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Posts by ibal28
Name: Ibal
Joined: Aug 11, 2016
Last Post: Oct 6, 2016
Threads: 20
Posts: 30  
Likes: 5
From: Indonesia
School: Hasanuddin University

Displayed posts: 50 / page 1 of 2
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ibal28   
Oct 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary Article: Russia stresses importance of cyber-security cooperation with Indonesia [2]

A top Russian diplomat said that the cybersecurity hazards are the vital problem for International citizen and it needs a strongest intergovernmental cooperation to overcome the entire problem in this age. To increase the cooperation between authorities also become an attention for Mikhail Y. Galuzin as a Russian Ambassador to Indonesia. He said that government has to take a part to tackle the increasing number of terrorism. Galuzin clarified about the raised amount of utilizing the internet like a social media, terrorism and all activities that related to communicating with other terror agents. Unfortunately, the internet and other cyber technologies have been used continuously by terrorist and all organised crimes in different activities. Come up with this reason, all part of authority should take a strike action to combat and destroy the endeavour of terrorism activities. Indonesia and Russia coincide to enhance cooperation, especially in cybersecurity, following bilateral consultation on strategic stability between two countries to led political coordinating.
ibal28   
Oct 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / The pie charts gives information of survey result in 2005 and 2009 about employee and their bosses [3]

Hi andikaa. Here I left some suggestion for you. Hope it can help.

Overall, the percentage of respon from relationship between workers ...
It should be:
==>The pie chart compares the proportion of survey result by asking some employees about their relationships with their manager in 2005 and 2009. It is noticeable that, the percentage of response by some workers ....(Please pay attention to what the most interesting and important information. You can write down the highest or the lowest proportion based on the chart)

Relationships with the manager in 2005 (...) percentage of responresponse is very pleasure for ...
Three of employee answer sample rise in a number percentage. The precentagepercentage in the amount of responresponse called very good ...
Beside that the precentagepercentageis decreaseis decreased (It appears that the form of the verb 'decrease' doesn't work with is in this sentence) in the amount of responresponse called good ...

note:
- there are some vocabularies that misspelling in your writing. you have to check it first before you post it.
- you miss some article in few words. please concern about this :)


On the other hand, Rr elationships (who?) with co-workers in 2005 (...) about The percentage of ...
Two of employee answer sample increase in ...
The precentagepercentage in the amount of responresponse called very good ...
Meanwhile, (remember to put the comma after transition) the percentage is drop in the amount of responresponse called good is 28% and 25% (you can use 'a quarter' for 25% and 'just over a quarter' for 28%)==> you have to mention who get the good percentage.

Keep writing!!
ibal28   
Oct 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Kang Lee: Can you really tell if a kid is lying? (TED Summary) [7]

Hi sasariri. I left some suggestions for you. Hope it can helps .

Most of the audienceaudiences put their (...) if they ever lielied in childhood.
Adults believedbelieve some concerning ...
... poor liars so we are easilyeasy to detect it.
==> the adverb 'easily' should be an adjective.

Last, if children lieslie at very young age, ...
==> singular verb 'lies' do not appear to agree with the plural subject children

... the winner will get A big gift but the researcher getgets out the room and ...
==> The plural verb 'get' does not appear to agree with the singular subject the researcher.

... more than 80% children were peekwere peeking the cards as soon as the ...
==> that the form of the verb peek does not work with were in this sentence

... of development, they startsstart lie as young as 2 years old.
==> It appears that the subject pronoun they and the verb starts are not in agreement.

The First ingredient is mind reading, an ability ...
Second is THE ability to control (...) known as self controlself-control .
==> self control is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen.

... more mind-reading and self controlself-control ability, but in the future, ...

Keep writing!!!
ibal28   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary Article: The British Music Experience [2]

Music and history are two things that deeply connected. According to the latest research, music has been present in the history and precise dates come back to the prehistory. History will bring out some various musical genres from year to year. Also, culture and social of music affected the history and have inspired a plenty of artists. For the first time, the British music experiences explore the history and influence it over the past 60 years. In that time, the British held the exhibition that divide seven zones with the different genres were performed. In 1945 till in this day era, provide an insight into how musical genres were formed. The kind of music that performed in the exhibition are reggae, rock n' roll, blues and skiffle. Not only have that, but also some artist like Rolling stone and David Bowie show off their performance. This event becomes famous to introduce British music genre.
ibal28   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary_article 'recommended anti-aging' [4]

Hallo chacaaa.. Here I left suggestions for your writing. I hope it is as much helpful :)

There is so Many anti-aging (...) tried by a billion OF women in the world.

They had spent much time and much money to be looked younger in their agesin order to look like younger .

.. 71 years old grandmother formfrom(misspelling) Bandung, Indonesia.

She gave a review aboutof the most tiring period she ....
==> appears that about is not the right preposition to use in this sentence.

... can be reached by many women, furthermore,(you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase 'furthermore') it gave the amazing ....

Keep writing :)
ibal28   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary Article : You Asked: Should I Worry About Wi-Fi Radiation? [2]

Hallo firaaaa. This my suggestions for your writing. Hope it can helps you.

ManyA myriad of researchers who have doingdonetheir research since decades ago.
==> the verb 'doing' should be in the past participle form

This research searchlooking forsome risks at (...) radiation frombyutilize the wireless network.

And, to this day never find the answer. ==> it should be: They still unanswered the question for sure.

Wireless networks can be found anywhere,(it's important to put the comma here) for example ....

... that looks like A cable, but can be connected ..

It becomes a question,(inappropriate to put the comma here) and worried about how the effects on THE health of ...

... at the Medical College of Wisconsin. Radiation which is derived from the ...
==> it should be connected and just one sentence. Don't need to full stop in the first sentence, because you want to continue to explain something.

...high-frequency, lectromagneticelectromagnetic(misspelling) radiation can promote tumortumuor growth and cancer.

Keep writing :)
ibal28   
Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary TED: Our natural sleep cycle is nothing like what we do now [3]

There are so many ways for living organism to face off the changes in light. That is not only for a human being, but also plant and animal are doing the same way. For example, crabs. The crab can move to the higher place when the night comes and come back to the lower place in a day. This term could help them to do every day and become the cycle in their live. Human also have a circle of their life, since the activities did every single day can it help them to do continuously the next day. People have a natural body clock that can manage them to going sleep or just to take a rest. Nonetheless, some people who productive in a job feels like confused because they don't have enough time to sleep. For people who live in the equator has equal time in a day and a night. Based on research, the inhabitant who lives without artificial light like a lamp will be easier to sleep twice in the day. They go to bed around 8:00 p.m. until midnight and then they sleep again from about 2:00 a.m. until morning. To sum up, people have a natural sleep cycle, thus, that is fair if they feel exhausted when they do not have enough time to do it.
ibal28   
Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / The advancement of machines cannot solve novel situations which can merely be conducted by people [3]

Hi zul. You did it well, I just want to give you few of corrections..

Anthony has A niece who has father as a lawyer and mother as a doctor. Over the time, when his niece became AN adult, the parentsparent's jobs are becoming extremely changebecoming change extremly . It happens because OF the jobs hashave('has' does not appear to agree with the plural subject like 'jobs') been replaced by machines ...

==> pay attention for an article in every word, preposition

In THE early '90s, machine learning was initially utilized (to make it passive you need to o+v+v3) in the industry which ...
This day and age, it immensely improveimproves(the subject pronoun it and the verb improve are not in agreement) since it can ...

It cannot solve a novel situations (article a may not be required with the plural noun situations in this sentence) which can merely be ...

Here you have it. Hope it can help you..
ibal28   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary Article: Staying up late, the healthy way [2]

The night activity such as study for the exam, doing deadline assignment or just keep eyes on the screen become pivotal reasons to stay up for several people. The people who keen to stay up late are more likely attacked with some health problems. It's better if you just take a nap approximately 15 to 20 minutes in a day and change it in the night to awake. There are so many ways to stay up late with the healthy ways. William Kohler as the medical director of the Florida Sleep Institute said that the bright light has a connection with our eye. Thus, turn the light on is a good idea to keep you awake. Also, consuming snack can provide you to have some energy in the night, but only for a snack that contains low-fat ingredients. The other ways to healthy stay up to keeps your body moving. If you spend your time to work at the desk, get up and take a simple movement approximately 10 minutes to walk around. Come with those reasons, to keep awake in the night it's will be a healthy way as long as you doing it well.
ibal28   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED summary: Steve Howard; Let's go all-in on selling sustainability [3]

Hii rizaldohabibie.. Here I give you some comments. Hope it can helps you.

We are now building cities('we are' means people. so, be careful to use the words) , bringing people out of the poverty, (...) is from a nice-to-do to the a must-do (Pay attention to the redundant words, in this sentence you have an extra article in this sentence. Consider deleting the or a) .

... have positive impacts toon(inappropriate colocation) the world.
Suggestion sentence:
==> In this cutting-edge era, climate change and poverty is the crucial issue that really needs to solve directly. Thus, this is our task to give the real positive actions such sustainable ways as well.

Firstly, ...... , affordable and attractive which it is relied on the company . ==> to make it passive, your sentence should be: relies on the company or has relied on the company. Because the intransitive verb is an action verb that will not take an object.

... which are based on recyclerecycling(after the preposition on is V+ing) products must be used ...

.... energy such as A solar panel that reduces a great ...

With no child children's labour, we apprehend to support A better quality of children ..

If you are a business leader, you have TO think about what you ... If you are A consumer, you must be discerning people who choose the products coming to this way as well.

==> pay attention for some word that really needs an article.

I have a tendency to say that We are able to help create ...

Keep writing :)
ibal28   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / COMPARISON OF THE CAR THEFT IN EUROPE AND CANADA [3]

Hi bismillah. Here I left some suggestions for you, hope it can helps you.

The line graph shows the comparison otof the number of car theft during 1990 and 1999 in Great Britain ,SwedanSweden ,France and Canada.
==> please pay attention for misspelling words, sometimes it betters if to check the word again in dictionary before you post it.

Overall(to introduce concluding comments you can use: To conclude, In conclusion, In brief, All in all, and To sum up)it can be seen that , the most popular of the four countries of amountsthe highest amounts of car theft for the majority of the 9-yearover the period were in Great Britain.

aA s we can see, the amounts of car theft wiilwill[misspelling] .... in SwedanSweden by .....

bacauseBecause ,the exception of swedan's Sweden car were fluctuated considerably (you have attempted to use the intransitive verb 'fluctuated considerably' in a passive voice construction) .

==> you have to concern about misspelling words and capitalized in front of a sentence.

Keep writing!!
ibal28   
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary Article: Indonesia can apply 'clean' coal technology to reduce emissions [2]

Indonesia collaborates with the World Coal Association (WCA) to support using a coal as an efficient power plant to reduce climate crisis. Indonesia is the fourth largest coal producer in the world. It gives some advantages for our country to improve the framework of the United Nations about climate change based on the Paris Agreement.

Benjamin Sporton as a Chief Executive of WCA explained that Indonesia has coal technology 'clean' with high efficiency, low emissions (HELE) that be able to reduce emissions of carbon dioxide (CO2), greenhouse gases and the other harmful gases. The technology allows Indonesia to keep using coal resources by fulfilling the demand the other country for reducing emission gases. The price was slightly more expensive, yet the coals are more efficient than the other technologies in terms of reducing carbon dioxide emissions.
ibal28   
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary: Network theory - TED ED - Marc Samet [3]

Hi ibe13. Here I left some suggestions for you.

Most of peoplethe people around the world can ...
==> Most of the people may require the use of the article "the". Consider inserting the before the noun in your sentence.

Marc Samet said about THE network of social media.
And also the evolution and concentration of constantly changingchange the connections occurs ...

... growing networks and formingform additional.
==> Modal verbs (such as can, may, should, and will), in the simple active past, present, and future tenses, these verbs are followed by the root (bare infinitive) form of verb. The passive construction for the simple tense is: modal + form of be + past participle.

Because of this,This is causesif people who want tomake a friend or explore the acquaintances in their Facebook account or social networking else , other people ...

==> if you put the facebook and the other social networking in you sentence, it means that you did a repetitive word.

Hope it can help to improve your essay. Keep writing :)
ibal28   
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / The world will become a very scary place if we lose our listening skills [5]

Hi Dioba. I left a few of suggestions. Here they are..

In general, almostmost people (you can use the uncommon word of people to improve your essay such as citizen, inhabitants, populace, etc.) spend their time in communication for listening.

==> the word 'almost' doesn't seem to fit this context

Listening is the understanding process making meaning from sound, process ...

In other situation, listening have ...
It should be: In the other situation, listening has a pattern with the recognize like someone in the party situation.
==> plural verb 'have' doesn't appear to agree with the singular subject listening.
==> a pattern
indefinite article a may not be required with the plural noun patterns in this sentence .

SoThus people can recognize patterns ...

Listening is the accessbest method to easy understanding each other.

This It
means that people becomedesensitizeddesentilize and it is become A problem.

This is become serious ...
==> It becomes a serious problem if we lose our listening of someone.

The consequences isare the world become A very scary place.

There you have it. Hope it can helps you :)
ibal28   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary Article: Revisiting globalization of English [2]

We have already known two kinds of English language, the first is American English and the second is British English. This issue becomes crucial since courses and some of the foreign language education mushroomed in our country. Unfortunately, Indonesian learners will fail to speak as well because it is too hard caused by English are not our mother tongue. There are so many problems why this issue began: firstly we did not practice every day as our mother language and Indonesian reportedly have a different length of a tongue from the other people in UK or US for sure.

Nowadays, English language disrupted by globalization. This is affected our information and technology change rapidly. Some of the social networking brings us to an easy understanding by the cutting-edge technology. This problem changed people lifestyle to use English language every day.

So, how should we learn English now?
Using American or British English no longer become the hard problem for us since the globalization affected our lifestyle. With the available resources for learning English, this can improve our capability to utilize it. But the big problem is our environment and cultures sometimes give the obstacle to learning it.
ibal28   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Traditional clothes, bowler hats, handmade macramé shawls, layered skirts and blouses in La Paz [2]

Hi Bekuk22. You did it well. I found a minor mistake. So, I just left a few of suggestions.

Currently (you may also use Nowadays, In this day and age, These days, etc.) , fashion becomebecomes(the plural verb 'become' doesn't appear to agree with the singular subject 'fashion') popular in some countries speciallyespecially in Bolivia's capital ...

... made A historical design which attracts people who see it.

.... it shows the identity of local women in La Pazthere(you have already mention it) .

Note:
- some words you may change it with sophisticated vocabularies and it will naturally decrease repetitive word in your essay.
- you have to pay attention for using an article for some words


Hope this can help you. Keep writing!!
ibal28   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Each one of us has a unique voice print that reflects our age, size, even lifestyle and personality [3]

Hi bismillah. I left some suggestions for you. Hope it can helps you.

Each one of us(you can use Everyone or Some people to change your word better) has a unique voice print....

In the words of the poet Longfellow"The human ...'
==> it should be: In the words of a poet, Longfellow as the human voice is an organ of the soul.

Based on that,the voice has A different character but,...

So, thevoicethe voice can .... such as, the children ..

The proccesprocess of the voice can be generated by example, speech is A combination ...

... many people who unaibleunable to speak.

It were predicted 25 million Ammericans and many of ...
==> it should be: It was predicted 25 million Americans and many of whom using computerized devices to communicate.

To help on those people , ...
==> the preposition on is unnecessary. in this sentence.

Notes:
- pay attention for a misspelling word. you can check it in the dictionary or something like that first.
- you forget to put an article for some word.
- a comma is important to improve your sentence.


Keep writing :)
ibal28   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary: How to succeed? Get more sleep. [3]

The biggest thing of our mind is a small idea that can awaken much bigger ones inside. It is the power of a good night's sleep. Arianna Huffington as a journalist and co-founder The Huffington Post finds out the value of a sleep after she had a worse incident of unwell getting enough sleep. Slumber is the best way to more productive, energetic and cheerful to face off the life. We have to sleep enough as much as we can.

Woman are more likely to sleep than doing more activity in the outside. In spite of that, the man keen to doing hard work on the outside, because they assume it can increase their virility. Some people who consider themselves are a busy and industrious people mostly tend to take a bad decision. For that reason, IQ is not an important subject that influences our career. It depends on our technique to act as a creative person who can find or build a new idea.

All in all, to get success we just take a sleep and let our body feel relax. For that reason, sleep means that we have to rest our engine inside and find out a novel potency as soon as we wake up from our long sleep.
ibal28   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary article_Eating Junk Food Changes Your Cravings [3]

Hallo David. Here I left some suggestion for you. Hope it can helps you.

1. Fast food not only causes you boring to eat other ...
==> it should be: Consume some fast food not only make you bored to eat another cuisine but also it does not make you fat for sure.

(you have to add explanation to start it as well)
(the adjective other appears to be modifying the singular noun 'cuisine')

2. According to Margaret Morris, A professor at the university ...
Don't forget to put the article in your word..

3. .... they will still continue to eat.
==> the verb 'eat' should be in the to-infinitive form. Consider adding the wordto .

4. ... found that the rats waswere fed Junk food became tallow and more waeryweary .
The singular verb didn't appear to agree with the plural subject the rats.
Make sure your spelling is correct. Do you mean 'Weary'? >> lacking strength, energy; causing you feel tired.


5. ... this studies are not implementimplemented to humans, and research is want ...

6. But (you can use: 'nevertheless, thus, however' to make a sophisticated sentence. 'But' it such like a common/lazy word) to avoid ...

Keep writing :)
ibal28   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary: Try something new for 30 days [2]

What will you do in 30 days ahead?

Most people have no idea for this. To avoid repetitive actions, trying something new will be beneficial for them. This is a challenge. Matt Cutts as a speaker of TED talk did it every month, as well. He tries to challenge himself by taking a picture every day for a month. The aim is to find out what the new passion and be different from the days before.

The goal of this challenge is if we have made something new with a positive value that would change our bad habits, and decrease off our natural habit. There is nothing wrong with trying something crazy and unusual. However, this will be something very fun of our life. However, there are less likely to stick in our mind. So what are you waiting for? We just brave for doing something new and make sure that you have to try something positive effect for your life.
ibal28   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary Article: Population, urbanization and environment [3]

In this day and age, some global challenges such as climate change, poverty and food insecurity are basically human problems. The city became the most fascinated by the inhabitants in several countries than the rural area. It such a staggering rate of urbanization brings its own problems, especially the land use and people lifestyle. This phenomenon concluded all problems such as a waste, pollution, erosion and many others that will affect the environment.

The forest area decreasing time by time and the current environmental conditions did not seem able to maintain the sustainability of human life. In addition, the construction is not only in a particularly urban area for sure but the rural area has also the same opportunity. It is not only a government task, but we have to responsible for this problem.
ibal28   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / The pie chart gives us information where people who travel to New Zealand come from [10]

Hi mem77. Here I left some comment for you. Hope it can help.

The pie chart gives us information about where people who want travel to New Zealand come from . According to thatthe data, there are six countries of origin visitors who come to New Zealand. And also on that Based on the data, chart there are seven parts of chart to differentiate each country.countries as an International visitors.

... the largest percentage for the country of origin visitors ...
The second place is come from United Kingdom(It appears you have attempted to use the intransitive verb come from United Kingdom in a passive voice construction)has come from the United Kingdom twelve percent. The United States makes complete ...

..., Japan and South Korea, send five 5 %, four 4 % and three 3 % each. However, twenty-seven percent ..... the pie chart,==> (you have to put the comma) we know that more than ...

Keep writing!!
ibal28   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2 - Internet invention over the last 30 years [2]

Hi fadhilmd25. You did it well, but I want to give you a few correction. Here they are..

The advance (you also can use the words: sophisticated, cutting-edge)in technology development .... In my opinion, the interneinternet(did you mean the internet?) has influenced in ...

... related to the internet is often correlatecorrelated(the verb 'correlate' does not work with is in this sentence) with the children, ...

In contrast, the internet has several workers to....
... a long distance and have (personal pronoun such It compatible with has) some online ... communicate through the internet. ==>you have to pay attention for using an article of some words.

... do their work, which areis simplified their work ...
... and social dilemma which commonly effectaffect(I guess that you need to use affect, not effect. Because it becomes inappropriate meaning) the children nowadays are the effect of the internet.

social issues related to the internet is often correlateis often correlated with the children, .....

Hope it can help you. Keep writing!!
ibal28   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED SUMMARY: LIDIA YUKNAVITCH TALK ABOUT HER MISFIT STORY [5]

Hi VKWSSH89. Here I left the comment for you.

Lidia Yuknavitch is a card - carrying misfit. According to Yuknavitch misfit ......==> it looks like a confusing sentence and uses some repetition words.
It should be: According to Yuknavitch as a ...... said that "misfit" is a person who poorly adapted to new situations and environments.

She is a woman who had a ...
... with her favoritefavourite authors==> please pay attention about the speeling of word.

... disgrace they are bring along. ... just trytried her best at there and being a writer.
She advises to misfits they are a beautiful creaturesbeautiful creatures so give voice ....

Hope it can help you. Keep writing!!
ibal28   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary Article: Travelers Are Embracing Human Travel Agents Again [2]

"Having a travel agent can optimize your journey", says Paul, the co-founder of new travel app. In the past ten years, online travel agencies become the famous group than the other kind of organization trip ever. Everyone who wants to travel is increasing using the online travel agencies for booking sites. Travellers who have a plan about the vacation must arrange their trip such as booking stage, accommodations and ratings about a specific flight. Clayton Reid as a president and CEO of MMGY said that suppliers have to learn before they booked a trip in some travel agencies because it can help them to make a decision as well. Sometimes there are costumes who complain about the performance of the travel agency. It becomes a crucial problem because they do not decide well before settle on their personal preference. Hence, in the future travellers have to plan for sure before we come to the travel agency and complain performance of travel agency .
ibal28   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Environment challenges: water pollution, air pollution, hazardous waste dumps and acid rain [3]

Summary TED: New Thinking on the Climate Crisis

Mr. Al Gore, a speaker of TEDtalk about Climate Crisis, told us that environment challenges such as water pollution, air pollution, hazardous waste dumps and also acid rain become an environmental problem. But the most crucial problem that rarely happened on the earth is a climate crisis. We must pay our attention to this issue because everything has affected. We have work to do and give our global solutions exactly.

He gives us the real example such in the North Polar ice cap (Greenland). It has decreasing amount areas of the ice cap in the summer season and will come back in the winter season as well. Not as a permanent ice, but look likes a vulnerable ice. Global warming takes a part this condition, which caused of human activities. He said that, in the fact this issue being the last problem to solve. Thus, it would be our task to takes a part of it.
ibal28   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Ways of Bird Migration - it has fascinated many observers for centuries. [4]

Hi Qaranewlagi52. Here I left a comment for you. Hope it can help you.

Many tipestypes and ways of animals for migratemigrating(the verb 'migrate' may be in the wrong form after the preposition for. Or you can change the sentence with 'to migrate') , but bird migration has fascinated observers for centuries.

... of bird migration occurs two timetimes in a year during the breeding periodeperiod in ...

... hemisphere, ana various also (...) variety some spesiesspecies exhibit altitudinal ...

on the other hand, most birds fly for a limited periodeperiod each day probably ...
and Nocturnal migrants those species that ....

Keep writing!!
ibal28   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / EILTS Writing Taks 1 Summary Ted The New Direction of Indonesia's Creative Culture [4]

Hallo Alamsyah Ismail . Here I left you a comment. Hope it can help you.

So many evidence from The culture that can explain the ... Gamelan and Batik also. But,(you can use 'however, although, or on the contray' to make a preposition in your essay)Nevertheless , how about Indonesian product?

Actually, array of an adolescent in Indonesia have a lot of (pay attention for preposition) original products which can established establish (after modal you have to put verb) into the global market,...

Recently, the govermentgovernment of China made one ...

What the govermentgovernment do?
... wait and hope with the govermentgovernment .
... an independent Indonesian departementdepartment store which .... ==> sometime you put the word with uncorrect speeling. please look deeply abot that.

Keep writing!!
ibal28   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Palestine conveys appreciation for Indonesia's continuous support [3]

Hi Rian 31, here I left a comment for you.

Palestine gives an appreciation for indonesiaIndonesia because it (...) this time which encourageencourages(the plural verb 'encourage' doesn't appear to agree with the singular subject this time.) independence palestine.Palestine ==> you have to pay attention to writing the place such a country, for example, Indonesia and Palestine.

This message delivered by the foreign (don't forget to adding the article) minister palestinePalestine to the Indonesian (...) meetings took place in venezuelaVenezuela .

During the meeting, Indonesia continuecontinues('continue' is plural verb so, it doesn't appear to agree with the singular subject Indonesia) to provide support ....

... Indonesia also emphasize that palestinianPalestinian society must participate...

Indonesian society supportsupports the struggle of the ...

... Gaza which that is getgot from donation of Indonesian society.

Hope it can help you. Keep writing!!
ibal28   
Sep 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / The extinction of the elephant population becomes a crucial aspect to discuss, it brings attention [2]

Summary Article: A Legal Trade in Ivory Would Wipe Out Elephants, Study Finds

Nowadays, the extinction of the elephant population becomes a crucial aspect to discuss and being the world attention. This has happened due to a legal hunt by the black hunter and sale in the black market as well. If poaching is legalised, it means some people would easier to buy the ivory, but that is not comparable with necessary that only 37 percent. According to the Landmark Survey, elephant population is in danger now, that some 27,000 are killed by poachers every year.

In one hand, some people who agree with the legal poaching argue that the amount of ivory can be reduced in the future because it was determined and it becomes an increase in the future. However, on the other hand, they say that it has no impact at all because it could not change the elephant extinction. Although a few countries such as Africa, Namibia and Zimbabwe that concur to this issue, it could not change the result of the legal hunt. This case strong supported by some evidence regarding the legal hunts each year that can cause a difficult problem to handle.
ibal28   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / How to catch up the grit? A strong effort and high understanding is a key to reaching personal goals [2]

TED Summary: Gift - The power of passion and perseverance

In this day and age, the kind of job that really required is a teacher. Angela Lee Duckworth, speaker of TEDtalk video as a teacher of a primary school said that a strong effort and high understanding is a key to reaching personal goals. To support those statements are not merely about intelligence, physical health and IQ, yet the imperative factor is grit. It becomes a pressure for someone to achieve what they ambition. So, how to catch up the grit?

It can be achieved by maintaining our mindset using a strong effort. Absolutely, we can't measure it off someone only by seeing their ability. Someone who fails when they try to catch their goals can increase their capability to be a success person. Parents and teacher is an important element to help their children or student to get it as well.
ibal28   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / This Article Highlight Related The Effect Of Global Warming [5]

Hi Agung. This is my correction, hope it can help you.

Nn owadays, (you can use also: In this day and age, Currently, These days, etc.) the global warming issue ....

..... speaking, iI want to highlight ....

..... is defined as process==> it should be a process(consider adding an article) that makes the temperature of ....

.... start from ourself such as A decline(you have to pay attention more to an article) of the usage ....

Please be careful of repetition word, you can looking for a similar word to reduce this problem.

Keep writing!!
I wish the above remarks are helpful.
ibal28   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / Athletes are obliged to train their skills and focus not only to the muscles or body movements [4]

Hi rosadesiana. This is my correction, hope this can help you.

...... their skills and focus on not only to(it would become confused preposition.only to >> only on) muscles or body movements but also to the rapidity and accuracy visual.

The rapidity and accuracy visual is anare(this is a plural word, so matches with are only) imperative activityactivities needed to support ....... uncomplicated colorcolour , and minimize minimise the motions happen out of the court.

....... they are getting anxious,(unnecessary comma after this word, it will become uncomplex sentence) because it creates ...

There you have it, I wish the above remarks are helpful.
ibal28   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some birds migrate from the breeding ground to the other area for the rest of the remained season. [7]

Hi dils. Here I left you some comment.

To make your words unrepetitive, you can try to use paraphrase method.

.... what the bird follows through init is life.
... to the other area for the rest of the left season .

Birds migrate in two kinds of forms(please check it would be plural or singular first. it should be: in two kinds of form) across latitudes and altitudes.

When birds migrate across the latitudes , In the first form , they travel head off ...
Subsequently, in the term of birds migrate across altitudes , In the later one , the phenomenon shows birds alight ...==> you have to pay attention to use the efficient word first

At the time birds migrateperiod of migration bird , they also exert their body fat to fuel ...
Thus, this bird'stheir movement always overawed ...

Keep writing.
ibal28   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / Five - second rule revealed (summary) [3]

Hi Hujjatul. I left the comment for you, hope it can help.

Overyone surely is familiar with this term . ==> I guess that you misspelled'Overyone'it should be everyone.

Overyone surely is familiar with this term

This term refers to? I think this is a confusing sentence. You need to explain it more.

This non-written (you can change it with verbal) rule is actually applied by most people where we have to directly pick up our dropped food or plenty of bacteri attack it.

It should be:
This non-written rule is actually applied by most people where they have to directly pick up their dropped food so that plenty of bacteria attack (in spite of attack you can use destroy) it.

All moms over the world seems to teach (you can also use nurture, train, educate or inform, etc.) their children to take ... ==> you have to pay attention to plural and singular issue

However, there still is(is still) no scientific explanation about it.

... how fast and how many the bacteria can come(you can use damage, destroy, harm, infect, etc.) to the food that hit ...

Keep writing!!
ibal28   
Sep 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary Article: The Stress-Free Guide to Making Healthy Eating Choices [2]

People around the world tend to choose to be a healthy person. However, in this cutting-edge era the issue become a crucial problem since hard to help someone figure out the foods that contain some of vital nutrients. Government and Scientists in U.S. have the technique to increase outcome of the product. They called GMO (Genetically Modified Organism) that related to breeding. But this technique make some people who consume are get negative effect for their health. In other hand, people prefer to deal with natural vegetables. Sometimes they just look by the physic of the vegetable and then they can judge it is good for them. But they did not know about the artificial ingredients like pesticides on it. There are also someone who more likely to consume organic vegetables for their priority food than the other kind of technique. Organic and natural approximately have the similar meaning but natural sometimes untouched by pesticides. So it will become safe for other people who consume. Those reasons make some people are confuse to choose nutritious meals, because they want to be a healthy person.
ibal28   
Sep 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / This Teenager Just Came Out to Her Family at Disneyland in the Most Amazing Way - Summary Article [5]

Gina as an adolescent from California who spend her vacation in the Disneyland would like to surprised her family. She was confused with the kind of the surprise but she braves herself to prove with a grateful ways. She prepares this impulse by the long time, because she does not really know how to surprise her mother, father and brother. She is the kind of woman that has uncommon habit, so to show up her immediate family how really she love them by give the memorable time. Gina sent the picture when she has a journey in Splash Mountain of Disneyland's watery as one of her decision. Her family, especially her mother is very pleasant to get the picture. Gina's family believes that her daughter is so happy there to spend her vacation. The other people who saw the picture also fascinated with that, due to the picture so cute awesome and have the greatest comment from social media users.
ibal28   
Sep 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Ecotourism is the concept of sustainable tourism management. (Summarizing) [5]

Hi swr10. Here I left the comment for you.

Ecotourism is thea concept of ...
... to shield the places they ever visitvisited , in terms of both of the local ecology and culture.
They also prefer to the eco-friendly transportation modes , such as bicycles than cars that causes air pollutions.
(for the future, remember to put several articles in your essay)

Hope this can help you.
Keep writing.
ibal28   
Sep 13, 2016
Grammar, Usage / I worry about something i can't control [4]

Hi Richard . This is my correction for you.

In this time, I just worry that I can't control something that happened to me.
Absolutely if my boss don't want to give me the task again in the future, it means that he hesitate my ability.
The big problem also come from my peer who have a good progress but i don't.
It can make my parents feeling downcast because I can't find the good job that suitable for my future career.
Fortunately I can break out of this problem by drinking coke and beer.

Hope this can help you.
Keep writing.
ibal28   
Sep 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2: Problem and solution of children who playing computer games [2]

Nowadays many people access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects?

negative impact of playing games



Recently, a large number of inhabitant in the various ages using the computers. One of them is children that disposed to play games by using the computer. Playing computer games have drawbacks such as children will lazy to do their assignment and children can follow what they have been seen in the computer games. The best way to reduce the negative effect is by giving them educative games in the computer.

Playing games in the computer have several bad influences for children, because games are believed as an addictive device. For instance, children tend to choose playing the computer games rather than studying. In my educational perspective, games make the children feel more excited when they play it and they will declined when the parent are asked to do their homework. Playing games also can teach them bad habits. For example, violent games can teach them to kick and beat.

In terms of solutions, parents need to act responsibly to address these problems. They have to filter the games that children are usually played, remove some of the bad games become an educative games. For example, give children games to improve their skill and increase their capability to be a creative person.

To sum up, children who using computer for playing games has takes a negative impact such as they will become a lazy person and imitate what they seen before. To fix this problem, parents should minimize bad effect by the appropriate steps as change their bad games with educative games.

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