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Research advice on TOEFL, SAT, IELTS, GRE and other academic essays (page 471)

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TOEFL Writing: 2 short essays (reading versus doing things; Neighbors)

6 - I agree with Sean, I have seen in TOEFL essays this type of starting some time confuses the...

Writing Feedbackbon - Jun 15, 2009 / biggestv - Jun 18, 2009

a baby doesn't know the intricacy of external world; TOEFL IBT Essay "Parents are the best teachers"

6 - Content-wise you could shore up your essay by defining what exactly you mean by "best teacher" before attempting to...

Writing FeedbackHVC - Jun 16, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 17, 2009

Narrative essay- important decision for CBEST Pormpt

2 - First I will talk about content and then about grammar and style. You've made a good choice concerning which...

Writing Feedbacksapst21 - Jun 16, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jun 17, 2009

CBEST Essay using technology prompt

8 - The handbook I am using is the one created and required by a major U.S. university. Again, Sean, your...

Writing Feedbackrolandj727 - Jun 15, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jun 16, 2009

TOEFL Essay on why people want to study (give me any comment on my following essay)

8 - Sean, thanks for giving me further clarification. Any other comment, please let me know....

Writing Feedbacklinjuncai - Jun 14, 2009 / linjuncai - Jun 16, 2009

Cultural psychology short paper

9 - When Sean asks you to say the same thing in fewer words, he is asking you to write more...

Writing Feedbackcarlychan - Jun 13, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jun 16, 2009

The Advantages of Capital Punishment-- very short essay --

6 - thank you.......

Writing Feedbacksilentheart - Jun 12, 2009 / silentheart - Jun 16, 2009

Australian Gold Rush: Introduction writing

16 - Hey Notoman, thanks for mentioning the plagiarism detector. I knew such software existed, but I didn't know there was...

Writing Feedbackjgv115 - May 28, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 14, 2009

Yet another CBEST Essay - an unforgettable person you have encountered in life

4 - This is not the essay that I wrote for the CBEST test. I have been working to improve since...

Writing Feedbackrolandj727 - Jun 12, 2009 / rolandj727 - Jun 12, 2009

My first essay exercise - "we learn our most important lessons in school?"

3 - I'd get rid of phrases such as "give the devil his due" too. I'm more concerned by grammar...

Writing FeedbackHellANgel - Jun 10, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jun 12, 2009

CBEST personal essay - an unforgettable person you have encountered in your life

13 - Notice: Several people have now repeatedly told you to omit that first paragraph, which says nothing. That's good advice....

Writing Feedbackbubuvio - Jun 9, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jun 11, 2009

War -- victor or no victor? 2

45 - Yeah, I'm going to keep a low profile in classes where there aren't multiple choice tests, from now on....

Writing FeedbackMustafa1991 - May 18, 2009 / Mustafa1991 - Jun 11, 2009

TOEFL - should history be a mandatory course to university students?

5 - But how would this be of any use to international students? Bear in mind that universities often have a...

Writing Feedbackrealele - Jun 9, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 10, 2009

ielts essay: Should students be taught to compete or to cooperate?

5 - Don't call your mistakes "stupid." Making mistakes is how we learn. I'm glad you are feeling more confident....

Writing Feedbackwudan - Jun 9, 2009 / EF_Simone - Jun 10, 2009

Essay response to Thoreau - "Does adulthood takes away the true spirit of life?"

5 - Threre are plenty grammar errors. For example: - convey a sense of nostalgia *for* - childhood is...

Writing Feedbackcarladguez - Jun 9, 2009 / Mustafa1991 - Jun 10, 2009

Essay about: what would you change of your former high school?

12 - Yeah, I concur with the previous comments. You can't get flashy with words until you've mastered basic sentence...

Writing Feedbackivan9210 - Jun 6, 2009 / Mustafa1991 - Jun 9, 2009

Traveling in a group led by a tour guide give us a safe, useful and exciting excursion & save time

7 - Or Tour guides possess professional knowledge of an city that allows them to avoid dangerous areas....

Writing Feedbackthinhthanh92 - Jun 4, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 9, 2009

IELTS essay : Nowadays majority of people are trying to live in the cities

6 - You have a decent essay structure, and while you do have some grammatical errors, they tend not to interfere...

Writing Feedbackferocious12 - Jun 2, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 8, 2009

Making life better

5 - Yes, yes it is. :-) Feel free to post a revised draft here for more feedback....

Writing Feedbackbon - Jun 6, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 8, 2009

A paragraph to persuade someone not to smoke

3 - You might also want to add more details to make your paragraph more persuasive. "Five million people died last...

Writing Feedbackferocious12 - Jun 7, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 8, 2009

TOEFL - Prefer to work for a large company; good material rewards

7 - Actually, it is generally a good idea to avoid labeling your conclusion with one of those phrases. It should...

Writing Feedbackwing - May 22, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 6, 2009

IELTS Writing - "clean learning environment"

3 - Be careful, too, that you don't get off topic. The prompt doesn't assert that an attractive and clean learning...

Writing Feedbackbon - Jun 6, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 6, 2009

descriptive essay-The heart of the Matter.

6 - In need of some revision: "An inspiring, strong, and caring person has a lot to offer, especially if...

Writing Feedbackpnkberrychmpgne - Jun 4, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 5, 2009

Help with a paragraph about marketing claims

7 - Hi all, Thanks for all the comments. Regards, Fizzi...

Writing FeedbackFizzi - Jun 4, 2009 / Fizzi - Jun 5, 2009

Test essay: Should children obey authority?

7 - Others think controlled children are not well-prepared for children's adult life into make the important decisions of their lives...

Writing Feedbackxinyuqingxin - Jun 2, 2009 / ferocious12 - Jun 4, 2009

Socials Essay: Robespierre and Cromwell Which is a more effective leader?

7 - Your main problem is that you are comparing these two people in terms of the effectiveness of their leadership,...

Writing Feedbackicemaster2340 - Jun 3, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 4, 2009

"the disparity (gap) between rich and poor" - sample writing

4 - I like the way you focus on the difference in the two camps' views of wealth. The redistributionists subscribe...

Writing Feedbackcarladguez - Jun 2, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 3, 2009

a pretty short story, Return of satan

5 - Some minor fixes for you: "and argued that Satan was damned forever and he would never deserve to...

Writing Feedbacknewsha31 - Jun 3, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 3, 2009

April's first day essay - A Quick Grammer Check

5 - My bus driver continues that, if anyone thinks he/she can't do it just tell him. It kind of tempts...

Writing Feedbacknewsha31 - May 31, 2009 / ferocious12 - Jun 2, 2009

itels essay: should children learn foreign language from elementary school?

7 - To sum up, though teaching the elementary school students foreign languages pose a threat to thehas risk for the...

Writing Feedbackxinyuqingxin - May 31, 2009 / ferocious12 - Jun 2, 2009

People should read only those books which are real events& real person

10 - It's really difficult to make a determination on that without actually seeing the essay. In general, grounding your essay...

Writing Feedbackbiggestv - May 29, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 2, 2009

ielts essay: should governments pay university course fees?

3 - This is better than your other essays, as it has a clear thesis with some decent reasons to back...

Writing Feedbackxinyuqingxin - Jun 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 2, 2009

ielts essay - Useing animals for the benefit of the human beings

4 - Simone makes an excellent point -- you haven't presented any compelling arguments for your thesis. Making your case shouldn't...

Writing Feedbackxinyuqingxin - Jun 1, 2009 / EF_Sean - Jun 2, 2009

Machine Learning versus Learning by Humans 2

51 - Maya is the beguiler -- let me give her this gender as she often is represented in Indian...

Writing FeedbackRajiv - Oct 21, 2008 / Rajiv - May 31, 2009

Essay on Rating TV Shows and Movies

6 - The main objection to the rating system is that the ratings may not reflect what parents think they do....

Writing Feedbacknick94 - May 20, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 31, 2009

I came to knew about Jesus at young age; My salvation testimony - kindly edit.

4 - thank you guys for the quick replies....

Writing FeedbackAlfred - May 31, 2009 / Alfred - May 31, 2009

Random weightlifting reflection piece.

3 - I'd say you should flesh out the essay a bit more, possibly adding narrative elements to the beginning and...

Writing FeedbackMond - May 31, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 31, 2009

'useless in applying theories'; Daily homework is not necessary for students

5 - Thanks a lot . I will change my point to make it more believable....

Writing Feedbackeric_ly - May 30, 2009 / eric_ly - May 31, 2009

People want stay healthy. Health is must to enjoy the life to the fullest.

7 - Notoman, That is such excellent advice!! Thank you for participating so actively in peer editing. That's what makes this...

Writing Feedbackbiggestv - May 28, 2009 / EF_Simone - May 29, 2009

Critical essay about Persepolis.

2 - Persepolis is such a wonderful book! I'm glad to have this opportunity to review an essay about it. I...

Writing Feedbackannedoherty - May 29, 2009 / EF_Simone - May 29, 2009

History, Royal Engineer essay.

6 - You also need to work on integrating your quotations better. "The following quote proves my point" is a horrible...

Writing Feedbackeddy9898 - May 23, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 28, 2009

If you could invent something new, what product would you develop? (TOEFL essay)

10 - Bear in mind too that the TOEFL isn't a one shot deal. If you don't do well the first...

Writing Feedbackbiggestv - May 27, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 28, 2009

Persuasive essay (Lithium based batteries>Nickel based batteries)

33 - Thanks for the support guys, i really appreciate it....

Writing Feedbackkylelanning - Apr 27, 2009 / kylelanning - May 28, 2009

Essay on the legal drinking age

6 - Your essay come up with a very different way of presentation. I loved it. I will use it...

Writing Feedbackkokujampo - May 25, 2009 / biggestv - May 28, 2009

Clep essay-Laws should not be rigid or fixed. Instead, they should be flexible.

4 - Your essay is very general and need specefic examples. Your grammer still need improvement. so I think to improve...

Writing FeedbackIndian - May 22, 2009 / biggestv - May 27, 2009

WPE --The minimum wage in the U.S.

5 - Yes, that's the one. You know that there are reasons to increase minimum wage (protect workers from exploitation)...

Writing Feedbacksapst21 - May 25, 2009 / EF_Kevin - May 26, 2009

Causes of Global Financial Crisis

3 - While moderating here, I have often found myself recommending three books over and over again: Stechen King's On Writing,...

Writing Feedbackferocious12 - May 25, 2009 / EF_Kevin - May 26, 2009

Essay on advantages of computer games

16 - To make your essay a bit stronger in view point you could list a few well known negative views...

Writing Feedbacktara11 - May 5, 2009 / maextra7 - May 26, 2009

[TOEFL ESSAY ] Should the Government Provide Free College?

4 - Thank you sooooo much. It helps me a lot. :)...

Writing Feedbackrjsdndi - May 24, 2009 / rjsdndi - May 25, 2009

Toefl: Is this good enough to get 24 score in writing section.

3 - Aye, the more concise the better, as multiple writers have noted. However, your fix for the sentence changes his...

Writing Feedbackbiggestv - May 23, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 24, 2009

School bus trip - a story

4 - Better yet, write the story so that the theme emerges from it without your protagonist having to reflect on...

Writing Feedbackceberus - May 20, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 23, 2009

TOEFL Essay-It can be quite difficult to learn a new language.

7 - I agree with Kevin -- you will pass! Learning a new language is generally enjoyable but at the...

Writing Feedbackwickyeden - May 18, 2009 / EF_Simone - May 23, 2009

CLEP English Comp. -- "That Government is Best Which Governs Least"

5 - Essay is very nice, I am also planning to take the same test. Your essay helps me knowing some...

Writing FeedbackTWRTW106 - May 21, 2009 / Indian - May 22, 2009

VIETNAM PAPER- Why did we lose?

3 - So, did all of Asia fall under communist rule? Or did the U.S. involvement in Vietnam prevent that?...

Writing FeedbackSmartFelix - May 20, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 21, 2009

English Comprehension Clep exam - essay to practice

2 - Maybe the tasks other people give us to do are just as difficult . In the next few paragraphs,...

Writing Feedbackakfir - May 19, 2009 / EF_Kevin - May 21, 2009

nothing wrong - Young people are less interested in studying than in earning money

5 - Thanx for the feedback guys!...

Writing Feedbackceberus - May 17, 2009 / ceberus - May 20, 2009

Paragraph Elements

4 - You might also wish to avoid random capitalization: "Eggs, milk and cheese where just a few of the...

Writing FeedbackPeterV - May 15, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 19, 2009

Mercutio's importance to the plot and theme - Romeo and Juliet

5 - Kevin is right, you need to focus a bit more on a single key idea (your thesis). You might...

Writing FeedbackGebraroest - May 16, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 17, 2009

'manned spaceflight and education' - CLEP TEST ESSAY

3 - Your essay seems to focus more on what happened before your trip into outer space, and on how...

Writing FeedbackPeterV - May 15, 2009 / EF_Sean - May 17, 2009

Need your corrections for agumentative paragraph ("my supervisor")

4 - Thank u -Sean and Kevin. and Kevin, yes it did help me..thank u again.=D...

Writing Feedbackkyleighgrace - May 14, 2009 / kyleighgrace - May 17, 2009

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