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Posts by Crystal812
Name: Menglu Pan
Joined: Jan 27, 2016
Last Post: Mar 15, 2016
Threads: 23
Posts: 55  
Likes: 11
From: CPR
School: Capital Normal University

Displayed posts: 78 / page 2 of 2
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Crystal812   
Feb 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / Media pay excessive concern to the celebrities' lives like actors, singers, or footballers [2]

media have to hold their principle like cover both sides as the important one (two verbs in one sentence)

that is why media should expose not only celebrities but also in many aspects of lives

enormous people ?? (it seems that people are giant → enormous amount of 。。。 or enormous population)

This makes people compassionate to one another and builds a better place to live with ? ?
(Technically speaking, people build a place people live in the place )

To sum up, that it is evident that more attention should be paid on ordinary people.
Crystal812   
Feb 13, 2016
Undergraduate / Explain unique aspects of your academic background or valued experiences you may have had [3]

Hi, Elizabeth!

After reading your essay, I believe you must be an outstanding student in your school. According to your passage, you do well in the leadership, give your desired major and minor subject and show that you are greatly influenced by your father. However, do allow me to give you some suggestions.

Regarding the former part of your first paragragh, the Student Council and Leadership thing, you may want to show your strength of leadership, but as an audience, I would like to know something specific and unique. I watch CNN Student News every day, where there is a part called Hero. They show young people who are good at volunteer and leadership by using some details, like donating things or doing speeches in the public. They do not just tell people they are group leaders, however, they give some examples to make the audience themselves realize the point, which could be quite convincing.

The interviewers may receive a large amount of materials saying their leadership, then what is your distinctiveness? How about this? Describe the most difficult task happening in your Council and discourse how you overcome the difficulty with your ability of great communication or something else.Only when you show your uniqueness, you will leave the teachers a deep impression so that you would be admitted by them.

Wish your success!
Crystal812   
Feb 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / TOEFL TSK: The extended family (grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles) is still important nowadays [6]

Hi,

It's me, again. I just finish the rewriting and could not wait for you to help me make some changes. It's the same topic. Well, how about this version?

I would appreciate it if you could reply to me soon! Thank you!

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Within the last few decades, there has been an unprecedented improvement of people's perception about family. Due to the great assistance of the Internet and social media, the extended family can communicate with each other online, in the meanwhile, they are less likely to chat face-to-face, which does have an adverse effect on people's feelings and love. Although some individuals argue that the extended family is less significant than it was in the past, I believe that the extended family is still crucial for us.

First of all, it has been a tradition to live in a huge clan with a colossal group of members since thousands years ago. Nowadays, it is hard to deny that there are still a large amount of people living in the extended family and making the consistent and loving relationship with their family. The extended family is pivotal for people's necessity to maintain the traditional culture and custom inherited from their ancestors.

In addition, living with a group of family members can be virtually helpful especially when the family is in trouble. A big family usually means great resistance when facing difficulty, because more people are inclined to contribute their forces to overcoming the hard time and making a greater success finally. In terms of the great unity of the family, I claim that the extended family is still necessary for us.

Last but not least, the extended family are more probable to bring fabulous amusement to all of the family members. When they get together, they have many anecdotes and juicy gossip circulating in the small circle of people. They have their own funny time which they spend together without any interruption from acquaintances. People will never want to miss the joyful moments with their extended family, which may be the most precious treasure in their lives.

To conclude, I state that the extended family is still critical for us although some people do not want to waste time with their family members face-to-face. It is very essential to maintain the tradition and cherish the fascinating memories with our grandparents, cousins, uncles and aunts.
Crystal812   
Feb 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / TOEFL TSK: The extended family (grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles) is still important nowadays [6]

Hi! There. I just completed my writing and need somebody to help me, in two aspects: grammer and structure. Since it is a practice test, I did not make any modifications. Thank you for helping me!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
The extended family (grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles) is less important now than it was in the past.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Within the last few decades, there has been an unprecedented change of people's perception about family due to the advancement of technology. Nowadays, people tend to stay at home and communicate with family members through the Internet or social media. While it brings great convenience to individuals, it also weakens love and emphasy between family members. So I do not agree with the statement that the extended family is less important now than it was in the past.

First of all, influenced by Chinese traditional culture, I, who visit my family members in every Spring Festival, am so obssessed with this characteristic culture. As a young college student, living thousand miles away from home, I really miss my grandparents, aunts and uncles. They are so significant that they remind me of those joyful moments when we got together and enjoyed the Sping Festival Gala every year. I maintain the most important position in my heart for my extended family, which can be ascribed to the conventional culture.

Second, connection with a big family will be of great assistance when I am in trouble. For example, I remember there was a time, when my family had difficulty with budgets, and in the meanwhile, I was required to pay my tuition at the beginning of the semester. Once my family heard of the news, they help us to pay for the bill and I went to the college finally. Thanks to the great power of the extended family, I could fulfill my college dream.

Last but not least, living in an extend family is full of excitement due to a large amounts of anecdotals happening in the family. I am a big fan of the tv series Modern Family, where there is a colossal extended family. The show has given me a fabulous impression that the extended family can contribute to amusement of daily life. And it also reminds me of my own family, which give me many happy moments.

To conclude, even though social media allow individuals to communicate with family members online, I still believe the extended family is vital to people nowadays, because family members can help each other and bring a lot of fun, not to mention the traditional culture.
Crystal812   
Feb 12, 2016
Research Papers / Essay about Active Kids, Better Students [2]

Well, I major in Political Science, so I may not have a good command of your professional area. However, in order to do some preparations, I have read at least 30 articles of others. So here come my suggestions:

1. How about giving your audience some clues to make the passage preciser or separate your passage into several parts. Like: research, reasons, evidence, people's efforts, conclusion..... To be honest, I felt tough to read the passage without any indications or hints

2.Regarding the citing, I have problems with it too. Every time I have difficulty, my teachers ask me to browse others' citing, you know, try to imitate. They may meet the situation, where there are two or three authors. Just look how they deal with that kind of citing.

3. Last but least, I believe that your evidence should be authorized by some scientists or departmens. There is something regarding a blog which is cited by you. I am not sure if there are only two participants, How can it leads to the conclusion. It is obvious that the only difference may be the activity they did. But maybe they have spme other imperceptible differences, which could be ignored by the researchers.

All in all, I am quite interested in your paper. You need to make it easier to read. Wish you success!
Crystal812   
Feb 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / At what age should kids begin their formal education: at four years old or 7 years old instead? [2]

Your passage is almost perfect. Could you pay attention to some details?

It is true that education is one of the essential necessary in human being life and generallyhas introduced (??) since a young age.

Forcing children obtain heavy materials such subjects in a formal school can possible lead to frustration and cause failure in academic.

the parents should consider the development of their children's brain before enrolling the children in a formal education.
Crystal812   
Feb 11, 2016
Undergraduate / Leadership, progress, and service during the past three years. Georgia Tech admission essay. [4]

First of all, I was totally inspired by your story, and I have read all the parts of your passage, no matter the formal part or the extra part.

You are right about the thing that the first draft should be as detailed as possible. Once I consulted an agency, and one of the employer helped me. My advice: try to go for some professional services or ask help from somebody who already in Georgia Tech. I am not sure whether you have enough time but I believe it is better to hurry up. After all, you are applying a specific position in a specific institution so that finding what the school really like and trying to fit them are the most important things. Wish you success! God bless you!
Crystal812   
Feb 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / Is it better to have broad knowledge of many academic subjects? Or the specialization has more value [2]

Hi, I just completed my writing task, and could you please help me? From grammer and structure perspectives? Thank you so much!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is better to have broad knowledge of many academic subjects than to specialize in one specific subject.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Within the last few generations, there has been an unprecedented development of education in society, so that people recognize that it is pivotal to attend colleges or universities to prepare for the future career. There is no doubt that schools are making strenuous efforts to cultivate elites for the whole society, and to fulfill this goal, there has been an discussion on whether students should learn broad knowledge or one professional subject. I claim that students should study both of them, and attention should be paid in different areas depending on different stages.

Take myself as an example: When I attended my university, I was just a 18-year-old girl who had no command of university things. There was no doubt that I was so confused at that time that I could not choose a major subject for myself. I really appreciated that the department did not arrange any specific subjects in the first year. By contrast, I was exposed to liberal courses resulting in my understanding of a wide variety of areas, which was helpful for me. I believe that showing students with all sorts of interesting areas is quite important for students' cultivation.

When I reached the stage becoming the senior in the school, I was totally determined what I want to do in the future and I had a good command of the career prospect of my specific subject. Prior to the decision, I discovered that I did not have the stomach for Math and that I had a great interest in Political Science. Only after so many trials and attempts, students can find what subjects they really want to major in. In addition, specific knowledge is crutial for students owing to professional working skills required in the process of work. For example: I need to learn practical management skills and specific departments of the Chinese government to prepare for the future job.

To conclude, both broad subjects and professional subjects are significant for students, and young people should weigh the importance of those knowledge depending on different stages in their lives.
Crystal812   
Feb 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / Internet: repetitive, violent and fraudulent information - it is uncomfortable for us to use it now [4]

Hello!
I have just completed my piece of writing but don't have anyone to help me out. Hope that you guys can help me from structure and grammer perspectives. Since it is a 30-minute test, I did not do any modifications by now and hope that you could give a mark (out of 30).

Thanks so much.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
Some people say that the Internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to much information creates problems. Which view do you agree with?_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Within the last few generations, there has been an unprecedented improvement on technology in society, not to mention the great advencement of the Internet. A large number of people are so obssessed with the Internet so that they cannot live without it even in a moment. While the Internet brings great benefits to individuals all over the world, people are arguring whether the information from the Internet has created some problems. Personally speaking, the Internet provides us an access to redundant, violent and fraudulent information.

First of all, there is no doubt that the Internet offers us with a colossal amount of repetitive information. Take the Youtube as an example: once there is a piece of popular video updated on the web, it will be shared by millions of people, so that a considerable number of my friends will repost the message again and again. Sometimes I really want the website to have a specific function so that I can get rid of browsing redundant information, which is virtually a waste of time.

In addition, the Internet are believed to impair young people because of violent images showed in the online games. For instance, there was a famous case, where a young college student killed three classmates after playing violent online computer games in 2003 in China, because he was misled by the information and could not tell the realistic world with the game world. Violent information displayed on the Internet does have some consequences on juvenile delinquency.

Last but not least, the Internet makes it much more easier to get in touch with frauds than before. Hackers are so sneaky that they tend to take advantage of people's attentions on juicy gossip. Within one simple click, people are led to particular pages so that their computers are locked by illegal hackers and cannot be unlocked without ransom. What's even worse is that they are inventing new means to fool people following the development of the Internet.

In conclusion, the Internet has brought us with so much repetitive, violent and fraudulent information, as a result, it is uncomfortable for us to use it.
Crystal812   
Feb 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Task 2. Both museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourist rather than local people? [2]

You have a good command of advanced words, but you probably have a problem with usage. Try to refer to example sentences before using words. In addition, could you please pay attention to clauses? Look at the following two examples and focus on the function of words "that" and "how", which are very important parts of the clauses.

e.g. What he emphasized again and again wasthatthey should never retreat even for an inch no matter how hard it was.

The question ishowpeople can find an effective way to store the sun's heat.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It is argued that foreigners are more attracted to visit some museums ...

The reason why local people have less interest to visit museums and historical sites is that both places genuinely do not provide an impressive facilities. People majority (???) have a tendency to travel in ...

The result of this is that local people tend to ...

The result is that the number of local people ...
... local people think it is unnecessary to visit historical places during the excursion time ...
This is the greatest way to encourage local people to be more aware of both of places.

... spot is the principal problem leading local people to overlook ...
... can be addressed by the advanced of technology within those places.
Crystal812   
Feb 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 - People Need Music to Support Their Lives [3]

Your grammer is almost perfect and I like your instances. However, regarding the content, you claimed that "There is an anxiety that the latter may become extinct if several people listen to the former more." at the end of the passage, which makes me want more examples or details in this aspect. I mean it may seem incomplete if you just advance a point without elaborate further explanations. I don't know if there is a time limitation in IELTS TSK, you had better mind it. Best wishes!

____________________________________________________________________________________________

... particularly when they have to workout (noun)?

... and this makes them more spirit (spirit is a noun) ? to do sport. For illustrate (verb), when I joined in fitness ...
Crystal812   
Feb 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Agree or disagree: Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past. [5]

Within the last few generations, there has been an unprecedented improvement of technology in society. People have been arguing on the question whether technology has an adverse effect on creativity for many years. Some people believe that technology distracts young people from innovation, however, I will claim that technology is vitally important for children's inventing from two perspectives: uniqueness and enthusiasm.

First of all, according to the definition of creativity, young individuals need to discover something new and unprecedented. It is critical for them to have a good command of what people have created before, so that they can make an actual difference. For instance: last year I watched a television show called the Shark Tank, in which a young pupil invented a cup always maintaining its temperature at an exact point. When talking about the process, he said that he did a lot of research to assure that nobody had done the same thing before.

In addition, there is another kind of approach of inventing, which is to combine two or even more imperceptibly irrelevant things in a brand new way. Take the train as an example: after the creating of steam machines, people combined engines with wheels carrying heavy goods on rails. Without the preceding contribution of technology, there will be less interesting inventions in this world. Children's creativity is greatly inspired by the continuous advancements of technology so that their enthusiasm is not iced.

To conclude, I strongly support the idea that technology facilitates children's creativity for the sake of uniqueness and inspiration. And we should pay attention to cultivating their creativity with the assistance of scientific techniques.
Crystal812   
Feb 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Should people judge others by their clothes? [2]

Interesting ideas. However, I noticed that you made some mistakes, like missing conjections or confusions about singular form and plural form. Could you please make efforts to perfect your grammer? Then you will have an improvement. Wish you success!

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

... people are precisely judged by others as what they wear.
... judging people by their clothes is an inaccurate opinion. Although dress has a different meaning for people, ...

... a lot of attractive communications are built between ...

Yet there are some people who do not believe (...) person has a different style, and/so they wear what they want.
... which are covering their body are same. Another view is that clothes are the primary (...) apply any styles which are provided comfort(???) in their life.

In my opinion, it is a tolerable to create a description ...
As a result, public tend to describe these workers as a polite and responsible person since it is reflected in their jobs.
... so the previous belief cannot be accepted generally, it depends on person's aims.

However, it is not a universal habit,(...) some believe that ...
Crystal812   
Feb 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / PLAYING ONLINE GAMES; some people believe it helps to educate children, others argue with it [3]

Your grammer is almost perfect, however there are still some details you need to mind:

(1) ... results in a prolonged debate

(2) video games will only bring a drawback for its users games----their game-----its

(3) ... be paid on restricting ... pay attention to

(4) ... online games as sometimes,

(5) ... spent on playing games.
Crystal812   
Feb 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Television advertising should not be allowed to children. The pravailing of TV in people's home. [2]

TOEFL

Hello!
I have just completed my pieces of writing but don't have anyone to help me out. Hope that you guys can help me from structure and grammer perspectives. Since it is a 30-minute test, I did not do any modificatons by now and hope that you could give a mark (out of 30).

Thanks so much.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Within the last few generations, there has been an unprecedented development of technology in society, which leads to the pravailing of television in people's home. While television makes a positive effect on everybody's entertainment, it is difficult to deny that TV advertising is adverse to young children, for the sake of redundant information, misleading effects and premature phenomenon.

First of all, television advertising are poured into children's life which is virtually harmful for the growth. It is reported by the researchers that the merchant need to repeat the same ad continuously for many times in the period of seven weeks, so that it can be remembered by people. Watching this kind of advertisement is no doubt a waste of time and those redundant information does not make any sense.

Second, advertising is misleading sometimes because of celebrities or wrong information. For example, a pair of sneaker repesented by a champion runner will leave an impression of being easily used and high-qualified, even though it is not good at speed. Take another instance: a yogurt ad may claim that it does not contain any fat in the beverage, however,they are trying to obscure the fact that the drink was abundant in sugar, which is also harmful to humans.

Last but not least, it is likely to show some violent plots or sextual indications in advertisements to appeal their consumers, especially under the heavy pressure of competition. The images can facilitate children to be premature and distort their innocent minds.

To conclude, I believe that young children should not be exposed to overflowing advertisements in order to protect them from dangers of redundant information, misleading knowledge and prematurity.
Crystal812   
Feb 1, 2016
Undergraduate / QUEENS COMMERCE SUPP. ESSAY - Pick a job and describe impact/greatest learning outcome [3]

I am so inspired by your experiences and cannot wait to say that you are so amazing. Your vivid examples and elaborate details make the essay impressive.

As it is a SUPP. ESSAY, I would give you a little suggetion:
from 30-40 hours per week → from 30 to 40 hours per week → from thirty to forty hours per week (to make it more formal)

I hope that you will succeed.

Best wishes!
Crystal812   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Colour as a powerful weapon against people's uninfluenced shopping decisions - IELTS TASK 2 [4]

Your grammer is almost perfect, and you need to pay attention to the details.

This notion is utterly acceptable since colour can attract people's interest.

when it comes to deciding some options

A 2012 recent psychological study reveals

were more likely to look at visual appearance including colour at products which they would buy

This resulted in the increase in the number of branded products were sold by retail companies.

However, it is believed that well-known brands also should be taken into account as well.

I love your examples because they are specific, exact and persuasive.
Crystal812   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / (TOEFL) Is it more important to learn facts from factual experiences? [2]

Hello!
I have just completed my pieces of writing but don't have anyone to help me out. Hope that you guys can help me from structure and grammer perspectives. Since it is a 30-minute test, I did not do any modificatons by now and hope that you could give a mark (out of 30).

Thanks so much.
_________________________________________________________________________________________

Within the last few generations, there has been an unprecedented development in society, due to the advancement of technology. While it is true that learning concepts from textbooks is necessary, it is more pivotal to learn from factural experiences chronically and specifically.

Admittedly, there is nothing wrong with learning from books, where there are large amounts of knowledge and concepts. And if we have no idea of the backgrounding knowledge, it will be tougher to accomplish tasks in daily life than within concepts.

But what I want to argue is that, concepts all originate from practices, which means a chronical order in the process, determining that practices matter more. Without learning facts, there will never be the progress in the knowledge in history. And moreover, concepts are not able to predict what wll happen in the future, so that it is always incomplete.

In addition, people learning from their factural lives have advantages of being flexible to specific conditions. For example, there was no concept of innocence of insinity's killing until a lawyer discovered and detected particular cases in the United Kingdom. Take another example: consumers nowadays do not concentrate only on prices of products, and they pay attention to the quality, reliability and other features during the purchasing owing to flexiblity of humans, instead of clinging to knowledge and fixed concepts.

To conclude, I don't agree that it is more important to understand concepts.than to learn facts, for the sake of unpredictable future and people's flexible reactions to specific conditions.
Crystal812   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS2: INTERNET - EXCELLENT MEANS OF COMMUNICATION but not be the best place to find information. [2]

Most people are standing on their ownthoughts saying internet is a good way to communicate

Internet can be used to have a long distance contact,
internet had become an unsafe place to seek information provided by a lot of unreliable website.

These days and ages

Its user grows each day
This causes peopleto depend on it to get through somebody else

state it as the best alternative way of communicating instead of mailing or texting.

Many people read different articles in several websites

your beloved persons

we have to put more attention in choosing wisely our source when we have to discover certain kind of information in them, since there are a lot of untrustworthy source included there.
Crystal812   
Jan 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / (TOEFL) Life today is easier and more comfortable than it was when your grandparents were children. [2]

Hello!
I have just completed my pieces of writing but don't have anyone to help me out. Hope that you guys can help me from structure and grammer perspectives. Since it is a 30-minute test, I did not do any modificatons by now and hope that you could give a mark (out of 30).

Thanks so much.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________

Within the last few generations, there has been an unprecedented development of society which made a drastic change in daily life. It is convenient to surf the Internet and to travel all over the world nowadays, not to mention colossal transformations of life in China. Personally speaking, life today is more convenient and comfortable than it was when my grandparents were children.

First of all, it is evident that a few decades ago, there was no access to the Internet or computers until 1980s. My grandparents do not have a good command of computers , while I am born in the Internet era, which gives me a fantastic oppotunity to learn what is happening all over the world and to make relationship with different people through social medias.

What's more, it is difficult to obscure the fact that people are more capable of travelling around the world whenever they want for the sake of the online tickets selling. Thanks to this improvement, we are able to go outside to meet different people, to make acquitances and broaden our horizons to discover the ideal lifestyles.

Last but not least, the world has witnessed the great changes of China since 1980s, which virtually improved the standards of people's life. According to the memory of my grandpa, it was a daydream to have meat when he was a child and children could be happy for several days after eating a candy owing to planning-economy. In 1980s, there was a famous reform which transformed people's life, so that I can purchase whatever I love from the market recently.

To conclude, there is no doubt that living today is easier that it was in the past , especially in a developng country, where a reform changes our lives in many aspects, such as computers and travelling and so on.
Crystal812   
Jan 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / People are extremely straightforward in creating a close relationship and maintain it in a good way [3]

... citizens are extremely straightforward in creating a close relationship and maintaining it in a good way.

electronic-media → electronic media

providing them with an easy way provide sb with sth / provide sth for sb

Humans are not required to meet directly to person meet sb meet with sb

it seems that this will lead to less close relationship ??? "more close" × closer "less close"???

This, of course, resulted in unfriendly personal relationship between country-settlers.

This is will be more beneficial when if people have tight activities which force ...

this is more likely not less likely to be a big problem since ...

since human's link can be tightenedinstead by utilizing such sophisticated social networking tools.
Crystal812   
Jan 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / task 1 - The Percentage of Places Visited by Different People in Australia [4]

The bar chart portrays the data about the places where which is visited by three different people

They are individuals who born in Australia, New migrants who born in English spoken countries, and New migrants who born in other countries

Cinema is the highest place visited by the Australian (This could be confusing. Could you try to describe it as a rate or frequency)

Cinema is predominant space visited by people who born in Australia
Moreover, Library is the different location where is visited.

It is appreciable that you are making great efforts to make the sentence better, however I recommend you should pay attention to clauses.

e.g. They will fly to Washington, where they plan to stay for two or three days.
→ They will fly to Washington, in which they plan to stay for two or three days.
→ They will fly to Washington, and they plan to stay in Washington for two or three days

e.g. I was born in Washington
→ I am a girl born in Washington
→ I am a girl who was born in Washington
Crystal812   
Jan 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / ( TPO 5 ) things they like to do ? things they should do ? [3]

Hello!
I have just completed my pieces of writing but don't have anyone to help me out. Hope that you guys can help me from structure and grammer perspectives. Since it is a 30-minute test, I did not do any modificatons by now and hope that you could give a mark (out of 30).

Thanks so much.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things they like to do-rather than doing things they should do.

----------------------------------------------------------

Within the last few generations, there has been an unprecedented development of entertaining means due to the advancement of technology. Take my uncle Joshua as an example: he pays the visit to the museums in the city to appreciate masterpieces of art on weekend periodically. Personally speaking, I disagree with the statement that people spend too much time on personal entertaining things which they like to do. By contrast, I believe that it is vitally important to enjoy ourselves in daily life from two perspectives: people's mental health and their outlook.

On the one hand, there is nothing wrong to pour our time into entertainment in society owing to our mental health. It is revealed in a scientific research that there are large number of individuals who died from homecides as a consequence of heavy pressure. Even though making strenuous efforts to lead a life is necessity, people are virtually supposed to pay attention to amusement to divert stress, especially after a tough day of work.

On the other hand, during the process of enjoyment, people are available to the access to a brand new world. When it comes to specific hobbies, it means having a good command of fresh experiences and knowledge from the communication with acquaintances. What's more, it is likely to make new relationship, which is helpful to shape the way of thinking and to render us to be much more tolerant to differences.

So from my point of view, it is true that we are obligated to do something to suit the society demands, but it is pivotal to be obsessed in things we like to do. Not to mention the spiritual burden from competitive society, it is reasonable for us to broaden our horizon.
Crystal812   
Jan 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Media needs to air a program reporting ordinary people which has more value for everyone [2]

media have a pivotal role for inhabitants → in

ordinary people which (who) have more valuable lesson to bebenefit by (benefitial to) humans

Taking an outstanding football player, David ...
(I cannot find the subject of the sentence)

Aside from that, this program apparently can satisfy for several viewers who ...

those electronic media seemingly only more focus (more) on how to earn money as much (as) possible without thinking the worth ...

is required to be focus(ed) on
Crystal812   
Jan 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2: Most successful inventions do not rely on complicated technology. [2]

have a significant impact in on

There is no doubted that many new products (are)accepted by the consumer because of simplifying the features.

This concept is (a) breakthrough (of) the handphone concept all the time;

to standardize of the smartphone.???

hasa professional features

has significant role???

In conclusion, I agree that The phenomenal invention is a combination of elegant design and easy to use tend to successful in the market. (many verbs in one sentence)
Crystal812   
Jan 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Lecture points and statement about cars; Integrated Writing Task & Independent Writing Task of TPO 4 [NEW]

Hi ! I have just completed my pieces of writing but don't have anyone to help me out. Hope that you guys can help me from structure and grammer perspectives. Since it is a 60-minute test, I did not do any modificatons and hope that you could give a mark. Thanks so much.

Integrated Writing Task

Summarise the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they challenge the specific points made reading passage.

The opinion which was claimed in the reading passage that dinosaurs are endotherms was totally doubted by the scientists according to the lecture.

In the passage, the author argued that polar dinosaurs fossils which were discovered by the researchers indicate that these animals could sustain in such a frigid circumstance. However, the lecturer objected that polar animals just were not capable of migrating or hibernating in the polar area.

What's more, the listening content did admit that dinosaur fossils maintained leg bones which was underneath the body, but it was not the evidence to show that dinosaurs are endothermed. The truth is they use these strong and tough legs to support their extraordinary weight because of their large size.

Last but not least, it is true that a connection was in existence between endothermy and bone structure, but there was still other signals indicating that the growth of dinosaurs was inconsistent. When it comes to the temperature, the speed of growth was influenced obviously according to the observation from the scientists.

All in all, the lecture virtually contradicted the reading from three aspects: polar dinosaurs, leg position and Haversian canals.

Independent Writing Task

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
In twenty years there will be fewer cars in use than there are today.


Within the last few generations, there has been an unprecedented development of the ways of human tranportation means. Admittedly, cars witnessed the drastic changes in our daily life and sometimes people feel that these machines create heavy burden of environmental pollution, however, they are still inevitable for three reasons: population, convenience and technological advances.

First of all, there is no doubt that people on the earth are increasing gradually, and this tendency of growth will not transform no matter in the short or long term. In consequense, people are supposed to necessitate the high desires of human's purchasing cars.

Second, as mentioned above, cars are an inevitable part in our life because of its great convenience. Cars are the prevailing choice among all the transportation means owing to its flexibility. It is available to us all the time and we can drive them to the places where we love.

What's the most important, the amount of cars will not decrease in the future, for engineers will be able to improve the technology to make cars to be environmentally friendly. It is more likely that cars will still be a good assistance when we want to make travels all over the world.

Even though cars have some disadvantages, these factors cannot obscure the fact that cars are vitally important for our development due to its convenience and flexiblity. Above all, I believe that cars will not be redundant machines and deserve better progression to be helpful.
Crystal812   
Jan 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / The formal training for the children is good to develop their attitude and behaviour in the future [2]

Details:

The formal training such as formal public school becomes a choice for many people to enroll their children
Well I am not sure what do you want to talk about. Children are enrolled for the training course? Children enroll in a training course?

As the result → as a result

get many experience from his or her friends → different / various

have communication contact to their colleagues → with

have good communication skill(s)

has link to → have a link with

Structure:

It is a little bit strange to paragraph an essay in this way, especially para.2 and para.3.
Crystal812   
Jan 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / We should adopt a prudent attitude towards new comrades and rely on proved friends [5]

It is more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends. (TPO3 writing)

Hello! I have just completed my piece of writing but don't have anyone to help me out. Hope that you guys can help me. Thanks so much.

Within the last generations, there has been an unprecedent development in Internet technology. Due to the great innovation, it is easy for us to make large number of new friends in our daily life. However, personally speaking, I believe that it is more crutial to keep old friends than it is to make new friends, and I would like to present three reasons why I insist on this opinion: emotions, hobbies and values.

First of all, old friends have a good command of the paths of our feelings and emotions becuase they have been in relationship with us for many years. Let us form a picture in our mind: who are there waiting our complaints when we are punished by the boss during the daytime and never give us any hard time when we feel frustrated? That's our old friends who accompany with us for several hours just delivering tissues to us.

Second, it is old friends that share the same hobbies with us so that every weekend we can find guys who play computer games in team with us or girls who go shopping together. Take myself as an example: I have a particualr interest in vampire movies or tv series; in consequence of that, there is always an appontment discussing vampire stories with my best girl every Sunday afternoon. I mean you can not imagine me talking about horror characters with some acquaintances.

Last but not least, there is no doubts that old friends have the similar values and virtues with us. Admittedly it is excited to make new relationship with others, however, the process maybe risky. For instance, some people are relatively dishonest and disreliable, which could make an adverse impact on us. In comparison to old ones, new friends are likely to render us to feel uncomfortable.

From my point of view, even if the technology has allowed us to make new friends quickly and conveniently, we should adopt a prudent attutude towards new friends. And at the same time keeping old bodies is vitally important for us, from the aspects of feelings, hobbies and virtues.
Crystal812   
Jan 28, 2016
Undergraduate / School team - My UBC Personal Profile. Suggestions or corrections? [2]

Hi.

I am so excited to know your experiences and stories. Since you say that it is your UBC Personal Profile, I am not sure if you are going to send it to the school or just need to use it during the interview. If it's a regular document, you'd better try to make the expressions mutable.

"My school was to perform a French play and the narrator fell sick. I was chosen as the replacement, someone who doesn't have any clue about French. I was tasked with memorizing and narrating the script, on a stage, my age old adversary. I associated public speaking with terror and this seemed no different. All this had to be done in two days. " Starting with " I " sometimes will make people feel bored. How about trying paraphrases?

Anyway, I am not professional and never have any preparation for these profiles. I don't know if my advice is helpful. :-D
Crystal812   
Jan 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - MASS MEDIA SHOULD PAY MORE ATTENTION TO ORDINARY PEOPLE [4]

Since people are always interest with celebrities' life INTERESTED IN

While, the journalist tend to expose

The U.S. mass media are only focused on

waste much time and lack sense of journalism → wastes much time and lacks sense of responsibility of journalism

more attention should be given on → to

showing the common people experiences probably can inspire other (s).

should limit the celebrities' news and only shows the important
Crystal812   
Jan 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - School Should Provide Formal Training For Students To Be Good Parents [4]

I like the intersting idea in your passage. However, there may be a few grammer mistakes.

itmay beappears after witnessing .... → maybe

be aware kind of ? I don't understand what you want to express I am not sure if it is ok to use the phrase like that

In reverse, becoming good parents does not need special education as mentioned above, they will understand as they grow up.
I think there should be a conjunction here, because there are two verbs in one sentence
Crystal812   
Jan 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Tolerance and sympathy are more crutial than a truth. [4]

Always telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship between people?

Personally speaking, I believe always telling the truth is not the most important consideration in relationships , and I will argue this point from three aspects.

First of all, I claim that there are some cases in our daily life which make us inclined to not telling the truth. And unfortunately I have experienced that kind of situations since I was at the age of 6. My dear uncle Joshua once was discovered having a troublesome lung cancer when he was 35. He was so young that it was hard for us to convince ourselves that he was sufferring such a tragedy. It was still clear for me that my parents warned me that I should keep it as a secret and telling something comfortable to my uncle.

So much for the white lie part, and I would like to give my next point now. There are a few elections which I think more important than honesty in relationships, such as tolerance and sympathy.

Tolerance is much more significant between people's communication in my opinion. According to the scientific research, people lie more than 10 times on average during their connection with others. It is implausible that individuals do not lie to people around them , even their lovers, family and friends. It is more reasonable for us to be tolerant and open to the lies. And we need to be strong enough to be vaccinate to the liers.

Last but not least, sypathy is also more crutial than truth. As I expressed above, it is incredible to find someone who do not lie in their life in any relationship. Sometimes they do it intentionally while sometimes they are just reluctant to compromise with the realistic world. Compared to complaining about being fooled, how about cooling down and trying to be considerate to their embarassed agony. And we are supposed to balance between the truth and the consistence of relationship.

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