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UC personal statement, political science

6 - Yes, the first sentence of a para might give the main idea, and then the middle sentences explain it...

Undergraduatechinchilla - Nov 21, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 25, 2009
Right sources for persuasive speech on impulsive buying

5 - Yes, it sounds like you are required to persuade people to adjust their personal policies about impulsive buying....

Essayskandble - Nov 23, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 25, 2009
UC Prompt #1 - Putting My Life Back on Track and Focusing my Ambition

4 - Hmmmm... the first sentence... is it okay to change it like this? Following my parents' divorce and my father's...

Undergraduateabutler5 - Nov 23, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 25, 2009
"To make others happy", have to shorten by 400 letters/characters. pennstate p.s

9 - On the first day I was ther e, I saw a bunch little kids running around ecstatically while I...

Undergraduatemetrostars25 - Nov 12, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 25, 2009
Essay prompt 2# What is your intended major?

9 - Right on! :-)...

Undergraduatelucky7x123 - Nov 18, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 25, 2009
"My father has shaped myself" - Describe the world you come from

9 - I have always believed that the behaviors and words of the people around a person make up the environment...

Undergraduatetonythetiger - Nov 21, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 25, 2009
How one views the challenge -a significant experienece and its importance to you

3 - Write naturally or risk being caught with machinery you cannot operate....

Undergraduateore4thebetter - Nov 25, 2009Mustafa1991 - Nov 25, 2009
From Taiwan to the United States -UC Personal Statement #1 - Describe your World

5 - i like your essay.. but i think you should focus more on YOURSELF and your qualities rather than your...

Undergraduateabc810221 - Nov 25, 2009tonythetiger - Nov 25, 2009
UC prompt number 1: The world I come from and how it shapes my dreams/aspiration

3 - well it may just be me.. but is that your "world" or your personal experience you faced?? either...

Undergraduategotwavez - Nov 23, 2009tonythetiger - Nov 25, 2009
"the Youth Ministry" - Help with the ending of my UC Essay?

4 - I think its a great ending, but it could be more specific. It will be much more impressive if...

Undergraduate6209jml - Nov 23, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 25, 2009
UC prompt #1: Your joy is my strength

2 - Having lived in Korea for sixteen years, I came to think of it as a harsh place to live...

Undergraduatejws9211 - Nov 23, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 25, 2009
Engineering and minor in Mathematics for Teaching - UC Personal Statement

3 - When you write, think of what purpose you want each sentence to serve. Your intro makes it sound like...

Undergraduatealexa21 - Nov 22, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 25, 2009
'Big colleges' - benefits of a diverse educational community

2 - It is also a final step before entering society. I felt I had arrived in a new world. This...

Undergraduateerinhcho - Nov 25, 2009meisj0n - Nov 25, 2009
Common Appplication Experience Essay- The Red Ranger

4 - I knew she wanted to meet eyes with another one of her new students, I knew she was looking...

Undergraduatejsnni - Nov 22, 2009gotwavez - Nov 25, 2009
"my parents have always pushed me to the limit" - the world i come from

2 - Because they came from from a less than average background and having to earn everything they own, my parents...

Undergraduateore4thebetter - Nov 25, 2009gotwavez - Nov 25, 2009
"Being a 'quad-lingual'" - UC Prompt #2

8 - Well... Natsuken contributed a perspective, and that is good. I don't think it was intended to be nasty....

Undergraduatesofiaz - Nov 22, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 25, 2009
My Indian Heritage; Rutgers / diversity (trip to india!)

3 - Even within the nation, the difference between the two societies was as pronounced that between Ireland and Omaha. ---->...

Undergraduatenakulisbrown - Nov 22, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 25, 2009
I enjoyed figuring out how things work; Carnegie Mellon / Why choose CMU?

7 - Although I don't have an enormous amount of experience with some of the technical sides of computers, from what...

Undergraduatelke - Nov 9, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 25, 2009
Moral to the story? "Wheels and other round things"

3 - Its just for the open topic of the common app. I wanted to write about a meaningful experience. Keep...

Undergraduatejoellek - Nov 25, 2009joellek - Nov 25, 2009
A Touch of Tepper: CMU Supplement

3 - Yes, you seem way over a page, but the writing is so colorful and interesting! It's too bad you...

Undergraduateeckspee - Nov 22, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 25, 2009
'science and education major' - Bates Supplement 2009

3 - While it is good that you specifically state all that will contribute to the school, your essay is not...

UndergraduateAriel829 - Nov 24, 2009joellek - Nov 25, 2009
Formulating Hypothesis, research: anthropologist, a psychologist, a sociologist

2 - psychologist: "Differently" is not as specific as it could be. Make a prediction. Are they, for example, less...

Research Papersalex10 - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 25, 2009
Bowdoin Supplement 2009

2 - Throughout my high school experience I have learned to identify multiple approaches to problem-solving, both as a team member...

UndergraduateAriel829 - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 25, 2009
Skepticism in students' study---GRE ISSUE

2 - Doubts lead to experiments, and experiments lead to deeper understanding, to solution, it and in this way skepticism can...

Writing Feedbackbluebonnet - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 25, 2009
UC Prompt "My passion for film sound"

2 - Unnecessary footstep sounds are making the movie seem awkward. What am I supposed to do? I have to edit...

Undergraduateacidyoo - Nov 24, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 25, 2009
Common Application essay - china boy

2 - The whole assimilation/cultural shock/immigrant essay is a very common one. You need to make yours stand out, which you...

Undergraduateldmason08 - Nov 24, 2009twizzlestraw - Nov 25, 2009
UC Prompt 2: "Teaching Others About Art"

7 - Thanks for the comments guys! I improved some of the simpler sentences and fixed the "tentative" thing. I also...

Undergraduateflashofadream - Nov 21, 2009flashofadream - Nov 25, 2009
Junior Statesmen of America summer school program -University of Southern California

2 - This university offered a rich mixture of scholars from all over the world, and I was astonished when I...

Undergraduatetruonge - Nov 24, 2009MARIOFOREVER - Nov 25, 2009
A Comparative Analysis of the Odyssey and the Metamorphoses

2 - Here is a way to make this sentence more manageable in the last paragraph: The concept of foolishness is...

Book ReportsFalthor - Nov 23, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 25, 2009
Technology the way forward (UC Prompt 1)

2 - Watch your capitalization. Only the first word in every sentence and proper nouns should be capitalized- your first paragraph,...

UndergraduateHarsh - Nov 25, 2009TimMill - Nov 25, 2009
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