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Describe a meaningful event...UF application essay...Missions trip to Honduras.

5 - Oh, my mistake, it is 2 sentences. My point was that you should probably tell them how it affected...

Undergraduateamandahart - Oct 27, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 1, 2009
"Asian American living in a city" - common app diversity essay

3 - You mentioned some things several times, and so parts of this are redundant. You also use slang terms for...

Undergraduatejustdoit - Oct 27, 2009EF_Stephen - Oct 27, 2009
"Hard work and dedication is the key to success." -FIT Admission Essay

4 - They probably said, "From whom much is given, much is required." In your first paragraph you should give...

Undergraduatejelimj529 - Oct 27, 2009EF_Kevin - Oct 30, 2009
"My Talent" For UC PS Prompt #2 (transfer student)

3 - Thx for ur reply.. ye..writing in non-first language is much more difficult than u can image even though...

Undergraduatesimonma668 - Oct 27, 2009simonma668 - Oct 27, 2009
Why UChicago: Hogwarts in the Muggle world

4 - Angelica, Your writing displays what seems to be a natural penchant for creativity, even when addressing the normally...

Undergraduateangie127 - Oct 27, 2009lotm30923 - Oct 29, 2009
UCF Essay - Culture, Family, Eniv. Influence

4 - But you don't actually say this in your essay. What you do say is this: And...

Undergraduatejiggysmalls - Oct 27, 2009EF_Sean - Oct 30, 2009
Brown supplement: What don't you know? "Mom's Secret"

5 - I definitgely think you should emphasize it more. That, and how not knowing is sometimes a fact of life,...

Undergraduateyoungkim9193 - Oct 27, 2009EF_Stephen - Oct 28, 2009
"You are wearing a mask!"; meaningful event, experience or accomplishment

6 - thanks guys!...

Undergraduateamandahart - Oct 27, 2009amandahart - Oct 29, 2009
Common App Short A. - Metaphorical significance or tangible significance?

4 - thank you both very much for the input!...

Undergraduateicysakura - Oct 27, 2009icysakura - Oct 28, 2009
'Family that likes pets' - is this a good MSU admissions essay

2 - Your writing style is too wordy and informal. You need to be more concise and use more appropriate diction...

Undergraduateoreodiamond - Oct 27, 2009EF_Sean - Oct 29, 2009
Goldman Sachs CTW - CommonApp - elaborate an experience. (150 words)

3 - Well, first of all thanks for giving me a feed back. I think the icysakura did a really good...

Undergraduateago1130 - Oct 27, 2009h4ppidais - Oct 27, 2009
Need help to find Topic sentence for this writing

3 - Yes, for this one the topic sentence might be a sentence about how feelings can change not just for...

Essaysaranger - Oct 27, 2009EF_Kevin - Oct 30, 2009
I have always been jealous of those who had a definite goal in life; Carnegie Mellon

4 - Only 2 sentences in your entire essay answered the prompt (italicized below.) Please re-read the prompt especially what is...

Undergraduateswingstyle - Oct 27, 2009linmark - Nov 5, 2009
150 word essay about playing DOUBLE BASS

6 - Start here: Whenever I become frustrated, I relieve... The part before that is not so useful. HEY,...

Undergraduateh4ppidais - Oct 27, 2009EF_Kevin - Oct 30, 2009
Common App Essay.. Greatest Influence (my dad)

3 - just a suggestion you could make. The day my dad graduated from the State Police academy, overcoming the...

Undergraduateredsoxfreak3458 - Oct 27, 2009zowzow - Oct 27, 2009
"Biomedical Science in Texas A&M University" - Need help revising the paper

2 - You start off with a long awkward sentence. Sometimes it is good to start with a shorter sentence so...

Undergraduatego1f4par - Oct 27, 2009EF_Kevin - Oct 30, 2009
"My Calling"-- concise narrative essay

5 - See if everyone likes this any better... I read through other essays and felt there were a couple things...

UndergraduateJenico106 - Oct 27, 2009Jenico106 - Oct 29, 2009
making a difference via coaching soccer - 150 words

12 - Really?! Eric, thanks for explaining that to me about the absence of serial comma in UK English. I didn't...

Undergraduatelinmark - Oct 27, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 10, 2009
I am an open minded individual ; UMD College Park/ Diversity

6 - Hyun Young, you should give a little more time to offering ideas here if you want this person to...

Undergraduatejohnd23 - Oct 27, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 2, 2009
Why I want to become a nurse (Common App #1)

5 - Thank-you so much for your help! I'm working on the edits right now....

Undergraduatelaragon - Oct 27, 2009laragon - Oct 31, 2009
Umich school of music supplement

2 - Wow, brilliant. Your music seems to be able to reach people through your writing, too. Here is an...

Undergraduatehpc1992 - Oct 27, 2009EF_Kevin - Oct 29, 2009
Changes in the world in the coming century?

4 - You can use a dash: ...century -- achievements as well as hardships . This is all very...

Writing Feedbackvothiha - Oct 27, 2009EF_Kevin - Oct 30, 2009
Illinois State admissions personal statement - 'I am unique among most people'

2 - How modest of you. I see the rest of the essay goes on in like vein. You are...

Undergraduatekanep123 - Oct 27, 2009EF_Sean - Oct 28, 2009
Still I Rise: An Autobiography 217 - UPenn Optional Essay

8 - I think it's a bit of a run-on and would sound loads better separated as two: I searched...

Undergraduatetwizzlestraw - Oct 27, 2009leahaha - Nov 25, 2009
Undergraduate Student Exchange Presonal Statement Essay, How to make it well?

6 - You have answered the prompt. I am not familiar with the Upper Intermediate Writing qualification. You prof is wrong...

Undergraduateanisa yosef - Oct 27, 2009linmark - Nov 3, 2009
Essay about myself. What is the order to follow in writing this?

7 - A suggestion, I like your descriptions a lot! I think you should focus on your character though as well!...

UndergraduateToyosi - Oct 27, 2009chaotic_kiddo - Nov 14, 2009
150 word essay. Working as a sales lead at Victoria's Secret.

3 - The shopping environment in all stores during the holiday season can become a bit hectic during the holiday season....

Undergraduatejaimeealexis - Oct 27, 2009EF_Kevin - Oct 30, 2009
"Very good job you bloody goat!" - Georgetown Essay

3 - an elegant but simple roof sat on walls with wood facades. A ll my skills acquired from the 4...

Undergraduatecarlospena91 - Oct 27, 2009juinette - Oct 29, 2009
'Enlightened by Joe's ideas' - University of Michigan - Diversity Essay

3 - Nice! You should talk about how it caused you to reflect more deeply on communism and do some more...

Undergraduatekrazzikittie - Oct 27, 2009EF_Kevin - Oct 30, 2009
USC (Reflect on a challenge you overcame through persistence)

2 - This is well-written! Great job. Like all writing, it can be improved if you revise for conciseness. You can...

UndergraduateFiddysin - Oct 27, 2009EF_Kevin - Oct 28, 2009
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