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Posts by Reza_Hidayat
Name: Andi Reza Hidayat
Joined: Mar 26, 2017
Last Post: May 1, 2017
Threads: 13
Posts: 18  
From: Indonesia
School: State University of Makassar

Displayed posts: 31
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Reza_Hidayat   
May 1, 2017
Writing Feedback / Alteration of Foster Road before and after improving [2]

foster road became an green area now



The pictures show information regarding alteration between SE 84th and 85th Avenue in Foster Road before and after improving the area. Overall, the Foster Road has changed into a proper area by providing many facilities for people.

The first picture illustrates that the area has less facilities for pedestrian. It could be said that, it does not provide sufficient facility since there are no cycling track and wide side for walkers. On the other hand, there are two lanes in the road which has different directions.

By comparison, the second picture illustrates that the place experiences a significant change after improving. It could be seen that, it provides many facilities not only for cycling but also for driver. Furthermore, there are wider sidewalks and bicycle lanes for pedestrian while the road has changed by providing three lanes, traffic lights and new crossing. Thus, that place turns into a green area by providing many street trees.



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Reza_Hidayat   
May 1, 2017
Writing Feedback / Car-free days or other ways to reduce air pollution. [4]

@Tai
I have red you essay, and I think that you present a clear position and relevant main idea but you addressed the task only partially since you did not discuss about what the others think to measure air pollution. You should mention that to cover all parts of the task. Furthermore, you arrange idea and information coherently, and you use mix of simple and complex sentence forms
Reza_Hidayat   
May 1, 2017
Writing Feedback / Some people think that a factory will bring many risks to the area they live in. [4]

@Wilby
In my point of view, you express a position but you present less supporting ideas to emphasize your position, and you have presented relevant main idea but some may be inadequately developed. It is better for you to extent your idea. Furthermore, you should pay attention with grammar. In addition, you use a limited range of vocabulary and limited range of structure.
Reza_Hidayat   
May 1, 2017
Writing Feedback / Should parents attend parenting training course? [3]

It is necessary for parents to attend parenting course to bring their children up.

Do you agree or disagree?


the knowledge how to raise a child



One of the most noticeable factors which influence on children achievement is parents' knowledge. this is why some people argue that, it is good if parents join to parenting training course while the others say that it is unnecessary to follow. Personally, I think that parents should enroll the parenting training course since it has many advantages not only for them but also for their children.

Parents are the key factor which determines children's achievement. Parents are responsible to educate their children due to the fact that parents have to get involved to parenting course. By following that programme, parents could learn many things which connect with children improvement. For example, when they are merging that programme, they will be provided much information regarding common problem is related with children difficulty like learning process, then they also will learn about how to tackle that problem so that they will be easy to recognize their children problem, and they know what the best solution for that. As a result, children will get a proper result and good performance in the class.

However, for workers parents, it is difficult to join in parenting training course for they have no much time for that. They tend to concern on their work so that almost all their time is spent on working. Furthermore, they are more likely to hand over their children to school as school are responsible to educate the children due to the fact it is unnecessary for them to join the parenting course training.

All in all, I think that parents should be actively involved in particular course such the parenting training course since it could extent their knowledge about children improvement. They play big role to determine their children's achievement.
Reza_Hidayat   
May 1, 2017
Writing Feedback / Should university students be allowed to use mobile phones in class? [4]

@vananh0015
I have red your essay and I think that you present a clear position throughout the response since you are more likely to disagree of using mobile phones in the class due to several reasons. You also manage all aspects of cohesion well by using a range of cohesive device and using a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. However, I think your explanation quite long and some parts tend to be more fully covered than others.
Reza_Hidayat   
Apr 27, 2017
Writing Feedback / How to produce bricks for building purpose [2]

the instruction - how bricks are produced



The diagram illustrates information regarding how to produce brick for building purpose. Overall, the process involves six automatic steps before the brick is ready to deliver. Furthermore, it is starting from digging clay and culminating in brick packaging.

In the beginning of the process, clay is dug as the main raw material. After that, the clay is sifted by putting on metal grid then it is distributed by roller. Next, the clay has to be mixed with sand and water before it is shaped into many peaces of bricks by wire cutter or mould.

The next step is dying oven, those bricks will be put in an oven. After that, those will pass three stages with different temperature. It will face moderate temperature firstly after that it moves to high temperature. Before the bricks are packaged, it has to enter to cooling chamber for 48-72 hours. Ultimately, the bricks are ready to deliver for building industry.



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Reza_Hidayat   
Apr 27, 2017
Writing Feedback / Some people believe that imprisonment is the most successful way to deal with criminals. Others thin [5]

@gabby12345
Hi gabby,
I have red you essay, and I think that it is good if you paraphrase your statement regarding detaining people into jail, I think it is repetitive statement since you have mentioned in the first paragraph. Furthermore, you present information with some organizations but there are more likely to be a lack of overall progression although you present clear position and provide relevant main idea.
Reza_Hidayat   
Apr 27, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 Exercise "comparation among UK student who didn't go into full-time work" [5]

@ardy_rp
In my point of view, you should paraphrase your introductory paragraph as it is are more likely to be equal with the question, and you also have a few mistakes in grammar especially for Subject Verb Agreement. You should make more comparison among the figures since you just mention the highest and the lowest figures, and you also have to pay attention of using cohesive devices as you tend to use inaccurate cohesive devices.
Reza_Hidayat   
Apr 27, 2017
Writing Feedback / Less responsibility is a positive change or negative change? [2]

children in some parts of the world have less responsibility compared to children in the past. some people think this as a positive change, however think of it as a negative change .

what do you think?


more freedom for kids - analysis of this trend



Every child has a different character such a responsibility, it could be influenced by many things. Some people believed that less-responsible children is a positive change while others argue that it is a negative change. Personally, I think that children who have less responsibility is a negative so that they have to be encouraged to be more responsible.

Lack of responsibility is not good for children since it will affect on their achievement in the future. There are many drawbacks of less responsibility, such as lack of confident, coward, inconsistent and many else. Irresponsible children tend to underestimate with anything as they think it is unimportant. That condition comes about for they used to do that for several times and they could not do anything independently due to the fact that they become lazy and over reliance on people. For example, in school, if pupils are given task by their teacher, they will finish that as good as they can but it will be different for irresponsible pupil, they may overlook that as they think that is unnecessary to finish, it occurs because they are not responsible to do their obligation as student. Moreover, if they do not change it, it will influence on their future.

Furthermore, to tackle that problem, children have to be educated to be more responsible since the beginning. Not only family but also school play big role to teach the children about responsibility. Children have to know what their obligations and their rights. It could lead children to be more independent with their duty. Another way is parents or school have to give example for children regarding responsibility as it will encourage children to imitate that, and most important is children must be appreciated if they do something right.

All in all, I think that lack of responsible especially for children will yield negative effect since it will influence on many things such as achievement, personality and habit in the future so it has to tackle by encouraging children with inform their obligation, give good example for them and appreciate their work.
Reza_Hidayat   
Apr 26, 2017
Writing Feedback / Information about global water use and water consumption [2]

water use worldwide



The graph illustrates information about global water use for some sectors while the table provides information about how much water people consume in Brazil and Congo in 2000. Overall, water use worldwide by some sectors experienced an increase by time goes. Meanwhile, people in Brazil consumed a lot of water in 2000.

The graph shows that there were three sectors of using water such as agriculture, industrial and domestic, and those figures had risen over a one-century period. In the first period, agriculture figure as the biggest proportion used of 500 km3 of water, and it was increasing significantly until the end of period of 3,000 km3. Meanwhile, industrial and domestic figures used less water than agriculture figure. They maintained stable over a five-decade period. Interestingly, they had a significant difference in the last period as domestic figure used a half as much water as industrial figure

.
However, the table shows that Brazilian consumed much more water than Congo since Brazil had bigger population than Congo. It could be seen that Brazil consumed of 359 m3 per person while Congo only consumed of 8 m3 per person.



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Reza_Hidayat   
Apr 26, 2017
Writing Feedback / Having a gap-year is more and more common in recent years. IELTS Writing Task 2 [6]

@benz0127
I would like to say that you present information with lack of coherence, and there is no clear progression. You should arrange your ideas with good paragraphing. I think you present some main ideas but these are limited and not sufficiently developed since there are irrelevant ideas, and you should pay attention with punctuation.
Reza_Hidayat   
Apr 26, 2017
Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Summarise the information by reporting the main features of cement and concrete production [6]

@mandyduong
I have red your essay and I just concern on how you arrange the sentence and your lexical resource since you did not provide the illustration of process. In my point of view, it is good to mention how does process starts and end in your introductory paragraph, and it is better if you use a time transition such as next, firstly/secondly, after and so on. It could help to make your essay is coherently and well organized.
Reza_Hidayat   
Apr 26, 2017
Writing Feedback / Causes and effects of using eBooks [2]

Reading is now not the same as it used to be

As time goes by, there are many improvements of how people reading. Today, people are more likely to read by using eBooks rather than hand books. This essay will discuss about causes for that phenomenon and what effect will be appeared by that.

For some people, eBooks give easiness such as efficient, accessible and more practical. People could bring book as many as they want, they just need to save that eBooks in their device like smart phone so they are able to read those books in anywhere. If they want to read those books, they just open it by using their smart phone. Another reason is eBooks are more practical, people no need to go to library if they are willing to read or borrow books. They could download it by using internet. For example, people prefer to use many online books as reference for their thesis like online journal since it is easy to access, and eBooks are available in many topics and subjects so that people just need to choose what kind of books they want.

On the other hand, using eBooks will yield some effects on libraries. It is able to diminish number of visitors in library since people no need to go to library for reading. Then the worst possibility is many libraries will be closed because there are no visitors. For instance, some libraries have changed into different function, they are used for save many books since nobody visits library anymore.

All in all, I think that using eBooks will affect on libraries since some people prefer to use eBooks rather than paper books in library. This is because eBooks are easy to bring and people could read those books in everywhere, but I think the library still become the best place to read for library provides many books that we may not find on internet or eBooks.
Reza_Hidayat   
Apr 26, 2017
Writing Feedback / Some people think that it is good for a country's culture to import foreign movies and TV programs. [3]

@PHUONGMIN
I have red your essay, and I think that you just use some of simple sentences in your essay, it is good to use a wide range of structure such as complex sentence to boost grammatical range. Then, in my point of view, you have addressed the requirement of task by discussing both of views and giving your own opinion, and it is better if you use a range of cohesive devices to make your essay logically and coherently.
Reza_Hidayat   
Apr 25, 2017
Writing Feedback / Percentage of spending on different needs in several European countries in 2002 [2]

consumers money spending for their needs



The table illustrates information about the percentage of spending on different needs in several Europe Countries in 2002. Overall, all countries spent much more money on Foods/Drinks/Tobacco.

Food/Drinks/Tobacco figure occupied the highest proportion of people spending in all countries. It could be seen that all countries spent on more than 15% for that. Furthermore, Turkey as the highest proportion, spent on 32.14%, and followed by Ireland, Spain, Italy and Sweden. Meanwhile, Clothing/Footwear figure was lower than Food/Drinks/Tobacco figure since they only spent on less than 10%. Moreover, the highest percentage of Clothing/Footwear figure was spent by Italy of 9.00%.

However, Leisure/Education figure was the minority of consumer spending. They only spent on more than 4% by Turkey as the highest spending while their lowest spending was 1,98% by Spain. All countries spent on less than 5% for that. This is quite different with Food/Drinks/Tobacco figure and Clothing/Footwear figure for they spent on more than 5% up to 30% of expenditure.



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Reza_Hidayat   
Apr 25, 2017
Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 1: Info about British sporting activities [4]

@btho

I have red you essay and I think that it does not cover all key features since you are likely to focus on some details, and you should arrange your body paragraph coherently as you present information with some organization but there may be a lack of overall progression. Especially in paragraph three, it is better if you extend your explanation or you could divide your essay into 3 paragraph: paragraph 1= introduction, paragraph 2= body paragraph 1 and paragraph 3=body paragraph 3. It could help you get higher score in coherence and cohesion.
Reza_Hidayat   
Apr 25, 2017
Writing Feedback / The chart below shows participation in certain leisure activities by children in Australia [6]

@ASooshd
In my point of view, it is better to put the main idea in the first line in each paragraph. It could help you arrange to manage all aspects of cohesion well. Try to find key features in the chart since you are more likely to focus on details. I think that you have used a mix of simple and complex sentence and you have good control of punctuation. You are able to get a higher score in grammatical range and accuracy if you use a variety of complex structure or wide range of structure with full flexibility
Reza_Hidayat   
Apr 25, 2017
Writing Feedback / How to help recidivist to get a proper life? [2]

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem

Punishment as a lesson for crime offenders



Some people believed that punishment such a prison could diminish a high crime rate but in the fact, some villains are more likely to commit crimes after they have released from jail. This essay will discuss why it could happen and how to tackle that.

For some crime agents, a criminal record makes finding job more difficult. It could be said that they have had bad reputation so people are in doubt to recruit them for working due to the fact that they have no choice for job, becoming jobless. That condition enable them to commit crimes for earning money. By way of illustration, people who known as a recidivist will be difficult to find a job since there are no companies or people want to hire them due to their image. Although they get a job, it is not sufficient to fulfill their daily needs because that job is not proper to earn enough money so they will commit crimes again as their former job for it gives them much money.

The best solution to tackle that affair is providing specific job skills for prisoners. Rehabilitation programme aims to make them better citizens since the prisoners receive education and vocational training, they also learn about personal skills that could help them to look for a job. Government should apply that programme as it could change prisoners' perspective when they have released from jail. For example, many recidivists have been success to establish their own business, so they many choices to get a better job and it is possible to decrease the crime rate by offenders.

All in all, I think that punishment could make prisoners' behavior worse. It is better to give them specific job skills and providing a usefull programme such a rehabilitation since it could lead them to get a proper life or even they could produce job field for others.
Reza_Hidayat   
Apr 25, 2017
Writing Feedback / What students did after leaving college, without job? Describing The Graph. [8]

@syita_arc
In my point of view, you did not present a clear overview. You should mention about main trend, differences or stage to make your overview is clear, and I think that you present information which lack of coherent. It is better if you use some cohesive devices to arrange you sentence coherently. You also use limited range of vocabulary. You could get higher score of grammatical range if you use a variety of complex structure
Reza_Hidayat   
Apr 25, 2017
Writing Feedback / Where went majority of UK students since they finished their school? [4]

@aini fidhni
Hi Aini,
I have red your essay and I thought, it is better if you divide your essay into some paragraphs such as paragraph 1 for introduction, body paragraph 1 and body paragraph 2 since it will help you manage all aspects of cohesion well, and you should write overview in your essay as a conclusion. Furthermore, you have to make comparison for some figures and try to find key feature in the chart. In my point of view, you use only limited range of structure. It is better if you use a variety of complex structure to boost your grammatical range and accuracy
Reza_Hidayat   
Apr 4, 2017
Writing Feedback / Natural Versus Nurture, which do you consider to be the major influence? [2]

Research indicates that the characteristic we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in life . Which do you consider to be the major influence?

Natural VS Nurture



Every person has different form of growing and developing. Research reveals that natural has much more effect on people personality than nurture. Personally, I think that nurture plays a big role to shape people personality.

Natural is an internal factor existing in people since they were born. It consists of heredity, potential, talent, and intelligence. All of them are able to influence on people character as long as they are growing. These aspects have existed since people come to world, and people use it for all activities due to the fact that it will determine people figure indirectly. It is evident that, if there are parents who have talent in music, their child also will have good ability in music. Child get that gift from parents. It is called heredity.

However, nurture as an external factor has a strong relation with people personality. It involves many things like surroundings and experiences. Surroundings consist of family, school, and society. This will collaborate to form people's identity. It provides much experience for people so that they are able to learn about social values, rules, and many more. In similar case, even children have good talent in music, if they are not improving it, their talent will not evolve. Unfortunately, it will disappear. It is proven that people need much more experience to develop their talent.

All in all, I think that personality and development are able to formed by experience that people obtain goes by time. But it is better if the natural is supported by nurture.
Reza_Hidayat   
Apr 4, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS: energy use and greenhouse gas emissions in an average Australian household [7]

@matteo1222
I have red your essay, and I think you should make comparison among the feature as overview in introductory paragraph. it is better if you put main idea in the first sentence in paragraph in order to make your essay arranged coherently and it is important to mention key feature in your essay, you could start from attractive feature.
Reza_Hidayat   
Apr 3, 2017
Writing Feedback / Process of producing tealeaves [2]

how a tea is made?



The diagram illustrates about process of producing tealeaves into some types of tea. Overall, the end of the process will produce five tea types. It consists of several steps. Furthermore, it starts from growing leaf and culminating in tea production.

In the beginning, tealeaves are grown to get main ingredient of tea. After the tealeaves are ready to be plucked, it is wilted to reduce its water level containing inside the leaf.

In the subsequent stage, the tealeaves will pass through certain stages to produce different types of tea. For making green tea, the tealeaves will be steamed at first, and it will be rolled. But, for making oolong tea, it will be rolled and it will be fermented slightly. On the other hand, in order to make large and small leaf black tea, the tealeaves have to be processed in defferent ways although they are fully fermented. The difference takes place in the fourth stage, while the former tea is produced through tealeaves rolling, the latter should be made from tealeves crushing. However, the end the process , oven drying process should be done before the final product is ready to consume.



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Reza_Hidayat   
Apr 3, 2017
Writing Feedback / Two maps show an island before and after development - IELTS TASK 1 [3]

@NataliiaNechv
Based on your essay, I think you should mention key feature of the map, it could be similarities and differences before and after constructing. In my opinion, you use limited preposition to explain the feature and limited range of vocabulary.
Reza_Hidayat   
Apr 2, 2017
Writing Feedback / Main Reason for Studying Based on Age [2]

study reasons in various age



The bar charts exhibit information about what the main reason people study and how many supporting they receive by employeer based their age. Overall, both youngest people and oldest people have inversely proportion of reason for studying, and the more people get older the less support they obtain for studying.

The first chart shows that there is a contradictory trend between the youngest people and the oldest people. Career is the key factor why youngest people are studying. It could be seen that the youngest people has 80% of reason for career, and it is decreasing as they get older. Meanwhile, the oldest people is more likely to choose interest as their reason for studying. It is seen that the oldest people have 70% of reason for interest. Interestingly, both the youngest and the oldest group have an equal percentage of 40% when they occupy 40-49 age.

The second chart illustrtates that the youngest people receive more support by employer than the oldest people for studying. The youngest people get more than 60% of time off and fess for studying but it will be declining until they enter 30-39 age. In this period, they hit a low at under 40% but they will be raising again in the next age. Overall, a gap between the youngest age and the oldest age is by 20% of support.



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Reza_Hidayat   
Apr 2, 2017
Writing Feedback / Smartphone today - how to live without them? [5]

@hoanglong
I have red your essay, and I think it is not arranged coherently, there is no logical relationship between idea. It is better to use cohevise devices. And then, you should emphasize your position since your thesis statement is unclear, and pay attention with spelling.
Reza_Hidayat   
Apr 2, 2017
Writing Feedback / England female unemployment rates in each country of the United Kingdom [3]

@Emma Nguyen

You should pay attention with spelling, you also do not cover all key features, try to find the key feature like difference or similarities. Furthermore, you present ideas but these are not arranged coherently and then you use limited range of structure.
Reza_Hidayat   
Apr 1, 2017
Writing Feedback / The information about the average viewers number of daily program Channel One News [2]

Channel one news - comparing statistics about numbers of viewers



The line chart exhibits information about the average of daily program Channel One News from January to December. The aired time could be divided in two groups as 1 pm and 6 pm figure, and 9:30 pm and 11 pm figure. Overall, all figures experience several changes, and the second group have the most contradictory changes.

The first group has a slight changes on trend over a 12-month period. In the beginning of the year, 1 pm figure stood at above 1 million of viewers, and it stay constant until the end of period. Meanwhile, 6 pm figure has the biggest number of viewers, but it experiences downtrend during a year. However, the first group has significant difference in the first year and it is continuing until the end of period.

The second group has a contradictory changes from May to December. Initially, 9:30 pm figure has about 3 million of viewers, and it peakes in May. Meanwhile, 11 pm figure was introduced in May, and it stood at under 1 million of viewers. Interestingly, 11 pm figure reach a peak at 4 million in August, whereas 9:30 pm figure hits a low of 1 million of viewers.



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Reza_Hidayat   
Apr 1, 2017
Writing Feedback / Ielts task 1 Wi-fi café, internet express and café cool in New York [7]

@Maitouyen282
Your overview was very detail, you only need to mention the general trend and make comparison, it is better if you present the key features in body paragraph, you are still focus on details and you use limited structure.
Reza_Hidayat   
Apr 1, 2017
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1: Two mail companies: TNT and FedEx [6]

@meirkhan
You use only a limited range of structure with only rare use of subordinate clauses , and You should mention the main idea in each body paragraph to emphasize the main feature like the most noticeable feature.
Reza_Hidayat   
Mar 27, 2017
Writing Feedback / Sports stadium - the changes in an American town between 1948 and 2010. [5]

Diffrences in town during years



The map provides a breakdown information of American-Town Alteration between 1948 and 2010. Overall, it could be divided in two sides under consideration were in the right and left side of canal.

The first image in 1948 shows that there were many residential houses between local supermarket and park. Meanwhile, factories were located beside the park, and patrol station was opposite of the road. However, in the right side of canal, church was opposite of the local supermarket.

By comparison, the second map in 2010 illustrates that there was a dramatic growth in the number of commercial buildings. Local supermarket was turned into commercial buildings and it was been relocated in the middle of town. Furthermore, factories disappeared and it transformed into airport. On the other hand, in the right side of canal, the church had changed into sports stadium.There were only petrol station and residential houses which had not shifted over a 6-decade period.



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