With fear, you get people to listen to the leader/dictator and the dictator will rule the country making the place perfect with the help of the citizens.
...Never try to use a "/" in your essay. It breaks the rhythm of your writing. And I do not think a leader would ever use fear as a weapon to make those under him obey his orders. A leader differs from a dictator because of this exact reason. Respect is what a leader would use.
If you finish the essay post it here so that we can help you. Judging by your sections I can see that this is going to be a very interesting essay.
I never thought I'd be where I am today, but it is only after I had the courage to grow that continue to grow.
... This sentence seems to be unclear to me.. BUt that might just be me..
Courage is not born, it is developed; it is a full commitment to push beyond boundaries and to live boldly.
.. hmmm I do not quite agree with this though. I think certain people are born with courage, but it certainly can be developed even further as you have said.
Hmm I like the way you write. But you have started with a quote. I wouldn't exactly call it an experience that changed your life. Plus you spend too much time talking about other stuff. You should write more on how you changed as a person after getting the job.
As we know, the higher the standard of life is getting, the harder people try to work in order to catch up it.
Standards of living is getting better and better everyday, and people have to work harder and harder everyday so that they do not fall behind.
I don't quite understand the relationship between standards of living and people working hard. I believe the people have to work harder everyday because the world is getting more and more competitive. But this might just be my idea.
Start with your past, explain how you grew up and what sort of environment you lived in. Come up to the schooling point and tell us an unforgettable experience. Everyone has one those in school. Afterwards tell us what you did after school and how you came to be where you are now. And finally tell us about what you want to do or become in the future and how you are going to get there. :)
Chief reason is that quantum physics is indirectly connected with the subject I want to study- cognitive science
Don't start the sentence using "Chief reason..." because it does not sound good. Try something like,
The main reason why I would choose Quantum physics is because it is indirectly...
The rest of your essay seems ok. I personally would like to study quantum physics as well. But i found even the easiest stuff very hard to understand.. lol
Bangladesh, a small third world country, roughly the size of Wisconsin with a population of about 150 million people, was at one time, a forefront for educational reform in Asia.
hmmm I think this sentence is just a little bit too long.. Try to break it down like this,
Bangladesh is a small third world country and is roughly the size of Wisconsin. It has a population of approximately 150 million people. It was once considered to be a forefront for educational reform in Asia.
You actually write well but you make a few mistakes along the way as well I see. Look at the suggestions made to you. I'm sure it will help. :)
Obesity is making the lives of many people very miserable.
I like the way you write but I think you have to work on your grammar a little bit. You have good points for your essay but you need to back it up with better presentation. :)
You need to improve your grammar and presentation.
According to this aspect many individuals believe that all these forms of skills can only be achieved by genetically and there is no play of continual training.
This sentence does not sound correct. Some people believe that skills and talents should be in one's genes and training yourself without these inborn skills is a waste of time.
On the contrary, people can acquire some talents by taking lots of grooming.
This sentence also sounds incorrect. "Taking lots of grooming"????
Television is an entertainment activity which distracted students from their studies. It influences psychological problem for everyone towards violence and drug abuse.
Television is a major cause for students to be distracted from their studies. It also has a major role to play with the increase of drug use and violence in the world.
You need to work on your grammar and presentation. You have some good points which would interest the reader but you need to present it properly.
According to customers view, it is immense advantage for customers if shop opens for twenty four hours a week.
If we look from the customers point of view, it is a huge advantage for them if the shops are open twenty four hours everyday.
For example, recently my cousin infected with wheezing problem and he struggle for breathing at night and prescribed medicine is over at home.
For example, my cousin was recently infected with a wheezing problem and he was struggling to breathe one night because his prescribed medicine has been used up.
For me, the special chess that full of Chinese traditional culture and stimulates me to spare time and effort is Chinese chess.
For me, the special chess that is full of Chinese culture, that stimulates me to spare time and effort is chinese chess. ... I'm not sure whether the idea is brought out correctly in your sentence or even mine for that matter. I think you should rephrase it.
More importantly, I realize that something essential which was cultivated in my learning to play chess became a spiritual prop of my development and enthusiasm. That is my thirst of knowledge.
This part is very unclear to me. :/
You need to work on your grammar and presentation. Without those you can not write a good essay.
Education is the main concern of every family raising up children,
Education is the main concern of every family raising children,
First, government-financed schools are available to all the community members, regardless of their financial status, and it is up to each family to decide what type of education they opt for their children.
.... Good point.
he had a financial crisis that led him to withdraw his kids the private to a public school.
he faced a financial crisis that gave him no choice but to remove his kids from the private school they were attending and transfer them to a public school.
Hmmm... You have written it well but most of your parts are unnecessary I believe. You have not clearly explained what your goals are. Nor have you shown what you achieved. Your sounds like a story.
Nicely done.. But I wonder, you have simply shown how you came to love music. perhaps you need to elaborate more on what you did with it. Maybe even an accomplishment. But what you have written so far is very very nice. Well done and good luck! :)
Young people usually confront a dilemma when theyhunter theirstart huntingfor jobs:ajobswith temptingsalaries but having to stay far away from families and friends orajobswith modest salaries but can enjoy the time with families and friends .
As far as I am concerned, I would like to accept few salaries but possess benefits staying with my family and friends rather than pursue considerable salaries but cut off from family and friends. ... A few salaries?? what do you mean??
the amount of foreign tourist is continuously increasing in some developing as well developed countries.
the number of foreign tourists is continuously increasing in most countries.
Along with many benefit and joyfulness that traveling abroad brings to them, there are many disadvantage of it that suffer to the foreign tourists, especially, when they do not get some knowledge about the journey, destinations... before traveling.
....This sentence is too long, the reader would lose his way when he reads long sentences...
Since, a huge amount of money needed to spend for organizing these events, it raise a question whether government should use the money for lavish international sporting events or bringing up young talents.
... I don't think you need a comma after the since in this sentence.
Since a huge amount of money needed to spend for organizing these events, it raisesa question whether governmentsshould use the money for lavish international sporting events or bringing up young talents.
As it is a prestigious issue, countries try to make it in a best way they can.
Since it is a prestigious tournament, countries try to host it as best they could.
You have very good points for your essay. I hope my suggestions helped. :)
Allowance gives motivation for children to do their work and it is less difficulty when they became adults.
Weekly allowances helps children understand how co-ordinate their expenses and this practice would certainly be beneficial for them once they are adults.
Some of the benefits of allowance for children are ability to learn about finance
The primary benefit a child would have because of an allowance is that he would be learning about finance.
You have good points but you need to improve your grammar and presentation.
I like your beginning. It catches the reader's eye.:)
I was happy, but something was missing. I wasn't really sure what it was or even what I wanted it to be. So, I went looking. .... I'm not quite sure I understand what you are trying to say here.
I also saw kids who had to walk for hours and hours each way, every day to fetch water that was so dirty and could probably kill them, and often did. ... I like the emotion.. Perhaps it would be better if you cut off the "each way" part. hmmm...
I think you have written this well. You have specifically told the reader what the argument was about, how you handled it, and the ultimate outcome of it. Nicely written and well constructed. And I think it would be a good idea to say what you would do if it happens again. :)
You have a wide taste in music from Beethoven to Bob Marley and to Jay-z. You have written this well but You have not really brought forward why you like music this much except in the last few lines. Perhaps you should use the remaining characters and fill that gap up.
I like the beginning of your essay. It catches the reader's eye well. :)
There is not much wrong with your essay. The few faults I found have been corrected by others. I think your conclusion is very good. You haven't out weighed any side. Overall I think you have done a good job. :)
.First, I am not considering teenagers here who need to work because they have to support themselves and have no other choice. ... I don't think there should be "here" after the teenagers part.
I like the way you have written this essay. Some mistakes have been corrected by others. But i should say that I support your view. :)
Second, people living in apartments are somewhat away from nature, for instance, they may see beautifully bloomed rose in garden but they can not touch and smell it.
I would prefer if you have said "secondly".
Secondly, people living in apartments are somewhat distant from nature, for instance, they may see a beautifully bloomed rose in a garden but they can not touch and smell it.
Third, in case of emergency, they would find it difficult to escape from the building.
...This I think is the most biggest disadvantage. Give it more prominence and explanation.
Despite some social celebrities insist that your career does not mean everything and "a full well-rounded life"is more important, it is undeniable even for them that the career does mean a lot and "the full well-rounded life" also centers around work
This is too long as Dumi has mentioned. Try to keep things simple and short.
For one thing, most people spend more time on their jobs than their social life.
People tend to spend more time on their jobs now than their social life.
Hmmm you need to work on your presentation. I can see a lot of good points which are not presented properly. Otherwise your essay would have been a very good one.
On the other hand, spending lavishly to show their rich status and respect.
This sentence seems incomplete. Let me help you...
On the other hand, some people spend lavishly just to show how rich and powerful they are. Their status and respect among st the community will be shown.
Throwing large amount for decoration, clothes and vehicles, so forth are unnecessary. It should be under budget and they have to use it for investing and saving. For example, the report says savings help many business keep moving.
Hmmm... These lines need rephrasing.. Your idea does not come out nicely.
Hmmm... To be honest I can't find any grammar mistakes in your essay. And you use a lot of big words. My only problem was that you seem to be using too many big words in some sentences. I think I lost track of what you were trying to say in some sentences. Maybe you need to simplify your writing.
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