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Posts by ibal28
Name: Ibal
Joined: Aug 11, 2016
Last Post: Oct 6, 2016
Threads: 20
Posts: 7  
From: Indonesia
School: Hasanuddin University

Displayed posts: 27
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ibal28   
Oct 6, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary Article: Russia stresses importance of cyber-security cooperation with Indonesia [2]

A top Russian diplomat said that the cybersecurity hazards are the vital problem for International citizen and it needs a strongest intergovernmental cooperation to overcome the entire problem in this age. To increase the cooperation between authorities also become an attention for Mikhail Y. Galuzin as a Russian Ambassador to Indonesia. He said that government has to take a part to tackle the increasing number of terrorism. Galuzin clarified about the raised amount of utilizing the internet like a social media, terrorism and all activities that related to communicating with other terror agents. Unfortunately, the internet and other cyber technologies have been used continuously by terrorist and all organised crimes in different activities. Come up with this reason, all part of authority should take a strike action to combat and destroy the endeavour of terrorism activities. Indonesia and Russia coincide to enhance cooperation, especially in cybersecurity, following bilateral consultation on strategic stability between two countries to led political coordinating.
ibal28   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary Article: The British Music Experience [2]

Music and history are two things that deeply connected. According to the latest research, music has been present in the history and precise dates come back to the prehistory. History will bring out some various musical genres from year to year. Also, culture and social of music affected the history and have inspired a plenty of artists. For the first time, the British music experiences explore the history and influence it over the past 60 years. In that time, the British held the exhibition that divide seven zones with the different genres were performed. In 1945 till in this day era, provide an insight into how musical genres were formed. The kind of music that performed in the exhibition are reggae, rock n' roll, blues and skiffle. Not only have that, but also some artist like Rolling stone and David Bowie show off their performance. This event becomes famous to introduce British music genre.
ibal28   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary Article : You Asked: Should I Worry About Wi-Fi Radiation? [2]

Hallo firaaaa. This my suggestions for your writing. Hope it can helps you.

ManyA myriad of researchers who have doingdonetheir research since decades ago.
==> the verb 'doing' should be in the past participle form

This research searchlooking forsome risks at (...) radiation frombyutilize the wireless network.

And, to this day never find the answer. ==> it should be: They still unanswered the question for sure.

Wireless networks can be found anywhere,(it's important to put the comma here) for example ....

... that looks like A cable, but can be connected ..

It becomes a question,(inappropriate to put the comma here) and worried about how the effects on THE health of ...

... at the Medical College of Wisconsin. Radiation which is derived from the ...
==> it should be connected and just one sentence. Don't need to full stop in the first sentence, because you want to continue to explain something.

...high-frequency, lectromagneticelectromagnetic(misspelling) radiation can promote tumortumuor growth and cancer.

Keep writing :)
ibal28   
Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary TED: Our natural sleep cycle is nothing like what we do now [3]

There are so many ways for living organism to face off the changes in light. That is not only for a human being, but also plant and animal are doing the same way. For example, crabs. The crab can move to the higher place when the night comes and come back to the lower place in a day. This term could help them to do every day and become the cycle in their live. Human also have a circle of their life, since the activities did every single day can it help them to do continuously the next day. People have a natural body clock that can manage them to going sleep or just to take a rest. Nonetheless, some people who productive in a job feels like confused because they don't have enough time to sleep. For people who live in the equator has equal time in a day and a night. Based on research, the inhabitant who lives without artificial light like a lamp will be easier to sleep twice in the day. They go to bed around 8:00 p.m. until midnight and then they sleep again from about 2:00 a.m. until morning. To sum up, people have a natural sleep cycle, thus, that is fair if they feel exhausted when they do not have enough time to do it.
ibal28   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary Article: Staying up late, the healthy way [2]

The night activity such as study for the exam, doing deadline assignment or just keep eyes on the screen become pivotal reasons to stay up for several people. The people who keen to stay up late are more likely attacked with some health problems. It's better if you just take a nap approximately 15 to 20 minutes in a day and change it in the night to awake. There are so many ways to stay up late with the healthy ways. William Kohler as the medical director of the Florida Sleep Institute said that the bright light has a connection with our eye. Thus, turn the light on is a good idea to keep you awake. Also, consuming snack can provide you to have some energy in the night, but only for a snack that contains low-fat ingredients. The other ways to healthy stay up to keeps your body moving. If you spend your time to work at the desk, get up and take a simple movement approximately 10 minutes to walk around. Come with those reasons, to keep awake in the night it's will be a healthy way as long as you doing it well.
ibal28   
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary Article: Indonesia can apply 'clean' coal technology to reduce emissions [2]

Indonesia collaborates with the World Coal Association (WCA) to support using a coal as an efficient power plant to reduce climate crisis. Indonesia is the fourth largest coal producer in the world. It gives some advantages for our country to improve the framework of the United Nations about climate change based on the Paris Agreement.

Benjamin Sporton as a Chief Executive of WCA explained that Indonesia has coal technology 'clean' with high efficiency, low emissions (HELE) that be able to reduce emissions of carbon dioxide (CO2), greenhouse gases and the other harmful gases. The technology allows Indonesia to keep using coal resources by fulfilling the demand the other country for reducing emission gases. The price was slightly more expensive, yet the coals are more efficient than the other technologies in terms of reducing carbon dioxide emissions.
ibal28   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary Article: Revisiting globalization of English [2]

We have already known two kinds of English language, the first is American English and the second is British English. This issue becomes crucial since courses and some of the foreign language education mushroomed in our country. Unfortunately, Indonesian learners will fail to speak as well because it is too hard caused by English are not our mother tongue. There are so many problems why this issue began: firstly we did not practice every day as our mother language and Indonesian reportedly have a different length of a tongue from the other people in UK or US for sure.

Nowadays, English language disrupted by globalization. This is affected our information and technology change rapidly. Some of the social networking brings us to an easy understanding by the cutting-edge technology. This problem changed people lifestyle to use English language every day.

So, how should we learn English now?
Using American or British English no longer become the hard problem for us since the globalization affected our lifestyle. With the available resources for learning English, this can improve our capability to utilize it. But the big problem is our environment and cultures sometimes give the obstacle to learning it.
ibal28   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Traditional clothes, bowler hats, handmade macramé shawls, layered skirts and blouses in La Paz [2]

Hi Bekuk22. You did it well. I found a minor mistake. So, I just left a few of suggestions.

Currently (you may also use Nowadays, In this day and age, These days, etc.) , fashion becomebecomes(the plural verb 'become' doesn't appear to agree with the singular subject 'fashion') popular in some countries speciallyespecially in Bolivia's capital ...

... made A historical design which attracts people who see it.

.... it shows the identity of local women in La Pazthere(you have already mention it) .

Note:
- some words you may change it with sophisticated vocabularies and it will naturally decrease repetitive word in your essay.
- you have to pay attention for using an article for some words


Hope this can help you. Keep writing!!
ibal28   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary: How to succeed? Get more sleep. [2]

The biggest thing of our mind is a small idea that can awaken much bigger ones inside. It is the power of a good night's sleep. Arianna Huffington as a journalist and co-founder The Huffington Post finds out the value of a sleep after she had a worse incident of unwell getting enough sleep. Slumber is the best way to more productive, energetic and cheerful to face off the life. We have to sleep enough as much as we can.

Woman are more likely to sleep than doing more activity in the outside. In spite of that, the man keen to doing hard work on the outside, because they assume it can increase their virility. Some people who consider themselves are a busy and industrious people mostly tend to take a bad decision. For that reason, IQ is not an important subject that influences our career. It depends on our technique to act as a creative person who can find or build a new idea.

All in all, to get success we just take a sleep and let our body feel relax. For that reason, sleep means that we have to rest our engine inside and find out a novel potency as soon as we wake up from our long sleep.
ibal28   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary: Try something new for 30 days [2]

What will you do in 30 days ahead?

Most people have no idea for this. To avoid repetitive actions, trying something new will be beneficial for them. This is a challenge. Matt Cutts as a speaker of TED talk did it every month, as well. He tries to challenge himself by taking a picture every day for a month. The aim is to find out what the new passion and be different from the days before.

The goal of this challenge is if we have made something new with a positive value that would change our bad habits, and decrease off our natural habit. There is nothing wrong with trying something crazy and unusual. However, this will be something very fun of our life. However, there are less likely to stick in our mind. So what are you waiting for? We just brave for doing something new and make sure that you have to try something positive effect for your life.
ibal28   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary Article: Population, urbanization and environment [3]

In this day and age, some global challenges such as climate change, poverty and food insecurity are basically human problems. The city became the most fascinated by the inhabitants in several countries than the rural area. It such a staggering rate of urbanization brings its own problems, especially the land use and people lifestyle. This phenomenon concluded all problems such as a waste, pollution, erosion and many others that will affect the environment.

The forest area decreasing time by time and the current environmental conditions did not seem able to maintain the sustainability of human life. In addition, the construction is not only in a particularly urban area for sure but the rural area has also the same opportunity. It is not only a government task, but we have to responsible for this problem.
ibal28   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2 - Internet invention over the last 30 years [2]

Hi fadhilmd25. You did it well, but I want to give you a few correction. Here they are..

The advance (you also can use the words: sophisticated, cutting-edge)in technology development .... In my opinion, the interneinternet(did you mean the internet?) has influenced in ...

... related to the internet is often correlatecorrelated(the verb 'correlate' does not work with is in this sentence) with the children, ...

In contrast, the internet has several workers to....
... a long distance and have (personal pronoun such It compatible with has) some online ... communicate through the internet. ==>you have to pay attention for using an article of some words.

... do their work, which areis simplified their work ...
... and social dilemma which commonly effectaffect(I guess that you need to use affect, not effect. Because it becomes inappropriate meaning) the children nowadays are the effect of the internet.

social issues related to the internet is often correlateis often correlated with the children, .....

Hope it can help you. Keep writing!!
ibal28   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary Article: Travelers Are Embracing Human Travel Agents Again [2]

"Having a travel agent can optimize your journey", says Paul, the co-founder of new travel app. In the past ten years, online travel agencies become the famous group than the other kind of organization trip ever. Everyone who wants to travel is increasing using the online travel agencies for booking sites. Travellers who have a plan about the vacation must arrange their trip such as booking stage, accommodations and ratings about a specific flight. Clayton Reid as a president and CEO of MMGY said that suppliers have to learn before they booked a trip in some travel agencies because it can help them to make a decision as well. Sometimes there are costumes who complain about the performance of the travel agency. It becomes a crucial problem because they do not decide well before settle on their personal preference. Hence, in the future travellers have to plan for sure before we come to the travel agency and complain performance of travel agency .
ibal28   
Sep 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Environment challenges: water pollution, air pollution, hazardous waste dumps and acid rain [2]

Summary TED: New Thinking on the Climate Crisis

Mr. Al Gore, a speaker of TEDtalk about Climate Crisis, told us that environment challenges such as water pollution, air pollution, hazardous waste dumps and also acid rain become an environmental problem. But the most crucial problem that rarely happened on the earth is a climate crisis. We must pay our attention to this issue because everything has affected. We have work to do and give our global solutions exactly.

He gives us the real example such in the North Polar ice cap (Greenland). It has decreasing amount areas of the ice cap in the summer season and will come back in the winter season as well. Not as a permanent ice, but look likes a vulnerable ice. Global warming takes a part this condition, which caused of human activities. He said that, in the fact this issue being the last problem to solve. Thus, it would be our task to takes a part of it.
ibal28   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Palestine conveys appreciation for Indonesia's continuous support [2]

Hi Rian 31, here I left a comment for you.

Palestine gives an appreciation for indonesiaIndonesia because it (...) this time which encourageencourages(the plural verb 'encourage' doesn't appear to agree with the singular subject this time.) independence palestine.Palestine ==> you have to pay attention to writing the place such a country, for example, Indonesia and Palestine.

This message delivered by the foreign (don't forget to adding the article) minister palestinePalestine to the Indonesian (...) meetings took place in venezuelaVenezuela .

During the meeting, Indonesia continuecontinues('continue' is plural verb so, it doesn't appear to agree with the singular subject Indonesia) to provide support ....

... Indonesia also emphasize that palestinianPalestinian society must participate...

Indonesian society supportsupports the struggle of the ...

... Gaza which that is getgot from donation of Indonesian society.

Hope it can help you. Keep writing!!
ibal28   
Sep 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / The extinction of the elephant population becomes a crucial aspect to discuss, it brings attention [2]

Summary Article: A Legal Trade in Ivory Would Wipe Out Elephants, Study Finds

Nowadays, the extinction of the elephant population becomes a crucial aspect to discuss and being the world attention. This has happened due to a legal hunt by the black hunter and sale in the black market as well. If poaching is legalised, it means some people would easier to buy the ivory, but that is not comparable with necessary that only 37 percent. According to the Landmark Survey, elephant population is in danger now, that some 27,000 are killed by poachers every year.

In one hand, some people who agree with the legal poaching argue that the amount of ivory can be reduced in the future because it was determined and it becomes an increase in the future. However, on the other hand, they say that it has no impact at all because it could not change the elephant extinction. Although a few countries such as Africa, Namibia and Zimbabwe that concur to this issue, it could not change the result of the legal hunt. This case strong supported by some evidence regarding the legal hunts each year that can cause a difficult problem to handle.
ibal28   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / How to catch up the grit? A strong effort and high understanding is a key to reaching personal goals [2]

TED Summary: Gift - The power of passion and perseverance

In this day and age, the kind of job that really required is a teacher. Angela Lee Duckworth, speaker of TEDtalk video as a teacher of a primary school said that a strong effort and high understanding is a key to reaching personal goals. To support those statements are not merely about intelligence, physical health and IQ, yet the imperative factor is grit. It becomes a pressure for someone to achieve what they ambition. So, how to catch up the grit?

It can be achieved by maintaining our mindset using a strong effort. Absolutely, we can't measure it off someone only by seeing their ability. Someone who fails when they try to catch their goals can increase their capability to be a success person. Parents and teacher is an important element to help their children or student to get it as well.
ibal28   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / This Article Highlight Related The Effect Of Global Warming [3]

Hi Agung. This is my correction, hope it can help you.

Nn owadays, (you can use also: In this day and age, Currently, These days, etc.) the global warming issue ....

..... speaking, iI want to highlight ....

..... is defined as process==> it should be a process(consider adding an article) that makes the temperature of ....

.... start from ourself such as A decline(you have to pay attention more to an article) of the usage ....

Please be careful of repetition word, you can looking for a similar word to reduce this problem.

Keep writing!!
I wish the above remarks are helpful.
ibal28   
Sep 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary Article: The Stress-Free Guide to Making Healthy Eating Choices [2]

People around the world tend to choose to be a healthy person. However, in this cutting-edge era the issue become a crucial problem since hard to help someone figure out the foods that contain some of vital nutrients. Government and Scientists in U.S. have the technique to increase outcome of the product. They called GMO (Genetically Modified Organism) that related to breeding. But this technique make some people who consume are get negative effect for their health. In other hand, people prefer to deal with natural vegetables. Sometimes they just look by the physic of the vegetable and then they can judge it is good for them. But they did not know about the artificial ingredients like pesticides on it. There are also someone who more likely to consume organic vegetables for their priority food than the other kind of technique. Organic and natural approximately have the similar meaning but natural sometimes untouched by pesticides. So it will become safe for other people who consume. Those reasons make some people are confuse to choose nutritious meals, because they want to be a healthy person.
ibal28   
Sep 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / This Teenager Just Came Out to Her Family at Disneyland in the Most Amazing Way - Summary Article [5]

Gina as an adolescent from California who spend her vacation in the Disneyland would like to surprised her family. She was confused with the kind of the surprise but she braves herself to prove with a grateful ways. She prepares this impulse by the long time, because she does not really know how to surprise her mother, father and brother. She is the kind of woman that has uncommon habit, so to show up her immediate family how really she love them by give the memorable time. Gina sent the picture when she has a journey in Splash Mountain of Disneyland's watery as one of her decision. Her family, especially her mother is very pleasant to get the picture. Gina's family believes that her daughter is so happy there to spend her vacation. The other people who saw the picture also fascinated with that, due to the picture so cute awesome and have the greatest comment from social media users.
ibal28   
Sep 13, 2016
Grammar, Usage / I worry about something i can't control [4]

Hi Richard . This is my correction for you.

In this time, I just worry that I can't control something that happened to me.
Absolutely if my boss don't want to give me the task again in the future, it means that he hesitate my ability.
The big problem also come from my peer who have a good progress but i don't.
It can make my parents feeling downcast because I can't find the good job that suitable for my future career.
Fortunately I can break out of this problem by drinking coke and beer.

Hope this can help you.
Keep writing.
ibal28   
Sep 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2: Problem and solution of children who playing computer games [2]

Nowadays many people access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects?

negative impact of playing games



Recently, a large number of inhabitant in the various ages using the computers. One of them is children that disposed to play games by using the computer. Playing computer games have drawbacks such as children will lazy to do their assignment and children can follow what they have been seen in the computer games. The best way to reduce the negative effect is by giving them educative games in the computer.

Playing games in the computer have several bad influences for children, because games are believed as an addictive device. For instance, children tend to choose playing the computer games rather than studying. In my educational perspective, games make the children feel more excited when they play it and they will declined when the parent are asked to do their homework. Playing games also can teach them bad habits. For example, violent games can teach them to kick and beat.

In terms of solutions, parents need to act responsibly to address these problems. They have to filter the games that children are usually played, remove some of the bad games become an educative games. For example, give children games to improve their skill and increase their capability to be a creative person.

To sum up, children who using computer for playing games has takes a negative impact such as they will become a lazy person and imitate what they seen before. To fix this problem, parents should minimize bad effect by the appropriate steps as change their bad games with educative games.
ibal28   
Aug 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / People prefer live today in some urban areas and communicate less with local residents. [5]

Question

In the past most of people lived in small village where everyone knew everyone else. Nowadays, most people live in large cities where they only know a few people in their area. What do you think were advantages and disadvantages of living in small community?

*********************************
Answer:

Introduction
Time flies so fast and gives an influence of people's live. People are more likely to live in rural area previously than in the big city. However, people prefer living in urban area with less of communication with local residents. In my opinion, to live in rural area has a positive effect such as we will be easier to build a relationship each other. Also, people would often help other individuals. In reverse, It also has a negative effect like they will dependence with other people in the same community.

Conclusion
All in all, live in the small community have a benefit like we can help other people that would become a way for being closer with them. In spite of that, it also has drawback such people in the rural area more likely to wait for favor from another person. So, it will decrease personal quality of rural people. I would suggest it is necessary that people have to plan where they want to live by choosing places wisely.
ibal28   
Aug 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / "Successfulness" - SUMMARIZE TASK 5 - BRAND LOYALTY [2]

Hi Rosadesiana. This is my correction for you. I hope that it can help you :)

It is different with thefrom the customers concept of marketing point of view (because concept similar to point of view), which is the spurious clientele be their targets.

... the products should meethave (it sounds better if you change 'meet' with 'have') the characteristics, such as have a high quality (it is better if you write down the information e.g high quality product...), social values, and ...

... phenomenon in this modern areaera , especially for Chinese customers.

There you have it, I wish the above remarks are helpful.
ibal28   
Aug 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / People believe that the technology has driven them to face great development in their daily routine [5]

Question:
There has been major advances in technology over recent decade and this has led to significant improvement in people's live. Agree or disagree?

Answer:

Introduction
In this globalization era, technology has changed rapidly and gives a great impact for people live. For this reason, People believe that technology drive people to face great development in their daily routine. In my educational perspective, I have a tendency to accord this group of people.

Conclusion
To sum up, although some disagree that the cutting-edge technology has not tremendous enhancement, I am more likely to assume that this advance technology has led to the great development because it might help people to do something in this era become easier than a past time. I would suggest that people must use the technology wisely.
ibal28   
Aug 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Parents are imperative to teach their children - even more than the professional teachers [3]

Question:
Parents are the best teacher. Agree or disagree?

Answer:

Introduction
Parents play an important role to educate their children. From that stand point, I totally agree that parents have an extremely good impact for their children. Both of them can develop people's capability to become the persons who know important things in the world more than the professional teacher that people have in school.

Conclusion
In conclusion, parents are imperative to teach their children and teach anything with a valuable lesson. Although some people believe that stake holder in the school can do such as activity. In my view, parents are the best one for developing people's capability.
ibal28   
Aug 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary: Plant Life in the Taklimakan Desert [4]

The Taklimakan Desert is the second biggest desert before Sahara Desert in Africa that has a low rainfall with a daily temperature up to 20 degrees and also suddenly sandstorms that most be an extremely condition. Some parts of Taklimakan Desert is a sand dunes, it causes the area free from vegetation. But another areas, where it is between the open desert and oases, there are plants grow well.

Taklimakan Desert has a species of plants that grow well such as Populus euphratica, Tamarix ramosissima and Alhagi sparsifolia with the different ways to survive. The survival of Takilamakan Plants are also useful to be a protector for their ecosystem such as stabilized of sand dunes, preventing the erosion and conserve biodiversity.
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