential features that earn you marks as well as a structure that helps you manage time efficiently.

Writing Feedback / IELTS; Fish and Meat consumption in European country between 1979 and 2004 [5]

The graph illustrates the different needs for fish and somekindsthree types of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004.


... Well, this is the trend which is most prominent for me;
Overall, except for chicken, all other types, fish, lamb and beef, have shown a decline in consumption during the period under review.

Try to give the most prominent trend or observation in the Overview.

Writing Feedback / If I am to travel 40 miles distance, I would choose the train [6]

well, your topic asks you what mode transportation you would choose. So, you need to keep your writing focused on you. However, here's some editing I do on what you wrote;

In other side On one hand, some people choose a car to travel. Theythey believe that a car is an effective transportation mode because they can stop wherever they want and they can getwould have more privacy when they go with their family, business partner and girl or boy friend.

Writing Feedback / Should wealthy nations be required to share among poorer; education and food - government [7]

In this complicated modern life, there are a lot of concerns that humans are facing each of them.face everyday.
Your hook needs to be meaningful, interesting, catchy and most importantly relevant to your topic.


This is not what your prompt means. You need to introduce the prompt in its real original sense. Have a look;


Your prompt is asking whether the wealthy nations should share their wealth among poorer nations to solve issues relating to food and education or not. Focus more on what it asks. Your writing should always stay with your prompt.

Writing Feedback / My Life Goals; I came to realize my passion in the Entertainment Industry and in Computing [4]

After observing myself over the years, I came to realize my passion lies in the Entertainment Industry and also in Computing.

Why do you have one separate line for that? I feel you should have included the above line in the next para. It looks a bit awkward to be separated from the rest :)

Entertainment in my perspective is a foodfeedsto the body soul and spirit, in which is alsoand an essentiala therapy to the stressed.to relieve one's stress.

Undergraduate / Are we preconditioned to prefer certain types of Music? an inquiry essay [5]


Why haven't you included your full prompt here in this post? Is it just the short title you have given in the topic? However, that is not adequately descriptive for us to provide you with some meaningful feed backs :(

If possible, drop a post with your full prompt and I am sure you will earn more comments and feedbacks once you do that.

Writing Feedback / Toefl evalution - STAYING IN A PLACE WHERE SEASON CHANGE OR IN A PLACE WHERE IT DO NOT. [2]


To be honest, I don't like this sentence as an interesting hook :( It is crowded with too many words and they tend to distort your whole idea. The hook should be shorter, more interesting and catchy. Showing your vocabulary knowledge in an essay does not mean that you need to cramp your sentences with too many big key words. It is your ability to choose the most appropriate word that supports to deliver your idea to the reader more convincingly. The golden rule in writing is that you should present your ideas very clearly to the reader.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Children to learn about money via parents - educate about the significance of money [10]

...hey , sure mate ;)

Beyond doubt, in this competitive world, money is the most(or you can say - one of the most essential factors) essential factor to lead a comfortable lifestyle. Similarly,Therefore it is highly important to educate children about the significance of money forin their future endurance.endeavors.

endeavor and endurance have two very different meanings;
endeavor - achieving goals
endure- suffer, remain in existence (this is more like an ability to tolerate some suffering or issues)

You write very well and that's why others are slow in hopping into your thread to give feedbacks :)

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Boys and Girls leisure activities; computer games, netball, basketball [5]


The two pie charts present the survey results of cultural and leisure activities of children as per their gender.
Overall, there are three activities both sexes tend to do. While, the boys are more likely to play computer games in the computer,and the girls prefer dancing to spend their leisure.

Turning to the girl's chart,leisure activities, dancing coming thecomes first bybeing chosen by 27 percent of the girls who participated in the surveyactivities is chosen bythegirl, marked as contrast withlisteningListening to musichad been the least preferred leisure activities activity for the girls which onlyby 10 percent girls noted as the leastof the girls chose to do duringactivities in their leisure time.

Writing Feedback / I prefer to live in small town, big city is terrible and have much pollution [4]


... or you can say;
Everybody wishes to live a comfortable and peaceful life.
Some of people say aboutprefer living in a small town more too , but all ofsome people saychoose to live in the big city due tomore comfort and peace than inhabit in a small city.convenience and opportunities.

You need to do lots of practicing because you have to improve a lot on grammar and vocabulary. Do not try to use big words at this point of time. Use simple words and make sure you write sentences that are free of grammatical errors. With practice you can keep improving :)

Undergraduate / Application Essay 2, Challenged faces and Avid learning; University Singers [3]


It is the shaping and molding of a person to be cognizant of life in order to properly respond to varying challenges and circumstances he or she would encounter.

The very first semester at the University, though many other peoplestudents took it as a transition to easeadapt tointo the rigorous academia of college, was my chance to challenge myself in all aspects. From academia to time management, my ability was tested in every whichway imaginable way.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Energy consumption by fuel in the USA (1980-2030) nuclear, solar, wind, hydro power [5]

The line graph illustrates the consumption of various sources of energy inby the United State of AmericanAmerica from 1980 to 2030.


Good observations and a good Overview. The first sentence needs improvement in its presentation;
Overall, petrol and oil continue to be the chief energy source.

Essays / My process of learning - how to read and write over the years [6]

I am in my first semester of freshman year in writing (no comma) at the Community College NC. I am going to tell you about my process of (no comma) learning how to read and write over the yearsto read and write. When I was eight years old, in third grade where I had lived in Africa I came to learn how to read and writeI was in the third grade in a school in Africa where I first began to read and write . At the time it was pretty tough understandingfor me to understand the concept of reading and writing, because it was a language I did not understandwas not familiar with. This language was known as English. A couple of years passed, and my family decided to move to the United States.

Writing Feedback / ToEFL EVALUTION - government money grant for arts or enviornment safety. [3]

Well, do not complicate your ideas with too many big words, mostly synonyms to replace the words you find in the prompt. That destroys a beautiful flow of your ideas and confuses the reader to max :(

This intro is extremely puzzling due to the usage of inappropriate words in the wrong places :(
Pay more attention to clarity of your ideas. If you continue this trend in writing you will fall in great trouble :(

Writing Feedback / small town vs big city - pros and cons [4]

Small towns and big citycities have very different environmentsthat it is very different. The big city hasis subject to air pollution from many transportationsdue to congested roads and heavy usage of transportation. However, a small town hasoffers more comfortable and fresh conditionsneighbor that is very comfortable and freshfor one to live. Personally, I prefer to live in a small town than in a big city. Therefore, I will give reasons and details to support my opinion.(this is not necessary)

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Emigration intentions, Bulgarian aged 15-60, 2001 & 2006 [9]

In 2006, the highest proportion of emigration intention was recorded byas no intention of leaving Bulgaria which was 70 percent of totalBulgarians Bulgarian population aged 15-60. Although 9 percent Bulgarians intended to live abroad for temporarytemporarily for short time , the other intentions for tourism and temporary work came nearly 9 percent.fell short of 9 percent.


this sounds pretty confusing :(

Writing Feedback / Painter, director, writter, photographers - creatives artists, expressing their own ideas. [4]

I found a small mistake in your prompt ;
To what extendextent do you agree or disagree with this opinion ?


.... it's good if you expressed your idea more direct;
I personally believe that there should not be any governmental controls over freedom of expression.
In the contrary, these politicspoliticians should respect the right for free speech right and put forwardexpress ideas, creations.freely.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Prediction of world population growth - 4000 millions of people in 2040. [9]

Well, your overview seems to be a bit too lengthy and the body para (the one with details ) seems to be a bit short.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Why study at formal educations is so important? for diploma and better future. [5]

You should at least have 4 paras in your essay for this task. Your essay should contain an introduction, two body paras (at least two) and a conclusion. If you follow the above essay structure you would surely be in trouble. In this task, they don't expect you to write a direct answer, but to present your opinion in a essay format which is strong enough to convince the reader that your opinion is justifiable.

Writing Feedback / Toefl essay - CELEBRITY OR ATHLETE - WHOM DO YOU WANT TO MEET AND WHY? [3]

If anybody get to meet his favorite entertainer, indeed he or she would feel as if he is on cloud nine. Likewise them , I would feel such great ecstasy in case if I get to meet Mr. Amitabh Bachan. He is the most prominent Bollywood star and quite cherished person of the entertainment industry.

Impressive intro :)