Secondly, employed senior citizens may lead to unemployment to the young generation. Thirdly, there will not be enough young people to look after the aged people.
Secondly. employed senior citizens would close down employment opportunities for young adults.
An another point is that
"An" is not used in front of "another"...
elder people don't buy manyanythingsortospend a lot of money.
You have shown good points although I would not agree with you saying that friends would not care as much as a host family would. If they don't, then they can hardly be called friends. lol.
It would be nicer to see this essay in paragraphs. Its a little annoying to be reading it like this.
It guidespeople through the market and services and a blessing for those whohavedonothaveenough time to search all these things and enables better choice.
On the other hand, advertisements not only inform us about a new product but also force people to want them
I wouldn't say "force". Tempt maybe a better word for this situation.
Some people think that is not important because life will become easier and efficiency if people no need to spend their limited time to learn and understanding other languages.
Some people believe that learning new languages is a waste of time and that life would become easier and more efficient if the world had only a few languages.
The main reason that we should protect the languages which is dying out every year is the language brings its own culture.
This sentence has a few issues. It would be better to rephrase it.
Very nice essay. And I completely agree with you. But maybe you could have just added that it is also very important not to forget where you came from. For example certain rules in countries might go against certain traditions of other countries. Even though you should respect the rules of the country you are currently living in, it is important not to forget your traditions as well.
There are many aspects of aspects to prove this, which just quit significant of them are listed here.
????? I don't understand this sentence. Please rephrase it.
First and actually the most important reason which impressed me to disagree with this matter is some psychological articles which I've already read about learning process in kids.
First and foremost, it is proven psychologically that children are influenced more by their peers than by their teachers.
You have good points but you need to work on your presentation.
Very interesting story. Although I am not a guy who is into stock markets and stuff, it was fun to read. I like the way you have shown the experience you gained from MapleStory to your real life situation. Keep up the good work. :)
ummmmm.... I have no idea what you have written about or why you have written it in the first place. It is better for us if post the prompt so that we have an idea of what you are writing about.
I intend to start a banking empire on which the sun never sets
... Great! :D ... Yep, we experienced too bad economic turmoils and don't want any more in the futute! :D
This objective serves not to fulfill greed; rather, it intends to galvanize economic accretion and express concern for the ever growing issues facing society.
My love offor mathematics and statistics is in my genes.
As an assistant of our maths teacher, I not only kept outstanding grades but also helped improving the grades of the whole class.
I guess you assisted your teacher in her work voluntarily and it was not some paid work. So, when you say ''as an assistant of our teacher'' it gives an impression as if you were doing a paid job as an assistant. Better re-phrase!
Most importantly, the traffic congestion in the cities always makes the city life miserable.
I think "hectic" would be a better word instead of "miserable".
I agree on the fact that moving factories would decrease the traffic within the city. But then again once you move it to the countryside, people living there would start working in those factories. And in the end the countryside would also be another city. :/
As for my interests, which happen to be Business Administration and Economics,my goal is to combine my two interests, which happen to be Business Administration and Economics, into one culminating effort to start and succeed in running my own business.
I think it sounds better now. But I still feel it is a little too long.
To be honest it is very complicated and sometimes I lost track of what I was reading. Try to simplify it a lot more. The first paragraph, though written in perfect English, didn't make any sense to me. :/
You really need to simplify it a lot more or the readers will not be interested by your essay.
During my thirty years, I have learned a lot of things in my life, but an important thing is how to be a parent.
I have learned many important things in my thirty years on this planet, but perhaps the most important of them all is to how to be a good parent.
For must folks , the parents have to feed the children with healthy food, , help them in their homework and provide them with good health insurance.
I think "most" is the word you are looking for.
Many people believe being a good parent is to provide their children with healthy food, to provide them a good education and to protect them with health insurance.
I think your wasting a lot of characters on the first few sentences which is really not important to the question. Try to add more on the volunteer work and cut down on the sad situation with your girl friend. :)
In my opinion, it can be unhealthy to place too much worth on any group, simply because of age, since, both groups have their own part to play.
good point... :)
which is useful for the younger generation.
These people worked their whole life to make the family or society better. These people have spent their lives for the betterment of their families and societies.
I think you have some very good points for this essay and you are careful not to over weigh one part of the topic.
I like the way you write. It's very clear and very well constructed.
The only suggestion I have is that your essay might sound better if reduce the length of some of your sentences. For example,
Additionally, life in a big city can be best enjoyed during youth when one can maturely handle the stress and fast pace of big city living and at the same time take advantage of the best that big cities have to offer- like opportunity to meet people from world over, trying cuisines from different nations, frequent shows and exhibitions, etc
This is a big sentence, try to break it down in your own way. :)
I see quite a few mistakes in your essay. Here are my suggestions.
For recent years
In recent years
As a results, nature is suffering from being exploited including lands.
As a result, mother nature is being exploited everyday.
However, I think that there is more need for land to be developed for housing and industry since my country needs concentration on industry and there are a lot of homeless people as well as many cities is overpopulated which leads to deprived living standard.
This sentence is very long. Try to break it down into 2 at least in your own way.
I like the way you have written your essay although i think it may need a bit more sentences because it seems too short. But what you have written already is very neat and very well organized. Keep up the good work. :)
I think you have shown some very good points. You have constructed your essay very nicely as well. Here are a few suggestions.
To begin with, public celebrations aretheoccasionswhichwherepeopleare gettinggeta chance to know their national heroes, respect them, pass the knowledge about the knowledge of their great contributions to younger generation.
I like the way you write. It catches the reader's eye. I wish you had posted the prompt however. I'm sure the topic would have been an interesting one as well. Overall, it's really really good.
Oneof benefitsbenefitis that people can learn how to managemoredifficultand variousproblems.
It's inevitable that people have to go through lifelong learning and living alone is definitely a part of it. ... This sentence is unclear to me. Kindly rephrase it.
People will need to find how they are going to use their times wise and more efficient when they are left alone. ... I would say this as,
People will need to work out how to mange their time accordingly so that they become more efficient.
Although I have travelled to tens of countries and have met thousands of people,and I can detect lies with no effort now,I miss that credulous girl who trusted everyone . ... I think it's spelled "traveled" and the part I have cut off is because i thought it dint go with the sentence. As in that part sort of broke the flow with the rest of the sentence.
This is an awesome essay. Beautiful opening and lovely language. The style of writing catches the reader's eye perfectly. Very well done. I hope to see more essays from you soon. keep up the good work. :)
This is a very nicely written essay. Very well constructed and very clear. I can not find many mistakes in it because your grammar also seems to be fine according to my knowledge. Very well done and keep it up. :)
I like the way write. It has a nice rhythm to it. But think the argument that children not getting proper exercise is not presented strongly enough. It might also be an idea for you to say that children studying day in and day out would distance them from whats happening around them. This can be very harmful.
I like the way you write. Your essay shows everybody how much you love maths and how good you are at it as well. But you have almost dedicated your entire essay to that certain topic "how much I love math". I think you might need to add something about yourself to interest the reader because I'm sure many people will be writing the same thing. Something about you that would blow you off the page.
When people think of a getaway they'll think of a tropical place, but I think of the woods, the cliffs, the outdoor serene that Wisconsin holds,everythingthat Beloit has.
I lovethe factthat I would be able to take a French class and Arabic class and then classes in architecture and theater later in the day. ... The second half of the sentence doesn't seem to come out right. I've been thinking of ways to make it ok but can't come up with anything. :/
