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Researching and writing effective scholarship essays (page 85)

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"My desire for flight" scholarship essay help wanted

3 - Thank you for your help. I am glad you found it interesting, but is it interesting enough to compel...

Scholarshipmelb - Dec 14, 2009 / melb - Dec 16, 2009

The field of accounting + paid experience + scholarship action - Syracuse Essay

4 - In that first one, it will be good if you answer the question -- about what influenced you to...

Scholarshiptmac - Dec 4, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 5, 2009

Essay for Rice/Baylor Medical Scholars Program

4 - This was ten years ago and my motivations for pursuing medicine have changed -- but my aspiration to become...

Scholarshiptanyaann - Nov 30, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 2, 2009

Morrill Scholarship Essay for OSU

2 - Let's fix up this important part of the essay: the end of the first paragraph. My life has...

Scholarshipmicaredi - Nov 29, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Dec 1, 2009

Scholarship essay: community service activity Hurricane katrina

2 - The idea behind the first para is good, but it is not helpful to say people from all walks...

Scholarshippcvrz34g - Nov 25, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009

I didn't earn my internship in Changzhou American International School easily

3 - Thanx Yooyoung!You're absolutely right!...

Scholarshipcamboj - Nov 24, 2009 / camboj - Nov 24, 2009

Mathematics is my passion - Saint Louis University Scholarship Essay

3 - ^These are all singular but you talk about soccer and mathematics :/ I would imagine that this...

Scholarshipryman522 - Nov 19, 2009 / Llamapoop123 - Nov 20, 2009

a surfeit of mortgages - BU Scholarship Essay

4 - Ah!! It will be better if you take a side, or say something assertive in that first paragraph! Don't...

Scholarshipraven - Nov 17, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 19, 2009

UW Honors/ Good citizenship comes from good scholarship

2 - Overall, you've done a good job answering the prompt. The one thing that struck me was how much your...

ScholarshiptobeJames - Nov 14, 2009 / mmmargarita - Nov 14, 2009

"Explore Whatever you wanted for one year" has really put me in a corner.

3 - If this is for a scholarship, you have to be clever about earning it. I say do not write...

Scholarshipmmiiaa - Nov 11, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 12, 2009

"Page 87" Autobiography-VCU Scholarship Essay

5 - I like to trim out the unnecessary phrases: Monkeys screeching, exotic birds chirping -- my early morning wake up...

Scholarshipst21 - Nov 11, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 12, 2009

"Life is always full of T-junctions" - A scholarship essay: personal statement

4 - ...living as alternatives to farming. The number of abandoned fields are increasing, year after year . This scene creates...

Scholarshiphavan89 - Nov 9, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 10, 2009

Guideline for Motivation Essay writing (graduate admission and scholarship)

3 - I think the most important thing is to write with your PURPOSE in mind. What is your purpose with...

Scholarshipsaimurkhan - Nov 9, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 10, 2009

Motivational essay for scholarship at cbs.

4 - hello at the end you should also say that you appreciate it for them to take the time...

ScholarshipMasloc - Nov 2, 2009 / alibaba 1983 - Nov 9, 2009

"Good citizenship comes from good scholarship." - U Washington,Seattle (Honors)

3 - Very good! When you start with that quote, though, tell who said it or where you heard it. I...

Scholarshippmr1692 - Nov 2, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Nov 4, 2009

$70,000 Scholarship essay - Community leadership/involvement

3 - I think you start off quite emotionally, so you need to explain more about that frightened patient. And yes,...

Scholarshiphope101 - Oct 29, 2009 / Ninja - Oct 29, 2009

My Challenge of being a Team Player (all kinds of sports) - scholarship essay

2 - This seems rather negative. You go on to say that no one blamed you, and that this...

Scholarshipdanlee92 - Oct 20, 2009 / EF_Sean - Oct 21, 2009

"fairly knowledgeable of the Bible" - Scholarship Essay

4 - I think that the revision is better from a purely objective essay perspective. If I were grading it, this...

ScholarshipQuickStudy - Oct 12, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 13, 2009

What can you contribute to ___ essay? - alumni scholarship

11 - So... What do you think? What is the role of alumni in the development of a school? Do some...

Scholarshipcgee89 - Jun 10, 2009 / EF_Simone - Oct 3, 2009

Spiral - a scholarship application

4 - Thanks for the feedback. I see your point about the first sentence, in writing it I seem to have...

Scholarshipozric - Oct 1, 2009 / ozric - Oct 1, 2009

IvySelect Scholarship Personal Statement

8 - Ok, thank you....

ScholarshipOhboi - Sep 28, 2009 / Ohboi - Sep 30, 2009

The image of the young boy; Scholarship/ Lancaster

2 - Pretty good. Some minor stuff: This drew me to study economics because e conomists are able to explain...

Scholarshiptawostar - Sep 26, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 26, 2009

How to get scholarship to study abroad? (architecture)

7 - Just go to your school's financial aid office....

Scholarshipsayrithy - Aug 29, 2009 / zhoudongzhou - Sep 23, 2009

"A good teacher is like a candle" - Scholarship Essay

5 - ^You do not answer this very important part of the essay prompt well enough. Your essay rambles a...

Scholarshiphannabanana_16 - Sep 10, 2009 / Liebe - Sep 12, 2009

"Perseverance is failing 19 times and succeeding the 20th." Rhodes Scholarship Essay

7 - Hello Simone, Once again i am extremely thankful and truly appreciate your efforts in this regard.Thank you ever...

Scholarshipmuhammadhayat86 - Aug 24, 2009 / muhammadhayat86 - Aug 29, 2009

Scholarship Essay: Passion for Computer Science

4 - Your grammar is good over all. Let's see the revision that takes Noto's comments into account. There's no...

ScholarshipHiImShante - Aug 17, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 18, 2009

Scholarship essay, Challenges/factors in life that make you who you are

4 - Wow. That's a dense essay. You got tired by the end, eh? And just stopped. You need a much...

Scholarshipsweetchic6893 - Aug 10, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 11, 2009

MSU Personal Statement and Scholarship Essay

4 - Actually, 36 is OK. Twenty, thirty, forty, and the like should be spelled out, but compound numbers like thirty-six...

Scholarshipmichellemariex5 - Aug 10, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 10, 2009

Scholarship essay question help, your sense of humor, your personality

5 - Yes, that's a start. From this, we can learn that you are observant, empathic, and culturally sensitive. We also...

Scholarshipwoodhorse22 - Aug 9, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 10, 2009

SCHOLARSHIP ESSAY:MY ASPIRATION CAREER AS A LAWYER.

3 - You might start by asking yourself what sort of lawyer you want to become. Civil? Criminal? If the former,...

Scholarshipjayun - Jul 23, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 23, 2009

Music scholarship personal statement

NEW - this is the personal stament for the master's degrees in music it's really long,,,,and i'm not sure about my...

Scholarshipwawadiary - Jul 23, 2009 / — -

MBA Scholarship Short Personal Statement

12 - Also, you might want to try to tie together all of the items you list so that your essay...

Scholarshipedleonardo - Jul 10, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 17, 2009

What should be the right format for my scholarship essay?

4 - You might want to post said essay here, too, if you haven't already handed it in....

ScholarshipKumalein - Jul 5, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 10, 2009

What should I do with the opening? (applying for a scholarship)

7 - Conciseness is good. That said, the best writers employ a variety of sentence lengths and structures to keep their...

Scholarshiphilarydang - Jul 6, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 7, 2009

medical doctor for a postgraduate scholarship

6 - If you like, your cover letter can simply ask for consideration and identify the attached application items. If, however,...

Scholarshipmarilyn007 - Jul 5, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 5, 2009

I need some advice on ideas - "Why do I deserve the scholarship" 2

42 - ^ Sorry I don't really understand what you meant, but certainly I'm going for this schlarship (: I know...

ScholarshipFiyero - Jun 17, 2009 / Fiyero - Jul 3, 2009

'Bournemouth University has one of the most advance educations in the world' - BU scholarship essay

31 - thank you very much simone and sean... i really appreciate your help.. yes i've learnt a lot.. and definitely...

Scholarshipcvani - Jun 28, 2009 / cvani - Jul 2, 2009

I have studied intensively, especially maths and physics for the past twelve years - scholarship

38 - "This scholarship will allow me focus on a career that no other university in Vietnam can do." Um, I...

Scholarshipthaihanguyen74 - Jun 13, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 26, 2009

Scholarship Essay on How High School Sports Influenced you

8 - Congratulations! Don't forget to spread the joy by helping others with their scholarship or admissions essays!...

Scholarshipshupirate2013 - Apr 7, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jun 18, 2009

Scholarship Essay: Graduate Education in Chemical Engineering

7 - Thank you Sean...

Scholarshipcalyx - May 28, 2009 / calyx - Jun 1, 2009

Personal Essay - Something I've learned through a personal experience

6 - Great essay. I love the way you cross-cut your experience learning the bass guitar with your volunteer experience. The...

ScholarshipTheAnswer - May 26, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 27, 2009

"A Latin-American" - Scholarship/college essay

8 - Since I was a child Good job. Now, go through and remove excessive words that clutter your message....

Scholarshipmishmon - May 24, 2009 / EF_Simone - May 27, 2009

Contributions to the Field of Sonography

10 - Guys, I wanted to thank all of you millions! I have received the scholarship. Could not have done it...

Scholarshipfuzzy - Mar 22, 2009 / fuzzy - May 16, 2009

Scholarship Essay - My Perseverance Goal

8 - Your answer is excellent. Good job. It can't have been easy cutting down that much when you had so...

Scholarshipbabydoll - Apr 26, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 27, 2009

The Scholarship Jacket

3 - "Throughout the course of life, individuals work towards a goal to reap its benefits. This reward is self explanatory...

Scholarshippatellio94 - Apr 26, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 27, 2009

My own engineering firm; Scholarship (Educational Goals)

6 - Thanks for the help I'm going to make the corrections you suggested....

Scholarshipgb9570 - Apr 16, 2009 / gb9570 - Apr 19, 2009

Scholarship Essay - Effect of Presidential Election

4 - Yeah, don't use the forum quite that way. It should not be a resource the enable students to avoid...

Scholarshipcali - Apr 12, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 13, 2009

Scholarship Essay, goals for myself in the future

9 - Thanks Sean. I'll let everyone know if I get the scholarship....

Scholarshiparbennett - Feb 17, 2009 / arbennett - Apr 11, 2009

Samoan Govt Scholarship - Information Technology Course

4 - Up at the top, you said to me, "I really appreciated." That's a common mistake, but you are supposed...

Scholarshipambster - Mar 28, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 31, 2009

Expanding my knowledge; Scholarship (the United World Colleges)

6 - "This college offers me many different opportunities and resources to take the road of success." You might want to...

Scholarshipstefan - Mar 25, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 28, 2009

Scholarship application essay for review (UK university)

4 - Working at this forum, I have something in common with admissions officers. I see enough of these essays to...

ScholarshipKhalil - Mar 23, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 23, 2009

What is the biggest obstacle that have had to overcome in Life?

2 - "So as I sort out the biggest obstacle I think of my biggest challenge." --this seems a little unnecessary....

Scholarshipjoalex7 - Mar 23, 2009 / Gautama - Mar 23, 2009

I hopefully graduate suma cum laude in Cinematography

5 - For the sake of making that first paragraph well-structured, I think you should find a way to add one...

Scholarshipsharkbait09 - Mar 15, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 23, 2009

The final input came from my brother-in-law, cardiologist - why did you choose this career?

8 - I came to the United States as a n new immigrant in 2005. In my home country, Romania, I...

Scholarshipfuzzy - Mar 7, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 22, 2009

NUS Scholarship App Essay - Achievements & academic interests

3 - My interests in economics, business and finance have been long standing. Since youth , I have always been particularly...

Scholarshipkids_jessy - Mar 21, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 22, 2009

Explain why you feel you merit consideration as an applicant for an award or scholarship

11 - hey molly! Not once, in my whole high school career, have I said to myself, "Self, what you...

Scholarshipmolzeeee - Mar 1, 2009 / sharkbait09 - Mar 17, 2009

Career Goals Essay for scholarship -- Love of numbers leads to accounting

NEW - I need help with a scholarship essay... I need to know what one thinks of this essay.. What can...

ScholarshipWritersBlock - Mar 16, 2009 / — -

Philip A. Hart Scholarship

4 - I agree with kevin, follow that and it will sound great...

ScholarshipJohnBabyDoe - Mar 14, 2009 / isgluska - Mar 15, 2009

'The perfect way of voicing my opinion' scholarship essay (everyone has an opinion)

3 - Thanks so much for the feedback and peer-editing, it really helped, and yep it's for questbridge, so wish me...

Scholarshipmila_girl - Mar 8, 2009 / mila_girl - Mar 13, 2009

"Education is an admirable thing" - Scholarship Essay

3 - The pain of discipline was tough, at times, but it was more welcoming than the pain of regret I...

Scholarshipsharkbait09 - Mar 12, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 13, 2009

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