Writing Feedback / [IELTS WRITING TASK 2] Speeches over Writings? [2]

Task 2:

Some people think spoken communication is more powerful than written communication.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Given the rise of heart-touching speeches, sublime propagandas and emotionally inspiring declaration, many a person have purported that writings, in this modern world, must be something woefully inferior to conversations. I, however, vehemently oppose such a claim. Howbeit indeed appearing somewhat low-key, compared to speeches, every other piece of writing still is inherently crucial to this civilization.

On the one hand, writing practices empower critical thinking. By practicing which, it polishes up our very abilities to put statements in right order, along with picking up the most appropriate words to fit in the context. We, after all, can emotionally brag about every-made-up-thing without even knowing what we are saying, yet still get others engaged in which. Nevertheless, should we be that heedless in writing, the end-product will be any less of an unreadable text, nor will it appeal to anyone.

On the other hand, as writing has only a restricted place for emotions, every piece of written words hardly tolerates biases, personal judgment, nor any emotionally-distorted arguments. Writing is a place of criticism and skepticism, yet rarely soaked in enraged emotions as in speeches. As a rule, people must have all too often found speeches more inspiring, emotional and heart-touching because of this very reason.

Nonetheless, the impacts of speeches still appear insurmountable to writings. Spoken communication, after all, costs less mind power, whilst appealing to more people, and inherently more able to be reached out by more people.

In a nutshell, writings still are critical to many people, for they propose the opportunity to better one's critical thinking, logical order and word choices, whilst doing away with biases, which are the core of speeches.

Any comment would be appreciated. If possible, please give me a score for this essay.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - The most important achievements for any child? [2]

Playing a musical instrument is one of the most important achievements for any child. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Learning how to play a music

The role of music in our life is widely debated, with some people claim that every child should master at least a music instrument. Personally, I agree with this viewpoint, and I will explain why in this essay.

Firstly, playing music acts as a precursor to a child's mental development. It is true to argue that learning any musical instruments, let alone mastering one, is time-consuming, tedious and requires constant efforts. Hence, through the learning process, children may inadvertently acquire patience and diligence, making learning more complicated things such as subjects much easier. Secondly, playing musical instruments is a healthy way of entertainment. Compared to children who spend hours straining their eyes at computer or mobile phone screens, other who consider playing music a hobby are proved to rarely have to suffer from any types of eye disorders. Finally, strange as it may sound, when it comes to one's adolescence and adulthood, the ability of being master in any musical instruments can make him stand out of the crowd and draw admiration.

I do understand the opposing view that getting a child to learn such tough thing as musical instruments from an early age may cause mental damages. Long tiring days of hard training with an instrument without any likelihoods that he would be able to master it may render loss in confidence and self-belief. However, this does not always happen and can be fixed by a loosened timetable or consistent encouragements from teachers and parents.

To conclude, I believe that the ability of playing musical instruments is conducive to any child and should be acquire from an early age. Above all, though, I think that the learning instrument process needs to be a gradual process, based on careful support rather than undue pressure.

Writing Feedback / Students should be equipped with both knowledge and practical skills during their time at schools. [3]

The aim of study at an University

Some people think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace. Others think that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake, regardless of whether the course is useful to an employer.

What, in your opinion, should be the main function of a university?

Many people believe that students should be equipped with both knowledge and practical skills during their time at schools. However, others claim that universities should only perform their traditional function which is providing knowledge. This essay sheds light on both point of views and presents my own opinion.

Obviously, practical courses are of tremendous benefits to both graduates and universities. From a personal perspective, students who are well equipped with practical skills have more job opportunities. Undergraduates would have no worries about what to do after graduation. Also, it takes companies and institutions that hire skillful employees no extra time to train them. Consequently, this acts as a precursor to building up the university's reputation in the labor market.

Still, there are some reasons to argue that knowledge is the only necessary thing to be taught at schools. Firstly, undergraduates would have more time to acquire mastery in their academic fields once they do not have to spend time participating in practical courses. Teaching would be more effective and students' knowledge would be dramatically improved. Obviously, education quality would be raised and the universities could also acquire reputations, yet in the academic fields.

In my opinion, undergraduates should be provided with both knowledge and practical skills. This would facilitate students' building careers after graduation. Although strong background means that one can produce work of outstanding quality, practical skills are of the same importance once he happens to deal with problems in work.

To summary, while the benefits of teaching students knowledge allow them to build strong backgrounds in academic fields, some still feel that universities should provide skills that might be necessary in work. However, as long as we keep in mind the importance of practical skills in work contexts, the benefits of teaching them in schools are clearly positive.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2: Are fixed punishments necessary? Without considering different circumstances ? [6]

how offenders should be punished?

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

People have different views about how offenders should be punished. In my view, I believe that some other aspects of a crime should be considered before agreeing on the punishment.

On the one hand, there is a mixed variety of reasons for imposing fixed punishments on every crime. Firstly, a set of punishment for each crime acts as a precursor to a fair justice system that causes no suspicions of how an offender is sentenced. Also, the judge would have no difficulties sentencing offenders and hence, it would take less time that could have been spent on further research on the circumstances or motivations of the crimes. Secondly, everyone would be aware of how severe the punishments are once they commit crimes and hence, fixed punishments would deter people from acting illegally.

On the other hand, it is true to argue that there are still factors influencing a crime that need to be taken into consideration, such as the circumstances and motivations. Obviously, people not always act illegally on purpose and there must be something triggering them or forcing them to commit a crime. For example, people stealing to feed their family have the lofty reason to do so and should not be punished as severely as others who steal for personal benefits. This way, considering such factors before sentencing an offender seems to be more humane and could encourage rehabilitations after imprisonment.

I strongly believe that a set of punishments is not necessary as it is an inhumane way of sentencing offenders and it gives them no chances of explaining. Instead, the circumstances and motivation of any crimes should be dug into for the legal rights of the committed offenders.

In conclusion, although fixed punishments seem to be beneficial in some ways, it is important to me that each crime should be judged taking both the circumstances and motivation into account.

I really appreciate your comments on what my writing lacks in and what I can do to improve. Many thanks!

Writing Feedback / The inborn talents for music, art or sport? [3]

It's generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for music and sport, and others are not. However, it's sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become good sports person or musician.

Discuss the two ideas giving your opinion.

Talented or untalented?

It is true to argue that many a person has outstanding inborn talents for music, art or sport. However, I myself believe that other untalented children can be trained to achieve marvelous results in these fields.

On the one hand, that every child being taught to acquire important skills and to be good in certain fields is illustrated in our current education system. It is evident that many a child with no God-given talents has achieved unprecedented successes due to guided practices and hard training periods in their schools or institutions.

On the other hand, there are some reasons for people to believe the inborn talented children to be the predominant sports people, artist or musician. Accordingly, the skills and techniques acquired from trainings can never be a determinant to one's success. Instead, only children with certain talents since they were born can produce work of outstanding quality and hence, are likely to achieve their ambitions and become great people in the fields they work. Another reason is that inborn talents cannot be taught or acquired through schooling and guided practices, no matter how hard the untalented try.

I myself believe that sport and musical talents run in the family, and children with inborn talents are more likely to stand out of the crowds, easily acquire techniques and achieve tremendous successes. However, these children are also likely to be dependent on what they are inherited and hardly try their best. Whereas, other untalented children always have their ambitions and try much harder to achieve what they long for. Still, without the talents, continuous training would be counterproductive.

In conclusion, I agree that every child can be raised and taught to be good in sports or music, yet to be the best in these fields, inborn talents might be required.

I really appreciate your comments on what my essay lacks in and what I can do to improve. Many thanks!

Writing Feedback / (Table) How money was spent in 5 different countries in 2002 [3]

The table below gives information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002.
Percentage of national consumer expenditure by category - 2002

Measuring demand for different products

The given table illustrates how consumers in five distinctive regions spent on three different categories in 2002, represented in percentage.
As can be seen form the table, it is evident that food, drinks and tobacco were what people spent most of their money on; at the same time, the leisure and education category caught the least attention from them.

It is noticeable that there was a great demand on food, drinks and tobacco, costing people 15% to roughly one third of their earnings. Although Turkey was the leading country in this category, Turkish also spent much on leisure and education and clothing and footwear, accounted for 4.35% and 6.63% in total expenditure respectively.

At the same time, Italian paid more attention to the fashion category and spent the most among the five countries with exactly 9%. It seems that they had little demand on food, drinks and tobacco and this category occupied for only 16.36% of their expenditure. Whereas, Spain had the most remarkable patterns in how consumers spent - rather small amount of money on all the categories with the least spent on leisure and education - only 1.98%.

I really appreciate your comments on what my writing lacks in and what I can do to improve. Many thanks!

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Writing Feedback / IELTS - Equal numbers of boys and girls in every course of an university? [6]

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

girls and boys should be treated equally during education

It is true to argue that girls and boys should be treated equally in every fields of life. However, I totally disagree with the opinion that there should be equal entries to every course offered by a university to the two genders.

On the one hand, I believe that a university accepting the same number of boys and girls to every subject is an ideal place for students to study. This is an effective way of minimizing the gender gaps and showing overwhelming dominance in neither of the genders in the academic fields. Apparently, it is absurd to reject a female student with the highest placement to a course and replace her with a boy with a lower entrance score or less qualifications. By taking part in any courses that they are interested in, students will surely have more chances to pursue their dreams, even in specialist fields that the society has long believed that only men or women could do.

On the other hand, I also believe that it is impractical for schools to accept the same number of male and female students to some specific courses. For example, it is wildly unreasonable to expect the nursing course, which attract girls more than boys, to have half of its students male, and vice versa in the astronomy and engineering courses. In addition, if an university happened to be forced to lower its entrance score to hire enough students for a course, it reputation might be badly damaged and its teaching programs would be dramatically changed, which directly affect the way our whole teaching system has been working for centuries.

In conclusion, although the opinion of allowing the same number of boys and girls to take part in every subject seems to be ideal, it is so unrealistic and unlikely to be taken into consideration by universities in the near future.

I know that my writing is too long (311 words) but I have no ideas which part to cut.
Also, I really appreciate your comments on what my essay lacks in and what I can do to improve.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Why do people learn a foreign language? Show the reasons. [7]

Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should leern a foreign language.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Foreign language knowledge and opportunities

Many people believe that the appropriate time for them to acquire a new language is when they happen to visit a country or start to work there. However, I myself believe that there are far more reasons for a person to learn such thing as a new language.

On the one hand, it is true to argue that the most common reason for people to learn foreign languages are job opportunities. As can be seen clearly, bilinguals often have advantages applying for vacancies in both local and international corporations as the local ones need their strengths to collaborate with the global ones and vice versa. It is also reasonable to learn the local language before visiting the country. It is common knowledge that some languages look similar, but the wrong use of words may result in bad consequences. This way, getting to know the local languages allows tourists to overcome the language barriers and communicate with the local people without any difficulties and confusions.

On the other hand, I believe that there are some other reasons rather than job opportunities and travel experiences that need to be taken into consideration. Firstly, there are still language aficionados who learn languages due to their passions and interests. For example, a French aficionado who is particularly into France and eagers to discover every aspect of this country can learn more than just words while acquiring French as the language itself covers the country's culture. Secondly, some language learners consider learning such things as foreign languages help exercise their brains the same way as other brain training exercises do, and hence, make them smarter as the learning processes go on.

In conclusion, although the views of considering acquiring foreign languages a way of building one's careers seem to true to some people, I believe that there are still other more significant reasons for others to do so.

By the way, I am going to sit an IELTS exam this August, and I would appreciate if you can point out my strengths and weaknesses so that I can improve the next time I write. Also, I would like my writing to be scored as an IELTS writing paper if possible.

Kind regards!

Writing Feedback / (Bar charts) The weight measurements of people living in Charlestown [5]

The charts summarise the weight measurements of people living in Charlestown in 1955 and 2015.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

analysis of weight issues

The bar charts provide an analysis of weight issues of the residents of Charlestown over the period of 60 years.
In 1955, there was a large proportion of people from all ages being ideally fit, ranged from 45% to roughly 70%. At the same time, obesity was not a serious health problem; with only 20% of middle-aged and elderly people were diagnosed. In fact, a more noticeable problem was being underweight, particularly affecting more than 40 percent of the old.

In contrast, being underweight was not that significant in 2015. In fact, it was only the problem among the youths while the number of underweight people aged from 60-69 had fallen to approximately 10%. However, obesity, resulted directly from being overweight, had become the most serious health problem for people after their 20s. At the same time, while the vast majority of the youths could stay healthy, hardly could people do so since they reached 40.

Overall, it is clear that there has been a rocket in the number of Charlestown's residents diagnosed with obesity while the problem of people being underweight seems to be solved within 60 years.

I am going to sit an IELTS exam in August, I really hope to receive feedbacks and be scored, if possible.
Best regards!

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Writing Feedback / IELTS - The digital and traditional newspapers [6]

Although more and more people read newspapers on the Internet, newspapers will remain the most important source of news. Do you agree or disagree?

the main source of news

It is true that there has been an increasing number of people considering the Internet a better place to find information when compared to newspapers. I myself strongly believe that as this trend continues, the Internet will soon be as important as the tradition press.

On the one hand, I agree that newspapers will remain as a vital source of information, and will not be completely overwhelmed by the Internet. Firstly, newspapers have always been the most traditional way of catching up on news, and almost everyone prefers having something to hold on their hands when reading to straining their eyes on screens. Also, as the presses hire professional editors and journalists, newspapers are always more reliable and trustworthy when compares to the articles on the Internet.

However, there is a wide range of reason to believe that the Internet will soon be as popular as newspapers. One main reason is that the Internet always offers people with faster access to regularly updated news when compared to the tradition presses which are published only once or twice per day. Additionally, people can easily share their viewpoints and opinions on ongoing events and ague with others. To illustrate, in recent years, many a person has joined Medium - a forum where members write to share stories that matter them and others are allowed to comment directly on the posts.

In summary, it is absurd to argue that the Internet will never be as popular as newspapers. While newspaper's importance might remain unchanged, the online sources of information will soon be equally important.