TJLuschen
Mar 16, 2018
Undergraduate / I was drawn towards the University of Waterloo for 2 main reasons. [3]
Hi, this seems very wordy for such a short statement. With such a strict limit, you need to optimize every word to make sure you can communicate how the special programs are Waterloo are uniquely optimal to help you fulfil your goals. Overall your statement seems too general with wasted phrases like "a new and every-changing field requiring adapatibility in its specialists." That sentence does not really tell much about you or about your chosen university. You say Waterloo is innovative, but you need to show, not tell. What exactly makes it innovative? Why is its culture innovative? Do they not have tests? Is every professor a woman? Are their classrooms painted bright purple? You need to provide the details. As for the co-op program, that is more clear, but still including details on specific co-op programs that you wish you could have taken part in will help make your writing more specific. Here are some suggestions on ways you can condense your sentences so you can add more details:
I was drawn towards the University of Waterloo [draws me] for 2 main reasons. First of all, [its] reputation as Canada's most innovative university [meshes with my] career goal of
... culture will [furnish me] with the right mindset [to actualize] my goal.
My lack of experience ... of getting a job. [By] helping me gain ..., the program will [rectify my relative lack of practical experience by] fully [preparing] me with ... skills to [ensure] success after graduation. (0 characters left)
Hi, this seems very wordy for such a short statement. With such a strict limit, you need to optimize every word to make sure you can communicate how the special programs are Waterloo are uniquely optimal to help you fulfil your goals. Overall your statement seems too general with wasted phrases like "a new and every-changing field requiring adapatibility in its specialists." That sentence does not really tell much about you or about your chosen university. You say Waterloo is innovative, but you need to show, not tell. What exactly makes it innovative? Why is its culture innovative? Do they not have tests? Is every professor a woman? Are their classrooms painted bright purple? You need to provide the details. As for the co-op program, that is more clear, but still including details on specific co-op programs that you wish you could have taken part in will help make your writing more specific. Here are some suggestions on ways you can condense your sentences so you can add more details:
... culture will [furnish me] with the right mindset [to actualize] my goal.