Writing Feedback / Ielts task 2: Many people value money and fame over desire to win. [2]

In the past, sporting champions used to be motivated primarily by the desire to win the match or to break world records. These days, they are more likely to be motivated by the prize money and the opportunity to be famous.

What message does this send to young people and how does this attitude to sport affect the sports themselves?

championship for money and fame

In retrospect, the main purpose of sport champions for winning is to defeat other competitors or to make new world records. In contrast, recently, there has been a tendency that people involved in this field aim to win in order to achieve fame as well as material value. This trend sends a message to the young which will be discussed in this essay along with the solutions to fix the problem.

The phenomenon means that more and more athletes nowadays no longer care about sport value. Instead, it is replaced by money concern. This is a plain result of a shift in the way human beings think about and judge others. As worldwide economy grows dramatically every single day, which thereby becomes the most pivotal issue each individual has to pay attention to, one person's status and traits are now based on finance and reputation. In the sense that people who do not earn a considerable amount of income or fame are considered as unimportant or even worthless, many individuals in various fields, not just sport, tend to leave behind pure value of their jobs and join in the race of gaining money and popularity.

There is no doubt that this results in several problems. One of them is that current and future generations of sport players will downplay the significance of true value and beauty of this field. If this issue keeps occurring and we have no precaution for it, sport will eventually turn into a tool for making money and reputation, which means it will not serve the right purpose that is bettering our mental and physical health anymore. In addition to this, the possibility of cheating may emerge as well, since the inspirational and spiritual motivation is replaced by material one that often makes human negatively motivated.

In conclusion, winning championship for money and fame is the consequence of economic growth and changes in public perception. This phenomenon causes negative impacts on sport, thus must be prevented at any cost.

Writing Feedback / Ielts task 2: Freedom in art. I mostly agree with this idea. [4]

Creative artists should always be given the freedom to express their own ideas (in words, pictures, music, film) in whichever way they wish. There should be no public or government restrictions on what they do.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Freedom in art.

Creativity is one of the most pivotal factors that artists need to create masterpieces. Nonetheless, there has been a debate whether those who perform art in various forms, such as movies, poems and so on, should be permitted to act in whatever way they want. Though I am mostly in favour of this reckon, it is my belief that the government still has the right to interfere.

On the one hand, artists deserve freedom demonstrate what they want to express as limit in creativity brings out several drawbacks. Firstly, it lessens value of art, since many contents are considered inappropriate to the authorities, some countries even go far enough to ban products which contain these from being officially distributed. Take nudity as an example, it is regarded as mundane to many individuals, yet seems to be natural beauty in the eyes of who loves art. Furthermore, in the sense that the extent of content is limited, there would be a decrease in the number of people who take interest in this field. Secondly, performing under control may bore artists and make them lose interest in their career, as their ideas tend to be restricted by laws and policies. This can also be the main culprit that kills human creativity and development.

On the other hand, limitation is never unimportant. This is because of the fact that not every work is appropriate to be introduced to the public. It is a must to censor the artists' contributions in the first place. For instance, responsible authorities ought to check the quality of products like movies or books before allowing them to be released in order to eliminate the possibilities of heavily violent or misleading details.

In conclusion, I mostly agree with the idea of freedom in terms of art performance by virtue of the benefits downplaying the negative sides. Nevertheless, there also should be solutions to prevent the cons.

Writing Feedback / The variety of degree and diploma's types which Australian post - school students received in 1999 [3]

Post - school qualifications

b]The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999.[/b]

The bar chart gives information about the variety of degree and diploma's types which Australian post - school students of both genders received in 1999. As can be seen from the illustration, the overall percentage of men overcame that of women's.

In the skilled vocational diploma section, the portion of males bore the most striking characteristic when accounting for approximately 90% of all. On the other hand, female learners just occupied a humble proportion of about a hundredths in the same area. Follwing the same pattern, exactly 70% of postgraduate diploma receivers were men, being twice as high as the figure for woman.

In contrast, females had a tendency to outweigh the other sex in undergraduate sector, since male students made up the percentage that was only half of females' figure. Such trend also occurred for bachelor's degree as females occupied a larger portion that the others, though with a much closer gap.

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Writing Feedback / Ielts task 2: Discussion about happiness - condicive factors to reach it [3]

Happiness is considered very important in life.
Why is it difficult to define?
What factors are important in achieving happiness?

People may be happy for different reasons

The sole aim of every human being is to live happily. Thus we can assume that happiness plays pivotal role in our lives. However, it takes lots of effort to define the meaning of happiness. In this essay, I will argue the reasons for this issue and suggest some factors that are crucial to reach the true happiness.

In the sense that people's goal in livelihood varies widely the deinition of being happy of each individual also differs from that of other's. Possesing happiness in life, to some people, means having good health, owning a huge amount of material value or being in a romantic relationship. In addition, some people define the state less complicated as having a nice family or just being able to exist.

In order to achieve this feeling, there are two factors that should not be ignored. Firstly, those who target living happily must be patient. This is because not everything, which makes human happy, is easy to possess, for instance, a big sum of money, a fit body, love... Besides, proper conception is of the same importance. Today, so many people aim to reach happiness supposing that it should be wealth or career success but forget that taking care of their own family members is a kind of happiness as well. For this reason, many are unsatisfied with their lives on account of misunderstanding that their goals are not fulfilled although they have already possessed happiness.

In conclusion, happiness, though vital, is hard to give a general deinition by virtue of difference in thinking among individuals. Nevertheless, it is not a painstaking process at all to achieve this mental treasure, as long as we have patience and appreciate the presence of what we have already obtained.

Writing Feedback / The illustration describes the process in which bricks are made for constructing purposes [3]

The diagram illustrates the process that is used to manufacture bricks for the building industry.

Process of making bricks

The illustration describes the process in which bricks are made for constructing purposes. As can be seen from the diagram, there are seven steps in total, beginning with collecting clay and finishing with delivering the products.

In the first place, clay is dug by a digger, then cut into smaller pieces by a metal grid and moved on a roller. The initial product is mixed with sand and water after that. In the next stage, the combination is shaped into brick form either by a wire cutter or a mould.

The fourth step is hardening the original bricks using a drying oven during a period of 24 to 48 hours. Next, these products experience extreme heat ranging between 200 Celsius degrees and 1300 Celsius degrees in the kiln before penetrating the cooling process in the chamber for 2 to 3 days. After that, packaging takes place and the well - done bricks are eventually transferred on a truck.

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Writing Feedback / Ielts 2: Comic, Books, Radio, TV, Film, Theater - Advantages and disavantages. [2]

Compare the advantages and disadvantages of three of the following as media for communicating information. State which three you consider the most effective.

Comic
Books
Radio
Television
Film
Theater

Along with the improvements of our fast - paced society, more and more means of media are born in order to provide human with both domestic and foreign information on a large scale. In this essay, I will discuss the pros and cons of book, television and film as well as draw a conclusion of the most efficient one.

On the one hand, these are effective by virtue of their popularity among customers. As for books, they are well - known as one of the most common, useful and portable form of spreading and receiving data from all sources. Meanwhile, televisions and films are of the most highlighted contributors in terms of transferring information since they are enjoyed by a huge number of global population and can easily approach to all types and ranges of age of audience.

On the other hand, the negative points of them cannot be ignored. At times, youngsters are not in favour of books as they always have to read boring material at school. Additionally, not everyone has enough patience to continue reading till the last page if the book is too thick for them. Therefore, books hardly reach many sorts of user. Unlike books, televisions and films lead to problems due to the fact that they are costly to be produced. What is more is that they sometimes give incorrect news and features in the sense that manufacturers focus mainly on profit. In other words, they have a tendency to show what people want to see, no matter whether it is true or not.

In conclusion, books, televisions and films bring out not only advantages but also drawbacks to us. From my perspective, televisions seem to be the most outstanding media form of all, hence should be invested more.

Please mark my essay as well.

Writing Feedback / Map of Brandfield. New shopping mall project. [4]

Below is a map of the city of Brandfield. City planners have decided to build a new shopping mall for the area, and two sites, S1 and S2 have been proposed.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

Illustration of Branfield city and planned investment

The map illustrates city Branfield which is divided into two sections, S1 and S2, as suggested by city planners who want to construct a new shopping mall in the region.

As can be seen from the map, the two sites are separated due to the railway running from Northwest to Southeast.

S1 is located in the North of the area. The place contains a housing estate built in the centre of the North, which is passed through by a road directing forward Northeast. In addition, there is also an industrial estate far in the bottom end of S1.

On the other hand, S2 accounted for the rest of the land. Nearest to the landmark put the city centre that comes across the road and the railway and is run through by the river. Additionally, to the left of the city centre is a golf course and park running from Northwest to Southwest.

If possible, please score my essay as well.

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Writing Feedback / Ielts; demand for electricity in England, common consumer usage [3]

The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

England's electricity essay

The graph illustrates English's usage of electricity during summer and winter's ordinary days. Meanwhile, the pie chart compaes the purposes that this energy is used for in a typical household in England. As can be seen in the illustrations, electricity is used for mainly 4 sections of devices with the amount of which is significantly higher in winter than in summer.

In winter, people tend to consume electricity up to 48000 units, the highest rate of the entire season, in 22 hours while there is just more than 30000 units of it is used in approximately 8 hours, which is, in contrast, the lowest point of the time. On the other hand, the highest and lowest figures for summer are 20000 units in 13 hours and 12000 in 9 hours respectively.

Consumers seem to use the energy mostly to manipulate heating systems. Such activity accounts for more than a half of the chart. On the contrary, lighting/ TV/ radio sector makes up just 15%, being equal to vacuum clearners/ food mixers/ electric tools section.

I will be utterly grateful if you score my essay too.

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Writing Feedback / Ielts task 2, topic: management, type, money reward: Discuss and solution. [4]

Some employers reward members of staff for their exceptional contribution to the company by giving them extra money. this practice can act as an incentive for some but may also have a negative impact on others. To what extent is this style of management effective? Are there better ways of encouraging employees to work hard?

praising company staff by giving them extra sum money

There are some recruiters who reckon that giving extra salary is a perfect way to thank the staff for working hard. Much as this policy is efficient, its demerits should not be neglected. In this essay, I will explain the beneficial extent of this practice as well as suggesting mre options of praising workers.

There is no doubt that paying extra material value is an effective movement of managing at work since most people appreciate the presence of money. By giving more money to employees, employers can successfully encourage their staff members to continuously devote themselves to the overall business. In the sense that these members can use the exceptional amount of page to improve their daily standard of living as well as spend it on various sorts of recreation, the status of them can be promoted, hence affects positively the quality of their job. Simultaneously, this act also provoke the competing environment at workplace, thus motivate more individuals to work extraordinarily and eventually bring out a huge sum of income for the company.

However, this style of management can result in drawbacks as well. As the office becomes more competitive, those who cannot deal with working under pressure may not be able to maitain comfortable and can finally quit job. Furthermore, so as to overcome other collegues, some may cheat or even worse, commit crimes either on small or large scale in secret.

To prevent the concerned negative impacts from taking place, ther forms of reward can be introduced and adapted. One of them is holding holiday tours to either domestic famous spots or foreign tourist attractions for excellent workers. Another alternative is giving special presents that could be anything other than money to hard - working members. And if employers want to be really practical, they can even promote their staff to a higher position, which is as welcomed by workers as extra salary.

In conclusion, it seems that praising company staff by giving them an extra sum of money can be simultaneously positive and negative. To eliminate possiblilities of bad deeds at work, there should be alternatives replacing this action.

Please score my essay as well.

Writing Feedback / Task 1 Ielts: Bar graphs about the sales of music albums [4]

The graph below shows the type of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to sex and age.

british customers interested in purchasing music alums

The bar graphs give an overview about the percentages of British customers divided into sexes and ranges of age who pour their money on 3 different sorts of music albums. It can be clearly seen from the illustrations that pop and rock music are thoroughly trendy among male, 16 - 24, 25 - 34 and 35 - 44 users while classical one is preferred by 25 - 34 and 45+ purchasers.

According to the first 2 graphs, pop music and rock music share many similarities. Listeners ranging around 25 - 34 years old and 45+ years old made up the highest and lowest percentages respectively in both graphs. However, the figures for rock slightly overcome pop's ones.

Much as customers above 45 seem to pay little or those mentioned products, they bare the most striking characteristic in terms of classical music's sales. These people accounted or up to a fifth of the final graph, which means the budget they spend on this kind double that on the others. It is interesting to note that the rate of 16 - 24 and 35 - 44 buyers witnessed a sharp decline in this section compared to those purchasing for pop and rock, with the former occupied just a minority of a hundredth whereas the latter established approximately 2.5%.

I would utterly appreciate it if you score my essay as well.

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Writing Feedback / Ielts task 2, topic: Law, type: Agree or disagree [3]

Under British and Australian laws a jury in a criminal case has no access to information about the defendant's past criminal record. This protects the person is being accused of the crime. Some lawyers have suggested that this practice should be changed and that a jury should be given all the past facts before they reach their decision about the case. Do you agree or disagree?

Should old crimes matter?

According to British and Australian's policies, no source of details about the crimes the defendant had done in the past shoud be reached by the jury of a court in order to prevent the person accused from being judged in the wrong way. It has been suggested by some lawyers that this law should no longer be in use so that the jury can be more likely to reach a right conclusion. However, I totally diasgree with this suggestion, considering that the merits are not be able to fully eclipse the downsides.

One the one hand, this idea brings out the advantages to some extent. Access to past criminal record helps to lessen the possibility of incorrect judgement in the sense that it may assist the jury in figuring out the personality of the defendant. This might seem to be unrelevant to some people; however, in many cases in Vietnam, many juries make the second decision because of the person's profile. As a result, this may help us to avoid punishing the good and releasing the bad.

On the other hand, the opinion mentioned above is just theory; unfortunately, the shift in regulation tends to result in more disadvantages. At times, the past can influence the jury's emotion, hence make them easily judge things unproperly. That what people did in the past do not define them in the present is an invincible truth. Paradoxically, a clean record does not mean that a person cannot commit any crime at the moment. Following the same pattern, a complicated past does not say that a person certainly do harm to anyone at present.

In conclusion, it is my belief that the initial policies should not be altered. If not, the equality in court might not maintain anymore.

I would very appreciate it if you score my essay.

Writing Feedback / Ielts: The pie charts below show information on the highest level of education of women in Someland [5]

The pie charts below (at the end of the essay) show information on the highest level of education of women in Someland in 1945 and 1995.

female learners in Someland

The pie charts compare the percentages recorded as the results of a survey on female students' uppermost grade of education in Someland in 1945 and 1995.

As can be seen from the charts, in the latter year, the variety of levels reduced significantly. While some lower classes saw a slip, a few higher ones experienced an amazing surge.

From an overall perspective on the first pie chart, it is clear that no schooling and third grade sections accounted for the highest proportions which were slightly over a third at that time. On the other hand, post graduate occupied no portion at all, chich made it the lowest figure of all.

In the second illustration, first degree learners bore the most striking characteristic when making up exactly half of the chart. It is interesting to note that in 1945, the mentioned part just established no more than a hundredth; however, it rose rom which to a half within merely a decade. Following the same pattern, post graduate students increased to a fifth after the same period. Nevertheless, no schooling, third grade and year 6 experienced noticeable drops of 35%, 35% and 15% respectively, which caused them the lowest points and to disappeared from the chart.

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