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Researching and writing effective scholarship essays (page 87)

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"fairly knowledgeable of the Bible" - Scholarship Essay

4 - I think that the revision is better from a purely objective essay perspective. If I were grading it, this...

ScholarshipQuickStudy - Oct 12, 2009 / EF_Stephen - Oct 13, 2009
What can you contribute to ___ essay? - alumni scholarship

11 - So... What do you think? What is the role of alumni in the development of a school? Do some...

Scholarshipcgee89 - Jun 10, 2009 / EF_Simone - Oct 3, 2009
Spiral - a scholarship application

4 - Thanks for the feedback. I see your point about the first sentence, in writing it I seem to have...

Scholarshipozric - Oct 1, 2009 / ozric - Oct 1, 2009
IvySelect Scholarship Personal Statement

8 - Ok, thank you....

ScholarshipOhboi - Sep 28, 2009 / Ohboi - Sep 30, 2009
The image of the young boy; Scholarship/ Lancaster

2 - Pretty good. Some minor stuff: This drew me to study economics because e conomists are able to explain...

Scholarshiptawostar - Sep 26, 2009 / EF_Sean - Sep 26, 2009
How to get scholarship to study abroad? (architecture)

7 - Just go to your school's financial aid office....

Scholarshipsayrithy - Aug 29, 2009 / zhoudongzhou - Sep 23, 2009
"A good teacher is like a candle" - Scholarship Essay

5 - ^You do not answer this very important part of the essay prompt well enough. Your essay rambles a...

Scholarshiphannabanana_16 - Sep 10, 2009 / Liebe - Sep 12, 2009
"Perseverance is failing 19 times and succeeding the 20th." Rhodes Scholarship Essay

7 - Hello Simone, Once again i am extremely thankful and truly appreciate your efforts in this regard.Thank you ever...

Scholarshipmuhammadhayat86 - Aug 24, 2009 / muhammadhayat86 - Aug 29, 2009
Scholarship Essay: Passion for Computer Science

4 - Your grammar is good over all. Let's see the revision that takes Noto's comments into account. There's no...

ScholarshipHiImShante - Aug 17, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 18, 2009
Scholarship essay, Challenges/factors in life that make you who you are

4 - Wow. That's a dense essay. You got tired by the end, eh? And just stopped. You need a much...

Scholarshipsweetchic6893 - Aug 10, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 11, 2009
MSU Personal Statement and Scholarship Essay

4 - Actually, 36 is OK. Twenty, thirty, forty, and the like should be spelled out, but compound numbers like thirty-six...

Scholarshipmichellemariex5 - Aug 10, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 10, 2009
Scholarship essay question help, your sense of humor, your personality

5 - Yes, that's a start. From this, we can learn that you are observant, empathic, and culturally sensitive. We also...

Scholarshipwoodhorse22 - Aug 9, 2009 / EF_Simone - Aug 10, 2009
SCHOLARSHIP ESSAY:MY ASPIRATION CAREER AS A LAWYER.

3 - You might start by asking yourself what sort of lawyer you want to become. Civil? Criminal? If the former,...

Scholarshipjayun - Jul 23, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 23, 2009
Music scholarship personal statement

NEW - this is the personal stament for the master's degrees in music it's really long,,,,and i'm not sure about my...

Scholarshipwawadiary - Jul 23, 2009 / — -
MBA Scholarship Short Personal Statement

12 - Also, you might want to try to tie together all of the items you list so that your essay...

Scholarshipedleonardo - Jul 10, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 17, 2009
What should be the right format for my scholarship essay?

4 - You might want to post said essay here, too, if you haven't already handed it in....

ScholarshipKumalein - Jul 5, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 10, 2009
What should I do with the opening? (applying for a scholarship)

7 - Conciseness is good. That said, the best writers employ a variety of sentence lengths and structures to keep their...

Scholarshiphilarydang - Jul 6, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jul 7, 2009
medical doctor for a postgraduate scholarship

6 - If you like, your cover letter can simply ask for consideration and identify the attached application items. If, however,...

Scholarshipmarilyn007 - Jul 5, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jul 5, 2009
I need some advice on ideas - "Why do I deserve the scholarship"   2

42 - ^ Sorry I don't really understand what you meant, but certainly I'm going for this schlarship (: I know...

ScholarshipFiyero - Jun 17, 2009 / Fiyero - Jul 3, 2009
'Bournemouth University has one of the most advance educations in the world' - BU scholarship essay

31 - thank you very much simone and sean... i really appreciate your help.. yes i've learnt a lot.. and definitely...

Scholarshipcvani - Jun 28, 2009 / cvani - Jul 2, 2009
I have studied intensively, especially maths and physics for the past twelve years - scholarship

38 - "This scholarship will allow me focus on a career that no other university in Vietnam can do." Um, I...

Scholarshipthaihanguyen74 - Jun 13, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 26, 2009
Scholarship Essay on How High School Sports Influenced you

8 - Congratulations! Don't forget to spread the joy by helping others with their scholarship or admissions essays!...

Scholarshipshupirate2013 - Apr 7, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jun 18, 2009
Scholarship Essay: Graduate Education in Chemical Engineering

7 - Thank you Sean...

Scholarshipcalyx - May 28, 2009 / calyx - Jun 1, 2009
Personal Essay - Something I've learned through a personal experience

6 - Great essay. I love the way you cross-cut your experience learning the bass guitar with your volunteer experience. The...

ScholarshipTheAnswer - May 26, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 27, 2009
"A Latin-American" - Scholarship/college essay

8 - Since I was a child Good job. Now, go through and remove excessive words that clutter your message....

Scholarshipmishmon - May 24, 2009 / EF_Simone - May 27, 2009
Contributions to the Field of Sonography

10 - Guys, I wanted to thank all of you millions! I have received the scholarship. Could not have done it...

Scholarshipfuzzy - Mar 22, 2009 / fuzzy - May 16, 2009
Scholarship Essay - My Perseverance Goal

8 - Your answer is excellent. Good job. It can't have been easy cutting down that much when you had so...

Scholarshipbabydoll - Apr 26, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 27, 2009
The Scholarship Jacket

3 - "Throughout the course of life, individuals work towards a goal to reap its benefits. This reward is self explanatory...

Scholarshippatellio94 - Apr 26, 2009 / EF_Sean - Apr 27, 2009
My own engineering firm; Scholarship (Educational Goals)

6 - Thanks for the help I'm going to make the corrections you suggested....

Scholarshipgb9570 - Apr 16, 2009 / gb9570 - Apr 19, 2009
Scholarship Essay - Effect of Presidential Election

4 - Yeah, don't use the forum quite that way. It should not be a resource the enable students to avoid...

Scholarshipcali - Apr 12, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Apr 13, 2009
Scholarship Essay, goals for myself in the future

9 - Thanks Sean. I'll let everyone know if I get the scholarship....

Scholarshiparbennett - Feb 17, 2009 / arbennett - Apr 11, 2009
Samoan Govt Scholarship - Information Technology Course

4 - Up at the top, you said to me, "I really appreciated." That's a common mistake, but you are supposed...

Scholarshipambster - Mar 28, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 31, 2009
Expanding my knowledge; Scholarship (the United World Colleges)

6 - "This college offers me many different opportunities and resources to take the road of success." You might want to...

Scholarshipstefan - Mar 25, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 28, 2009
Scholarship application essay for review (UK university)

4 - Working at this forum, I have something in common with admissions officers. I see enough of these essays to...

ScholarshipKhalil - Mar 23, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 23, 2009
What is the biggest obstacle that have had to overcome in Life?

2 - "So as I sort out the biggest obstacle I think of my biggest challenge." --this seems a little unnecessary....

Scholarshipjoalex7 - Mar 23, 2009 / Gautama - Mar 23, 2009
I hopefully graduate suma cum laude in Cinematography

5 - For the sake of making that first paragraph well-structured, I think you should find a way to add one...

Scholarshipsharkbait09 - Mar 15, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 23, 2009
The final input came from my brother-in-law, cardiologist - why did you choose this career?

8 - I came to the United States as a n new immigrant in 2005. In my home country, Romania, I...

Scholarshipfuzzy - Mar 7, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 22, 2009
NUS Scholarship App Essay - Achievements & academic interests

3 - My interests in economics, business and finance have been long standing. Since youth , I have always been particularly...

Scholarshipkids_jessy - Mar 21, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 22, 2009
Explain why you feel you merit consideration as an applicant for an award or scholarship

11 - hey molly! Not once, in my whole high school career, have I said to myself, "Self, what you...

Scholarshipmolzeeee - Mar 1, 2009 / sharkbait09 - Mar 17, 2009
Career Goals Essay for scholarship -- Love of numbers leads to accounting

NEW - I need help with a scholarship essay... I need to know what one thinks of this essay.. What can...

ScholarshipWritersBlock - Mar 16, 2009 / — -
Philip A. Hart Scholarship

4 - I agree with kevin, follow that and it will sound great...

ScholarshipJohnBabyDoe - Mar 14, 2009 / isgluska - Mar 15, 2009
'The perfect way of voicing my opinion' scholarship essay (everyone has an opinion)

3 - Thanks so much for the feedback and peer-editing, it really helped, and yep it's for questbridge, so wish me...

Scholarshipmila_girl - Mar 8, 2009 / mila_girl - Mar 13, 2009
"Education is an admirable thing" - Scholarship Essay

3 - The pain of discipline was tough, at times, but it was more welcoming than the pain of regret I...

Scholarshipsharkbait09 - Mar 12, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Mar 13, 2009
In my own words: Why is a scholarship important to you?

5 - Ok thank you all very much. This was a great help!...

Scholarshipneonnelson - Mar 1, 2009 / neonnelson - Mar 10, 2009
Scholarship Essays - Volunteer job and Education. (Deadline March 09)

8 - The dream sequence was really very well done -- you should be proud of it. Good job, and good...

Scholarshipkofpower2411 - Mar 7, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 9, 2009
Scholarship Personal Statement (my dream of becoming a doctor)

9 - Just remember that you need to convey the idea that you desperately need the scholarship while simultaneously showing the...

Scholarshipscholargirl - Feb 11, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 2, 2009
Scholarship Essay - degree vs a positive contribution to society

5 - Sounds like you have a clear vision of what you want to do with your life. Good job. A...

Scholarshipscholargirl - Feb 11, 2009 / EF_Sean - Mar 2, 2009
Scholarship Essay, a love of writing and education

4 - Your writing involves a high level of diction, which is good, and general grasp of grammar and appropriate academic...

Scholarshipmckyle - Feb 20, 2009 / EF_Sean - Feb 21, 2009
Scholarship application essay - demonstrating outstanding ability to lead

3 - No, don't trash the first part! But get rid of that weak first sentence. Then, start by telling: ...

Scholarshipsweethypnotic - Feb 8, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 9, 2009
Scholarship essay, person I admire (my dead Uncle)

6 - Ha ha, I was going to say that is a cool idea, because the most influential person could indeed...

Scholarshipsuehatesyou - Feb 6, 2009 / EF_Kevin - Feb 8, 2009
Short write-up on internship application Qn

7 - Excellent. That solves the problem quite nicely....

Scholarshipultraman365 - Feb 2, 2009 / EF_Sean - Feb 5, 2009
Scholarship Essay: education and experience at OIT and my goals.

3 - You have a fairly strong first draft here. Revising for conciseness is always a good idea. Of course, that...

ScholarshipJay - Feb 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Feb 2, 2009
'calculus and statistics analysis' - Scholarship essay for Babson College

5 - thank you. I am going to revise these parts!...

Scholarshipmingzhuliu - Jan 23, 2009 / mingzhuliu - Jan 25, 2009
'I listened to the lyrics' - 100th page of my autobiography

8 - this is a really good essay, beautifully written. it gives the reader a good sense of who you are....

Scholarshippiggytails626 - Dec 30, 2008 / jh3492 - Jan 3, 2009
"Dream specialist" - Scholarship essay, experience at OIT

3 - Thank you Kevin. I really appreciate your help!...

Scholarshipamaranta - Dec 28, 2008 / amaranta - Dec 29, 2008
I've been constantly instilled the idea that one should make use of what he/she has learned.

5 - Well, for the first one: "Chinese education is wrongly viewed as consisting mostly of theoretical, rather than practical instructions"...

Scholarshiprayc0702 - Dec 21, 2008 / EF_Sean - Dec 22, 2008
Need explanation on a scholarship question?

3 - Thank you I'll consider to answer those questions in my response :)...

Scholarship4ever2bleed - Dec 19, 2008 / 4ever2bleed - Dec 20, 2008
HEOP ESSAY SCHOLARSHIP

6 - you can make it flow better by reading your essay out loud to yourself...it removes any awkwardness and make...

Scholarshipfelixs07 - Dec 11, 2008 / fastracker91 - Dec 15, 2008
I hope I could help the poor in Indonesia - Singapore Scholarship

4 - I always think that my parents are huge contributors to my environment and that they play a meaningful role...

Scholarshipangann29 - Dec 12, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 13, 2008
'economics and business complete' - Jp Morgan scholarship essay

3 - Hi! I know it's hard to get an essay to "flow." The trick is to link one idea to...

Scholarshipmetsfan2044 - Dec 10, 2008 / EF_Kevin - Dec 11, 2008

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