Writing Feedback / [essays] is it appropriate for magazine or newspaper to give private information about people? [2]

Hey guys :D I'm back! Preparing for new tests. This is an IELTS topic, but I'm required to write it at least 300 words, so please don't bother if it's too long! Thanks in advance for your comments :d

Topic: Many newspapers and magazines feature sotries about the private lives of famous people. We know what they eat, where they buy their clothes and who they love. We also often see pictures of them in private situations.

Is this appropriate for a magazine or newspaper to give this kind of private information about people?

In this era of the booming media, many people's lives, especially renowned ones, are increasingly exposed to publicity. In my opinion, even though this trend is of economic values and provides a chance for wishful readers to learn from their models, it is highly inappropriate regarding human's rights violation and a number of negative impacts yielded on many people.

Admittedly, offering private information brings certain merits to the finance and the readers. As for the former, this kind of doing helps make a handsome profit. Mindful of the market-based economy where the demand of customers matters the most, the producers may utilize private information of celebrities to arouse the public interest, hence, dramatically boost the revenue. Also, this practice may give rise to employment as more and more paparazzi need to be hired to risk their neck following celebrities or, sometimes, intruding their privacy to get the best shot. Moreover, with a revelatory window into famous people's world, some readers might stand a chance to emulate in terms of their habits or strategies, in pursuit of a similar success. The more that the public knows about celebrities, the more lessons drawn and the more possible some people could follow suit.

However, obtaining and disseminating personal pictures and stories of the reputable is highly erroneous. First, it is the famous' rights of privacy, proclaimed in the national legislations, as equal as that of any ordinary people, which is violated. Apparently, those who feel that their lives are overly infiltrated are entitled a rightful voice to report to the court and have the newspapers or magazines compensate. More alarmingly is the negative effects that such private leakage has on both the well-known and the public. Indeed, the victims of such relentless surveillance are prone to a sense of insecurity - the culprit of stress and agitation - which can possibly result in a downward spiral in their career performance. Princess Diana is exemplary in this case as she was reported to have died in a car chase in the hope of escaping the annoying photographers in 1997. Meanwhile, not all famous individuals are ideal moral models for people, especially youngsters to replicate. The famous may have leveraged a number of scandals or portray unacceptable behaviors to be known so that any attempt to learn from them culminates in the mind of people spoiled and mislead. That people probably reinvent the wheel and become notorious is an inevitable consequence.

In conclusion, providing private information about celebrities brings about monetary benefits and valuable lessons, nevertheless, it violates the national laws and has adverse influence on many people. To my mind, what benefits only a minority but heavily harms many others like this practice is not an appropriate doing.

(454 words)

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] 'Long-term positive effects of culture' - should tourist obey local customs and behaviors? [6]

Experts :)
This is my new essay :) Would you mind rating and reviewing it for me? It's really helpful because i'm near the test :) Thanks in advance.

Topic: Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behavior. Other disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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The matter of culture has always stirred up burning controversies in any country because culture is often regarded the "national spirit". Many people hold firmly the belief that countries that open the door to the influx of foreign visitors should welcome the diversity of cultures coming alongside. My sentiments, nevertheless, are at par with the notion that people from another countries should adhere to the local traditions and behavioral patterns for the following reasons.

To begin with, one of the main benefits gained from the gratitude towards local rules is that it shows the guests' respect and hospitality with which they can integrate into the society effortlessly. In addition to this, that foreign passengers follow only one ěifestyle will prevent any socially chaotic states caused by misunderstanding or divergence between diversed customs or between the foreign and local ones. To offer an instance, the America sets no rules or specifically unique customs for outer-country people to obey, leading to the consequence in which there are several religious conflicts between the Christian, the Hindu and the Islam each year.

However, we should not turn a blind eye to certain advantages when the host country willingly welcomes cultural differences, the most remarkable of which is the fact that the cosmopolitan atmosphere helps raise the national residents' cross-cultural awareness. Also, a country with a cadre of global traditions is most likely to appeal to a large number of tourists who are indiosyncrasy-oriented, boosting not only tourism but the domestic finance as a whole. England is examplary in this case on the ground that, according to a survey carried out by the University of Economics in Wales, most of the governmental budget derives from multi-cultural tourism.

Granted, it is true that creating a mixture of customs, behaviors or habits is conducive to the widened horizon and economic growth, we should not forget that remaining a harmonious community with no wars, strikes or social unrests is the most acute. Therefore, refining the heteogeneous income to the traditional patterns of the locality may prove to be more expedient and peaceful.

All in all, even though letting foreign strangers do whatever they want has conspicuous merits, my deep conviction still falls for the one-way culture due to its long-term positive effects.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Competition or co-operation? - 'shaking hands or being up in arms' [3]

Experts :) can you help me review and rate this essay? I would be so grateful :) Thanks in advance :D

Topic: Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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In our life, there are two main ways to acquire greater achievements: shaking hands or being up in arms with each others. This has always been a hotly debated issue, especially when it comes to educating children. Having certain merits and limitations, both sense of competition and co-operation requires deliberation before it is known which will help children become a more useful person in the future.

To begin with, it is believed that teaching and exhorting a person how to compete with others in his early years may prove expedient in the future as it motivates our independence and self-sustenance which are the hallmarks of a good worker. The aspiration to gain higher scores or prizes than the peers when we were young will gradually grow into the incentive to escalate our working efficiencies which consent to promotion or better income. Yet in this case, there is a win-lose situation when only one benefits while the whole community is rewarded nothing.

Similar to sense of competition, such of co-operation helps children grow individually by developing their interpersonal skills. It is true that none of us will live alone in our entire life, which means we need an array of skills on how to understand, to share and to work together with our partners. Therefore, our life may become much convenient and relaxing since obstacles have been tackled by enormously joint effort.

In addition, coordination brings about communal advantages, unlike competitiveness. It is a rule of thumb that one plus is sometimes three, four or even higher. In the field of business, to offer an instance, two companies that combine into one conglomerate are much stronger and have more resources, hence potentials to burgeon, than two separately working ones. Not until people learn to concess and intergrate for the sake of better profits does the country itself benefit economically and politically.

All in all, I concur that teaming up far outweighs working personally on the ground that it has both small and large-scale positivities. Nevertheless, it is still of great importance to instill both senses on children for a comprehensive development.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Equivalent number of two genders in terms of university's learning [2]

Experts :) Would you mind correcting and rating my essay? Thanks a lot in advance!

Topic: Universities should accept equal number of male and female students in every subjects.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In today's world, there has been a growing trend towards the equality between men and women, especially in the field of education. While many people strongly believe that some specific subjects are designated only for one gender therefore universities should provide priority for that gender as regard to the number of students, I profoundly oppose to this notion because it goes against the delineation of "liberty" and may yield negative results on the society as a whole.

The most important reason why universities should allow equal number of male and female in every subject is that, living in the world of freedom, students deserve the rights to choose their wishful majors so as to pursue their dreams, beautify their communities or simply exploit the best of their potentials. In the past, for instance, Vietnamese government only accepted men to go to school that taught politics, foreign languages and cultures, which was morally wrong and resulted in a shortage of female commanders of the uprisings. Feeling confined, or worst, discriminated, people may not be able to discover their true abilities hence be incapacitated to contribute to the society.

Another justification that advocates the balance between men and women when it comes to academic studies is that it secures a healthy nation by sustaining the stability of jobs. On the professional level, to be precise, unless women are provided an equal opportunity to study certain spheres such as technology, politics or economics, when there are vacancies in such vocations that relate to these knowledge, such gaps need to wait to be filled by no one but men which denounces the companies' effiency. Once the chains of productions are postponed, the country itself may suffer from economic crises. Therefore, both genders should be granted the same privillege to study equally to support each other, and also the nation, when neccessary.

In conclusion, it is the right to choose subjects at their own disposal and the social security that calls for an equivalent number of two genders in terms of university's learning. In my opinion, the sooner this practice is put into reality, the better our life will be.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Why is happiness difficult to define? Important factors to happiness? [6]

Guys :) Can you help me this time :) Please rate and review (if possible) :) Thanks a lot :D

Topic: Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?

humans have always aspired to happiness

Since the dawn of history, humans have aspired to happiness. Despite being regarded as one of the most indispensable parts in our life, happiness poses a challenge for everyone to define it's actual meaning. This essay will discuss the reasons happiness is such an abstract concept as well as make a case for important factors contributed to happiness.

One very good explanation for the fact that it is difficult to analyse 'happiness' is its dependence on several factors that exist both subjectively and objectively. In terms of the external elements, family backgrounds such as social status or financial matters have an enormous impact on our decision. Simultaneously, personal aspiration as well as individual concept based on education or culture, regarded as inner factors, also determine each person's perspective on happiness. For example, a disabled who lost his legs find it delightfull if he is enabled to walk or move around like the ordinary, while a mailman defines happiness as a day off, sinking in his sofa and not having to take a step elsewhere. So long as people have different outlook on life, happiness is yet to be answered.

When talking about happiness, there is an array of deciding factors that create a joyful life, one of which is family. A close-knit family without any sibbling or parent rivalries that offers a safe and comfortable backdrop after our thick and thin is most likely to provide the real sense of well-being, security and relaxation, known as happiness. For instance, a survey conducted two years ago by BBC news demonstrated that the 'happiness rate' in India was the lowest on the ground that most families were not cozy and peaceful; the adults were busily working while youngster were under no supervision which lead to social vices commitment.

Another factor that should be taken into full consideration is careers, since a career decides how useful you are to the society hence how you are perceived by other people, which either brighten your day or not. It is believed that a successful career guarantees high social status, accompanied by public respect, and acceptable earnings. Hardly do people feel mistressed or dissatisfied if they are provided with credibility and a sustainable living standard, all of which brought about by an accomplished vocation.

To summarize, happiness will always remain questionable about its real meaning because the environmental and personal influences are various. Yet, knowing that a congenial family and a thriving profession build up happiness, it will be easier for many people to acquire this important part of their life.

Can you suggest other words for: factors, happiness, define?? I'm a bit stuck here :)

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] The new fashion in having careers [3]

Hi everyone :) Can you guys help me with this one? It is from my IELTS book and I don't know how to approach this one properly. It only states 2 sentences and nothing more like "agree or disagree" or "discuss both sides", so I find it a bit difficult. Also I find this one quite hard to comprehend, especially the terms: "further education is something that continues throughout life". Hope you guys can help me :) Thanks beforehand :D

Topic: The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashion one. The new fashion will be to have several careers or ways of earning money and further education will be something that continues throughout life.

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Humans are never satisfied with their accomplishments. This is clearly mirrored in a continous trend towards an increase in the income. Since the notion of having only one career soon fell out of fashion, people have been making for multi-vocation life or ways to improve their salaries, which is prior to education.

As the world never stays still, a single job has started to lose its popularity. Bearing in mind that working for one employer is rewarded with considerably small earnings, people turn out to seek more jobs to make ends meet or to soothe their aspiration to higher living standards. Psychologically speaking, people are easily affected by their peers, especially colleages or neighbors, due to envy or the fear of falling behind. That is another reason why this job-hunting trend has drawn humans' attention from a sole profession.

When it comes to the simultaneous commitment in various careers or ways to earn money, people often sacrifice education as a second-ranked neccessity hence it will continue throughout their life. People have to focus on fulfilling an array of tasks in a day so as not to be sacked or penalized, therefore incompulsory studies always receive less time and attention. For example, some students want to start up their own businesses at an early age, explaining their choices in part-time studies (especially night courses) rather than full-time ones. As for the adults who are engaged in, quite often, both business and sports, they also choose to spend little time everyday to consolidat their spheres of knowledge which are not adequate because of time occupation.

In conclusion, the number of people driven by materialistic value or sense of fulfilment is today on and upward trend. This is the main cause to education delays or a lifelong piecemeal one.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Should parents be obliged to immunize their vulnerable children? [6]

Hello everyone :) Could you please help me review and rate this essay? Thanks a lot :)

Topic: Should parents be obliged to immunize their children against common childhood diseases? Or do individuals have the right to choose not to immunize their children?

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Children are vulnerable. The fact that they are susceptible to serious diseases calls for very meticulous healthcare. While many people believe that it is up to parents to decide whether their children may have access to disease immunization, I strongly believe that the parents are compelled to have their children injected and protected from common illnesses.

It is said that prevention is always better than cure, both economically and biologically. In this case, if the parents immunize their children against popular childhood illnesses, they might save a fortune to fight them off subsequently. In addition, such communicable diseases may take a toll on children whose immune systems are fragile due to necessary vacination shortage. For example, in Vietnam, many adults restrained from bringing their children to clinic for injections which results in almost a hundred deaths caused by Rubella Virus. Thereby, infants must be immunized as soon as possible.

Another reason that the grown-ups are bound to have their children shielded from diseases is merely the fact that children are the national future. From an anthropological point of view, healthy offsprings will lead a strong and sustainable community, lessening the chance of extinction. Furthermore, standing from the view of an economist, well-nourished and energetic generations will assure a constant financial escalation, which is enabled by well-rounded protection since childhood. Africa in the past, for instance, could never thrive to be prosperous despite its enormous resources only on the ground that thousands of children died each year due to a lack of medical treatment.

To conclude, immunizing children against regular illness should be regarded as a mission for adults. By doing so, they can not only benefit themselves but the nation's iminent development is also secured.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] We should opt for customary music rather than worldwide one [7]

Experts :) Hope you guys can review my essays and rate (if possible) :D

Topic: There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

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Along with other human's inventions, music was born quite early yet still survives untill this day and age. From simple sounds created by human using daily tools and their voice, music has developed into a myriad of kinds nowadays, which fall for two categories: traditional music and international music. This essay will come clean about the importance of general music, followed by explanations for a greater role of classical music compared to the other one.

To begin, music serves as means of entertainment and education. Apparently, when people confront ups and downs in their life, music is always a loyal companion to soothe our feelings, to share mistress and sorrow or to multiply blissful happiness. In other words, music is unrivalled when it comes to enriching our spiritual life. From the academic perspective, consisted of words and rythme, music helps people learn languages more rapidly with relxation. According to many researchs, if children are exposed to music, especially classical one, their IQ and EQ will increase significantly which mark music as an indirect tool of education.

In terms of music, traditional songs have always been of greater importance than international ones. Most classical composers went to great length to tell the audiences about either our glorious pasts or the national cultures. Meanwhile, sons written to entertain global people are often full of ear-catching but meaningless words. For instance, hardly do any national songs not teach us about altruism, bravery and compatriotism, while most market songs such as K-pop ones, for instance the "Gentle man", only shows how to be a bad man (?!)

To conclude, music plays an indispensable role in our life as an emotional and witty friend from whom we can learn and put ourselves at ease. However, we should opt for customary music rather than worldwide one due to the meaningful lessons it conveys.